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Thursday, September 23, 2010

Drunk and Completely Irrelevant Monkey

Welcome. It's 5:20am.

I just ordered enough food from room service to feed a family of 17 in Nicaragua. Why? N0 idea. It all looked good.

This will be a post containing...I'm almost certain...NO poker references.

Just spent 4 hours enjoying beverages of alcoholic content with my friend...yes friend...after a trying period of 52 minutes where I was questioning that which I was presented with the challenge of dealing with 2 guys I kind of like and 3 complete strangers from today's final table who wanted to do nothing but talk about poker hands...while Christian and I stayed off to the side talking about stuff in life that is actually, for a lack of a better word....INTERESTING...and/or thought provoking.

Question number 1. When you eat French Onion soup...and that cheese is melted and then stuck to the side of the bowl; do you do everything you can to erradicate all of that cheese from the side of the bowl and eat it?

Question Number 2. Am I the only one who finds the only woman in America to be more annoying, in a political sense...than Sarah this Christine McDonnel from whatever state she is from? Or is it O'Donnel? She is like that cute little 8 yr old, who stands up and reads her essay, and some teacher tells her..."you are going to be something really amazing. Don't let anyone try to kill your dreams. You can be anything you want, Christine."

Um Christine? I have news for you. You are a joke. Watching you struggle through your horribly written speech...and stumble all over it and mispronounce words only makes you more pathetic than you already are. I don't care if you are a MILF...that yeah, if I was stranded in space and you suddenly appeared in my capsule that I would do everything imagineable to make sure you didnt walk straight for a are not a political leader. You are not even KIND OF qualified to make or influence governmental policy. Which one was it? Drill team or cheerleader? Please....marry rich and leave us all the fuck alone. The nation demands it.

And Sarah? Please run for President so you can lose in a landslide, go back to college, lose your stupid Alaska/Wisconsin accent and come back 4 years later and get slaughtered again. The real joke is on all those 50-s0mething, 40-90 lbs overweight perverts paying $1000 a plate to show up to your stupid fundraising dinners featuring oil-tainted shrimp, salmonella-infested devilled eggs, and ecoli ravaged tuna tartare . For $11.25 I can take you to Waffle House, my treat, and fill you will the inspiration and hope that only a Monkey can bring to a politically charged debate. Tea Party? I would like to introduce to America the Red Snapper Party.

One of the sponsors of this poker tournament was Red Bull. They had a big, gigantic logo being projected up on the wall of the poker room. So we all got free Red Bull. Today, they relocated all poker tourney activities downstairs to the cash poker room. Why? Because the WPT was building their always incredibly impressive Final table 'arena' in the convention room. So downstairs...when you ordered a Red Bull...guess what they told you?

"we don't have Red Bull. It's not available to the poker room."

Hmmm.....if I am the CEO of Red Bull who decided to invoice the Borgata with 50 to 100 free cases of Red Bull for the right to promote their event...and my players in the last three tables are told that by a waitress with an attitude, I pretty much wash my hands of any future involvement.

Anyone see that asshole President from Iran on the Larry King show tonight? It was like I was watching Pee-Wee Herman in an adult theatre trying to explain to the usher why his pants were down. " No-no...I got these new boxer briefs today, and I wasn't used to the tight fit."

The Democratic candidate from the state of Delaware? His name is Chris Coons. I think that is funny. He is the guy running against Punky Brewster all grown up.

How many games out of 1st place are the Pittsburgh Pirates?

If you get on a city bus headed for downtown...and you got on the wrong bus, how long after you realize it do you think it will take before you get on the right bus heading in the right direction? I'm guessing you will be late for your job interview at Denny's.

I have a safe in my hotel room if anyone would like to come rob me. You still have 4 hours.

Why would anyone EVER buy grapes that have seeds when there are a more than adequate supply of seedless grapes?

Why did the rainbow become the official symbol of gay people? I don't get it.

How does Ben Affleck keep getting serious acting roles?

Was Keanu Reeves not available?

It's many inches is that ball away from Jasper's mouth right now, do ya think?

Three things I am going to purchase/procure when I win my first million. A share of a personal jet. A full time on-call massage therapist...and a person to pack all my shit for me. Both before I leave home...and when I have to leave to come home. Packing sucks. And so does flying coach. And knots in the neck and shoulders.

I would like to thank Borgata for doing business with Coca-Cola and NOT Pepsi.

Here we attempt at 3 hours of sleep. I hate you Glenn Beck!


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