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Friday, August 10, 2012

Olympics! Football! Poker! Stupidity!

I have a couple of excuses for why I haven't been blogging much lately. One of them is laying here next to me. Her name is Carley Grace. She is now 3 months 1 week old. She is a maniac. She is also teething. Her legs never stop kicking and churning. She is trying to talk. She is trying to stand up. She is growing like a weed. As soon as I think I have a moment of calm...to do something (like bust out a blog post) she wakes up and starts spazzing out. She is cute as shit...and keeps getting cuter. She is starting to grow attached to Jasper....and him to her. On September 5th we are going to Seattle...to see my family. My Mom tells me she has another large collection of clothes...these ones for 6mo's and up. Thanks Grandma! She will meet her Grandfather for the first time. And her Great Grandmother, too hopefully. It should be a nice trip. The ONLY bad thing about that trip? I won't get to go to Tiger Stadium in Baton Rouge to see the UW Huskies play the #1 LSU Tigers. I've had invites from two separate friends...and I can't believe I can't take them up on it. Sucks. But it's family.


Last week Claudia and a bunch of her friends had a huge party at a house they rented in Pensacola on the beach for Squirrel's 40th birthday. It was great. They had a lot of fun. I went over on Sunday with Carley...and Carley got to make her first trip to the beach. She loved it. While in the house...I was dodging these large bedazzle things...I don't know what they are called...but they look like rhinestones or something, and Claw had glued them to a big banner she made. She sprinkled the rest all over the tables and shit. Well, inevitably, several of them got into my keyboard...and so now certain keys on my laptop are jammed. Like the 'enter' key, the 'space' bar and the letter 'J.' It's really fucking annoying...and hard to type ANYthing. I've tried every method to get them out of there...but no dice. When you take a key/button off a Dell keyboard...its nearly impossible to put the damn thing back on.

Just got off the phone with Dell. Have to say...when you have a warranty with Dell...your computer almost always gets fixed. If you don't mind the hour and a half on the phone with them. So a new keyboard is on its way.
 While I was on hold, I was playing Words With Friends, and David Key informs me, while in the middle of one of his ridiculously placed words (I'm almost positive dude is using Cheats With Friends) that Honeybadger has been kicked off LSU's football team. Nice program. Couple years ago it was Ryan Perrelloux (however you spell his now-irrelevant last name) now their Heisman finalist and All-American from last season. Lot of people are pissed at Les Miles. But shit...how much can you babysit and keep an eye on each and every player in a program with over 100 players? At some point, the player has to take on a little bit of responsibility and be a fucking adult. I mean, if you are on a team that is ranked #1 heading into the season, and you are one of the vital parts of that team...don't you think you could find the strength to back away from the weed? What an asshole.

I only have two words when it comes to this story:  ROLL TIDE!

 I guess I kind of waited too long to give you all the 'run down' of what went down at Casa du Dirty Landry a couple Sundays ago. To summarize, we had a total of 14 players. 7 of us agreed to do a $100 last longer. Another 12 agreed to do a $20 last longer. I wore my Monkey knit hat given to me by Linda Keenan, my Saints jersey with Monkey on back. My Monkey beads...and did a lot of drinking. Squirrel played. Right off the bat, I raised out of the blinds with JJ and got called by two, including 'The Claw.' I flopped a set of jacks. I turned a boat...and with Claudia betting into me...kept calling until the river when she called my 1/3rd of the pot value bet with what she said was the nut flush. Cripple that Claw!

Later in the game...I would knock her out, along with Gabe...and then Kai. I ended up getting heads up with Melissa Parker...a friend of ours, who works with Squirrel, and who always stays at our house with the dogs when we go out of town and takes care of them. I had about a 5 to 1 chip lead. She wasn't in the $100 last longer. So I pocketed $700. There was $240 in the other last longer. Squirrel was urging me to just end it...as it was about 3am and Carley was out of bottles and getting fussy. No way! The trophy was on the line. And bragging rights. The pressure mounted. Squirrel kept griping. I told her she could go home. I would come home when we were done. She must not have trusted me to make it home in one piece. She stayed. 



Let me just say...that had I surrendered that 5-1 chip advantage to Melissa, and lost to her?? There is an above average chance that I would have done one of two things. If not both. Quit poker. Moved to Belgium. Having her come over to our house...undoubtedly dragging that fucking god awful trophy along with her (a trophy that Squirrel has relegated to the garage, and which I broke while humping it prior to actually winning it) and serenading me with some kind of song that she had made up to rub it in that she had defeated me.  Well, luckily, it didn't happen. She called, with A5. I raised with A7d. She shoved. I called, I flopped a seven, and turned a seven. Ball game. Monkey wins, Monkey wins. Hubcap trophy is mine. I posted the video that Kai made...with me following through with my promise to strip down to my boxers and streaking through the neighborhood.
The Trophy in happier times....before I broke it!
 Props to a really good guy who plays in my fantasy leagues, and was having kind of a rough year all around. Mitch Franks, who shipped a big event up in Tunica this week. It might have even been the Main Event. Not sure. I just know that on the front page of this website....I saw that he was one of the final 13 coming back on Day 3 (yeah must have been the Main Event)...and I was really rooting hard for him to win. So I got a check from him today, for the two leagues he owes for, and telling me he won, without a chop! Awesome news! Love it when guys who have been running bad hit a big score. Especially THIS guy!!!  >>>> ME<<<<

So...can I just say this? Is there anything...I mean ANYthing...worse than that month of waiting for football season to start? And trying to watch preseason games is just painful. I refuse to watch them because it dampens my enthusiasm for the season to start. Plus sends bad signals...you aren't ever really seeing the actual product that you can expect in the regular season. So screw it, I ignore it.

So what better than to schedule the Olympics during that horribly boring time of the summer? I really wasn't looking forward to them. Hadn't even put any thought into it. Find the whole Dream Team BS annoying. But as the games got going...and story lines started developing I found myself getting sucked in more and more.

What did I find most interesting? Well...I will say that before the Olympics in London ever even happened we had to bear witness to a whole bunch of people bitching and complaining about the actual Olympic logo. Why? Oh...you know, the typical reasons. There were those who felt the half million spent to create the logo paid to Wolff Olins was a gross expenditure. Then there were those who hated the design. Thought a fourth grader could do better. You had Sir Sebastian Coe (the British apparently knight anyone lucky enough to win an Olympic medal...this guy being a distance runner from the 80's) putting his super-annoying but bureaucratically-friendly two cents in as it pertained to the logo. And then of course...you had fucking Iran...bitching because the logo resembled some symbol of Zionism. This is the same asshole who tries to deny that the Holocaust ever took place. How do we even make it on this planet? When we are in the clutches of such stupidity? Oh and in case I left anyone out...there were those dipshits (sorry if that's insensitive, but give me a fucking break) claiming that the pattern of the logo was causing people to have epileptic seizures. Really? Here are a few looks at the logo, in different uses...and then one that kind of uses the 'idea' of the logo, but takes it one step further...until it not only looks more like the year 2012...but also resembles an athlete running. Enjoy the artistic display!

Your basic white logo set against a lovely blue background. We can make out the 2012.
Same deal. But these are the colors that people claim are resulting in the epileptic fits.  Whatever. One person has pointed out that if you look real closely, you can see Lisa Simpson giving some dude a hummer. Hmm...yes...yes indeed!

My personal favorite. The British flag as a backdrop, a nice touch.
Now this...nice. Maybe this should have been the one they went with. The 2012 is much easier to read, and the head, arms and legs make it appear to be an athlete in motion. Good stuff.

So...another you see a lot of at the Olympics...is ways in which to display the actual rings of the Olympiad. Do you know what each color represents? I do. But you know how I know? Because I Google'd it...which is what you will do if you give two shits. Cuz I'm not telling you. Cuz I don't care. What I do care about...is some of the fun places the rings showed up. Here you go:




Then...as the games got into their second week, I started having my favorite Olympic moments. I have to say, my favorite came yesterday when the Women's Soccer team avenged their penalty-shots loss to the Japanese in the World Cup final with a 2-1 win in the gold medal game. Pictured below is my US Soccer Crush...and presumably the future of US Olympic Soccer...Alex Morgan. She scored the winner against Canada in the thrilling semifinal game.


I think my next favorite was the effort put forth my Michael Phelps. Now here is a guy who already had shattered pretty much every goal you could set as an Olympian, and in these times that have finally evolved and allowed Olympic athletes to make money in and away from the sport (unlike when I was growing up...when amateur status in the Olympics was more stringent than the NCAA's archaic rules) has made a shit ton of money away from the water. But his desire to put in the time to train his ass off to make one more go of it...went back for more. And in his first event he finished out of the medals in 4th...and had people talking of his demise. Pfffft! Hold the phone, tards. The Real Michael Phelps showed up. He is now the most decorated Olympic Athlete in history. And when he wins...he is gracious about it, even slightly humble. He might not have golden boy looks...but the guy is a 'gamer' and has left his mark on Olympic history. Kudos to Phelps!
Pretty sure my favorite SPECTATOR sport all throughout the Olympics was easily the sand beach volleyball competition featuring...well....women in bathing suits with phenomenal back sides. And of course...ridiculously nice stomachs and toned legs. It was just a special bonus that the USA had both the Silver and Gold medalists in this wonderfully fabulous sport! Thanks girls!!!
Holy crap look at those abs! Come on!!! You KNOW you want to kiss her! Do it!!!!

Ummmmmm.....ughhhh.....@#(*&$(&^$@

Yeahhhh thas what I'm talking about!

There was a guy who came...saw...and won. Again. Two wins in track and fields glamour events...the 100m and 200m sprints. You know who I'm talking about. Usain Bolt. I sort of used to like this guy...admire him, his ability...you know? When an athlete is so amazing that you just watch in awe? Well...this semi-douche has pretty much crushed all of that with his smug, cocky routine all throughout the games. Talking his over-confident smack. Mugging for the cameras. And finally...self-appointing himself  'A Legend.' Huh? Yeah...real classy bud. Really a good way to endear yourself to the world. All I think now is that this guy is a dick. So what? You are a guy who runs fast. Yippee. How much do you have to train to be a runner? Maybe a lot, I don't know...I never was very fast...and so didn't have to try to get faster. But I now have a newfound interest in rooting against this guy.

Yeah...we get it Usain. You like yourself. A LOT!
Thankfully...there some true heroes in this Olympics. Guys who really made me want to stand up and cheer. Who brought the semblance of a tear to my eye. And those stories tend to crop up at every Olympics. For starters...all the stories of the parents who sacrificed so much and and ran themselves into debt so their kid could have that one shining moment...to see their faces when their child stood on the medal podium? Is there anything more incredible? Watching the isolated camera on the mom and dad as their child was racing? So cool! The dad who walks over to the stands to meet his wife and kids? Who are all crying and reaching out for their father? Just magical. I love those moments!

Then there were my favorites in the games. Number one...Oscar Pistorius. Missing legs since he was a small child. From South Africa. Great personality. Great disposition. Great attitude. With his two specially constructed prosthetic legs, he had to overcome so much his entire life...and then had to overcome being banned by the IOC...citing that he had some kind of 'advantage' because his 'fake' legs were considered 'bionic' in nature. It was proven false...after several appeals...and he finally got to compete. He finished 2nd in his first qualifying heat...which advanced him to the next round. People started noticing him...talking about him...rooting for him. His goal to gain notoriety for those in his position had been achieved. His dream ended when he finished last in his next heat...but no one seemed to care.

Then...in his next event...the 4x400 relay...his teammate went down and suffered a dislocated shoulder...when Oscar went to assist his teammate he was stopped by an Olympic official. He was supposed to be the next person to run. He put his teammate first. It appeared they were done in the Olympics. But after a review...it was determined his teammate was felled by another runner...and they were allowed to continue on in the competition. It's like a great story that just keeps getting better. I'm not sure what kind of a person ISN'T rooting for this guy? Maybe someone like Chad Burns.

Ahhhh shake it off Manteo...it's JUST a broken leg, man!!!!

My next favorite 'hero' is Manteo Mitchell. Running in that same 4X400 relay event...he was early in his leg of the event in the qualifying round...when he felt something 'pop' in his leg...and said it felt like his leg had broken in half. In fact...it HAD! When asked later how he found the strength to continue on...he very innocently stated, "I just did what I think anyone would do in that situation." Ha! Really? He thinks that ANYONE would just be running along...break their freaking leg and keep running!??? that is awesome!!! Manteo...you sir, are a STUD! And his team managed to qualify for the next level! He will, of course, be watching from the sidelines on crutches, undoubtedly rooting harder than anyone else in the stadium.

Okay...this blog is running long. What else is new? I haven't talked about something a lot of you are reading this blog to find out. Why I am not playing at IP. Right? I've decided...after much deliberation, to not talk about it. Frankly, I'm really getting quite sick of the petty nature of poker. The talking that goes on by people who generally have no effing idea what they are talking about. I think I told a lot of you...had I gotten top 50 in the Main Event...I was done with poker for at least a year. And had I won the damn thing...I would have quit, likely forever. And some think thats total bullshit. Others know its not. I have gotten so sick of the immature, unintelligent, spiteful people who either play poker or run poker. One of the nice things about making the October 9 would have been that a lot of my 'problems' in poker would have likely been OVER forever. But I didn't. So what I am to a lot of assholes in poker...is a target that they can still try to fuck over. When you have a past...whether it be something you actually DID...or was just given credit for doing...you put yourself in a category that you are starting out a (to stay with today's theme) 100m dash with one foot wearing a 20lb sneaker.

Case in point? I'm playing cash game the other night at Hard Rock. I've been there for 5 1/2 hours. The first 3 hours were spent on the one and ONLY table they had. They finally opened a 2nd table. I ended up on that table. After a few hours...it was at 5 and 5 and a brush was imminent. Along comes Trucker Gal and her friend (who was actually quite nice...and leads one to wonder...why do SOME people hang out with OTHER people?)...who both buy in for $500 and sit next to each other. The floor kid decides to brush the tables. I stand up and request seat 8 on the other table. Seat 8 and 9 are both open. Trucker Tonya...who...god I wish I could give you a picture of her....was...well...lets just say 'Pat' from SNL but with a very obvious hatred for men.

The dealer heard me ask for Seat 8. The players heard me ask for Seat 8. So Larry...I mean...whatever her name is...rushes over there and grabs the seat. I politely tell her I had requested that seat. She refuses to give it up. Lady had been there for no more than 10 minutes. Floor kid was a bit of a pushover and was clearly overwhelmed by the situation...which never should have been tough to manage. But whatever. I didn't really fault him. So what does this bitch start doing? She starts hollering about me. Oh...she knows who I am. Starts yelling that "he gets thrown out of every casino he plays in!!!" Hmmm...really? And that is relevant to this situation how? Because she wants to sit side by side with her lady friend? So she turns to disparaging me for what reason? What a *(&#@(*@. I then decided to take another seat...and target her for the rest of the night. Throughout the session she made one trip after another to the front desk to complain about anything and everything she thought she could bitch about. 

Once she thought me and another player were whispering about her. Yeah. We weren't. Another time, she accused us of whispering about how to play the hand. Yes...I'm looking for playing advice from players at a 1/2 game at Hard Rock in Biloxi, MS. She kept trying. I kept staying calm. The floor kid kept assuring me that I had nothing to worry about. But I was finding it harder and harder not to stand up and hurl a grenade at her. Wouldn't that be funny if you actually saw that happen at a poker table? Of course, it wouldn't be that funny I guess if YOU were at that table...and the grenade was live!!! But you know what I'm driving at. The player on my right dinged her pretty good. Then I got her a couple times. Keep in mind...I'm saying NOTHING to her. I finally managed to relegate her to mumbling to herself. At some point, it seemed like she just finally gave up. 

But that...right there? Is the kind of shit that seems to only happen in poker. And its so aggravating. I go to simply play a friendly little cash game..and along comes the angry lesbian...or the spiteful tourney guy who I bad beat two years ago. They come from every direction. And they always have some axe to grind. I get the feeling it doesn't matter how NICE I am at the table, how many people I try to help, how many times I go out of my way to win people over...there will always be THOSE assholes out there. Unless of course....I make the Final Table of the Main Event. And yeah...I hate it. But you all know its true. 

So yeah...I had a 'situation' with a shift manager at IP. He has basically used his 'power' to see me not be allowed to play currently at IP. Is there a lot behind that statement? Yeah...of course there is. Is it utter horseshit what he's managed to pull off? Duh. But the one shitty thing about the casinos? They kind of operate by their own rule book. You have no rights. There are no appeals. There is no one to take your case to. You don't seem to be able to press charges for defamation or slander, as they are immune to everything that our nation usually seems to offer the innocent and/or accused in our country. Bottom line? You have a personality conflict, or 'diss' a floor guy...and he decides he's going to 'get you' and he just conveniently concocts a story to turn into his supervisor...recommending that you be 86'd. And guess what? You get 86'd. Do you get a phone call? Does anyone ask for 'your side of the story?' Does anyone bother to observe the surveillance tapes to see if your floor manager is acting appropriately? Or possibly abusing his position? No. Why would they do that? That would be something that someone with common sense might do. 

So...that being said...if you should happen to be playing cash game at IP...and you decide to take a walk on the wild (and dangerous) side...and pull out your iPad...or maybe attempt to shoot a friend a (gasp!) text message on your iPhone...and you are approached by an older man in a suit...with slicked back hair...who somewhat resembles a creature who might be seen in a very hot desert...sitting, or perched rather, upon a rock...eyes blinking ever-infrequently.....tongue occasionally flicking out of his mouth....BEWARE! Be very carefully about how you respond to him when he informs you that you are skating on very thin ice by trying to use that electronic device! Because...if you say whatever is on your mind...and say in just the right tone of voice...you, my friend, could find yourself being told that you are no longer welcome to play in his poker room. You know, the one who...despite knowing they had the first event in this season's WSOP circuit schedule for almost two months now...still somehow have failed to do that one-minute exercise that most poker room managers do...sending that email to Cardplayer letting them know about your event, so they can add it to their tournament schedule.

Wait! Huh? Why would they need to worry about doing that? Okay...you serious poker players out there who are currently giggling. Shut up! Some people (apparently a handful of tournament directors and poker room managers) don't know that us players plan out our schedules by simply logging onto our computer, pulling up Internet Explorer (or Mozilla) and going to the Cardplayer website...clicking on 'tournaments' and seeing what is out there to go play. Then you come up with a game plan. Where to go, what to play, etc. You check airline tickets, and hotel costs. But hey...if a place just decides NOT to post their event? Guess who doesn't see it or know about it? Yeah...about 65-70% of the full time poker tournament players. Now...I wouldn't think that it would require a marketing degree to come up with the smarts required to satisfy this one simple step. Its free of charge...so the whole 'we didn't have an advertising budget for this event' speech is one lacking steam. So when the first WSOP-C event of the season manages to draw just barely 200 players (202) you have to ask...WTF happened? Where is everyone? Answer? Not Biloxi.

Now...across the way...over at the Beau Rivage...I have to give them credit. They have had their event up on Cardplayer now for weeks. They have also fixed their structures. I expect them to actually get a pretty good crowd for their event. And honestly, I do wish I could play that event. It's not like I haven't attempted to bury the hatchet with their poker room manager. I have. But he hasn't responded to either of my messages. So I guess I will just leave it alone. And stay at home being a good (or trying to be anyway) daddy to Carley...and playing on Lock Poker.

Lock Poker? Worst customer service in history. I'm saying that...and they sponsor our poker radio show...which by the way is getting about 2000 downloads (as a podcast) on iTunes every week...which I find pretty surprising. They also made me an affiliate. But at last count...I have emailed them 8 times...EIGHT...and still haven't gotten a reply. And I hear the same story from a lot of other players. I have actually been running pretty good on there. Last night I won a $10 PLO tourney...and in the past week have an 8th, 6th, 4th and 5th in fields between 120-150 deep. Not great money...but its always a decent feeling to make final tables in whatever your playing. The action on there is ridiculous. Literally some of the worst play I've ever witnessed. The thing I hate about online poker? You get into those patterns where it seems like everyone is always bluffing...and you will make a fair share of good calls...but doesn't it seem like the times you are SURE the guy is bluffing, he has the nuts? Hate that.

SO despite all that...and since its probably still months away until Pokerstars blesses us Americans with their presence again...you have to play SOMEwhere, right? Might as well play on Lock with me. To join up....

 

CLICK HERE.....   might as well help me make some money on the side (well I say that, despite them STILL not paying me what I earned last month!) while getting yourself 36% rakeback and getting a 200% first time deposit bonus using the code 'thefuture' that is...if you are able to get a deposit to go through!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!

I have plenty more to talk about...but this thing is way too long. Last month...I had my 5th highest number of hits (over 7300) since starting this blog in July of 2008...and the way this month is going...I will probably have one of my lowest number. Quite a swing, eh? Not that it matters I guess. I will still blow Kai Landry away every month...and that's all that matters!!!

MONKEY

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