Rain and Wind...Hurricane? Mehhh!

So I woke up this morning...and that fucking situation with my eye was still going on. On the positive side, I got a good nights sleep...because it was bugging me so much that I just laid down and refused to open my eyes. I enjoyed the ONE comment your pigs left...but it had nothing to do with what is wrong with my Fu*k*i*g EYE!!!!

Called Redbox. Explained the missing disc ordeal to the girl who answered...who sounded like she was reading off a cue card. In a not so encouraging tone, she revealed to me that unless the thing is found, I'm pretty much screwed. I believe they charge you for one month's worth of rentals if it isn't returned...so what? $35 for renting 'The Dictator?' In it's defense...it was a pretty funny movie. And witty too, especially the big monologue where he is sort of ironically eschewing all the wonderful things about democracy in front of the U.N. If you don't know what I'm talking about...and SAW the movie? Please never read my blog again. If you don't know what I'm talking about because you HAVENT seen the movie? Watch it...then get back to me.

I'm sick of Weather Channel. And I'm sick of 'Krazy' Kerri Simmons' second-hand reporting of everything she sees on Weather Channel...then rebroadcasting it on Facebook, complete with her dramatic experiences that go along with whatever piece of news she is 'reporting' to everyone. I suggested she change the channel earlier...no dice. Her updates just keep coming...like that damn skin tag commercial. I mean...okay, we get it. It's raining a lot. If anyone gets killed by this storm...they deserved it. I mean...you almost have to find a way to kill yourself to get killed by this one. Wrap yourself in Saran Wrap, tie a cinder block around your leg...and jump off a dock. That might do it.

As soon as everyone starts to think about getting on with their life...BOOM! They come up with some kind of a new wrinkle that will keep people watching their channel! Oh! No! They might have to breech a levee! If I hear this one again..."We have a long way to go with this storm!" I'm gonna stick it up against the wall with Mr. Hunker Down and play a game of dodge grenade!

Hey! Hold on! Guess who made this hurricane happen! No! Not George Bush. But close! What is/was going on this week? You know it. The Republican National Convention. In Tampa. They backed it up a day from Monday to Tuesday. That's yesterday. Did you watch? Did anyone watch? Exactly!!! That is supposed to be their big spotlight party. And no one is watching...cuz they are all following this rain machine called Isaac. 

So how will this affect the election? Who knows!?? But I think when the Democrats get together for their National Convention...the big money boys for the Republicans need to concoct some kind of natural (or man-made) disaster to steal away the country's attention! Any ideas? I think we are all kind of burnt out (no pun intended) on major fires...too many this year. Earthquakes and Tsunamis are kind of hard to create. Unless you are a conspiracy theorist. I don't know. Hurricane Isaac...or Rain Machine Isaac, as I prefer to call it...was a pretty damn good diversion. Well played....Brrrrrrrrack.

Know what I almost did last night? I almost fired up my lawn mower. At 2am. And started mowing my front yard. Why? Because I thought it would be hilarious...to see people come out of their house. And just stand there...staring...and wondering just WHAT in the HELL I was thinking? I would be fighting so hard not to start howling. Pushing the mower...and acting all determined. If I hated my neighbors...or if I had friends over and we were all drinking heavily, I would have done it.

Adam Nash....a guy I really like a lot...and who has turned his whole world around...losing a shit ton of weight...then becoming an MMA fighter...and, I believe is currently undefeated...then goes and WINS an event at the now-cancelled GCPC at the Beau Rivage...has a little gathering at his house yesterday...with fellow poker dealers and players. Had a little tourney I'm told. I would like to offer you a big EF YOU Adam for the lack of an invite. Remember that little blog you used to have.,...the one I hyped on here? Called 'You Deserve a Punch in the Face!?' Well...I nominate you for one...buddy. WTF!??? It hurts man, it hurts. Nice win though. Nice year. But just remember...it only takes one bad woman to ruin it all! Watch your back!

I like this guy Bobby Jindall. Dude doesn't hesitate when he talks. He doesn't appear to be looking for words, or trying to appease people. The way he has handled this crisis has been impressive. Very organized. Very informative. He makes his predecessor...that dumb bitch Blanco...look like an absolute moron. I see why people are so high on this guy. Just sucks that he has to be from Louisiana. Sorry...bayou readers. Couldn't resist.  :)  At least I took Darren Sproles in the 3rd round of my Fantasy Draft tonight...does that make us even?

Oh no...the next two-word expression I am about to get beat up with by the Weather Channel...here it comes:  'Cabin Fever'

While shopping at Wal-Mart before the storm....no, I wasn't shopping for the same thing as everyone else...I made what I think is a pretty astute observation. People who likely NEVER drink bottled water...were buying water like they were taking a trip to the desert for 6 months. Think about it. If you almost never drink water ANYWAY? Why are you buying enough to provide your whole family with water for a year? Stupid. Just stupid. I mean...are they using it to bath themselves? I bought a case of Gatorade. And tons of fruit.

Oh! Are you ready for the greatest piece of food advice ever? Brace yourself. This will change your world. I promise. You like cherries? How bout grapes? Then listen up. Take a big bowl...fill it with your delectable cherries and/or grapes...and fill it with water. First thing you are doing is washing them. Well done. Next: Put them in the refrigerator. After a few hours...the water gets very cold...and your little honeys take on a whole new quality. PHENOMENAL. Just try it. Trust me...if you never say another nice thing about me in your life? This one will stay with you.

My mother had texted me about 17 times in the past two days. "How is the weather now. What is it doing? What are YOU doing?" Finally...I texted her back: "Mom...the weather has been, and will be...doing the same exact thing until the storm is gone. It's raining non-stop. It's windy...with occasional gusts. Every 20-30 minutes there is a tornado warning. Period." She finally quit asking me that same question. Thanks mom! Since I know you read this!
 

Carley turned 4 months old this week. She is growing like crazy! She is such a hit with everyone...I know she is loving it up north with Squirrel and her family...but I really am missing her a lot. Squirrel calls me using Facetime on her iPhone...and as soon as my face pops up on the screen, Carley just smiles so big...I guess you Dads know that feeling you get when you see that smile. Man I love that kid.

I know some of you read my blog to hear about poker and some of you tune in to hear about my personal life. I can't please ALL of you obviously...and I know that. So I try to give you a little bit of everything. One thing I don't care about...is talking about Carley...because on April 25, 2012...she became the most important thing in my life...for the rest of my life. And I'm so glad that I finally had a kid at a time when technology allows us to catch almost every memorable moment either on video, or at the least, in a picture. I mean...we aren't missing anything. And probably a lot of that has to do with the fact she has had one of us with her for every second of her life almost. I hope we are doing everything right by her...I sure know we are trying. I think this is my favorite video out of all of them that we have shot of her so far. Just hearing her giggle and laugh makes me feel so much joy and happiness.

I don't know when Squirrel is planning on coming home from North Alabama...it looks from the news like the Beau will be closed for at least a few days after the storm. Then again...it is Labor Day weekend approaching...so they might fast-track their cleanup efforts so as not miss out on any of that money they crave. But I know one thing...I'm ready to see my baby!

I've been encouraging people to quench their thirst...or boredom...of watching and waiting during this storm...to get online, join up on LOCK...using my referral link...and then offering to those who can't get money on there, to send me money on PayPal and let me transfer it. Well, I got about $1000 worth of transfers in until I suddenly wasn't able to deposit anymore. I think my Wells Fargo has a bunch of paranoid schizos working for them. I'm in Vegas...and two big withdrawals signaled them to freeze my card. Next time I used it...DECLINE! Embarrassing as hell when you are with friends out at dinner. I want as many people to join as possible...hell, if they use my refer code...they get 36% rakeback...and it gets credited every day. What's not to like about that? I mean...the site clearly isn't fantastic. But we have limited options folks.

http://refer.lockpoker.com/pokermonkey
http://download.lockpoker.com/pokermonkey

 If you make a deposit...yeah...if you are one of the lucky ones..who can pull it off...enter the code THEFUTURE...and you will get a 200% deposit bonus. I currently have about 5 of them in the bonus queue. Which is nice...figured you could only get it once. WRONG. Now if I could just quit losing on there! That being said...I think I will wrap up this entry and go play some!

MONKEY

Things to Do in a Hurricane....BLOG!

I just finally got bored...tired of these idiots on Weather Channel...who after telling you the only things you need to know, spend the rest of the time trying to deepen the plot with mind-numbing rambling about nothing. And my gawd....if I have to see one more post on my Facebook telling someone to 'stay safe' or hear one more person say 'Hunker Down' I'm going to kill myself. 

So at 2am. I just put my dogs in the 4Runner...and headed up the Redbox to get some movies. Halfway there, I get a text back from Squirrel, informing me that there is a 7pm curfew. Huh? Curfew? Right about the time I read that...a cop passes me. I have a feeling that since I have a white SUV similar to theirs, and with the same black brush-guard on the front...I suppose its possible they think I'm one of them. I had two movies to return. I KNOW I put both of them in the cases. I return the first one. Cool. I return the second one. It kicks it back. And says the movie case is empty. Holy shit! Its IS empty! What the hell? I KNOW they were both in there. I put them IN THERE before I left. I searched the car. Nowhere. 

Okay...I'm really starting to freak out now. Earlier today...I went to send all the people (1850+) on my distro list...promoting my upcoming football pools, and discover...that for the 2nd time this month, my email list was gone. Just gone. Not in the recycle bin. (and for the record, why in the hell does Windows call it a recycle bin>? Seriously...does anything get deleted and then recycled? It's a computer. They were words. They are gone...DELETED.)

Sorry...got sidetracked there. So yeah. My email list? POOF! 2nd time this month. How does this happen? Is someone inside of my computer, waging anti-football pool terror tactics against me? Can they be stopped? So I spend the entire afternoon rebuilding my list again.

Then, when it came time to go return and rent some movies...and this movie was missing...I once again found myself feeling like someone was up in my shit!

Oh my god....have you seen this commercial for 'Tag-Away'? Thanks for making me throw up in my late night potato salad! Gross...these people sitting here scrapping off their skin tag...which, I didn't even know what 'skin tag' meant until Squirrel introduced me to the expression...and now they have an actual PRODUCT to eliminate them? 

So on the way back to my house...I pass Melissa Parker's house...and swear she waved. So I went back. Also joining her there was Claudia 'The Claw' Crawford. So I stopped to visit, leaving my dogs in the car and the engine running. Melisssa freaks out about the curfew. Come on! Curfew??

Apparently minutes before I showed up...Melissa was standing at the end of her driveway with Claudia...when a blacked-out windowed sedan pulls up, lowers the window and in very tough-sounding tone...asked them what they were doing. Then tersely told them unless they wanted to go to jail, they needed to be inside of their house. Huh? Scuse me, RoboCop...this is my house and my property...which extends right out here to the street. Pretty sure the curfew doesn't forbid me from hanging out in my front yard. Unless you didn't know guys? Isaac is a storm...not a monster. He isn't going to come try to find us. Did you guys think everyone was supposed to be in their houses so Isaac couldn't find them and would move on?

I mean...seriously? Imagine those two cops drag those girls down to the jail. Tells his captain he's bringing them in because they were standing in their driveway after the curfew. Honestly...which person is in more trouble now? I'm going with Officer Dipshit. Just my guess.

My eyes are driving me crazy. Know that feeling you get when you actually get dust in them? Well I have that feeling...except there isn't any dust in them. It's  like the eyelids are goopie and keep getting stuck together. What the hell is wrong with my eyes?!!! ARrrgghghghggh!!!

We have, at 3:30am a levee being over-topped in Plaquemines Parish. Ugh oh. They sure did spend a shit ton of money rebuilding those levees...sure is going to suck if they have a major levee failure again.

Okay I can't stand it anymore. Going to try to go to asleep so I can close my damn eyes and they will stop annoying.

PRAY that I DONT LOSE MY POWER!!!!!

Monkey

Fall Can't Get Here Soon Enough...

The dog days of summer are truly upon us. Our political idiots are battling to see who can wrestle away control of power in the White House. There is a storm brewing out in the Gulf...that could possibly threaten those bozos who have an elephant as their mascot. Which, if you are an Alabama fan...has to really be taken as an insult. Who knows, it might even come visit us here in Biloxi...and threaten to cancel (again) the Gulf Coast Poker Championship.

Our country is mired in its worst drought in 60 years. The Mississippi River is at its lowest level in ages. Gas is now closer to $4 than $3...which is another clear signal to me that the Republicans are going to win the Presidency. Seems that when the oil industry wants the incumbent to win...they tickle consumers' fancies by artificially lowering the price of gas leading up to the election. So by sending the price skyrocketing...you can only conclude that they are manipulating the price in order to piss off the feeble minded who vote with their wallets.

My fantasy baseball team...with only two weeks left til the playoffs...just had two players hit the DL, one released, and one suspended 50 games for PED abuse. All this and I need to make up a gap that will require nothing short of a miracle to go from the 11th ranked team out of 20 to one of the top 8. Not very likely.

So I have turned my attention to....what else? Football season! I mean is it just me? Or does football season not cure a lot of those things that ail us? The only small hiccup I am having leading into and up to football season, is my inability this year to get my fantasy leagues quickly sold out. I suppose this could be partially to blame on increasing my league dues. Are there really that many people broke? I have 4 leagues. I have ONE spot left in my $200 league that is a Head-to-Head league. The draft is tomorrow night! I have 3 spots in the other $200 Head-to-Head league...it drafts on Sunday night. Then in my Big Money League...a $400 league...we draft on Monday...and have 12 full, with 4 openings. My last league...a $200 rotisserie league...has only sold 8 teams...and I changed the draft from tomorrow at 2pm to Tuesday at 8pm..in hopes of adding some more teams. If you have any interest...hit me up! ThePokerMonkey1@aol.com

So...the IP event has come and gone. A lot of good friends and acquaintances fared well. It was a predictably under-attended event...which I guess made it great for those guys chasing Freeroll points. Or rings. A few guys who won: Caufman Talley, Blake Barousse...and Kyle Cartwright. Congrats boys. For those trying to figure out which rumor to believe as to why I was unceremoniously denied entry to the IP...you can go with the one that suggested I was a victim of overly expressing my disdain towards a certain floor person who, instead of focusing on his job of running a poker room...decided to make 'iPad Nazi' his call of duty...which resulted in me kind of snapping on him. I suppose I probably should have just blinked twice, like a patient at a loony bin who just took his medication...uttered the words 'yes sir' and put my iPad back in its messenger bag.  Which would have meant he'd have gone back to his rock...to perch, lurk, and prey on someone else. Instead of watching me getting a massage and concocting a tale that I was guilty of inappropriate behavior.

It's really gotten beyond annoying what some of these people will do. I literally gave some thought to a lawsuit against the IP for defamation. Because...while I was TOLD by a person in management that I was being kept out because of my blow up over the iPad usage and the perceived 'disrespect' I showed him...it was the more dramatic scenario that has had everyone talking, and even a couple of you jackasses, that either did this with ill intent, or are just THAT stupid. Going up to my WIFE? At the Beau...and telling her "hey, Squirrel, that sucks that Monkey got thrown out of IP for touching a massage girl."

So...the deal is this. My wife had a conversation with the massage girl, and her boss. She is quite convinced that I was not tossed for anything 'inappropriate' with the massage girl. In talking to the manager for those girls...it was shared with me that never, in the years of doing this...has a manager from a poker room ever interfered in a customer/massage situation. That if there IS inappropriate 'touching'...which I'm told, does happen on occasion, the girls usually deal with it themselves...by simply telling them they aren't permitted to touch them. And if they persist, they will stop the massage. Period. Add to this, the fact that I know most of these girls quite well...know that they know I'm married, most of whom know my wife...and it's just stupid.

So basically what it did was completely piss me off. Then the manager over there just sends me a very terse, and brief 4 sentence email telling me...in very vague and ambiguous terminology "due to the incident in the poker room the other night, I have no choice but to 86 you at this time. Not doing so could result in me losing my job." Ahhh...touche. So when I responded by asking WHAT INCIDENT? No response. Get it? Yeah...it means he can allege one or the other. Whichever one is most convenient.

What's not convenient...is that I have a bunch of little jacktards running all over the place shooting their mouths off that I was 86'd for groping a massage girl. Of course I asked him a few obvious questions...like did he check the surveillance tapes before making this decision? But...see, the massage girl scenario was just a smokescreen. I guess he didn't want to just come out and tell me he was whacking me because I snapped on the simpleton running the poker room that night. The one who...despite having me in his poker room for 7 years and before that at the Grand...and NEVER going by anything other than Will or Monkey....still calls me 'Corey' which is what it says on my license. Corey! Way to know your customers. I picture this guy going home...and his house folding up into a ball and sinking 27 feet into the Earth.

On another, yet somewhat related, note...I found it pretty amusing that handfuls of circuit players were leaving the IP in droves after busting out of the tourneys over there when they discovered after sitting down in the cash room, that they couldn't use their iPads or iPhones at the table. I'm sure all that extra income they let walk out the door wasn't missed, right? And for what reason? Because a couple of old geezers who play there a lot bitched and bitched about the iPads until they finally convinced the pea-brained management to make ALL electronic devices illegal in their poker room?

Want some more drama? Oh...I have drama today. So...a lot of people have asked me "Have you tried to get back into the Beau, Monkey?" And to most of them, I have responded by telling them..."no, I have not...and really have no desire to even try." Why? I will tell you why. Because as long as I leave it alone...and don't ask...I know I won't have to provide anyone with another reason to disappoint me. So...after trying to get a benefit tourney together (for Casey Jones) at the Beau for this event that started today...a few people who work there asked me if I was going to try to get reinstated. Finally...I decided to try.

So I call Johnny Grooms' office phone, after a dealer there told me that Grooms had indicated I could call his office if I wanted to talk to him. So I did. I got voice mail, once, twice then three times. On the third time, I left a message. It wasn't returned. I told one of the employees on Facebook about this. This employee then went and talked to him on my behalf. He told her he had NOTHING to do with my 86..that if I wanted to get reinstated I had to contact Eric Newton, the Security Manager over there. Sigh. Okay. Another hoop. I call Eric Newton. I get intercepted...by a rather hostile black lady. "Does he know why you calling? Is this about reinstatement?? He's not available right now! Did you write a letter yet? You HAVE to write a letter!!!"  Um...yeah...okay. Great. Another hoop. 

So I write a very short letter. Figure in these situations, the less you say, the better. Although I was never GIVEN a reason why I was 86'd in the first place....even after writing to him and asking for one a year and a half ago...I apologized for my (apparently) abhorrent behavior in the past, and that any future visits would be handled more professionally. I had Squirrel deliver this letter when she went to work. And shockingly...I got a quick call from Eric's assistant. The conversation started very optimistically. 

"Hello, is this Will Souther?" Yes. "Hi there! This is ________ Mr. Newton's assistant at the Beau Rivage in the Security Department. How are you today!?" Hmmm...whenever someone sounds chipper and asks how you are today...isn't that usually a reason to get...I don't know, excited? Like good news is coming next? Yeah well...maybe in YOUR life...but not in my fucked-up, backwards-ass existence. That was just another one of those...'watch-me-pump-this-guy-up-just-so-I-can-drop-him-30-stories-to-the-ground' experiences. Because the next thing out of her mouth was the kick in the balls.

"Mr. Newton got your letter this morning...and after reviewing it has decided NOT to lift your 86 at this time."

Oh. Perfect. "By any chance, did he happen to give a reason?" "No, he didn't. You can write him again and request that if you'd like?"  Oh. Really? Funny...but I've already done that several times...and have yet to ever get a reason, let alone a letter even telling me why I'm not allowed on property. 

So...what's my conclusion on this deal? Honestly? I have none. Why bother even trying to hypothesize about the why's? I'm just so sick of the pathetic pettiness that persists in poker. The dishonesty that exists. I mean...so many people hide behind the image of others to avoid exposing themselves. I have a friend who has been kicked out of the Beau as much or more than I have. Last year, he was kicked out and barred from all MGM properties. How did he get back in? Oh...turns out he plays a considerable amount in the pit. So guess what? The Director of Table Games decided he merited reinstatement. Ahhh...see how that works? It's not about fairness. Its about who is the biggest degenerate. So, I guess if I had a monster craps/blackjack/roulette habit...I would have NO trouble getting back in there. 

Want to hear something else that is beyond fucked up? Every Saturday...the Beau spends what has to be more money than they make...to bus in (from Atlanta and New Orleans) 28...yes, twenty-eight...busses filled with the absolute bottom of the barrel that the world has to offer. They arrive at noon. They have 4 hours to do nothing but play penny slots (if they actually happened to have brought money, which a lot of them haven't) and mooch as many free drinks as they possibly can...until being herded back onto the busses and shipped back to whatever ghetto they came from.

These people sit around...loitering basically, and pester the waitresses for drinks. Free drinks. Drinks that they never tip for. Never a 'please.' Never a 'thank you.' Just...'GIMME'...or 'GET ME'...or 'I WANNA' ...and if it doesn't come fast enough, they bitch about it. Never a tip. Never. Hundreds of them. Yeah...my wife has had to take care of these beasts. She used to work swing shift...and didn't have to face these piranha's. But she heard the horror stories from the other girls. I'm sure she believed them...and felt sorry for them...but like anything in life, until you've walked a mile in someone's shoes...you have no idea how rocky that journey was. Well...she has now walked the journey!

She has come home almost in tears. When she told me about this...I was furious. One guy kept calling her 'woman!' "Hey woman! I need a drink. Get me a damn drink!" The guy wasn't gaming. She told him she couldn't serve him if he wasn't gaming. He still badgered her. Finally she brought him the gin on ice he was hollering for. He complained that it looked like it had water in it. Well, the other 35 drinks on her tray...and the amount of time it took to deliver them, likely resulted in some of that ice melting. Into water. He tells her he wants his NEXT one to be just ice. Then tells her he would tip her...except that he didn't bring any money.  

Four hours of this. This occurs every Saturday. Why? Why would you bus these low lives into your casino? I mean, they are real good at policing people with baseball caps on backwards, and upholding a dress code at their club...but these people are not only welcomed...but TRANSPORTED at the Casino's cost...so that they can suck down as many free drinks as possible, while berating and abusing the staff. I owned and managed a few bars and restaurants in my past...and if I EVER had a customer talk to, or treat one of my employees the way these assholes treat these girls? Holy shit. They would be out on their ear and banned for life. But not these freaks. They are invited back...again and again. 

How does my wife and all her other co-workers deal with this without snapping? I have no idea. I am personally not capable of dealing with that bullshit. Life is too short to ever be expected to deal with that crap. But somehow...my wife does it. I guess to a lot of people who ask her 'how do you put up with Monkey?' Well...now you see what she has to put up with, so dealing with me? Crumbs.

But oh! I get tossed a year and a half ago why? Because some guy who has a high-ranking players card...didn't like that I put a bad beat on his wife...who clearly had a screw loose, who tried to get me to engage in a shouting match with him at a later tourney table...which I refused to do...simply went to his casino host, told him there was a player he had a major problem with (ME!) and that if I wasn't kicked out of the poker tournament, they would lose his business forever. It was this guy wanting to test how much power he had. A little short fucker...you know the types...it seems like its always the little short assholes that seem to want to topple me. Why? I'm really sorry I'm 6'4 255 sir. Genetics. Doesn't mean you have to go all Napoleon complex on me. 

But they do. So...here is me, a guy who promotes the events, who plays ALL the events, who is friendly with 90% of the players...who takes care of the staff while I'm there....and I am seen as 'undesirable?' Honestly? If someone running a casino would rather have the scum of society in their casino every Saturday...treating their staff like shit...but find ME undesirable? Why in the HELL would I ever want to give them my business in the first place?

It's embarrassing that I would even attempt to get back into the place. But shit. I have a baby now. That I desire to stay home with, and see her grow up. And poker is my chosen profession. So it's kind of an important factor that I be able to play in the local casinos. I mean...it would help. But whatever. Sacrifices will be made. I will take 12-day odysseys to other locales, and try to find success there. I will continue to root for success in my other side businesses. And as usual...I will sit and wait for that day my dad calls and tells me they FINALLY started drilling on our family's 660 acres of oil land in North Dakota.

See...the 'business' of poker has more or less sucked the life...and the spirit, right out of me. I feel like there is more negativity circulating in the poker world, that people just thirst for scandal, and creating drama. Look no further than 2+2 for proof of that. I was on there the other day because I was trying to post info on how to donate to Casey Jone's Fund. Of course...it was quickly taken down...I guess because maybe they forbid posting things that solicit. But while there I viewed a couple of posts...and was just flabbergasted how (a) evil and (b) totally ignorant the comments were. I just really don't find the makeup of most poker players to be very desirable. I mean...its almost automatic that I sit down at a cash table and within 5 minutes hate about 80% of the players at the table. Or have found some reason to hope they choke to death on a bowl of spaghetti.

Rest in Peace, Casey Jones......you will be missed.

I know I'm coming off really negatively today. You know what? I don't care. And frankly...its been a shitty week. Casey passed away. And a small part of me just wonders what percentage of his death was brought on by the constant, irritating pettiness that came with having to deal with those jackasses all summer in the 2pm Deepstacks tourneys. I heard all the horror stories from the dealers, even players...and other floor people. How, out of all the tourneys...it was the one that just sucked the life out of them. The utterly ridiculously stupid players...the way it sounded...was like it was one big baby-sitting assignment for Casey...as he was the guy who had to run that nuthouse every day. I got there towards the end of the summer...and on one break deep in that tourney...I had a chance to sit down and talk to him briefly. He seemed completely drained of energy...and emotion. But he didn't bitch. He just came off as a zombie. I knew why...I've seen that look on the faces of friends...mostly the ones who ran nightly tournaments. It's that shell-shocked look.  So yeah...maybe a small part of me blames the assholes of poker for Casey's early passing. And maybe that is a big reason why I got so involved in raising money for his medical bills and the care of his twin 3-year old girls. My attempt at overcompensating for the pricks of poker. Kind of like watching a bunch of rednecks leave a .75c tip at Waffle House on a $30 tab...after you watched the waitress run her ass off...and take all kinds of harassing. I mean...am I the only one who walks by that table and nonchalantly drops $5 on it? Please...tell me I'm not.

The other day I read a Facebook post by Charlie Townsend...who is one of the coolest, and funniest poker players I know. He also has an alter ego on Facebook...who is hilarious...basically all the things he WISHES he could say himself, but can't for political and other reasons...he does through his alter ego character. And NO...I'm not telling you who it is. I almost think my poker career would be better served by creating an alter ego to post my blogs as. But now it's probably too late. I think most of you now know my writing style so much that any attempt to write under a surname would be an epic fail.

So last week...Charlie posts on Facebook....Charlie, not his alter ego:

"what the hell is the deal with my eyebrows. 20 years ago, they just laid down like they were supposed to do, behaving like good little eyebrows. Now...for some damn reason, I have wild hairs shooting off in all different direction! WTF!???"

I laughed for about 23 minutes and 45 seconds. Mine have suddenly decided to do the same thing. And I ask. Why?

And why does it have to hurt so much to pluck your nose hairs? I mean its bad enough that God designed our bodies to start LOSING hair where you need it once you get over...well 40 for most (younger for some of the less fortunate) but to GAIN hair where you do NOT want it...like your back, your ears, and your damn nose, both inside AND out. Not only that...driving down the road, and trying to pluck those evil bastards out of your nose...so they will stop irritatingly tickle you all night...just leads to embarrassment, as the car full of 16 year olds on their way to see 'Glee-The Movie' just busted you...or think they have...picking your nose. Ah fuck. Whatever. So as if that isn't bad enough...your eyes are now watering from the pain. And the next day you get one of those incredibly painful zits or ingrown hairs or something...as a result of yanking those damn hairs. So what? Next time...you instead decide just to trim them. Great...so now its like you are grooming a carpet in your nose. Have I let this go too far? Probably.

I have to say...I am very proud of my Seattle Mariners. The worst team in baseball not too long ago...we traded away Ichiro to the Yankees...and have now won 13 of 15 games...including 8 in a row...and just watched Felix 'King' Hernandez take another step closer to the Hall of Fame with the first perfect game in team history. And now...people in the Northwest are even talking under their breath about our playoff chances? Hey...you never know. At any rate...its been fun to watch one of the youngest teams in baseball come together and improve so much. 

Can we finally, once and for all, get clarity on what IS actually allowed within the confines of the casino? Pictures? Allowed or not? We have all seen the signs that say...'No Flash Photography.' That one is easy to obey. Right? But how many millions of iPhone pictures get taken in the casino? You know the answer. A LOT! So...taking it one step further...as most of you know, I've had some 'issues' in the past posting the photos of fellow players on my blog. Due to the threats of personal threats and/or lawsuits, I was persuaded to stop posting their pics on my blog. Why? Because this is a publicly-viewed blog...that requires no permission to view. You don't have to be my friend. It's just OUT THERE! So okay...fair enough. And I have acquiesced. (sorry dumb-dumbs, big word alert...that one means 'gone along with, or in agreement with')

However. It is my belief...and understanding...that when we take a picture...of anything and/or anyone...and post it on our Facebook, or Twitter...we are not in violation of anything. It is our own, private little clubhouse...of our own friends and family members. Right? Extremely private. So I ask: when approached by a member of a casino staff, who tells you that your posting a photo of one of their 'customers' to your Facebook is in violation of some rule...how do you respond? I mean..is this a black and white issue? Keep in mind...it is very fun to clown some people who really DO deserve to be clowned. And to this I also ask...had this particular employee not been 'tipped off' by someone with an obvious axe to grind, or perhaps (as suspected, actually) a bored member of surveillance looking to add some excitement to their ultra-boring evening...who would have EVER been affected? I should think NO BODY...because the only ones seeing my post...are people I've INVITED to be able to see it...and they surely do not have a problem with it.

Do you see where I'm going? So yeah...this did happen the other night. And instead of defending my stance...I simply caved. "Yes sir...no problem...you got it." Did I like doing this? No, absolutely not...because I think they are totally in the wrong. But fuck it. I don't need another hassle.  But this whole 'Big Brother' someone-is-always-watching-everything-your-fucking-doing society of ours is seriously driving me to the verge of insanity. And I never really let it bother me when GW and Cheney were basically setting in motion the ability of our government (and everyone else it seems) to listen and watch EVERY little move we make without repercussion...because I didn't think I ever had anything to hide. 

 But shit...I guess when you think about it...slowly, little by little, all of our civil liberties are slowly but surely being eroded away and stolen from us. You feel me? So when these people try to tell us they're 'protecting the privacy' of their customers by policing our ability to share their 'image' with our personal, and private friends...who are they trying to kid? I mean...they are invading our privacy from the second we walk into their establishment. Am I nuts? Or is this common sense?

Regardless...the ability, or efforts I should say...by the casino/poker industry to stun gun me into submission and turn me into an unwritten rule abiding patron has been largely successful the past few years. Not because I think what they are trying to pull is 'right' per se...merely because I have grown exhausted of fighting what most of the time feels like a one-man battle. It's one thing to have people come up, pat you on the back, and tell you they agree with you. It's by far another...to have them actually line up behind you...in a show of force, to defend whatever point it is I or anyone like me is trying to make...to bring about change that benefits the players.

Okay. Good gawd. I am rambling now. And yeah...I know...for you visually stimulated cretins who likely haven't made it this far today...I didn't include any photos today. (okay, so I went back and inserted some) Maybe I will just drop one here so I can say you got to see something delightful. Maybe I won't. It's Friday night...and I suspect the Beau will have some overflow in their cash room tonight...that and the drunks at the Hard Rock are just irresistible to pass up.

Granted...just when I think I'm about to have an epic night at the cash table....like last night...when I got up to 1750...those same clowntards who flop bottom pair...and refuse to fold on the flop and/or turn and either river trips or their second pair...it can blow up in your face if you aren't careful...resulting instead in a losing session. But hey...I'm told by almost all of you...that we WANT those jokers in the game. That EVENTUALLY...we get their money. Oh! Sure...I sit there and watch not one...or two...but three dicktard luckboxes suckout half my stack...only to get up...rack up their chips, and LEAVE before that 'eventually phase' is allowed to play itself out. But...regardless...we are supposed to come out ahead in the end right? Because we have superior poker skills. Well...I shall attempt to put this to the test, again, tonight.

Oh...by the way...I either dreamed it, or just couldn't get to sleep last night...but I have come up with my 'package' for the next event I am going to play and sell shares for. The WSOP-C event in Shreveport/Bossier City. It's going to be kind of a cool set up. I am going to sell TWO separate packages. One will be the Main Event. And since they give you two shots at playing...I'm going to sell it twice. But if I only play the one time...they will get half back right away. I'm going to play the Main for 50%. For the rest of the events....I am going to sell for a set amount...which I haven't determined quite yet. But they will basically be in on EVERY tourney I play...nooners, afternooners, nightly's...everything. So obviously, there is a chance I will spend a LOT more than I raise. But it won't matter...they will be in for whatever percentage they bought...on EVERYTHING I play. And since everyone knows me, everyone follows my Facebook updates and Tweets....there won't be ANY way I can play something, win (or cash) and it NOT be known! Granted...most of you already know I'm not a douchebag...but for those who aren't 100% convinced, just thought I would address that obvious 'first question' posed by the 'always present' Mr Pessimist. I assume that I will likely sell all my shares to a large portion of this summer's Monkey's Gang of 30...but if there are any shares available I will be sure to publicize it in a couple weeks.

More venom! I hired a handyman in Pensacola. He was the son of my longtime handyman. I had a feeling it was a risk. Paying him in advance? Also felt like a big mistake. It was. He spent all my money. Now is telling me he can't finish. Actually went so far as telling me that he was up to 60...yeah...SIXTY hours billed so far. All he did was paint the interior of the house and a couple of odd jobs. Sixty hours. So, I have paid this clown $1200...and of the 22 things on my 'To Do' list, all of which he agreed to do for close to or under $1000....17 still remain unfinished. I am literally ready to kill this guy. If anyone has connections with any South American Death Squads...and they work for cheap...and only require half up front (I've learned my lesson about paying 100% up front) please put them in touch with me. I swear to God...I really, truly think there is an invisible sign hanging around my neck that says "Hey! Take Advantage of Me...I LOVE IT!"

TM pictured with chips...the one and only time that would occur.

Okay...here you go. A picture. Remember this girl? She had, ahem...one good tournament run...in her life. Her 15 minutes of fame lasted...can we say this? WAY TOO FUCKING LONG? Well...no one has seen her on the poker circuit in quite some time. Can we safely assume she has finally slipped off into oblivion? We can only cross our fingers, legs and arms...and maybe eyes, and hope so.

That's it...I'm outa here. Need to go make some money.

Monkey

A Farewell to a Friend...

The longer you live on this planet...the more you learn to grow tougher, and resilient, with the passing of a friend, a family member, or even your favorite pet. Humans are conditioned to feel emotional pain at the loss of those around us. Some hit us harder than others. People offer their prayers to those suffering. I'm not a real religious person...and so, to be honest, the prayers that are offered in times of a painful loss have the feeling of a mere awkward uttering of an obligatory statement. The person serving up their complimentary 'prayers' may intend their wishes in a sincere fashion...but when I think about a parent who has lost their child...and had to sit there and watch them slowly deteriorate in front of their eyes? I can't help but think those messages are passing right through, over, and around them.

A week ago, I posted a blog about a terrible accident involving a guy I've known for many years. A guy I was fond of. Who was the son of a man I also am fond of, and respect tremendously. I asked everyone to reach down...as far as they could reach down....to scratch together money to help cover the escalating medical costs associated with his tragic incident...since his job offered him no insurance whatsoever....all this with twin 3-year old girls, sitting by, probably wondering when their 'daddy' was coming home. 

I sent a plea out to the people on my pool-related email list...and counted no fewer than 7 of my pool acquaintances who made contributions to help out my friend. People who'd never met this young man. Just good people...probably with children, most definitely with compassion in their hearts. I reached out to  everyone on my Facebook, and talked about it on our Sunday radio show. The outpouring of support has been encouraging. When I entered the cause they had raised $6600. As of this morning the number is around $17,000. A goal of $30,000 was originally set. I don't know what the bills will be. I'm guessing much more than that. I think of his two little girls, and what kind of life they are going to have now. I write this...and laying on my left, tucked under my arm...is my beautiful, life-altering baby girl, Carley Grace. 

Everyone was right about that bond you form with your child. The look she gets on her face when I come through the door. The way her face lights up when I change her diaper. Or make a goofy face. That sweet little grunting laugh she has invented. On at least 5 occasions just watching her has brought tears to my eyes.  I finally....at age 45, get to experience that love that a parent has for their child. When I think about that bond...and I think about my friend...my heart aches immensely.

Today...just after noon...after reading a message from his step mom...describing his terribly declining condition...I received a phone call from a crying friend...and through her barely decipherable words...heard what I knew was coming. It was inevitable. But somehow...as a society who always pulls for the underdog, who always prays for the miracle...you hope against hope that this phone call won't come. But  then it does. And you just lay back...look at the ceiling, maybe strike up a conversation with God. Ask your questions. Make your requests. Ask him to take care of your friend. Then count your own blessings. Think of those closest to you. Maybe take each of them in your arms...telling them how much you love them.

Today...on August 18th, 2012...our friend, our son, our husband, our father....was allowed, by a power much greater than all of us possess...to leave this wretched Earth...to spend the rest of eternity in a peaceful place, devoid of the daily pressures and frustrations of this life we all live. Today, my friend Casey Jones has stopped hurting. Today, we have given our friend Casey Jones to the Lord for safekeeping. We will all miss him...tremendously. I can't begin to imagine what his family is going through. I wouldn't even try to pretend. 

I talked of a benefit poker tourney for Casey. I called on Johnny Grooms during last week's poker radio show to allow us to stage a tourney during this  upcoming event at the Beau Rivage. I called him 3 times this week, leaving a message once. I haven't heard back. I'm sure he is busy. I hope I hear back from him. Meanwhile, the Bossier City Horseshoe has preliminary plans to host a benefit tourney up there during the WSOP-C event in September. It is awaiting approval...hopefully I hear something back this week some time. Casey's suffering has indeed ended, mercifully. The suffering of his family continues...and promises to get worse. He will need to be transported back to Texas, for burial. Bills will need to be paid. And hopefully...a fund can be set up for the care of his girls Sadie and Kennedy.

For those wanting to make a contribution...please...look to the top right corner of my blog page here....and simply click on that link. Like I've been saying all throughout this ordeal....every bit helps. We will never erase the pain the Jones family will feel at losing Casey. But collectively, we CAN ease the pain from the burden this has and will continue to place on their family from a financial standpoint. Before you dismiss this as 'just another tragedy' and people asking for a donation? Ask yourself this question, please. If this happened to YOU? Would you NOT want those people in your life to come together to help you and your family?

Rest in Peace, Casey....I will miss you brother.

William 'Monkey' Souther

Tragedy Knows No Boundaries....

I'm 45. I now have a life that I am responsible for. I have a wife that I need to make sure has as little stress on her as possible. If I have a good day at the poker table, I try to give her a monetary, stress-reducing gift. Since she moved from swing shift, to day shift, her earnings have been cut in half or more. But she doesn't complain. She has Carley. But I know its a struggle.

Back in September last year...knowing I was going to be a daddy, I bought a life insurance plan for both Cheryl and I. I lost some weight, got on the right cholesterol medication...and after getting a better checkup in January...got an even BETTER policy. Carley is now here. I feel a sense of relief, knowing that if something does happen to me, Cheryl, or god forbid, both of us...Carley would be in good hands...both financially, and with a family that loves her on both sides...and would undoubtedly take care of her for her whole life. Cheryl has insurance through her job at the Beau...which kept us from facing astronomical costs associated with having Carley, and keeps us feeling relaxed now about trips to the doctor.

Some people are not so fortunate. If you are a poker player...there is a good chance you know Casey Jones. Casey is the son of Dennis Jones...who has been working in some capacity for the WSOP for years now. Dennis is one of the good guys. And Casey has always been one of my favorite guys. He started out as a dealer. His silent demeanor, and dry sense of humor have always drawn me to him. He is one of those rare types that are intelligent beyond its usefulness in his chosen field...which have always made for entertaining conversations with him.

Casey has worked his way up the ladder in poker. At this summer's WSOP, he could be found working as a floor supervisor during tournaments. Casey is on the cusp of 30...just 29 years old, and three years ago had two beautiful twin girls; Sadie and Kennedy.

As exciting as working in the poker world can be sometimes...it is a harsh reality that the number of employees that enjoy medical benefits and/or any other benefits through its employ is a very short list. I don't think there is a single dealer who has benefits, and know several of my friends that are floor supervisors have none as well. This was the situation for Casey Jones, as well.

On Thursday, August 2nd, Sadie and Kennedy essentially lost their Daddy. While returning home to Texas...him and Trish stopped in New Mexico for the night to rest up. Shortly after going to sleep...Casey was hit with a mysterious medical condition that I'm not sure has even been determined yet. But it rendered Casey unconscious, and by the time medical responders arrived, he had slipped into a coma. A coma he has not come out of. It has been determined that there is little to no chance for recovery. 

What happened? No one really knows. Why do these things happen? Casey sits in ICU in Las Cruces, New Mexico...with medical costs skyrocketing. His two little girls face an uncertain and troubling future. I can't even imagine the pressure being placed on Casey's family. I was asked by a few people who know I have a lot of good people who read my blog to talk about this...and to try and help. 

Joanne Douglass has set up a fund to benefit the care of Casey and subsequent bills that are sure to follow. The benefactor of this fund is Casey's father, Dennis. I am attaching the link to the website...as well as placing it on my page as a permanent place for people to click and donate. I have made my donation. I wish I could give more...I'm sure we all wish we could give more. But everyone giving what they CAN afford to give...whether it be $10 or $1000....adds up.

                              http://www.giveforward.com/caseyjones#

Olympics! Football! Poker! Stupidity!

I have a couple of excuses for why I haven't been blogging much lately. One of them is laying here next to me. Her name is Carley Grace. She is now 3 months 1 week old. She is a maniac. She is also teething. Her legs never stop kicking and churning. She is trying to talk. She is trying to stand up. She is growing like a weed. As soon as I think I have a moment of calm...to do something (like bust out a blog post) she wakes up and starts spazzing out. She is cute as shit...and keeps getting cuter. She is starting to grow attached to Jasper....and him to her. On September 5th we are going to Seattle...to see my family. My Mom tells me she has another large collection of clothes...these ones for 6mo's and up. Thanks Grandma! She will meet her Grandfather for the first time. And her Great Grandmother, too hopefully. It should be a nice trip. The ONLY bad thing about that trip? I won't get to go to Tiger Stadium in Baton Rouge to see the UW Huskies play the #1 LSU Tigers. I've had invites from two separate friends...and I can't believe I can't take them up on it. Sucks. But it's family.

Last week Claudia and a bunch of her friends had a huge party at a house they rented in Pensacola on the beach for Squirrel's 40th birthday. It was great. They had a lot of fun. I went over on Sunday with Carley...and Carley got to make her first trip to the beach. She loved it. While in the house...I was dodging these large bedazzle things...I don't know what they are called...but they look like rhinestones or something, and Claw had glued them to a big banner she made. She sprinkled the rest all over the tables and shit. Well, inevitably, several of them got into my keyboard...and so now certain keys on my laptop are jammed. Like the 'enter' key, the 'space' bar and the letter 'J.' It's really fucking annoying...and hard to type ANYthing. I've tried every method to get them out of there...but no dice. When you take a key/button off a Dell keyboard...its nearly impossible to put the damn thing back on.

Just got off the phone with Dell. Have to say...when you have a warranty with Dell...your computer almost always gets fixed. If you don't mind the hour and a half on the phone with them. So a new keyboard is on its way.

 While I was on hold, I was playing Words With Friends, and David Key informs me, while in the middle of one of his ridiculously placed words (I'm almost positive dude is using Cheats With Friends) that Honeybadger has been kicked off LSU's football team. Nice program. Couple years ago it was Ryan Perrelloux (however you spell his now-irrelevant last name) now their Heisman finalist and All-American from last season. Lot of people are pissed at Les Miles. But shit...how much can you babysit and keep an eye on each and every player in a program with over 100 players? At some point, the player has to take on a little bit of responsibility and be a fucking adult. I mean, if you are on a team that is ranked #1 heading into the season, and you are one of the vital parts of that team...don't you think you could find the strength to back away from the weed? What an asshole.

I only have two words when it comes to this story:  ROLL TIDE!

 I guess I kind of waited too long to give you all the 'run down' of what went down at Casa du Dirty Landry a couple Sundays ago. To summarize, we had a total of 14 players. 7 of us agreed to do a $100 last longer. Another 12 agreed to do a $20 last longer. I wore my Monkey knit hat given to me by Linda Keenan, my Saints jersey with Monkey on back. My Monkey beads...and did a lot of drinking. Squirrel played. Right off the bat, I raised out of the blinds with JJ and got called by two, including 'The Claw.' I flopped a set of jacks. I turned a boat...and with Claudia betting into me...kept calling until the river when she called my 1/3rd of the pot value bet with what she said was the nut flush. Cripple that Claw!

Later in the game...I would knock her out, along with Gabe...and then Kai. I ended up getting heads up with Melissa Parker...a friend of ours, who works with Squirrel, and who always stays at our house with the dogs when we go out of town and takes care of them. I had about a 5 to 1 chip lead. She wasn't in the $100 last longer. So I pocketed $700. There was $240 in the other last longer. Squirrel was urging me to just end it...as it was about 3am and Carley was out of bottles and getting fussy. No way! The trophy was on the line. And bragging rights. The pressure mounted. Squirrel kept griping. I told her she could go home. I would come home when we were done. She must not have trusted me to make it home in one piece. She stayed. 

Let me just say...that had I surrendered that 5-1 chip advantage to Melissa, and lost to her?? There is an above average chance that I would have done one of two things. If not both. Quit poker. Moved to Belgium. Having her come over to our house...undoubtedly dragging that fucking god awful trophy along with her (a trophy that Squirrel has relegated to the garage, and which I broke while humping it prior to actually winning it) and serenading me with some kind of song that she had made up to rub it in that she had defeated me.  Well, luckily, it didn't happen. She called, with A5. I raised with A7d. She shoved. I called, I flopped a seven, and turned a seven. Ball game. Monkey wins, Monkey wins. Hubcap trophy is mine. I posted the video that Kai made...with me following through with my promise to strip down to my boxers and streaking through the neighborhood.

The Trophy in happier times....before I broke it!

 Props to a really good guy who plays in my fantasy leagues, and was having kind of a rough year all around. Mitch Franks, who shipped a big event up in Tunica this week. It might have even been the Main Event. Not sure. I just know that on the front page of this website....I saw that he was one of the final 13 coming back on Day 3 (yeah must have been the Main Event)...and I was really rooting hard for him to win. So I got a check from him today, for the two leagues he owes for, and telling me he won, without a chop! Awesome news! Love it when guys who have been running bad hit a big score. Especially THIS guy!!!  >>>> ME<<<<

So...can I just say this? Is there anything...I mean ANYthing...worse than that month of waiting for football season to start? And trying to watch preseason games is just painful. I refuse to watch them because it dampens my enthusiasm for the season to start. Plus sends bad signals...you aren't ever really seeing the actual product that you can expect in the regular season. So screw it, I ignore it.

So what better than to schedule the Olympics during that horribly boring time of the summer? I really wasn't looking forward to them. Hadn't even put any thought into it. Find the whole Dream Team BS annoying. But as the games got going...and story lines started developing I found myself getting sucked in more and more.

What did I find most interesting? Well...I will say that before the Olympics in London ever even happened we had to bear witness to a whole bunch of people bitching and complaining about the actual Olympic logo. Why? Oh...you know, the typical reasons. There were those who felt the half million spent to create the logo paid to Wolff Olins was a gross expenditure. Then there were those who hated the design. Thought a fourth grader could do better. You had Sir Sebastian Coe (the British apparently knight anyone lucky enough to win an Olympic medal...this guy being a distance runner from the 80's) putting his super-annoying but bureaucratically-friendly two cents in as it pertained to the logo. And then of course...you had fucking Iran...bitching because the logo resembled some symbol of Zionism. This is the same asshole who tries to deny that the Holocaust ever took place. How do we even make it on this planet? When we are in the clutches of such stupidity? Oh and in case I left anyone out...there were those dipshits (sorry if that's insensitive, but give me a fucking break) claiming that the pattern of the logo was causing people to have epileptic seizures. Really? Here are a few looks at the logo, in different uses...and then one that kind of uses the 'idea' of the logo, but takes it one step further...until it not only looks more like the year 2012...but also resembles an athlete running. Enjoy the artistic display!

Your basic white logo set against a lovely blue background. We can make out the 2012.

Same deal. But these are the colors that people claim are resulting in the epileptic fits.  Whatever. One person has pointed out that if you look real closely, you can see Lisa Simpson giving some dude a hummer. Hmm...yes...yes indeed!

My personal favorite. The British flag as a backdrop, a nice touch.

Now this...nice. Maybe this should have been the one they went with. The 2012 is much easier to read, and the head, arms and legs make it appear to be an athlete in motion. Good stuff.

So...another you see a lot of at the Olympics...is ways in which to display the actual rings of the Olympiad. Do you know what each color represents? I do. But you know how I know? Because I Google'd it...which is what you will do if you give two shits. Cuz I'm not telling you. Cuz I don't care. What I do care about...is some of the fun places the rings showed up. Here you go:

Then...as the games got into their second week, I started having my favorite Olympic moments. I have to say, my favorite came yesterday when the Women's Soccer team avenged their penalty-shots loss to the Japanese in the World Cup final with a 2-1 win in the gold medal game. Pictured below is my US Soccer Crush...and presumably the future of US Olympic Soccer...Alex Morgan. She scored the winner against Canada in the thrilling semifinal game.

I think my next favorite was the effort put forth my Michael Phelps. Now here is a guy who already had shattered pretty much every goal you could set as an Olympian, and in these times that have finally evolved and allowed Olympic athletes to make money in and away from the sport (unlike when I was growing up...when amateur status in the Olympics was more stringent than the NCAA's archaic rules) has made a shit ton of money away from the water. But his desire to put in the time to train his ass off to make one more go of it...went back for more. And in his first event he finished out of the medals in 4th...and had people talking of his demise. Pfffft! Hold the phone, tards. The Real Michael Phelps showed up. He is now the most decorated Olympic Athlete in history. And when he wins...he is gracious about it, even slightly humble. He might not have golden boy looks...but the guy is a 'gamer' and has left his mark on Olympic history. Kudos to Phelps!

Pretty sure my favorite SPECTATOR sport all throughout the Olympics was easily the sand beach volleyball competition featuring...well....women in bathing suits with phenomenal back sides. And of course...ridiculously nice stomachs and toned legs. It was just a special bonus that the USA had both the Silver and Gold medalists in this wonderfully fabulous sport! Thanks girls!!!

Holy crap look at those abs! Come on!!! You KNOW you want to kiss her! Do it!!!!

Ummmmmm.....ughhhh.....@#(*&$(&^$@

Yeahhhh thas what I'm talking about!

There was a guy who came...saw...and won. Again. Two wins in track and fields glamour events...the 100m and 200m sprints. You know who I'm talking about. Usain Bolt. I sort of used to like this guy...admire him, his ability...you know? When an athlete is so amazing that you just watch in awe? Well...this semi-douche has pretty much crushed all of that with his smug, cocky routine all throughout the games. Talking his over-confident smack. Mugging for the cameras. And finally...self-appointing himself  'A Legend.' Huh? Yeah...real classy bud. Really a good way to endear yourself to the world. All I think now is that this guy is a dick. So what? You are a guy who runs fast. Yippee. How much do you have to train to be a runner? Maybe a lot, I don't know...I never was very fast...and so didn't have to try to get faster. But I now have a newfound interest in rooting against this guy.

Yeah...we get it Usain. You like yourself. A LOT!

Thankfully...there some true heroes in this Olympics. Guys who really made me want to stand up and cheer. Who brought the semblance of a tear to my eye. And those stories tend to crop up at every Olympics. For starters...all the stories of the parents who sacrificed so much and and ran themselves into debt so their kid could have that one shining moment...to see their faces when their child stood on the medal podium? Is there anything more incredible? Watching the isolated camera on the mom and dad as their child was racing? So cool! The dad who walks over to the stands to meet his wife and kids? Who are all crying and reaching out for their father? Just magical. I love those moments!

Then there were my favorites in the games. Number one...Oscar Pistorius. Missing legs since he was a small child. From South Africa. Great personality. Great disposition. Great attitude. With his two specially constructed prosthetic legs, he had to overcome so much his entire life...and then had to overcome being banned by the IOC...citing that he had some kind of 'advantage' because his 'fake' legs were considered 'bionic' in nature. It was proven false...after several appeals...and he finally got to compete. He finished 2nd in his first qualifying heat...which advanced him to the next round. People started noticing him...talking about him...rooting for him. His goal to gain notoriety for those in his position had been achieved. His dream ended when he finished last in his next heat...but no one seemed to care.

Then...in his next event...the 4x400 relay...his teammate went down and suffered a dislocated shoulder...when Oscar went to assist his teammate he was stopped by an Olympic official. He was supposed to be the next person to run. He put his teammate first. It appeared they were done in the Olympics. But after a review...it was determined his teammate was felled by another runner...and they were allowed to continue on in the competition. It's like a great story that just keeps getting better. I'm not sure what kind of a person ISN'T rooting for this guy? Maybe someone like Chad Burns.

Ahhhh shake it off Manteo...it's JUST a broken leg, man!!!!

My next favorite 'hero' is Manteo Mitchell. Running in that same 4X400 relay event...he was early in his leg of the event in the qualifying round...when he felt something 'pop' in his leg...and said it felt like his leg had broken in half. In fact...it HAD! When asked later how he found the strength to continue on...he very innocently stated, "I just did what I think anyone would do in that situation." Ha! Really? He thinks that ANYONE would just be running along...break their freaking leg and keep running!??? that is awesome!!! Manteo...you sir, are a STUD! And his team managed to qualify for the next level! He will, of course, be watching from the sidelines on crutches, undoubtedly rooting harder than anyone else in the stadium.

Okay...this blog is running long. What else is new? I haven't talked about something a lot of you are reading this blog to find out. Why I am not playing at IP. Right? I've decided...after much deliberation, to not talk about it. Frankly, I'm really getting quite sick of the petty nature of poker. The talking that goes on by people who generally have no effing idea what they are talking about. I think I told a lot of you...had I gotten top 50 in the Main Event...I was done with poker for at least a year. And had I won the damn thing...I would have quit, likely forever. And some think thats total bullshit. Others know its not. I have gotten so sick of the immature, unintelligent, spiteful people who either play poker or run poker. One of the nice things about making the October 9 would have been that a lot of my 'problems' in poker would have likely been OVER forever. But I didn't. So what I am to a lot of assholes in poker...is a target that they can still try to fuck over. When you have a past...whether it be something you actually DID...or was just given credit for doing...you put yourself in a category that you are starting out a (to stay with today's theme) 100m dash with one foot wearing a 20lb sneaker.

Case in point? I'm playing cash game the other night at Hard Rock. I've been there for 5 1/2 hours. The first 3 hours were spent on the one and ONLY table they had. They finally opened a 2nd table. I ended up on that table. After a few hours...it was at 5 and 5 and a brush was imminent. Along comes Trucker Gal and her friend (who was actually quite nice...and leads one to wonder...why do SOME people hang out with OTHER people?)...who both buy in for $500 and sit next to each other. The floor kid decides to brush the tables. I stand up and request seat 8 on the other table. Seat 8 and 9 are both open. Trucker Tonya...who...god I wish I could give you a picture of her....was...well...lets just say 'Pat' from SNL but with a very obvious hatred for men.

The dealer heard me ask for Seat 8. The players heard me ask for Seat 8. So Larry...I mean...whatever her name is...rushes over there and grabs the seat. I politely tell her I had requested that seat. She refuses to give it up. Lady had been there for no more than 10 minutes. Floor kid was a bit of a pushover and was clearly overwhelmed by the situation...which never should have been tough to manage. But whatever. I didn't really fault him. So what does this bitch start doing? She starts hollering about me. Oh...she knows who I am. Starts yelling that "he gets thrown out of every casino he plays in!!!" Hmmm...really? And that is relevant to this situation how? Because she wants to sit side by side with her lady friend? So she turns to disparaging me for what reason? What a *(&#@(*@. I then decided to take another seat...and target her for the rest of the night. Throughout the session she made one trip after another to the front desk to complain about anything and everything she thought she could bitch about. 

Once she thought me and another player were whispering about her. Yeah. We weren't. Another time, she accused us of whispering about how to play the hand. Yes...I'm looking for playing advice from players at a 1/2 game at Hard Rock in Biloxi, MS. She kept trying. I kept staying calm. The floor kid kept assuring me that I had nothing to worry about. But I was finding it harder and harder not to stand up and hurl a grenade at her. Wouldn't that be funny if you actually saw that happen at a poker table? Of course, it wouldn't be that funny I guess if YOU were at that table...and the grenade was live!!! But you know what I'm driving at. The player on my right dinged her pretty good. Then I got her a couple times. Keep in mind...I'm saying NOTHING to her. I finally managed to relegate her to mumbling to herself. At some point, it seemed like she just finally gave up. 

But that...right there? Is the kind of shit that seems to only happen in poker. And its so aggravating. I go to simply play a friendly little cash game..and along comes the angry lesbian...or the spiteful tourney guy who I bad beat two years ago. They come from every direction. And they always have some axe to grind. I get the feeling it doesn't matter how NICE I am at the table, how many people I try to help, how many times I go out of my way to win people over...there will always be THOSE assholes out there. Unless of course....I make the Final Table of the Main Event. And yeah...I hate it. But you all know its true. 

So yeah...I had a 'situation' with a shift manager at IP. He has basically used his 'power' to see me not be allowed to play currently at IP. Is there a lot behind that statement? Yeah...of course there is. Is it utter horseshit what he's managed to pull off? Duh. But the one shitty thing about the casinos? They kind of operate by their own rule book. You have no rights. There are no appeals. There is no one to take your case to. You don't seem to be able to press charges for defamation or slander, as they are immune to everything that our nation usually seems to offer the innocent and/or accused in our country. Bottom line? You have a personality conflict, or 'diss' a floor guy...and he decides he's going to 'get you' and he just conveniently concocts a story to turn into his supervisor...recommending that you be 86'd. And guess what? You get 86'd. Do you get a phone call? Does anyone ask for 'your side of the story?' Does anyone bother to observe the surveillance tapes to see if your floor manager is acting appropriately? Or possibly abusing his position? No. Why would they do that? That would be something that someone with common sense might do. 

So...that being said...if you should happen to be playing cash game at IP...and you decide to take a walk on the wild (and dangerous) side...and pull out your iPad...or maybe attempt to shoot a friend a (gasp!) text message on your iPhone...and you are approached by an older man in a suit...with slicked back hair...who somewhat resembles a creature who might be seen in a very hot desert...sitting, or perched rather, upon a rock...eyes blinking ever-infrequently.....tongue occasionally flicking out of his mouth....BEWARE! Be very carefully about how you respond to him when he informs you that you are skating on very thin ice by trying to use that electronic device! Because...if you say whatever is on your mind...and say in just the right tone of voice...you, my friend, could find yourself being told that you are no longer welcome to play in his poker room. You know, the one who...despite knowing they had the first event in this season's WSOP circuit schedule for almost two months now...still somehow have failed to do that one-minute exercise that most poker room managers do...sending that email to Cardplayer letting them know about your event, so they can add it to their tournament schedule.

Wait! Huh? Why would they need to worry about doing that? Okay...you serious poker players out there who are currently giggling. Shut up! Some people (apparently a handful of tournament directors and poker room managers) don't know that us players plan out our schedules by simply logging onto our computer, pulling up Internet Explorer (or Mozilla) and going to the Cardplayer website...clicking on 'tournaments' and seeing what is out there to go play. Then you come up with a game plan. Where to go, what to play, etc. You check airline tickets, and hotel costs. But hey...if a place just decides NOT to post their event? Guess who doesn't see it or know about it? Yeah...about 65-70% of the full time poker tournament players. Now...I wouldn't think that it would require a marketing degree to come up with the smarts required to satisfy this one simple step. Its free of charge...so the whole 'we didn't have an advertising budget for this event' speech is one lacking steam. So when the first WSOP-C event of the season manages to draw just barely 200 players (202) you have to ask...WTF happened? Where is everyone? Answer? Not Biloxi.

Now...across the way...over at the Beau Rivage...I have to give them credit. They have had their event up on Cardplayer now for weeks. They have also fixed their structures. I expect them to actually get a pretty good crowd for their event. And honestly, I do wish I could play that event. It's not like I haven't attempted to bury the hatchet with their poker room manager. I have. But he hasn't responded to either of my messages. So I guess I will just leave it alone. And stay at home being a good (or trying to be anyway) daddy to Carley...and playing on Lock Poker.

Lock Poker? Worst customer service in history. I'm saying that...and they sponsor our poker radio show...which by the way is getting about 2000 downloads (as a podcast) on iTunes every week...which I find pretty surprising. They also made me an affiliate. But at last count...I have emailed them 8 times...EIGHT...and still haven't gotten a reply. And I hear the same story from a lot of other players. I have actually been running pretty good on there. Last night I won a $10 PLO tourney...and in the past week have an 8th, 6th, 4th and 5th in fields between 120-150 deep. Not great money...but its always a decent feeling to make final tables in whatever your playing. The action on there is ridiculous. Literally some of the worst play I've ever witnessed. The thing I hate about online poker? You get into those patterns where it seems like everyone is always bluffing...and you will make a fair share of good calls...but doesn't it seem like the times you are SURE the guy is bluffing, he has the nuts? Hate that.

SO despite all that...and since its probably still months away until Pokerstars blesses us Americans with their presence again...you have to play SOMEwhere, right? Might as well play on Lock with me. To join up....

 

CLICK HERE.....   might as well help me make some money on the side (well I say that, despite them STILL not paying me what I earned last month!) while getting yourself 36% rakeback and getting a 200% first time deposit bonus using the code 'thefuture' that is...if you are able to get a deposit to go through!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!

I have plenty more to talk about...but this thing is way too long. Last month...I had my 5th highest number of hits (over 7300) since starting this blog in July of 2008...and the way this month is going...I will probably have one of my lowest number. Quite a swing, eh? Not that it matters I guess. I will still blow Kai Landry away every month...and that's all that matters!!!

MONKEY