A BOUNTY HAS BEEN SET

For starters, human beings amaze me. Just amaze me. Both in a good way, and a bad way. Not even bad. Just utterly disgusting.

Our little anonymous friend has decided to attack me again...now its for I guess making this all up. Yeah. For real. Finding it 'impossible' that my home has been hit twice in two years. Well, for the record...this is the first time my HOME has been burglarized. My rental house in Vegas...which I shared with 7 other players...was the victim of a home invasion, 2008...in which the only person there was tied up and threatened. In that incident, I had nothing stolen from me. No, I had already had $3500 in tournament 'lammers' taken from me earlier that month.

For the record: My decision to mention that I keep money at my house, on a poker blog where I'd say 87% of you who read it are genuinely good people, who DO like me, who DO read this for reasons that would inspire me TO write this...was a bad one. Very bad. Because try as I might to see the good in just about everything and everyone...I often times let slip through the cracks of my consciousness, the fact that there are people in this world who are just UGLY. Mean, conniving, plotting, desperate, hateful....human beings. That if I were to give them an inch...they would take the whole mile.

I'll be honest. I never even realized you could put cash in a safety deposit box at the bank. I thought that was for other stuff not cash related. Why didn't I know that? Ignorance I guess. I didn't elect to deposit the large sums of cash I brought home this summer for just one reason...scrutiny from the IRS. And why? Not really sure, since I keep GREAT records...of all my buyins, all my expenditures. There was really no reason for me to be so paranoid. So honestly, I should have filled that safe up with lead...put my money at the bank...and let these pricks drag that thing around for three days before finally getting it open and finding nothing inside. Now that would have been kind of funny.

But instead...what happens? I make a grave error, maybe the largest of my life...monetarily anyway...and I am left staring at the wall, which is what I have been doing for the better part of two days now. Feeling empty, and defeated, and stupid. My wife finally quit yelling at me. She finally quit crying. The police have been no help. Yet.  All the people who play my football pools took the news fairly well. Several have even sent in donations to help me cover the huge overrun on what I am going to owe all of the eventual winners of my Survivor Pools. But then of course their is that 3%...the little line you get of film, at the bottom of the bathtub after it drains...those people...who want to insinuate that somehow, this whole thing was a fairy tale that I dreamed up. Yeap....those people will never cease to exist on this planet, and they make me feel feelings that I can't even describe. Not anger. Not sadness, just complete...I don't know, disappointment? That people can be so cruel?

On Sunday I put out a bounty. A $2000 bounty. On the head or heads of the people who did this. Since I put that out...$500 has been kicked in by Jason Young, from New York, another $500 from Christian "da Professional" Iacobellis from Connecticut, $500 from Kai Landry from here in Biloxi...and another $250 from BG Lanoix of Baton Rouge. These are some good guys. These are some people who believe in me. And to these guys I say THANKS brothers for having my back! I happen to think there were 4 people involved in this. 1 watching me at the IP. 1 watching my wife at the place she works. And 2 at my house...one to pry the garage door open...while the other fucking snake slithered his way underneath...and let himself into my house. 4 of them. And I am pretty sure they are reading this. And I hope you motherfuckers are proud of yourself. I hope when you mention it to the wrong person...the person who decides selling you out for $3750 is worth it to them...and I get that phone call, or that email...telling me who it was...and I mobilize with the 20+ people who have signed on to hunt your ass down...that when we find you...and your boys....that the beat down we put on you will produce even a portion of my money. At least enough to pay the bounty on your head! And if not...well, then we will just have to let the law enforcement people deal with you. And since I am pretty tight with a couple local detectives...I'm sure your rights won't be all that protected. At least not as much as you think they might.

Yeah! I made all this up!

2010 just took on a whole new flavor for me. I am now on a mission. And I will go ahead and apologize in advance to those of you who actually liked the 'entertaining' Monkey..the one who arrives and chats to everyone, who tries to be friendly with all the players. Yeah...some of you out there (the 3% club) seem to label this as Monkey being 'an asshole' or Monkey 'being a loud mouth prick' which I have never really understood. To those of you who come up to me...and shake my hand, tell me you read my blog and really enjoy it? Thank you! That means a lot to me. It really does. To those of you...who see my wife at work, and ask..."Oh! You're married to Monkey!???" And roll your eyes? Or follow it up with some smart ass comment that she isn't allowed to respond to, at the risk of losing her job? You are the ones I'm coming after this year. You little backstabbing mealy-mouths that don't have the balls to make your nasty little comment to my face, but you can make it to my wife, or someone else when I'm not around. And then sit at my table and 'pretend' like we are buddies. Why? So I won't try to bust you? Well guess what? It's WAR! I know who my friends are right NOW. And those are the only ones in my clubhouse...or allowed in my clubhouse from here on out! I'm not interested in signing up new friends. All of you who are out there reading this for one reason? To find something to use against me? Keep reading!

Its gonna be real different this year. Walking into the IP on Sunday...to play that freeroll...which I would get a lot of chips in, then lose with AK to a guys' AQ when he turned a Q...on a flop with an ace......just looking around the room...at the faces...of everyone, and KNOWING...that somewhere in that room, might be sitting the person, or persons, who had a hand in this act of cowardly thievery...made me angry. I sat down...I was angry. I dragged pots, I was angry. People not in my circle wanted to say hi to me...I was suspicious. Now...its just going to be weird. I will suspect anyone and everyone. An alarm is being installed in my house tomorrow. There will be no more safe. There will be no more cash or jewelry in my house. My gun will be next to my bed and loaded. When I'm out of town...my house will be watched. Any of you punks want to say something about me...how bout this? How bout being a man about it...how bout telling ME TO MY FACE! You cowardly punk. Let my wife do her job. Or you can tell me where YOUR wife works...and I will go there and give HER shit about HER husband. How bout that?

Am I mad today? Yeah. Did you detect that? I am. I'm mad. And I am sick and tired of bad human beings. I want more than anything...ANYTHING...for this Mr Anonymous to present himself to me. Meet me somewhere. Anywhere. Alone. One on one. I might actually talk to you. But I doubt it. You're so good at talking tough, at talking shit. At telling me what a loser I am...yet you won't even tell us your name! What does that make YOU? A winner? You are a JOKE!

Sorry people. To those who simply log on and read this to for light-hearted entertainment, who probably don't even care how I run in poker...I apologize. I do, truly appreciate all of you who read this. But this year just got a little weird for me. I am under a lot of pressure now to make something good happen, and make it happen fast. I have to do something to fight off the feeling of depression...the feelings of desperation...not sure what that will be. Work out at the gym maybe? Surround myself with a very small group of supportive people? Get on some kind of depression medication? I don't know. Really rather not go that route...but it might be a good idea. But I know when this week in Seattle is over...spent with my loving family, one of whom has already offered to cash out her CD to help me (to which I declined) and I come back home for one day to do laundry and pack....I will be going to Las Vegas...to put my nose to the grindstone and fix this mess. And should I win a tourney...sorry Mr Anonymous...I know how much you hate it when I get the winning photo (most likely since you've never had the chance) but I will get ANOTHER ONE! And I WILL try to smile! And I WILL be wearing my Final Table Monkey Beads. And yeah...my crystal monkeys WILL be there too! Me and my trinkets! So you know what you can do? You can SUCK IT!!!!

Monkey