A "Super" Bowl Indeed...and some more Anonymous rumblings.

Monkey Predictions:

INDY 28- NYJETS 10.  Actual Final Score  INDY 30-17.
NORL 35- MINN 32.  Actual Final Score NORL 31-28.

Pretty close I would say. What a great game. My only regret was that I wasn't there to witness it myself. For those of you who were in the Superdome, or at least in the city and later down on Bourbon Street...I am sure you all had the times of your life! What an amazing Super Bowl this should be. About 7 weeks ago, I asked Squirrel, "if the Saints and Colts play in the Super Bowl, I wonder who Archie Manning roots for?" It's gotta be kind of a tough one. Regardless, he's kind of in a can't lose spot, I'd say, right?

Sitting here in Seattle, just drove my brother, and his ...well, they aren't married...the woman who has given him his 3rd child, and all his kids..to the airport. Bird lady left yesterday. There is now peace and quiet in this house. Thursday we are driving over to Wenatchee to see my 96 year old Grandmother, one of the sweetest women I've ever known. Then Friday, we go pick up my brother Jimmy, a year older than me...and who has Down's Syndrome (go ahead with your sick jokes Anonymous Asshole) and go to visit my father, who resides 2 hours south of Seattle, as a guest of the State of Washington. (there ya go, Anonymous Boy...more ammo for you). Saturday I'm hoping to go to a Huskies basketball game if they are in town. And then we fly out Sunday.

Played on Full Tilt last night. For a couple hours. Double guarantees this week. Got deep in several. Cashed in none.

 Talked to Tim Burt this morning, who had a very impressive run this week at the recent event in Biloxi. We are likely to be roomies out in Vegas for the Venetian Deepstacks event next week. Joe Cutler and Kai Landry could be joining us for 1-week mini-stints. A fun little foursome that would play good on any golf course! Got on the phone with one of the poker room managers out there and conferenced with Tim...as we try very hard to get ourselves a bunch of comped nights there. Their poker rate ends up being about $100 a night...which for 23 nights is a LOT..even with THREE of us to a room. So I'm hoping he can hook us up somehow.

I did manage to catch a free invite to stay with a gal (I wont mention her name just in case) who does the P.R. for Phil Hellmuth and several other poker pros...and would probably take her up on it if everything else falls apart. The only downside is that she lives a good 20-25 minute drive from the Venetian...and I really am trying to avoid a car rental while out there, which usually ends up being around $500-$600. No thanks. Tough times. Cutting costs.

So...I can't help bringing this up. Why? I don't know. Had a good talk with 'Wild Bill' today, regarding strategy on catching this prick, or pricks...who robbed my house. He had a few good ideas. While we were talking, he mentioned that these anonymous comments that come to my blog...the ones that I have to either 'publish' or 'reject' all come to his inbox for him to see as well.

He mentioned that he was 'proud' of me, that I havent reacted the way he thought I might have. Well, I'm not sure what to say to that, other than I think what it boils down to, is if someone is so much of a damn weasel that they can't sign their name to a comment, and then have the audacity to say 'I know you don't have the heart to post this' when they don't, themselves, have the balls to sign their name to a comment, then why would I even give them the time of day? Its like...walking around a crowded room with a sign on you that says, "Hi everyone, I am a total loser. I rape small kids. I kill animals. I have no money. I'm a drug addict, and an alcoholic. I lack self-worth. I might as well have the Black Plague. Anyone care to be my friend? Or listen to anything I have to say?" Yeah...that's YOU Mr. Anonymous. And guess what? Through the magic of IP addresses, I now know who you are. Oh....don't get me wrong...I had a hunch anyway...but now I know for sure.

Your comment today, where you actually named the person in the attack on our Vegas home...which I never, once, did...and your little remarks referring to what I have left as tips to dealers? You have 'outed' yourself you little ferrett. You have mentioned things, and in a tone...that only a very small handful of people would have access to. It's almost like you want me to know its you. Well...now I do. And those times when you have passed me in the hallways at the casinos? Like the one you work at? Where you avert your eyes away from me? Why is that? I know why. Because you are a spineless little punk. And you know what? If you ever see me again, you better hope to God that there are people around you, or you are in a public place. Because the things you have said...leave only one option for me to deal with you. And I will, if presented the opportunity. Don't think, for even one second, that I won't.

For those of you who are reading this for reasons other than looking for something to use against me....let me fill you in. Our little anonymous loser has inferred that not only did I 'set up' the robbery at my current home...mmmhmmm...but the one that took place in Las Vegas in the summer of 2008, he mentioned the woman (by name) who was at the home when it occurred. And implied that I, too...somehow, set that one up too. I must have somehow made my $3500 in tourney lammers disappear too.

He then goes on to say that my 'claims' of tipping out 10% to dealers, with additional tips to the floor people is a complete hoax. Hmmm. Interesting. Interesting especially since one guy, a tourney director name Bill Bruce, actually went onto my Facebook and literally posted as much. I would be happy to provide a list of 5 to 10 tourney supervisors and their email addresses for ANYONE to send a message to, asking if I have done what I claim that I do on a regular basis. I will not, obviously post them here...for obvious reasons, but if you want to email me...and request this info, I will give it to you.

He goes on to say, that I only 'tip certain dealers on the side' which only a tourney supervisor would know...well, and a dealer. And what dealer would bitch about that? No, see this little pecker is writing this because, obviously he is bitter that I never tipped HIM out, as I have other floor people. Let me say this. There are certain venues, where I do, absolutely, 100% leave NOTHING in the tip out box at the end of a tourney...and then tip out floor people and dealers on the side. And always around 10%. Why do I do this? Pretty simple. The place I am playing has a system in place where they take the total dealer tips...they sometimes TAX them first...then they split them up...paying out a share to just about everyone involved in ANY way with the poker tourney, right down to the people at the counter when you buy in to the tourney. I regard this as TOTAL BS. And so therefore, I have been known to hand $100 to 3 or 4 floor supervisors, and either $25 or $50 to 8 to 12 dealers. Depending on, of course, the total winnings.

He furthers this by suggesting that I am only writing that I tip like this so that I can create a 'scam' where I rip off my backer. That he would LOVE to have her phone number so he can call her and 'clue her in' on my diabolical scheme. I read that one and started chuckling. Well, and fighting the urge to get on a plane today, fly home...walk into this little peckerhead's office where he works...and start punching him in the face! :)

Well, here you go loser boy. And this will really disappoint you. Over a year ago, I re-did my deal with my backer. Because I felt she was getting a raw deal. We went from 50/50 to 60/40 in her favor. On SNG's, we went from 50/50 to 75/25 in her favor. Boy...so far I am really fucking her over, eh? Then...I also cut out something else. TIPPING! yeah....from that point on, I would be responsible for ALL TIPS! It would come out of my 40%. And there have been several recent instances where I share this with the person at the payout window. Asking them to give me a number on 40%...so that I may tip 10% of that number. By the way...just so some of you who were wondering will know, it is widely accepted to tip anywhere from 2% to 5% of your winnings. So my 10% is a bit extreme. But I do have a very deep appreciation for the floor people and the dealers, and I know I sometimes create headaches for them, not as much these days as in the past...but still, I can be a handful...so I try to show them my appreciation.

So, you little muskrat, I guess this kind of screws up your plans to 'bust me' doesnt it? But I'm sure you will work out some other scenario, you havent let me or my readers down yet. Oh wait, actually you kind of have, havent you? Because if you would simply sign your name to your comments, we would all give you a shred of credibility. And likely post your stupid ass comments.  Hahahahahah, you little assclown you. How does it feel? Knowing that I know who you are? And since we are talking...you and I...in our little way...I am going to go ahead and put an OVER/UNDER on you lasting at your current employer. I'm going to call it....mmmmm...what is this, January 27th? I will predict that you are DONE at your current place of employment by the summer. And if you think ANYONE else is going to hire you? Again, I am chuckling.

The mere suggestion that I would 'stage' a home robbery just makes me one of two things. (a) hostile, and wanting to harm that person in a very violent way, and (b) completely baffled and confused, since I can't for one second figure out what I would stand to gain from that?

Ahhhhhhh....see, that is one of the reasons I write this blog. Therapy. When I first logged on and read our little buddy's comments, I was flipping out. But after writing this, I suddenly feel a whole lot better. Fortunately for you, Mr. Not-So-Anonymous anymore, I will be gone from Biloxi for the next 6 or 7 weeks, so you won't have to worry about me running into you and grabbing you by your scrawny neck and beating the piss out of you. And with all the other tourneys going on until this summer, I won't be around much then either. By summer, when you should be unemployed, and begging someone to hire you...I will have had the last laugh. I will also hopefully be fullly recovered from these recent setbacks. Yep, you can knock me down...as I have been several times in my life. But one thing about me? I always regroup, and get up off the floor, and fight back. So don't worry about me. But please...keep reading my blog...and by all means keep sending me your ridiculous comments you yellow-bellied turdball.

Love,

Monkey

Seattle...and a house full of humans...waiting for GAMEDAY!!!

[Yes...that is the bird...a Cock-a-something...sitting on my shoulder...plotting, I think, to pluck my eyes out...as I sit, waiting for the Saints game to start. This is after the fact information...the bird managed to leave our house with most of its feathers and no casualties. It proved to be every bit as annoying, more actually...then I ever thought it would be! ]

I have arrived. It is 8:43am. I slept...we'll call it three hours. Air mattress. An already sore back from 8 hours of yard work Thursday and Friday at my rental house in Pensacola. A sore knee, from losing my balance going up the escalator in the Atlanta airport yesterday...where I fell over my carry-on bag...and landed on my knee, tearing a hole in my new jeans (purchased BEFORE the burglary) and ripping open my knee, where I proceeded to bleed all over Chili's while we dined on our layover. There are exactly 5 kids running everywhere. My wife is sleeping. Still. Somehow. I have met my brother's new wife. She is very talkative. For those of you who don't know me, I talk very little before 4pm. Very little. I feel a trip to the other room to retrieve my BOSE 'noise-cancelling' (never before have I loved that phrase more) headphones coming in my very near future.

Later today, it has been brought to my attention that my Mother will be recieving a guest to the house. One that she went to school with years ago. She, apparantly, is bringing with her...two dogs (which should be fun to watch with my Mom's two cats) and a bird. Yup, a bird. One of those loud, screetching, talking birds. This person is spending the night. The bird, is to be kept within 5 feet of where we are sleeping. I feel two things coming...either death for a certain bird; or a trip with my wife to a local hotel.

BTW...a few blogs back, I forgot to recognize my little sister for getting us a wedding gift, and I feel really bad about it too, because what she got us is very cool. She calls it an 'Oscar' for getting married. It is the same size as an Oscar...and is a little statue-like figurine that has a male and a female interlocked in an artistic pose. It's very cool. My sister just got up. First thing she asked, "Is Cheryl still asleep?" "Yes...somehow." Her response? "Then I guess I should lower my voice." Wow! How refreshing. And this person is related to me. I love my sister.

Where was I? The first thing I should address, because it has me the most excited...is a comment that was posted this morning by one of my readers. And to make sure it was legit, I went and logged on to Daniel Negreanu's blog, which I read frequently. And sure enough...there it was. Rumors seem to fly about on a regular basis about why I am not allowed to play poker at a certain casino that is currently hosting a WPT-sponsored event. But there is only ONE response that is accurate. The tournament's director read my blog back in September and was put off by my assessment and subsequent criticism of his structures. I made several suggestions to make them better, which I arrived at by talking to fellow players like myself. But instead of taking my criticism, and using it to better the product being offered to the players, I was instead BANNED from his poker room. And there is no law that could stop him from doing this. But its kind of hard getting people to believe that this was the actual reason. However, if you ask this guy face-to-face if this was, indeed the reason, I suspect he will actually admit to it.

This brings us to Danny's blog. http://www.pokerpages.com/blog-players/daniel-negreanu.htm I wont repeat everything....just click on this link...and read for yourself. See when you are huge poker celebrity, you can make critical statements and not worry about the repercussions. I guess that is what I have to look forward to if I ever win something in poker that is recognized by more than just the people I interact with, and have (of course) the utmost respect and admiration for. When people who don't even play poker...start to recognize me, and people turn out for tournaments because I am there...then, and probably only then...will I be allowed to voice my opinions in this blog without the risk of persecution. Hey! I'm not bitter, that's the world we live in right now. I happen to really like Danny and respect him as a player, so trust me...this isn't trying to come off as sour grapes. He has earned the right to be vocal. And yes...he is somewhat more 'delicate' with how he does his bitching.

Okay...so check that out...and you serious players who read this will see exactly what I am talking about/alluding to. By the way...to those of you who are playing the Main Event, that starts today...good luck to you. Hopefully for your sake, more than 100 players show up. Nice to actually be playing for something.

In regards to my burglary case. I've been trying to move on. But its tough. My whole way of life has been affected. And I am noticing it every day. It sucks. And oh...it took a whole 6 days before I got some smart ass comment on here from another ANONYMOUS reader, who made a cute little quip that referred to the possibility of me staging the robbery. Was I upset or pissed when I read it? Not especially. I just wonder who these people are in life. How you get to be such an incredible douchebag to post something like that. Either you have never experienced something like this...so you can't relate, so you think your comments are 'funny', or you are just a sick individual who is beyond help.

I guess, for the sake of my credibilty to the 1.5% of you who are complete assholes, who think I would actually stoop to 'create a scenario' about me being robbed...I will go ahead and post, right here, the detective's name that I am working with in this investigation, as well as the case number attached.

Biloxi Police Department: 228-702-3115
Investigator: {removed 9/17/2010 at request of Biloxi PD}
Case Number: 10-001323
Burglary

As for how the case is progressing? It's really not, as far as I know. I will say this...I have recieved a total pledge amount from 12 friends and fellow players that now total $6500. Should the person(s) responsible for breaking into our house and robbing us of, basically, our life...be apprehended, and a reasonable amount of money recovered, I will round up this reward money from these wonderful people and pay it out to the person that brought information to me or the police that resulted in the arrest of this piece of shit. I will then host a party, at my expense..and invite those closest to me. Do I foresee this day happening? Not really. But I will admit, I fantasize about it on a daily basis.

To the jerkoffs who want to tell me how stupid I am for mentioning having a safe in my house...yeah, I got it. I was very stupid, in doing that. I guess I don't walk through life 'expecting' to be preyed upon. I put too much faith in people. Which, I suppose is another thing that has drawn me closer to my dogs this whole past week. Realizing that my dogs love me 100%. I look into their eyes and know with absolute certainty that they are not plotting against me. That they aren't talking behind my back. That they would never leave me. Well, I will never buy another safe. I will never keep money in my house again. We spent a stupid amount of money on a home security system this week...that I really couldn't afford. So, we financed it. And then the garage door had to be replaced. Again. Property taxes are due. My hospital bills started arriving for my kidney stone ordeal. This trip to Seattle was already planned. Yeah...I have pretty much been getting just assaulted financially for the last 30 days.

I had a very nice moment yesterday. I don't know how many people have these moments. Fewer and fewer things make me smile these days. My dogs almost always make me smile. But I actually had a moment where humans made me smile yesterday. We were on the train going from the terminal to the connecting terminal in Atlanta. As we boarded...there was a black guy...nicely dressed, attractive, like Tiki Barber kind of...and very affable. He was sitting in that area at the front of the train. Next...an older gentleman...about 75-80 entered, wearing a beat up old bomber jacket...and just very pleasant looking. Him and the black guy started up a conversation as he sat next to him. Then a woman...with her baby strapped to her stomach with one of those holster things, entered...and as she walked around looking for a good place to stand, both the black guy and the older man simultaneously moved over and offered her a place to sit. They all shared a warm smile with each other...and then had a conversation I couldn't hear. But I didn't need to hear it. They were all smiling. All from different backgrounds, cultures and circles...yet they all were acting like human beings are supposed to act. It made me smile. It made me happy, for that brief moment. It gave me hope that the world isn't just full of complete assholes.

It's Sunday! The day most of us on the Gulf Coast have been anxiously awaiting for days...some of us for weeks...some of you for your whole lives! That's right. Sometime tonight...we will know who will be playing in this year's Super Bowl...and there is a better than average chance one of the teams could be the New Orleans Saints! How cool, how amazing is that? Or if they lose, it could be the Gulf Coast's native son, Brett Favre playing in it, in a very unlikely scenario...and the first appearance by the Vikings since 1977, the first Super Bowl that I ever watched...at the age of 10. Then NFL MVP Peyton Manning will attempt to lead the Colts back to the Super Bowl...which they wona couple years ago when they beat Chicago in a blowout. Another guy from the Gulf Coast. Its a very exciting weekend for football fans in the South. First, it was Bama winning the National Title two weeks ago...and now today brings more anticipation. Then you have the NYJets...who will try to make it to the Super Bowl for the first time since 1969, just two years after I was born...the year we landed on the moon! And behind a rookie QB...which has never been done. And here...before the game starts...is my fearless prediction of today's games:

First of all...in the INDY/NYJETS game, this is my take:

Indy's decision to rest it's starters the last two weeks may actually be serving them well. A Raven's team that completely destroyed New England went into Indy last week very confident. A lot of people liked Baltimore to win, including myself. But Indy looked amazing. Great defense, sound running game, and Manning using his poise and experience to engineer another typical Colts victory over a good opponent. I think today, the Colts will come out firing. I think they will get the Jets in an early hole, and force Sanchez to have to pass more than he would like to. If the Jets can't control the game with their running game...they could be in trouble. If the Jets can score first...and let their defense control the tempo of the game, they have a chance. Its always fun to root for the team that comes in as the underdog, and gets hot...and starts to look like the 'team of destiny' and the Jets might just be this team. But I fear, for their sake...they may have used up all their magic...and the Colts will emerge as the AFC Champion today. Predicted final score? Indy 28-NYJets 10.

In the BIG GAME...Minnesota vs. New Orleans? This game is tough. While I could envision Favre coming in and having a horrible day, throwing 3 or 4 picks...and going down in flames...I also could see him come in, play out of his mind, throw 4 TDS, and lead the Vikings to a shootout win in front of a raucous Superdome crowd. I think turnovers will play a HUGE role in this game. One thing the Saints have going for them in the secondary is Darren Sharper and his record vs. Favre. He is the one guy who gives Favre fits...and could be huge in this game. The Saints' run defense has been pretty good all year. It should be interesting to see how Adrian Petersen fares against them. If Drew Brees continues his amazing precision and mastery of finding open recievers, this could be a banner day for the Saints. A couple weeks ago I noted the defection of people from the Saints' bandwagon and tried to ease people's concerns...putting little value in the final two losses, and letting the Dallas loss serve as motivation. I think we can all agree after last week's win over Arizona that I was on to something. In a word, the Saints looked, AWESOME.

Today is a very tough game to call...but I think the difference may be in the home edge. Securing the home field advantage may be what it comes down to. The Superdome is going to be insane. I'm not going to lie...if the Saints win tonight, there is nowhere I would rather be than Bourbon Street tonight! I am feeling a Saints victory coming...but it won't be a blowout. It will be a nailbiter. FINAL PREDICTED SCORE? NEW ORLEANS 35- MINNESOTA 32.

I think this blog entry has gotten long enough. And I am ready for some football. Listen, on a serious note...I have gotten some VERY, VERY wonderful emails, and phone calls, and Facebook posts from a lot of you. And I don't mean to sound so negative. I know I have a nice legion of followers out there who DO care about me. Its just sometimes hard to focus on you people when the ugly ones make themselves so visible. But as much as you may not realize how much I appreciate your nice words...I do. I have had so many mixed feelings this week. I had a couple guys ask me about the possibility of organizing a tournament to benefit me. I will say a couple things here about this.....

First of all, I have a lot of pride. In the last 4 or 5 years I have led a lot of efforts to raise money for victims...hurricane victims, Tsumani victims...where I raised a lot of money through my network of people for American Red Cross. The dealer couple who got robbed in Vegas last summer...who I raised over $500 for from my network of people on my distro list. And I always have a room or a floor to sleep on for people in need. I feel good about doing these things. One thing I am not that good at is accepting charity. Why? I guess because it makes me feel weak, like I am...I don't know, a figure of sympathy. And I have never been that person to stand there and ask for pity. So for people to offer financial assistance, it feels very strange and awkward. Cheryl is the same way. Her brother sent us a very substantial check...and she cried when she opened it. But she refused to cash it. Feeling like we will fight through this. She has more pride and is more stubborn than even I am.

So for those people who play in my pools, who have sent us money...and titled their payment as a contribution to the "Monkey Recovery Fund" they are truly in our thoughts daily. I haven't asked for this...they just DID it on their own. And it means the world to me.

I am not the type that can ASK for help. It's just not in my nature. And when these couple of people asked me about doing a tournament to benefit Squirrel and I...I had to explain something to them. First of all, in a couple weeks or a month...no one but us will even remember this. People have short memories. Notice how fast they pulled off that Haiti benefit? They had to! Strike while the iron is hot. And by the way...they did a GREAT job with that. Cheryl watched it...cried...and called in a $50 donation...which of course, we certainly can't afford...but that is who I married. :)

The other thing I told them...is that there are a lot of people out there who LIKE what happened to me. Some are probably even laughing about it. There are those guys who never win...who can't stand that I do, that I get attention they wish they could get...who see me getting robbed as a victory for them. I know there are those who, if a benefit were held for me, would talk so ugly about it. I do NOT want this. I just know that this sentiment HAS to exist out there...and I can handle it. Its the reality of the situation. So, if you want to help us out...thats great. And we will certainly appreciate it. And I have a very long memory. I plan on winning a million dollars...soon. And when that day comes, I will be able to look back on this, and view it as a very valuable lesson, but one that didn't cost me my livelihood. This has motivated me. Focused me. And further taught me about people in general. It's also allowed me to see who the 'good people' are in my life. I see things coming into clear view....I'm going to enjoy this week....with my family....and next week, its back to business.

SO......have a great day everyone...AND GEAAAUUUXXXX SAIIINNNNTTTS!!!!

MONKEY

The Reward Grows...to $5000!

What a long damn, irritating day.

Was awoken this morning at 9am by the guy who came over to install the home security in our house. Our rented house. Great...$500, and a monthly service...and then when we finally buy a house, and move out...the next renter gets a free security system.

Then I went and got the MRI done on my right knee, the one I most concerned about. The I blew up when I kicked the chair in New Orleans last spring. Not even sure what I am rooting for on the results.

Then it was off to see the detectives at Biloxi PD. Not a whole lot came from that visit. A bunch of questions. A lot of the same ones we already answered the other night...from the first two guys who made us feel like we had robbed ourselves. We left feeling pretty bummed out. Especially at the line..."we can pretty much promise you that you'll never see that money again."  Awesome.

My next stop was to my doctor...looking to be prescribed something for the depression that is about to be setting in. They were out for the day.  :(

I did get some GOOD news. More people keep adding to the 'REWARD.' Yeah...I have been ordered by the cops to stop calling it a Bounty. That word suggests I am paying for someone to hunt down and kill or capture (on their own) the person/persons who broke into my house and stole all my money. So...okay, REWARD.

Christian called me last night...to clear something up. He is NOT from Connecticut! He is from New York...just up the river from NYC. So...in hopes that someone out there decides they feel like talking...I am happy to report that the reward is now up to $5000. The donors:

Will Souther (thats me)  $2000
Jason Young (NY)   $500
Christian Iocabellis  $500
Kai Landry  (Biloxi)  $500
James Ray (Mobile)  $500
Bryan Lanoix (Baton Rouge)  $250
Tim Thompson  (Houma)  $250
Joey Gross  (Baton Rouge)  $250
Jessica Barratt  (North and South Mississippi)  $250

Grand Total  $5000

I should set some rules to this reward I suppose. If the person(s) are merely apprehended, and convicted...but no money and/or jewelry is recovered, I will honor the reward by paying 20% of the total pledged. If we recover 30% to 70% of the cash and jewelry taken...I will honor the reward by paying out 75%. If 75% or more is recovered...I will pay out the entire reward.

Thanks to all of you who have pledged your support. Thanks to the rest of you for your very supportive emails, phone calls and text messages. I'm still miserable and depressed, I can't lie...but at least I feel a little better.

Tomorrow or Thursday, I am heading to Pensacola to try and get that miserable chapter of my life finished up. I am really looking forward to a week with my family. Then getting home, getting out to Vegas...and going to work on this recovery.

Monkey

A BOUNTY HAS BEEN SET

For starters, human beings amaze me. Just amaze me. Both in a good way, and a bad way. Not even bad. Just utterly disgusting.

Our little anonymous friend has decided to attack me again...now its for I guess making this all up. Yeah. For real. Finding it 'impossible' that my home has been hit twice in two years. Well, for the record...this is the first time my HOME has been burglarized. My rental house in Vegas...which I shared with 7 other players...was the victim of a home invasion, 2008...in which the only person there was tied up and threatened. In that incident, I had nothing stolen from me. No, I had already had $3500 in tournament 'lammers' taken from me earlier that month.

For the record: My decision to mention that I keep money at my house, on a poker blog where I'd say 87% of you who read it are genuinely good people, who DO like me, who DO read this for reasons that would inspire me TO write this...was a bad one. Very bad. Because try as I might to see the good in just about everything and everyone...I often times let slip through the cracks of my consciousness, the fact that there are people in this world who are just UGLY. Mean, conniving, plotting, desperate, hateful....human beings. That if I were to give them an inch...they would take the whole mile.

I'll be honest. I never even realized you could put cash in a safety deposit box at the bank. I thought that was for other stuff not cash related. Why didn't I know that? Ignorance I guess. I didn't elect to deposit the large sums of cash I brought home this summer for just one reason...scrutiny from the IRS. And why? Not really sure, since I keep GREAT records...of all my buyins, all my expenditures. There was really no reason for me to be so paranoid. So honestly, I should have filled that safe up with lead...put my money at the bank...and let these pricks drag that thing around for three days before finally getting it open and finding nothing inside. Now that would have been kind of funny.

But instead...what happens? I make a grave error, maybe the largest of my life...monetarily anyway...and I am left staring at the wall, which is what I have been doing for the better part of two days now. Feeling empty, and defeated, and stupid. My wife finally quit yelling at me. She finally quit crying. The police have been no help. Yet.  All the people who play my football pools took the news fairly well. Several have even sent in donations to help me cover the huge overrun on what I am going to owe all of the eventual winners of my Survivor Pools. But then of course their is that 3%...the little line you get of film, at the bottom of the bathtub after it drains...those people...who want to insinuate that somehow, this whole thing was a fairy tale that I dreamed up. Yeap....those people will never cease to exist on this planet, and they make me feel feelings that I can't even describe. Not anger. Not sadness, just complete...I don't know, disappointment? That people can be so cruel?

On Sunday I put out a bounty. A $2000 bounty. On the head or heads of the people who did this. Since I put that out...$500 has been kicked in by Jason Young, from New York, another $500 from Christian "da Professional" Iacobellis from Connecticut, $500 from Kai Landry from here in Biloxi...and another $250 from BG Lanoix of Baton Rouge. These are some good guys. These are some people who believe in me. And to these guys I say THANKS brothers for having my back! I happen to think there were 4 people involved in this. 1 watching me at the IP. 1 watching my wife at the place she works. And 2 at my house...one to pry the garage door open...while the other fucking snake slithered his way underneath...and let himself into my house. 4 of them. And I am pretty sure they are reading this. And I hope you motherfuckers are proud of yourself. I hope when you mention it to the wrong person...the person who decides selling you out for $3750 is worth it to them...and I get that phone call, or that email...telling me who it was...and I mobilize with the 20+ people who have signed on to hunt your ass down...that when we find you...and your boys....that the beat down we put on you will produce even a portion of my money. At least enough to pay the bounty on your head! And if not...well, then we will just have to let the law enforcement people deal with you. And since I am pretty tight with a couple local detectives...I'm sure your rights won't be all that protected. At least not as much as you think they might.

Yeah! I made all this up!

2010 just took on a whole new flavor for me. I am now on a mission. And I will go ahead and apologize in advance to those of you who actually liked the 'entertaining' Monkey..the one who arrives and chats to everyone, who tries to be friendly with all the players. Yeah...some of you out there (the 3% club) seem to label this as Monkey being 'an asshole' or Monkey 'being a loud mouth prick' which I have never really understood. To those of you who come up to me...and shake my hand, tell me you read my blog and really enjoy it? Thank you! That means a lot to me. It really does. To those of you...who see my wife at work, and ask..."Oh! You're married to Monkey!???" And roll your eyes? Or follow it up with some smart ass comment that she isn't allowed to respond to, at the risk of losing her job? You are the ones I'm coming after this year. You little backstabbing mealy-mouths that don't have the balls to make your nasty little comment to my face, but you can make it to my wife, or someone else when I'm not around. And then sit at my table and 'pretend' like we are buddies. Why? So I won't try to bust you? Well guess what? It's WAR! I know who my friends are right NOW. And those are the only ones in my clubhouse...or allowed in my clubhouse from here on out! I'm not interested in signing up new friends. All of you who are out there reading this for one reason? To find something to use against me? Keep reading!

Its gonna be real different this year. Walking into the IP on Sunday...to play that freeroll...which I would get a lot of chips in, then lose with AK to a guys' AQ when he turned a Q...on a flop with an ace......just looking around the room...at the faces...of everyone, and KNOWING...that somewhere in that room, might be sitting the person, or persons, who had a hand in this act of cowardly thievery...made me angry. I sat down...I was angry. I dragged pots, I was angry. People not in my circle wanted to say hi to me...I was suspicious. Now...its just going to be weird. I will suspect anyone and everyone. An alarm is being installed in my house tomorrow. There will be no more safe. There will be no more cash or jewelry in my house. My gun will be next to my bed and loaded. When I'm out of town...my house will be watched. Any of you punks want to say something about me...how bout this? How bout being a man about it...how bout telling ME TO MY FACE! You cowardly punk. Let my wife do her job. Or you can tell me where YOUR wife works...and I will go there and give HER shit about HER husband. How bout that?

Am I mad today? Yeah. Did you detect that? I am. I'm mad. And I am sick and tired of bad human beings. I want more than anything...ANYTHING...for this Mr Anonymous to present himself to me. Meet me somewhere. Anywhere. Alone. One on one. I might actually talk to you. But I doubt it. You're so good at talking tough, at talking shit. At telling me what a loser I am...yet you won't even tell us your name! What does that make YOU? A winner? You are a JOKE!

Sorry people. To those who simply log on and read this to for light-hearted entertainment, who probably don't even care how I run in poker...I apologize. I do, truly appreciate all of you who read this. But this year just got a little weird for me. I am under a lot of pressure now to make something good happen, and make it happen fast. I have to do something to fight off the feeling of depression...the feelings of desperation...not sure what that will be. Work out at the gym maybe? Surround myself with a very small group of supportive people? Get on some kind of depression medication? I don't know. Really rather not go that route...but it might be a good idea. But I know when this week in Seattle is over...spent with my loving family, one of whom has already offered to cash out her CD to help me (to which I declined) and I come back home for one day to do laundry and pack....I will be going to Las Vegas...to put my nose to the grindstone and fix this mess. And should I win a tourney...sorry Mr Anonymous...I know how much you hate it when I get the winning photo (most likely since you've never had the chance) but I will get ANOTHER ONE! And I WILL try to smile! And I WILL be wearing my Final Table Monkey Beads. And yeah...my crystal monkeys WILL be there too! Me and my trinkets! So you know what you can do? You can SUCK IT!!!!

Monkey

W-H-Y ???

I am sitting in my living room.

The police just left.

One of you out there is reading this, having a little laugh with yourself, or maybe even a couple of your friends.

To you I say this: Congratulations. I bet you feel really good about yourself right now. Unable to go out in this world and make a living on your own, you have chosen an easier path. Well...I just hope that when Karma comes to visit you...its a very, very painful experience for you.

That is the only thing I have right now to think about.

My wife is screaming at me. Has been now, for about an hour. Why? She blames this blog. This blog, where I share a lot of myself with a lot of you...mostly strangers. She blames this blog...because unlike me, she is very private. She keeps her personal 'stuff' to herself. Always has.

So when she sees me sharing like I do...and the damage it often times causes, including me getting disallowed from certain casinos...it makes her furious when something like this happens. Like me making myself too available, has somehow brought this about.

It is 3:28am. At 2:05am, I walked in the door, with her out in her car doing something. I walked into the house. Everything seemed normal. Then I walked into my bedroom. And I dropped to my knees.

The room was in complete disarray. OH MY GOD! No way. This can't be happening. I immediately sprinted to the room and the location where my new christmas present, my safe...USED to be. Thats right. USED to be. My stomach fell out of my body. I started to get dizzy. Squirrel had yet to come into the house. I checked the front door. Unlocked. Odd, since I KNOW I locked it when I left today.

The police just left. My safe is gone. I am not going to put a number on it...but lets just say I won't probably sleep tonight. My backer's money, the football pool money that I am holding...and a good deal of my profits from all of 2009, and our money to hopefully buy a house...just walked out my front door. Yeah...thats how they left. Finally figured out how they got in. That brand new garage door the landlord replaced last week? They simply pulled it out far enough to crawl under it...which is why I figure it must have been two people. So now, once again the garage door is trashed. Like I even care.

So now...on January 17th, 2010, coming off of my best year in poker...I am back to square one. Literally. I would love to provide an answer to the question...."what are you going to do, Monkey?" But honestly, at this moment...I have no clue. I am, as they say...in a state of shock. And...again, I'm being chastised for 'blogging about this' by my loving wife.

But this, I'm sorry, is kind of my way of dealing. Talking about it. Trying to make sense of it by talking about it. Its the only reason I even do this blog thing...as a bit of mental therapy. But as the little snyde comments pile up, and my house gets robbed, taking basically everything I have...its occurring to me more and more that it might be time to completely disappear from all of you.

When our house got hit in Las Vegas in the Summer of 2008, it caused a lot of controversy. Lots of fingers were pointed. There were lots of suspects. Nothing was ever proven. But I spent a lot of time looking over my shoulder after that. I spent a lot of time wondering who was my true friend, and who was actually a potential threat to me.

Now...this all returns. Only its worse. Because then, there were 6 of us in the house. And it wasn't really known for sure who the target was. This time...its very clear. I WAS THE TARGET. And I just want to know why?

I really don't think I've done anything to bring this on myself. I think I am a good and generous person. I just get done donating more than I probably could afford to Haiti victims yesterday...and I go out of my way to help people in need, and when I come home...and find this...it just makes my heart hurt. And to add insult to injury, my wife is actually MAD at me. Because why? Because me and my lifestyle have led people to break into my house, to have what I have worked my ass off to get.

So now...whats it going to be like? Every time I sit at a table, every time someone says hi to me...there is going to be this lingering shadow floating over everyone I encounter....is this the person? Is this the person who invaded my home? Is this a friend? A real friend? Or a person who is trying to get close so he/she can victimize me?

I'm finding that writing this isnt really helping me feel any better. I want to throw up. I think the only thing that is keeping me from completely losing it, is that my dogs are safe. Had they been in the house...I fear that something dreadful would have happened to them. And they are like my children. Whats worse? Losing all your money? Or losing the ones your love the most? I trust my abilities enough that I feel the money can be replaced. Its a setback. Another damn setback. A very, very painful setback...that will most likely result in a major shift in my personality from here on out.

The other thing that is keeping me TRYING to remain positive...is thinking that about 1500 miles from here, there are people who are buried under thousands of pounds of debris, unable to move...with no food or water...and probably with broken bones...wondering, as every second ticks by, if they will be rescued. I think of those people, and I can shed a tear for them. Because that is real tragedy.

This isn't a tragedy. This is the act of a scumbag. A loser. A jealous piece of filth who knows no other way to make ends meet than to steal from someone who does. Yeah, I'm talking to you pal...I know you're reading this. And no, I most likely have NO IDEA who you are. And no, you most likely wont get caught. Enjoy that money you piece of shit. One day you will be forced to answer to someone a lot bigger than the police over this. And then....lets see how much you are laughing on that day.

MONKEY

Just another Ho-Hum win at the I.P. !!!

OOPS! I did it again. And with the assistance of the finest cocktail waitress in the I.P. who knows how to do her job to perfection...me and a handful of my good buddies made the Final Table last night and coasted to victory...ahem...Mr. Anonymous, you will be happy to know that I did not chop. Again. We started with 35 players...which was much better than the 15 and 19 of the previous two nights...and with 2k added in by IP, it was a very nice little score, in my opinion, for the 6 hours invested. That takes us up to well over 12k in winnings this week.

Oh wait, there was a small deal made. I decided to be nice and cave in and give up $300 for the 4th place finisher, who ended up being Justin (or JJ if you prefer). He has had a very, very frustrating week. Going out on or near the bubble on two other occassions. Well, he was struggling with about 6 or 7 left, and I was really, really pulling for him to pull it out and hopefully get heads-up with me.  And then he got on a little bit of a heater, and actually took over the chip lead.  But sure enough...he got hit with awful luck. He raised in the SB when we were 4-handed, and Larry (last name uncertain...young guy, works at Hard Rock) re-raises him all in. JJ calls...and turns over AA. Larry has AJ. Flops a Jack...rivers another Jack. Brutal. Poor Justin...just not his week at all, but a very nice guy, and a very fine player. He will have his day.

That was actually kind of ironic...and reflective of how my tourney started. Somewhere in the first level I raised to 150 with AJc. The SB, guy named Howard who was just coming off a 21-hand penalty from Shawn Lytle over at the Bad Times Casino earlier in the day...flat calls me. Unbeknownst to me he is slow-play/trapping me with AA. The flop comes J-high with two spades. He checks. I bet 250. He raises to 750. I am sniffing out a spade draw (errantly, of course) and decide to get super aggressive and shove on him. He snap calls, rolls over the aces, oh shit!

Well I turn a club....giving me a club draw....and Tim Burt, seated down in the 7-seat, who has already called for the club on the turn giving us the sweat, now predicts victory on the river....and when the Jack hits I just sat there, slightly grinning. Not acting stupid, like most do right there. Sorry Howard. Took Howard about 30 minutes to leave...after he had finished letting everyone in the room know that my AJ had knocked him out with AA. Hey, shit happens.

It was another fun night. I made some pretty good calls (one that comes to mind...holding 37k...UTG jams all in for 8900, guy in the SB flats...leaving only 1800 behind, strange play...and me having 10-10...SB had 77, UTG had QJ. Somehow I faded all that and took them both out) and also some pretty good laydowns at critical times. Justina wasn't dealing so I knew I had a shot. She played instead, and we had some battles throughout...her winning a couple, me winning a couple, and then me knocking her out...her QJ, me AK suited. Sorry Justina. The dealing was good, the floor did a good job, we had a good cocktail waitress. We had some good players show up...a decent field made it over...well in comparison to the rest of the week anyway. And tonight and tomorrow I expect some 50+ fields hopefully in a 2k and 3k added tourney...so it would be nice to finish strong before I take a week off here to get my house in Pensacola all taken care of and re-rented, and then zip out to Seattle for a week before hitting my west coast, 6-week poker trip in February and March.

When Larry and I got heads up we were close to even. Again, I think I just got better cards than my opponent. I might have thrown out bets with air 3 or 4 times...but on the whole, I think I just got better cards. Then, like with Ross the other night when him and I were heads up...I raised with AQ...and Larry shoved with As8s. I called. He flopped four to the flush...ugh...and I faded it all...and that was the end. Larry wondered if he misplayed the hand...but I assured him he didn't. He was down to 15 BB's and a suited ace heads up when I had been surging was simply a hand he couldn't let go there. He played a very good tournament and had nothing to be ashamed of. And oh yeah...he drank Snappers with me, so you had to KNOW he was going to cash, right!???

Okay enough about poker. There is something going on in the world right now that really has my attention. I just made a pretty decent donation this morning. I wish I could do more. I wish I could get on a plane and go volunteer to help in a bigger way. But I can't obviously. Haiti got just drilled by a huge earthquake this week, and unless you are living under a rock, then you already know this. There is something we can do, though to help. This country, already the most poverty-stricken nation in the Western Hemisphere is just wracked in devastation and looking at the photos makes me just hurt for them.

HELP FOR HAITI.....you can make a difference!

If you guys can find it in your heart, or your wallet to do something, anything...it would make someone's life better.  I have to say, I spent yesterday thinking about how proud I am to be an American at moments like this. We are constantly being berated by these countries all around the world for being the 'ugly Americans' all the time...but whenever distaster strikes...who is it that always seems to come to everyone's aid? Us! Us ugly Americans. Why? What do we have to gain politically from helping Haiti? Not a damn thing. Its pure and simple that we are there with boots on the ground in their time of need because that is what America stands for. Helping those who can't help themselves.

 I just see how their control tower at their airport was destroyed, and our Special Ops from Hurlburt Field in Fort Walton moved in and had Air Ops restored within hours...and are running aid in and out of there 24 hours a day. I love what our country does to help people. How amazingly professional our military is. If they don't make you proud, well, then you should move to France or something.

Anyway...the people of Haiti are in my heart and mind and the subject of my prayers this week. I just really, really hope that they are patient....as all the routes have been cut off, the ports are disabled, the airport is out of fuel and space to park planes...I just really hope it doesn't turn ugly with rioting and looting and more death.

Some of my good buddies, the high-rollin bigshots from Vegas and other places..are starting to roll in today for the 'big events' at the Bad Times Resort and Casino. One of them...who happens to be in the top 20 in POY pts...asked why I wasn't over there. When I told him why...he asked if he should go talk to 'the guy' about it. I told him...yeah, sure...but I think you have a better chance of getting Obama to bring back slavery. Instead, I will probably just get together with my good buds hopefully for a nice dinner at BR Prime while they are here. I love that place. And Kai works there also, so maybe we could get him to wait on us!

Big weekend coming up for football fans. I know you Saints fans are all fired up. I know you have to be a little nervous too, what with the way they finished up the last three games, and how powerful Arizona's offense looked last week against GB. Should be a helluva game. I personally don't think you should put much stock in those last two Saints losses. If anything, the Saints' second unit got a lot of much needed experience against Carolina...and still almost won that game. The starters should be very well rested for this game. I had some interest in going to the game...and even had a couple people offer tickets...but when I heard the price!??? Yikes, I gasped. And I didn't want to be ugly about it, because I know that is probably what they are going for...but for my money, I can enjoy it just as much on my 46' Samsung that I am still in love with!

Plus...if I was going to spend that kind of money, it would have been to take Squirrel to the BCS Title Game in Pasadena.  So...to you Saints fans, and I am slowly but surely starting to root for them (you know me, I am a die-hard Seahawks fan! Interesting hire by the way, of Pete Carroll....should be a fun season next year!) I hope you all have a great weekend!!!! Would really be fun to have the NFC Championship in the Superdome next weekend, wouldn't it? And how big would a rematch with the Cowboys be? Whooooaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

Okay, well...I am going to go run some errands and then try and defend last nights victory with another one tonight! Hope to see ya'all down there at the I.P.!!!!

MONKEY

A Lousy Night at the IP.

Yeah last night sucked. I can't get ANYTHING going all of a sudden. And Justina keeps killing me. So she is back to her old tricks again. Last night it was standard Justina. We had a nice table...Bert Ladner just got knocked out, sitting on my left...which to me, as tough as Bert is, was kind of a relief.

But then they bring an older lady from the other table. Oh No! I typically run awful against them. Then Justina pushes in. Oh Gawd! Double whammy! Well sure enough...about 6 hands in...I pick up 89 in the SB, and call the extra 50. Flop comes 6-9-9. Hmmm, interesting. I check. Old lady bets 200. Everyone folds to me. I was just going to call, but I figure I better be smart and raise. So I make it 600. "I guess I better just go all in!" Huh? Shit. For another 3k. Which would leave me only 850. (start with 5k) I guess we can eliminate the 6 as a possibility. So she has to have a 9 also. But she was in the BB and didn't raise...so there is a chance my 8 is ahead...at the very least we chop and I get all my chips back, right? Can't really fold. But in the back of my head I know I'm doomed. I call. She has J9. Of course she does. It holds.

I go all in with AJ...get called by 10-10...and turn an ace. Double up. Can we do this? Guy limps for 100. I get 10-10. Raise to 400. Get 3 calls. great. Flop comes QQK. Ugh. Older guy who had already made one complete idiot play with K6 vs. a raise (A10) and a re-raise (AK) then gets lucky with a 2-4-3-5-J board...felting both players (how you arent folding to an all in on that board with an ACE I have no idea....but, well) bets out....I have to fold. He gets called down by the other guy who has AK...and loses a bunch of chips. Clever play sir.

It wouldnt take long for me to leave. I get it all in for 1650 behind 3 limpers at 200 each. Similar to the night before...but hell, with 750 in the pot...and needing to just score some decent pots to get back in...K10c (the Devil!) was looking like a good hand to squeeze with. First guy folds AJ. Second calls with AJ. And...Justina proudly delivers an Ace on the flop. Wonderful. Bye guys.

Then I go play Omaha H/L again. $4/$8 limit. The good news? I put in 4 hours and am now just 1 hour from hitting my 15 hrs required for Sunday's freeroll. The bad news? I have never encountered a worse shit storm playing Omaha H/L. Some of the WORST players I have ever witnessed in my life. Literally 3 of them still learning the game. One guy was playing hands where he was holding 3 of a kind....222J on one, 888K on another and JJJ9 on the other. Thinking those were great hands. Notice he never had a LOW draw on any of them? Didn't matter. And these clowns would NEVER fold...so no matter how good you were preflop, or postflop...you could always count on them staying in to find whatever card it was they needed to ruin your day. If these guys had been at the same table and it had been Pot-Limit instead? My gawd I could have made some money.

But worse than the $376 I lost on that table? The Asian guy to my left had the worst breath I have ever smelled I think. No well, there was that ONE guy at the Venetian this summer...who's breath smelled like he had been chewing on a 2-week old carcass. But this guys' was close. And he was 2 seats away. But every time his head turned in my direction...I would catch a whiff...and there goes my stomach turning inside out. Then you had Steve...the former dealer from somewhere in Gulfport...black fella, who has started a new fashion trend. Not sure anyone else has noticed this or not...but he was sporting a belt, a real thin one, like they wore in the late 80's early 90's...but here is the catch, un-buckled. And I think it was too short to even buckle if he had wanted to. So that was his look...this belt...unfastened, with the crooked baseball hat with the super straight bill. But none of that was bothering me. No, what was bothering me was that Steve had a cold. Well, I am assuming it was cold. You know when, like, old guys do that thing where they are trying to clear their sinuses? Snorting in through their nose? To suck up all the snot? I'm thinking that 'act of annoying disgustingness' has an official name...but if it does I can't think of it. But he did this non-stop for 4 hours. I was about to lose my mind.

We finally closed that table with only 3 of us left and me holding $24. Wonderful. So I left. I saw an open spot on a $5 blackjack table and took note of the human garbage that was occupying the table. Its amusing to me when you look at the people at a $25 and up Blackjack table...then go look at the dirt-pile of humanity at the $5 table...just how much disparity there is. Bad clothes, bad skin, bad hair, usually half of them smoking, usually overweight...couples that make no sense. This table had a little bit of everything. Whatever, I didn't want to sit down and risk falling into their world of scary/nasty association...so I just stood behind one of them. I also did not want to walk over to the cage and cash out $24. How ridiculous. So I was either going to just lose it...or run it up. So with $24 on the circle, she gives me a 4-7. Great, and I had no money in my wallet to double down...and looking at this cast of characters, I knew I wasn't about to get the 'courtesy loan' that usually comes in that spot. And she was showing a 2. So of course I fetch a J, giving me 21. Dammit. It wins.

Next, I split them in half...24 over on this one...and 24 over on that other empty one. I catch a BlackJack on one...and 19 on the other, and she busts. up to $100. Just then the floor lady is starting to get excited. "Sir do you have a players card?" Yes maam but I won't be here long enough to wait for you to give it back. I split them again...48 on one and 48 on the other. BOOM. 20 and 20...and again, dealer busts. So whatever 96 plus 96 is...I color up, and BOLT! Leaving the human refuse at the table sitting there looking stunned and jealous, I think. Guessing it was one of those....sit there, betting $5 a hand....over, and over and over and over...win, lose, win, lose, win, lose.....3 hours of play...and down $22. Then here comes this guy....who turns $24 into $192 in 7 minutes and leaves. Yeah...they probably hated me. Fuck em! At least they still have their good looks and their health, right?

I come home. I fall asleep. Squirrel gets in at 3am. I wake up. I get the 'fly on the wall' report. Yeah, she worked in Poker last night. I tell ya...people will never, ever cease to amaze me. She does not like to broadcast it that we are married. She does NOT like to discuss my personal issues either. Its just not how she rolls. But she will defend me if called on. And as usual, it was bordering on necessary last night.

At one point it was some older, heavy set guy...who, when my name came up...which it sure seems to come often, decides to tell the whole table (with Squirrel serving the table and just listening) that "Oh that Monkey guy? yeah he is banned from like HALF the casinos in the world! He can't play hardly anywhere! Not even the World Series!" Someone let it out that she was my wife. Oh! Ooooops! Yeah, dipshit. Never know who is listening to ya huh!?? Well, she managed to inform him that there are two....TWO...casinos that I can't play in...the one he is sitting in...and Ceasers Las Vegas. Thats it. But thanks for the standard disinformation.

Then she is serving another table...and out of nowhere, my name is heard again...this time...."Oh Monkey? Yeah he has a blog on GulfCoastPoker.net...and he isnt allowed to play here cuz he wrote about kicking some guy under the table to let him know to fold...yeah! Thats right!" Hmmm...then again...Squirrel is asked by someone, maybe a dealer...hey Squirrel, isn't Monkey your boyfriend? Or are you still together? "Umm...yeah, but he's actually my husband." Uh oh! More feet going into mouths. So another guy pipes up....."Oh yeah! I remember that you were pregnant with him right? Like two years ago!??"  "Uh....no that was last year sir." "Oh okay...right...so what did you guys end up having?"  "Oh we had a miscarriage sir." "DOH!" Yeah...jeezuz.Very nice. And then there was the "He isn't not allowed to play here for that reason sir...its something entirely different." When pressed on it, she simply declined, saying it isnt her place to discuss matters involving me.

A couple of guys who had read my waitress/tipping blog from yesterday hit her up about it...and also over-tipped her (thanks boys!) which made her feel kind of awkward, but I think they were genuinely being nice guys. While I was sitting in last nights tourney...I had a couple guys hit me on Facebook, telling me they had NO IDEA the kind of crap the girls put up with every night....and that he will ALWAYS tip at least $2 from now on, if not more. Hey! Its not just about me helping Squirrel...I don't need her extra money. Its about all the others...and if you guys are getting this messsage, and taking it the right way? Well, cool! Maybe things will be better for all of them in 2010.

Just for the record...well, I'm not even sure it matters. It just amuses me how people and gossip work. People will be throwing you under the bus, talking so ugly about me...and then Squirrel walks up...and all of a sudden it turns to "Oh you are married to Monkey? Oh, I love Monkey! He is a great guy! And such a good player! Yeah him and I used to play at the same table together in SNG's...hes a lot of fun!!!!" Uh huh...and yet 15 minutes earlier, I was this raging asshole. If I start letting that crap bother me...I think I am gonna need some new medications. Squirrel keeps trying to get me to go get on something. But I hate the whole feeling controlled thing. I still think regular excercise is a better way to control your heightened emotions than to have to rely on some mind-controlling pharmaceutical. But I don't know, maybe I'm wrong.

I just wish though, that everyone would read ALL OF MY POSTS...then come to their conclusions. Instead of reading bits and pieces of some of them...and working in the BS they are fed by certain tourney people and/or dealers. I really do. Because if they would...not only would they have a different take on me, the player, but they might also start to see just what a bunch of fucking lemmings they are.

Squirrel and I then watched American Idol, and the 1st episode of the new High School Class Reunion. Idol was funny, as all of the first two or three weeks usually are. I am thrilled that Paula is gone. She was making the show unwatchable. Kara on the other hand is almost as bad. She clearly loves to hear herself talk, and you can tell, she really thinks her assessment is the GOLDEN assessment. She is the kind of girl that I think I would enjoy watching my wife duke it out with. On the first night Victoria Beckham was a guest judge. I had no idea that she was actually sweet. I always thought of her as bitchy. But she was really, really nice. And on top of it all, I've always thought of her as too skinny, and not that attractive. But she looked really hot. Something about her was just very sexy. Yeah, I like her now. On the second night they had Mary J Blige. I would say she was a bitch, but then she would have fleeting moments of kindness. But she seemed almost like she didn't want to be there. And at times seemed a bit racist too. I don't know, not enough to go on...but I wasn't crazy about her. You  had your standard lineup of people you know they are just throwing on camera for the shock value they provide. I mean...have you ever wondered....okay? How in the hell do they go from a STADIUM FULL of people to no one...in two days? I mean...come on? There is NO WAY all those people are auditioning. And out of all those people, the bad ones get into the studio in front of the 4 judges? Yeah, okay duh! The bad ones are brought in simply to make us laugh. There must be like 200 or so 'satellite judges' that they use to weed out the candidates, right? I would like to see a seperate episode detailing how they wittle down the fields like they do.

Um, I have several more colorful messages, again...that wont be getting posted. I am only posting anonymous posts from now on if they are not offensive. Telling me how much of an asshole I am, how I am starving for attention...how badly behaved I am...is just getting boring. Yeah, I behave so bad don't I? I love these fucksticks. Who have probably sat in a tourney or a SNG with me, maybe once...and probably like 3 or 4 years ago...yet they are an authority on what a huge prick I am. Dude...or dudes, pretty sure there are maybe two or three of you max...you should know something, I am not letting anything you say upset me. Really. I know you don't believe this...but its true. I know that I am about as tame as tame can get nowadays. I am not mean or ugly to anyone anymore. And for you to call me an asshole? For what reasons? Have some first, then maybe we can have that discussion. The only area that I think I am even slightly an asshole, and even then that isn't the word I would use...is my inability to tolerate certain people at times. And that is more just me being tired, exhausted of hearing the same old stupid shit over and over and over. I have a great core of friends in poker...between players and dealers and tourney supervisors...then a very close relationship with my family...to where I wont even begin to let your ridiculous rants begin to cause me any feelings of anxiety over how I am percieved.

I really do like writing this blog. I like when the majority of you tell me you read and enjoy it. I don't do it for money. I don't do it for fame. I do it because its a place for me to (a) vent, (b) offer insight into the poker world as I see it, (c) share my feelings as it pertains to improving the game, and (d) defending myself against things that may arise. Its also a place for me to just ramble about shit I think is funny  and/or entertaining. Its also a place for me to hand out props to my buddies for their success. I am certainly not using this as a venue to try and make anyone better at poker. You all have your own styles of play. Some of you (a lot it would seem) actually think I suck at poker! Hey, thats cool. I have no problem with ANYONE thinking I suck at poker. All I know is that I have been going now for 6 years without having to have a real job...and that makes me happy.

OH! I will address one thing that this jerkoff through at me. His big sticking point was that if I was SO GOOD like I THINK I AM (which clearly I don't think) then why would I even NEED a poker backer? Alludes that I have a backer because I KNOW that I am no good. That if I didn't have a backer I would go bust. That if I REALLY thought I was good, I would just SELL EVERYTHING I own and 'go for it' for 100% of my action. I read his comment...and I just had to smile. What else can I do but smile? These are the words of a guy who just does NOT understand this business very much. Could I have severed ties with my backer after this past summer? Sure. I could have. Very easily. And instead of what I have sitting in my safe right now...I would have double that. And instead of 1 and half years of stressless, not having to worry about losing my backer, poker....I would have had probably close to 2 or 2.5.

See, there are a lot of players out there, who did just what this guy is suggesting. Had a backer for awhile, then won something for 50 to 100k...and went out on their own. Playing all the $500 to $2500 tourneys...for 100%. Some of them kept it going...and got even bigger. But most of them? Hit that inevitable cold stretch...and watched all their money go bye bye. Then guess what? A year or two later? They were back to looking for a backer.

See, there have been about 5 seperate cycles in my backer/player relationship. I started cold. She stuck with me. I got hot. I stuck with her. I floated around .500 for 8 months...she stayed with me. I got super COLD...she hung with me....but was understandably getting antsy. I got SUPER HOT...and she was as happy as could be. I had people telling me "go out on your own Monkey!" to which I merely snickered. Then I was hit with 6 months of absolutely icey friggidness. Did she quit on me? Nope. I would heat up again. May in New Orleans was just enough to get us out of the red and excited about the summer...and the summer? Well, I kicked ass. Made her some money. Made me some money...and kept a healthy sum in our bankroll. So now, we head into 2010 in the best shape of our 2+ year relationship. I have no reason to leave her. NONE! If I win a half a million or more this year...then sure, I am quite certain we will restructure things. As I did for her a year ago, when I didn't feel like she was getting a fair deal with me. She was doing too much for me, and me not enough for her. So now...now that I have been pulling my weight a little better, its my chance to get myself a better deal, by winning more. It's how it works. And by her being loyal to me, and sticking by me? That is just an ethics thing. For me to win a million bucks and just dust her off? That would make me a piece of garbage. I am not a piece of garbage. When people stick by me, I never turn my back on them. Ever. EVER! So thanks for your silly words, and your attempted insults Mr. Anonymous, but you know what? I am doing just fine thanks. Pretty happy with where I am. And next year at this time...when Squirrel and I are sitting in our new house, driving our new car....with all my bills paid...and thinking about names for our baby? I will think about you. And again, as I am doing now...I will smile.

Monkey

Amendment to Last Post

As I am trying to verify my facts on the whole 'waitress thing.' (average drinks are actually closer to 11-13. Tip out is 20% not 15%. Waitresses per service bar is lower than 10...closer to 4-6. So I was over on some and under on others)

And she wanted to stress...that she isn't bitching about everyone...in fact not even MOST. Its that small percentage, that we ALL have to deal with, in EVERY job. The ones who are over-demanding, and then somehow manage to not show you their appreciation when you DO meet their demands. Its the ones who are just rude, and condescending to you...and yet you keep on smiling at them. No...don't be mislead...85% of the people she waits on...a lot of them MY FRIENDS...are wonderful, and tip her great. Its the 15% that make her life miserable...and of course, its ME who gets to hear about it just about every single night when she has left those 4 walls and came home to MY 4 walls.

And not only that...I happen to know a LOT of cocktail waitresses, in Biloxi, and other towns...and what I have shared...a very small percentage of it comes just from what I hear from my wife. Most of it comes from listening to all the other ones.

So thats it, just wanted to make sure my story was as close to right as possible, and that she not come off looking like a mean, spiteful bitch who hates everyone! Not at all! She loves working over there.
Thats all.

Monkey

Merely replies to reader comments (including Anonymous A-Hole)

Thats all this entry is....

As I sit here on hold with stupid AOL. I am ready to pull all my hair out. I went to FREE AOL about a year ago...and now its just this rampant cluster-F#&@ where sometimes the email functions work, and the rest of the time they don't. I regularly need to send out a mass email to my distro list...and usually its fine. But for some reason this week...they won't send. So...I open an account on Gmail...and try that way. And I can't tell if its sending or not. Sighhhh.

So then, I decide, what the hell, I will pay for the damn AOL service...$11.99 a month. So first thing that happens when I try to resend the BIG email? Same thing. Grrrr(*@#&*(@!(*!!!!!!!!! So then, since you cant GET phone support as a free customer, but CAN as a paid customer...I try to call support...as I am now a paying customer! What happens? I get that automated effing robot...trying to 'get me to the right person.' Does that work? Nope! "Im sorry, I can't understand the information you entered, lets try something else...."  Yeah...lets try smashing this phone against the wall!!!!

So now I am on hold...14th in the QUEUE to get live online help! Yeah this should be good!

Oh...yeah, okay this is all about reader replies. Um...first of all, I didn't win last night. In fact, I didn't even make the final table. Which is bad, considering there were only 14 total players! Nice!

Yeah it was just one of those...."nothing is going right for me" kind of nights. And then...when this guy limped on the button for like the 5th time...at 100/200 with a 25 ante...and me holding A7 suited and only 2200 chips...OH MY GOSH IM NEXT UP IN THE QUEUE!!!!

It seemed like a good spot to shove...to pick up close to 700 chips, or 33% of my stack...and limping for 200? Whats he going to call 2000 with? Oh but lets not be mislead...he did call. And turns over 66. Hmmm. Okay. Hi Justina...would you please let me hit one of my two overs please? Ughhhhhmmm...no sir. Instead I am going to flop him a 6. Oh! Okay. Good night now! Nice call sir.

So I go log 4 hours of live action..in my never ending quest to hit 15 hours of live play for the week...thus enabling me to play Sunday's 10k freeroll, which I am really hoping that like 7 people show up for! I played Omaha $4/$8 HI/LO....and while I relatively enjoyed the game...I would go from 400 to 300, back to 400...down to 120....up to 300...hover, hover, hover....mini rush up to 480.....down to 200...back to 340....down to 280.....annnnnnnnnd.....goodbye!

Mr. AOL was just ZERO help. They are acknowledging problems on their server...so obviously my $11.99 a month isn't going to make my live any easier.

Reader comments. Okay where to start. We shall start with the tipping thing. To answer the question...."am I cheap if I tip $1 for a bottle of water?"

NO! $1 for ONE bottle of water is fine...and often what I tip...sometimes $2 if I am feeling nice. I am referring to the guy who wants 2 or sometimes THREE bottles all at the same time. No...that guy needs to give $2 minimum. And any random soft drink also qualifies for just a buck. But any cocktail? $2 minimum...and folks I am telling you this for your own good. Because if you want to see that girl come back any time soon? A buck aint gonna get it done. Oh and since we are on the subject of how to treat waitresses...let me let you in on a little secret. They love when you say 'please' and 'thank you' and they hate it when you say 'gimme' or 'bring me'....okay? And another thing...they can't stand being called "COCKTAIL!" or "WAITRESS!" Its nice, and a bit classy, to make an attempt to learn their name...and addressing them as such. Or a simple, 'Miss, I'm sorry, if you have time, can I give you my order?'

Another thing about them. If you see them and they have a tray FULL of drinks? That means they are delivering drinks at the moment. Don't be so insistent on placing an order with them. Because they are in DROP OFF MODE! Its not all about you dude! Or you can say something like this (one of my favorites) "Oh shoot, I missed you on your last time around...when you are done dropping off, can I please order something from you dear?" That line has a 98% success rate. The other 2% are just straight up bitches. Fuck them.

On a recent trip to Atlantic City...this guy kept shouting across the room to the waitress. "Hey! Cocktail! Hey COCKTTTTAIL!!!! Hey waitressssss!!!" Finally after about half an hour of that...she finally yelled back to him from about 5 tables away...."Hey CUSTOMER! Whatd'ya need!???" It was hilarious. Even more funny if you saw the stupid look on his face.

To the guy who tried to pull off some macro-economics on the drink/per hour tip/per hour wage scenario...actually you were way off. You were stating $1 per customer...on a tray that ALWAYS has 15 drinks...and they average 1 trip every 20 minutes...for a $45 an hour average. Pfffft. Hardly man. First of all, I would like to see someone count out 15 drinks on a girls tray every time. VERY RARE. The average is about 9. And she will often times spend...on average....7 to 9 minutes getting that order together...then go to the service bar...where she is forced to wait behind other waitresses to get her drinks made. That could be anywhere from 3 to 8 more minutes...as there is usually just one service bartender...who has to make drinks for anywhere from 5 to 10 different waitresses. And then at least another 10 to 12 minutes to drop off all those drinks. So you are looking at an average trip of 20-25 minutes...and an average of 9 drinks per tray. And you forgot to factor in the jerkoffs who don't tip at ALL! We call it an average of $30 an hour...which is often times being generous. So if the girl works 8 hours...she earns $240. Oh, plus her $2.35 an hour, which after taxes, always equals about $7. At the end of the night she has to tip out 15% to the bartender. So, okay...she just walked about 20 miles over the last 8 hours...dealt with some of the rudest, stinkiest people on the planet...while destroying her body...coming home with tired hands, feet, legs, shoulders...to make what? $180 to $200 a night on average. Which is maybe $1000 a week. $4000 a month. $48,000 a year. Does anyone think $48,000 a year, for that kind of work is good?

The way some people act in there, they think all the waitresses are driving Ferrarri's and living in mansions. Think about that when you leave the girl a $1 tip for your dirty martini with 4 olives...not 3....and really, really chilled by special request. If every one of you would leave them just $2 instead of $1...think of the difference that would make in a year?

Okay enough on the waitress subject.

Lets go to the 'People who show their hand' category. I have written about this a lot in years past...because it happens a lot more than you would think. I, for one...am one of the deepest believers in Karma that you will find. If I have a player sitting next to me who is showing his hand, and doing it a lot...I ALWAYS tell that player...and I tell them right away. In the case of the noob (new player) the other night...I told him very early...that not only was he showing his hand, but that in the future he would be told by some dealer (not the one tonight because its Jimmy Somerfeld's daughter and she is new and still learning) that he can't pull his cards up off the table like he is doing. And I don't want it to put him on tilt when it does happen, so I am just telling him so he will not be surprised when he IS told. So...when he continued to show his hand...and it was getting near 'crunch time'...sorry, I had done my part...and when I am just sitting there...and BOOM...there it is...him showing me KJ when I have KQ suited....uh...its kind of hard, when he raises at cutoff, to just not do something. I mean...what is the proper thing there. Um...sir, again, you have shown me your hand, after I warned you...and I have you beat...so I am re-raising you! Or do I say...gosh, I just saw your hand again...and even though I have you totally dominated, I'm just gonna fold because it just wouldnt be right for me to bust you, knowing what you have!

Look, its your responsibility to protect your hand. I protect MINE! And I don't go out of my way trying to see your hand. Little extend-a-mirror taped to my elbow...giving me the sneek-a-peek angle of attack!!! No no, none of that. I can only do so much to help these people...and then I'm just being stupid.

Ughhh....what the next comment? Oh...our little anonymous friend has replied again. Once again telling me I have no balls. That I can't post his message cuz I am a coward. Oh yeah, thats me, the coward. In fact, if I were to take off my shirt, I would let you see the yellow stripe that runs down my back. Its impressive. Dude of the ridiculous, time-wasting, bitter-boy inspired messages.....really? What is your purpose on this planet? I think my favorite is when you go this route:

OH WOW! Another small time win. For a whopping $2k. That your backer gets 60% of! That leaves you just enough to pay your bar tab! Wow! Your a real amazing pro!

Ahem, Mr. Douchebag. I must say...this week, at the IP...I have won a total of $6000. Yes...my backer gets 60%. So how much have I won? Well, according to my math...$2400. In a week. My bills for one month? About that. If I lose every single tournament I play this month? How much will it cost me? ZIPPO! No makeup for this Monkey. Oh...and another thing, my backer? If I was a real loser, like I suspect YOU are...she basically just trusts whatever I tell her I am playing in. The only PROOF she has that I have cashed is those tourneys who report on Cardplayer.com. So hypothetically, I could have told her I lost all week, and she'd be none the wiser. And then...would you be impressed with my $6k pull? Well...since I am more interested in pleasing my backer...and keeping myself backed...as I have, with this same backer now for 2 years, which is very LONG in this business of poker-backing...I will continue to NOT be a weasel and hide shit from her. Because whether its $2400, or $24,000.....what comes around, goes around. And as long as I manage my bankroll, and continue to win a little here and there...you will notice that I can keep showing up for tourneys...whether the buy ins are $200, $300, $500, $1000, or sometimes more. It is a successful formula that has been working for me now for 6 years. See, I am not here to impress you. Hell, you can't even sign your name to an email...but you would have us all think you are something amazing. Calling me silly names like Giligan and Fruitcake? What is that all about? Am I supposed to get offended? Well, sorry to disappoint you...but I merely am laughing AT you when I am reading your unpublished/unpublishable comments. The reason I am not publishing them has nothing to do with being afraid. Its simply in that your comments have nothing to offer anyone. Its just your way of making yourself feel like a bully. And as I said before...you are just a sad, sad, pitiful human being. I suspect you got picked on a lot as a kid and teenager. Maybe you need some counseling.

I did think your allegation that the reason I have been banned from 'so many' (the current tally on casinos I cant play in BTW is two) casinos is because of the amount of 'trinkets' I carry around (Monkey Beads, Raising Monkey, Ante Monkey, and the two Swarovski crystal monkeys) with me. I have NO IDEA where you came up with that. Hmmmm.....ummm, sir you have too much Monkey Paraphenalia, we are going to have to ask you to leave and never come back! Maybe your real problem is that I actually have an identity. I didn't have to TRY to become 'Monkey.' It wasn't something I forced down people's throats because I 'thought it would be cool.' No, see, I was labeled "Monkey" in 1997...while going around to pick up the weekly NFL picksheets from one of the bartenders up in Atlanta. See I started running sports pools about 15 years ago. One of them had me running from bar to bar on Friday night to get everyone's picks for that week. And one bartender...when I would walk in...would say..."Hey guys! The pool monkey is here...I need your sheets!" And from there, it kind of took off. Being tall, and having excessively long arms that nearly drag on the ground...and a level of exciteability that at times would give the appearance of being a bit monkey-like probably hasnt hurt contribute to that either.

I am asked quite often "where did Monkey come from" and usually tell the story, without trying to make it too long-winded. Yeah...I thought the 'Pool Monkey' label was kind of cool...so I just started an email address incorporating that name for all my Pool-related business, which I still use today. Then, when I went to run a guy's small wine distributorship in Atlanta...well, I became the WineMonkey. Kept that title, or email address, when I was working at Southern Wine and Spirits in Pensacola from '02 to '04. And when I quit to play poker full time...I was asked by more than a few people..."So, are you going to be the Poker Monkey now?" Well....yeah! I am I guess! And so...I got ThePokrMnky as a screename on Pokerstars...and found this cool gold monkey at an antique shop up in Florence, Alabama that a friend of Squirrel's owned...that was just a decoration, not even for sale...just let me have it...and the Poker Monkey was born. I really haven't had to TRY very hard to BE the Monkey...I just kind of am. More dealers and players call me Monkey than call me Will. I think a lot of them don't even KNOW my name is Will. And that is fine.

So for you to try and insult me by bashing my monkeys that I bring to the table...good luck. Those monkeys are a part of me. They make me happy. They bring me confort, and confidence. And like I said...I just think it kills you that I have an identity I didn't have to pay for. Hell, I even like to hand out nicknames to guys. Some of them like em...and a few of them don't. Rick "Rooster" Rudloff LOVED his...and ended up with a bunch of trinkets. Hell, it was perfect. He LOOKS a bit like a rooster...and if you ever see him bust out...the way he walks around...cocking his head...cluck cluck clucking about how he got knocked out...hell  you would swear he WAS a rooster! I just put "Crash" on Kenny Milam not too long ago, after a succession of Taxi cab disasters in New Orleans...and he digs it. Part of the game is having some kind of goofy name people can use to identify you, or set you apart. It makes it more fun. After all, poker is a game. Games should be fun. They shouldn't be full of asshole haters like YOU, Mr. Anonymous.

Without looking I forgot what other comments were out there...and frankly, its getting late and I have other stuff to do before I go and try to beat 15 of Biloxi's finest in tonight's $200 tourney with 1k added at the I.P. resort and casino tonight. And if I lose? Hey...then I lose...and I will then go log some time in the cash room, so I can play that 10k freeroll on Sunday. Hey man...things might not have gone perfect, or the way I wanted this week....but under the circumstances...I think I made the most of it!

Monkey

Won another one...and almost ANOTHER ONE!

Okay so now its just kind of getting funny. It's really fun when you leave the house with 'X' amount of money in your pocket and come home with 'X-times 10' in your pocket. Of course its even funner when you come home with 'X-times 100' but not much I can do about a small turnout. Still, every night has been a blast. Well, last night...not so much, thanks to our stupid cocktail waitress. But whatever.

I guess I am already getting kind of behind here. Lets see, when we last left off I was telling you how I won on Friday...then fell short on Saturday...and I think was going back to play on Sunday. Right? Well, Sunday I won again. And sure there were only 21 players...but whatever...I won! And when I got heads up, it was with Ross Leitz...this guy I met in New Orleans last month and who has been popping up on my Facebook a lot. Ross is this mountain of a guy who plays a lot of cash game. He played very well at the Final Table. Have to give him a lot of credit. When presented the opportunity of chopping heads up, I declined this time. I wanted it all. So we played it out...and after about 20 minutes or so, he raised me a little too much...I looked down at AK and shoved on him...he called with A8 and that was all she wrote. Winner of $2100. Which the dealers got $250 of.

Then I proceeded to the cash room with Ross. After about 2 hours and close to what I started with...I flopped open ended and tried to bet my ass off and get Ross to fold...check raise flop, pound the turn...crush the river...and he called with just a pair. Ugh. Asked if I was mad at him. NOPE! Not at all pal. But I am going home now! No big deal. I am trying to get in a total of 15 hrs in cash this week, because they are doing a 10k freeroll for all players who log 15 hrs. of play this week...to run on Sunday. Would like to be able to play that.

Spent all day yesterday trying to get on top of all my pools and Fantasy League payouts. Got a bunch of guys waiting to get paid. But its a bitch kind of...making sure I pay the right people the right amounts and everything. Got a bunch out...more to get out today....and then trying to work the mail...as I have payments pouring in for my NFL Playoff Pool..that got a record 139 entries this year...and then my always popular Super Bowl Squares...that are already rapidly filling up. Busy time of year for me!!!

So last night...I put the check book down at 5:37 and make my way to the IP. Get there only 10 minutes late this time. Started slow. Lost a few hands. Won a few. Was at about 5k. Then on a 7 high flop with all hearts and me holding A8 withe A of hearts...SB bets out 250. I make it 750. Other guy makes it 2250. Okay...figure he has like a J or Q-high flush already. First guy folds and I decide I'm going for broke....I was right..he had J9h. I turn the 10 of hearts. Nice! Thanks dealer! And I was on my way.

Got that up to 12k...then I raise...get re-raised by this guy Zach (cool dude, made a Final Table with him in the  Omaha tourney here in Nov.)...and since I have JJ...and Zach is pretty aggressive...and he has enough to where I think I can make him fold, and I secretly think he has 10-10 maybe...I re-raise him all in. He starts tanking....okay good! So I know he doesn't have AA or KK. Thats good. But just when I think he is about to fold? He calls. And turns over QQ. Ahhhhh shit. Damn. Nice hand, man. It holds...and I was crippled. Bad.

But I didn't give up. Nope. Kept my cool. Blinds were still only 150/300 so I still had a chance with $2450 in my stack. I would battle my way back. Picking up little pots here and there....until finally I got back to 9k...and just hovered there for awhile. We got down to the Final Table finally...and just sat and let bad players make some bad plays...until we had 6 left. And then...I just kind of took over. It was only paying 3 so I had to be real careful.

This guy Justin and I decided to start drinking snappers...as I had been holding off all night. Well, we get the dumbest waitress I think that works there. They have this 'policy' where you aren't allowed to get two drinks at the same time. Duh, we all know about it. My wife is a cocktail waitress too. But its just 'one of those rules' that is there for the casino's protection...so people don't get tanked. There is a certain amount of discretion that can be used on that one. Like...you know, drop off the shots...go serve your slot customers...then come drop off our beers. But oh no...she made a big deal about it...telling us she can't bring another drink for 20 min's? What? Come ON! I mean...all week in here I have been shooting this girls (me and the table combined) at least $80-$100 a night...pretty much MAKING their night for them...and now we get this lady? It wasnt like I NEEDED a drink. And frankly she just kind of killed everyone's buzz. So then the Beverage Manager comes out and informs Bill Bruce of the policy...so now the dumb dumb waitress had REALLY screwed things up. So that was it...I just quit drinking em.

We get down to 4 and this guy on my right....Larry, a guy all decked out in Florida Gator gear...who I have never seen before, is very shortstacked. Him and this older guy I play with a lot...both short. Cant think of the older guy's name...but hes really nice. I really didn't want him to bubble. Just like I didn't want Justin to bubble...but when Justin went all, with 5 left, and in my BB I look at Ad6d...it wasnt much more to call. I flipped a coin. Heads I would call. It was heads. He has 99. Nice. Then I flop two 6's. Ugh. I felt bad, and gave him a hug. Then I gave a hug to the other guy when he bubbled. They were really good sports about losing. Now its just me, Larry and Zach...who has the chiplead...but I'm close behind. I had made the mistake of telling Larry when he had 2 BB's left that I had a feeling he was going to make a huge comeback and cash.

Well, yeah...I was right. Oh by the way...Larry has a major hole in his game. He pulls his cards up OFF the table...then turns them so you can clearly see them. Oh. Thanks. So early in the tourney...with him in seat 6 and me in seat 7...he would show me his cards....KJ one time and A10 another...and both times I had better hands...so I would either flat him...see the flop and react to the flop...or I would just move in on him. And of course every time he would fold. He really needs to fix that little problem. He's really new to the game so I assume he will.

Well, Larry ends up taking out Zach. And now has a shit load of chips. But I am not too far behind. He offers to chop. Its $2100 for 1st and $1250 for 2nd. Nope! No thanks. He even tells me he will let me sign for 1st place. Nope! Not the same. I want to win. Make it 3 out of 4 in these. Its not the same if you just quit playing and 'say' you won. I didnt care much about the extra $450 I would get either. Just wanted to win.

Well, I would get nothing but garbage hands heads up. And when I did try to make button raises, stealing with shit...'ol Larry would inevitably ship on me. Ughhhh. It was a trainwreck...and Larry just silently dispatched me rather methodically. I lost. 2nd place. I hate 2nd place!

I then went downstairs...to put in some more hours in the 1/2 game. Bought in for 4 hundred. It was a pretty soft table. And I was not drinking. And being patient. Finding spots. Would run 400 up to 700. Then with KK...this black guy from Atlanta who had just sat down was talking all kinds of shit to everyone who would listen to him...within 5 minutes the whole table hated this guy....would call my raise...flop a Q...then when I bet big he moved in on me. I called. River was an ace...and he turns over AQ and starts chirping. I didn't say a word. Not a single word. Everyone is looking at me, waiting for me to go off on the guy. Nope. No need. I will get him.

And I did. With him now holding 450 chips....most of them MINE....I would get KK about 6 hands later. Yep...Kings again! I raise to 15 and get 5 callers. Standard. Flop comes K-9-4. Yahtzee. I check. He bets 45. Nice. Everyone else folds. I min raise him to 90. He insta-shoves. I call. He turns over KQ all proud...I don't turn over my hand yet. Turn is nothing, river is a Q. He does a mini-celebration....I'm giggling inside...and turn over my set of K's. You had to be there to truly appreciate the stupid look on his face. And his quote made the whole table laugh...."nice catch, man." Yeah....sure glad I caught that K! Cuz I sure needed to catch there!  He would end up leaving about 10 minutes later....after sitting there very quietly for the last 10 minutes. I would later see him playing $5 blackjack!

My favorite play of the night though...came after this girl sat down. I was feeling...I don't know....like 'playing poker.' I was in for $5 live straddle utg. I look down at 7-9. Everyone calls...and when it gets to this girl she says..."I have to raise." And she makes it 15. Well...had I known how the board was going to play out? I would have just called. But I'm thinking...and I said..."well, if I call you....EVERYONE is going to call your $15, and I just don't want to play this hand 7-handed...so in an attempt to get you heads up...I will raise it another $60." And predictably they all folded, except her....no, she moved all in. Uh oh. And I WAS putting her on AK. But now I'm not so sure. But I have also created a situation where I am now getting 2.5 to 1 to call her all in. And though I know its a bad call....I make it anyway. And when she turns over AdKd I breathe a little easier. I don't turn over my hand yet...if at all possible I don't want to HAVE to show it! Flop comes 9-5-5...nice! Hold baby! The turn? 9! She's drawing dead! Sweeet! And then, just for good measuer I river the last 9! QUADS. And I felt her. She wasn't too happy. I offered her $100 back...she declined. Cool. At least I tried! She was actually really a nice girl too, I had nothing against her at all. Just felt like making a play...and got really lucky.

Well, I would end up cashing out with a +800 session...so in essence, I might as well have won the tourney upstairs, right!????

So in other news...I'm getting various reports from the Bad Times casino...but nothing real news worthy. A couple good players who I like have either won or gotten deep. Makes me real happy for them. And the trophy that they are winning is cool looking. Like the ones up at Goldstrike last fall. I don't really have the need or the desire to do any bashing of them. Why? Cuz I really could care less. I am doing great over at IP this week...I am having a fun time, and I have a huge event at Venetian coming up, as well as some LAPC and Reno events...that should give me plenty of shots at some huge payouts. In case anyone missed it, The Venetian has struck up a deal with Pokerstars...NICE! Under the tab of NAPL...which I think stands for North American Poker League...you can now satellite into the Main Event at the Venetian. Cool, should really increase the numbers there even more. And now...every Main Event Final Table there is going to be televised. This could finally be my shot at some real exposure. Could make for an exciting event.

As I am typing this...my wife here is getting ready for work, and ranting. She has had to work every day this week..and a lot of that in the poker room. One thing about her...you will NEVER see her not smiling at work. You will NEVER hear her complain on the job, or say anything snyde to a guest. But at home. Whoa...I get it all! You assholes who demand two or three bottles of water...and then give her a buck?  Gee thanks man. And the principle concern seems to be people's hygiene. And its been confirmed for her by a couple of the players that she knows well, that are friends of mine. She said she walked into the poker room the other night and about threw up. I gotta take her side on this. One thing I am pretty good about it bathing. In fact, one of the things I'm big on is taking a hot bath, or at the very least...a shower...while on dinner breaks. Mainly to get and feel refreshed heading back...but also out of consideration to my fellow players. There is one certain dealer...and I have witnessed it myself on three seperate occasions...I won't say his name...but he strikes a resemblance to Elton John if you look at him right, and loves to spout personal stories while dealing...regardless of the importance of what is going on at the time (ex: blinds 500/1000...a raise, re-raise and an all in.....and him just continuing to blather on...) and he happens to smell horrendous nearly all the time. Well, two players were telling her two days ago about this very dealer. "Oh yeah sweetie, I know exactly who you are talking about."

Yo! People...its not that hard to bathe every day, is it? And if your shirt stinks? Man...please wash that shit! Wash it in your bathtub...then hang it to dry. Quit making us all suffer the pain of smelling your awful B.O.! Its not cool!! And look, I know that I take care of the waitresses better than 92% of you...and thats fine, I don't expect ya'all to go broke tipping out...but quit being so effing cheap! Times are tough..and a lot of these gals are single Moms. Quit insulting them with your DOLLAR tips!

Um...I have me a...what shall we call him? Oh I don't know...he is the President I think of the "I hate Monkey Club." I haven't posted his last two comments. And now he's telling me its because I am a coward and have no balls. Well...I think you all know just how big my balls really are, and that I am the furthest thing from a coward. This guy tells me if I want him to come up to my face and tell me the shit that he has been posting on my message board...that I have refused to publish...that he will. Really? Okay...you know what asshole? Come up to my face and tell me who you are...since you claim your reasons for posting anonymously aren't because you arent man enough to sign your name to it. No? Prove it. Come up to me. Tell me that same shit face to face. Then when I invite you out to the parking garage to break your jaw...don't say no. And no...there really isn't anything to discuss. You are nothing but a punk. I win. You don't. You have a problem with my beads and my crystal monkeys. Who cares? I don't. You think the Bust The Monkey Bounty idea was stupid and self serving? That no one would care? Ok. You're opinion. But when 10 or more players thought it was brilliant...and even the tourney directors liked it...gosh, maybe, just maybe its a good idea. Its not about me thinking I am anything special, loser. Its just the fact that I do happen to know about 85% of the players down here...and they all know that I would make it a lot of fun as they tried to bust me out.

But you are one of those lonely souls....those sad, jealous little pricks...who gets his momentary flash of joy and/or excitement when he posts a message slamming me on my blog. And then...probably ten minutes later...you moment is over. And its back to your miserable life. It sucks for you pal. And no, I will NOT post your stupid messages...not until you show yourself. But I do like the fact that you are reading my blog. Must mean that secretly, there is something lacking in your life that you need to find...and reading my blog is a place you are looking. Thanks buddy.

Good luck to all of you...whatever and/or wherever you are playing this week! I hope to see a lot of you over at the IP at 6pm every night this week. Its a lot more fun when a bunch of you show up.

MONKEY