Monkey Monday

BACK TO THE FINAL TABLE!

Woo Hoo! After getting back to the Final Table and taking 2nd (agaaaaain) last week, I felt like my Beau Rivage SCHNEID had finally been zapped. But then Thursday and Friday started putting that feeling back in me. Thursday, If you all read Reid's blog, which falls right under mine...you will see how I went out of Thursdays tourney. Sitting on a medium stack all tourney long...then getting a few chips...I had folded a couple hands to Reid when he had shoved all in shortstacked...KQ suited one time and 88 the other....so in a spot where I felt like he could stand giving up a blind...and me needing to pick up a pot to maintain my "medium-ness" I raise from cutoff with 44.

He rubs his temples when it folds to him. Oh great. "Come on Reid, I gave you two courtesy laydowns, man!" "I don't know Monkey...I don't think I can lay this down...lets just see what happens" and he shoves all in. @$*&. Well, I cant fold, I am already half in there. He turns over AJ. The board comes Q-Q-2.....okay....so far so good. Turn a 6.....and as the river pairs the 6...he gets up and starts pushing me his chips....and I am just shaking my head...knowing what he missed...that I just got counter-fuck-FEITED......and now I was down to almost nothing...which I lost very shortly with A8 vs. I dont know....four guys calling and checking me out. EXIT, 14th.
Then the next day....Friday...pretty good field, about 75 players....get some chips early and stay healthy most of the day. We get down to 2 tables.

I go COMPLETELY CARD DEAD. Candace the dealer had to take the brunt of my frustration...since she was the one putting me on ice. 3-8, 2-9, 4-8....the hits just kept on coming. Then when I would see something like J-9 suited in a position to maybe steal a pot...someone would be raising or moving in behind me. @*(@#$*(. I end up...with 12 left and two BB's left, putting on my blindfold, lighting a cigarette, and shoving my chips in with Q9....only to run into KQ...and after five bullets from the firing squad, was put out of my misery. On the way out of the casino...I almost get run over by a lady weighing...mmmm, lets call it 350 in one of those damn scooter/hoverround/rascal....whatever you call them. I could go off on a rant on THOSE THINGS! I am not saying they should be OUTLAWED from casinos (okay, yes, I think they SHOULD be outlawed) because there are all the political ramifications, discrimination blah blah blah....whatever...if you CANT WALK because you EAT TOO MUCH....instead of going to the CASINO>>>>go to the gym!

At the very least...there should be a SPEED LIMIT on the freaking things. I have nearly been mowed down NO SHIT...FOUR times in the last two years. That is too many. And up in Tunica in January....a guy I call "The Couch" missed running over my flip-flopped feet by ONE INCH! ONE INCH! I cant even imagine the pain of having 535 pounds (AND THE SCOOTER) rolling over my foot. I wake up in the middle of the night with cold chills just thinking about it! It gets better. After playing for 5.5 hours...and not cashing...you really just want to go home...do something (whatever that is for YOU) in private...and go to sleep. And anything that slows that down is just about enough to piss you off. I go to the valet, hand them my ticket....and WAIT. Then WAIT some more. Oh...then I do some more WAITING. W T F!!!!!!!!!

And as fate would have it, I have forgotten my new book, an exciting action thriller from James Lee Burke called 'Tin Roof Blowdown' which is a fictional novel based around the chaos and aftermath of Hurricane Katrina....so its just me and that marble bench..which is soaking wet because it has been raining all day. After 31 minutes my 4 runner arrives, FINALLY! A kid no older than 21 hops out...asking me if I need directions. Ugh. Now, just for the record....I think I am a pretty good tipper. Not the BEST...but far from the worst. I typically give these car jockeys $1 or $2 on my way in....and $3 or $5 on my way out...which I think is pretty decent. All in the name of my own laziness. Because for me to walk the 1/4 mile journey from the garage to the poker room would be a LOT faster, and cheaper. I wonder how much I spent last year on valet parking? It would be fun to know.

Anyway...PeeWee there hops out of my car, and I simply reply to his question with "just curious, did you guys LOSE my car? I have never waited this long in three years. And no, I don't need directions, I live here and am here 4 or 5 times a week" "No we didn't lose it, I just had to run over to such and such a place to get it!" I asked if it was moved across the street because I know EXACTLY where they park them. Anyway...he was a little smart-ass...and as I went into my console to find the little shit $3 he snidely remarks "have a NICE day!" and slams my car door shut. Hmmm...I start to pull away, then...as I lock eyes with this guy and his wife standing there waiting on THEIR car....we both have that "did that little fucker just do that"...and I ask him, "Ya think I should take that up with his Supervisor?" and the guy says, "I would!" So I do. The Supervisor was very professional. The kid, as it turns out...was very new. I got my satisfaction. Little bastard.

Oh before the day started I left home at 10am to Squirrels "where are you going! Why cant I go!???" Because dammit, I am going to buy your VERY expensive diamond earrings for your birthday! Which I did...so I also had that bad beat...thinking I was maybe about to pay those damn things off, instead of going out 12th for NO MONEY AT ALL! Awesome!

So I go home...and do what I have been putting off for 3 weeks. I update the BALANCE SHEET that goes to my backer. OH SHIT! It took me til 5am to finish...and when I did, I felt awful. I left Biloxi with "X" amount of dollars. She covered my house and gave me a daily stipend for 'daily stuff' which was SO COOL. Well, I played a LOT of SNGS and a LOT of tourneys while I was in Vegas. I did a lot of winning. I did a lot of bubbling. And there was a fair share of 'NOT EVEN CLOSES' and at the end of the day...I personally didn't lose much at all while I was there...but I crippled our bankroll. I think my backer is getting a shitty deal. That was the conclusion I arrived at. There is no way the whole bankroll should have been drained. Then I figured it out. We have a 50/50 deal.

She pays the buy in...and I get 50% of whatever I win. With no makeup. So when I make the money in a tourney....if, say on a $550 buy in...I JUST make the money..and win, say $750....I get $375.....well that means she gets $375...she LOST $175! If I play a SNG and its a $130 buy in and I WIN...or CHOP it...because most of them were 2-winners...I won $500. 50% of that is $250. So she only wins $120. Which means, in essence...that I have to win 3 out of 4 SNGs for her to make any substantial money on those. When I go 1 for 5...she is getting creamed. I was telling another player this the other night...and their take was "hey, if that is the deal she made with you....then that's HER problem! Why would you say ANYthing about it!???" Why? Because it just ISNT RIGHT! That's why, and you don't kill the golden goose. I am lucky to have this situation in the first place. So why put it in peril? I won't. So what I have proposed to her is that from now on....when dealing with tourneys and SNGs....She gets back HALF of the buy in...whatever it is....so if I buy into a $300 tourney...and I win $900....she gets $150, plus $450....which means...yeah, I only win $300...buy hey...it cost me NOTHING. If I play in a $1000 tourney.....and I finish 3rd...for $28,500 she gets $14,500 and I get $14,000. Not much to bitch about there, is there? If we had been doing that the whole time in Vegas...I would have come back with a much better balance than what was left in there.

Well, I emailed her once I finished it. She had just returned from France. I really didn't intend to ruin her return. But in the same fashion she has handled everything else in the last year...she didn't even echo ONE hint of disappointment. WOW! I couldn't believe it. And I felt so much better. So what does she say? Go win that tournament today! Awesome.....which is almost what I did!

The Saturday tourney at the Beau was one of the two big ones they run...the first weekend of the month...$30K guarantee with a buy in of $350. I had called ahead and requested a seat from Eric. He complied. But when I got there it had gotten mixed up somehow, and I was forced to wait. No biggie, really. I get moved to a pretty rough table. A lot of cash game players...always scary. I decide to play REALLY tight....NOT do hardly ANY raising.

Limp with a lot of middle pairs and maybe call if I am getting the right price. We had this guy (lets call him a clown) at the table who apparently clings to 3/7 as his favorite hand. One one hand he raises UTG with it. Player in middle position SMOOTH CALLS with KK (very dangerous play)....flop comes 3-7-J. Think you know how THAT one went down. Well then.....this one is fun....I am in the BB with AJh. UTG limps for $100....another calls....and CLOWNBOY makes it SIX HUNDRED to go! Folds around to me...I of course fold AJ...like ANY good player. The first guy CALLS! THE FLOP comes 3 clubs. The first guy...GOES ALL IN! CLOWNBOY calls and turns over 3/7 clubs! HAHHAHA. The first guy has A9 spades. NO pair, NO draw, NO spade. NO chance. NO seat. "Seat open!" And now CLOWNBOY has a ton of chips. Monkey picks up 66. One player limps, then another...then me...then another, still another....and one more. 7 in the hand. FLOP.....2-6-8 rainbow.

I tell Omar next to me before the flop..."how bout a little 6 and a rainbow flop!???" BINGO. First limper bets out $300. I call. The next guy min raises to $600. Reaaaaaaaallllly!??? TWO CALLERS! What!??? Well, if I am losing to a set of 8's so be it. I RE-RAISE to $2200. He INSTA-SHOVES....the other two fold....oh boy. NOPE...he has 222. Cool, and bricks the next two and I have my first big pot of the day. I pick up some big hands....JJ UTG...raise, no call....KK behind a raiser (a cash game player too, scary) who folds (his 5-7 s) then get AA and again, same guy raising, I raise again...he folds, I show. This guy would have folded just about anything to my re-raises I think...but it just so happened that every time I re-raised him I HAD the goods. But it might have come into play had he gotten deeper.

His name was Cyrus, and he turned out to be a really nice (and pretty funny) guy...and he actually got deeper than I expected him too, I think he went out about 23rd. Right before the first break, I had a chance to run my stack up to 20K (starting stack 6K) when I had AA UTG....raising, the shortstack who had just lost a big hand and was steaming (another guy who would turn out to be really cool, and very entertaining....don't mind losing this hand to him based on that, but I would end up whacking him later...and he had enough class to come sweat me at the final table) he calls...and I just GO ALL IN in the dark preflop....and he just frustratingly calls...and turns over KQ as the flop is coming out J-9-4...oh no, do NOT put a ten out there. She doesn't. She puts a 10 and ANOTHER 10!

Why not. $6,000 chips go the other way, and I go to break with 13K instead of 20K. I get them all back after the break...hitting a nut flush against CLOWNBOY. Then win a couple more big pots....and when they break that table, I have a healthy stack of 23K. CLOWNBOY leaves our table with about $3200 and the world is right again!

I get to my new table...and it is SOFT as SHIT. I am never in trouble at that table. Joining us a short time later is Reid...nursing a sick stack. He isnt able to make anything good happen. I'm just glad that we avoid EACH other on this day! I have chips almost all the way until we are at the final table. I take a pretty bad hit when we are at the final table. (I have this fly buzzing around my head annoying me right now...I just miraculously caught him with my bare hand...and wasn't sure if I really caught him or not...and when I opened my hand he got away! DAMMIT! and now, of course I cant catch him again...and he continues to annoy!) Gary...uh....oh what is Gary's last name....he made two final tables with me here at the March event, and then another one at the IP...good player, and a really nice guy.....he raises, about half his damn stack. I look down at AK in the SB...and I just move in.

The guy in the BB (eventual winner, and dinner bud next door at PRIME...shhhhh don't tell Squirrel, she will be pissed after telling me not to go to a nice dinner without her) who has me covered...labors....uh oh.....but finally folds. Gary calls....and rolls over AA. Ah hell! So now I am pretty short after just that hand. Dammit. I hang out and play tight and let 3 or 4 players lose....now we get down to 5 and I am waiting on a hand. This kid Ryan, whose last name I don't know either....has had a huge stack since we were at two tables. He spent the whole time we were at 18>>>>10 players pretty much opening EVERY pot. Raised my blinds almost EVERY damn time. I was getting very irritated! One hand had JJ. Instead of re raising though, or moving in...which HAD I he would have called he said, with AK...flop came Q high.....he bets $15,000...I just had too much to lose by getting into that mess, and folded.

I still had $80,000...with the blinds $1500-$3000 and just making the money was good for $1450...so it made sense to NOT get stupid. But Ryan personally cost me about HALF of my stack. Then at the final table, with him in the BB I pick up QQ twice. Well, you all know my nightmare recent history with QQ...and with him sitting on about 200K...the last thing I want to do is let him RERAISE me and put me on the spot. SCREW IT...I just moved in with it both times....and if he has AA, KK or AK....so be it....5th place money was decent. Well, another big stack mixed it up with a fellow bigstack...and just like that we were down to 4. COOL. $3500 for 4th...not a bad day for the Monkey.

Being's as it was another Final Table...we of course had to summons Wendy the fabulous cocktail waitress for a tray full of Red Snappers...courtesy of Senor Monkey. I got the tip on that deal...as we had 4 or 5 rounds. Blaine....the kid who would eventually knock me out....joined the crew. Thank Goodness too, because I was about to kill him. The Red Snapper Brotherhood was the only thing keeping him from me chucking my VERY DENSE MONKEY at his head. Woooof that would hurt!

When we had 14 left...and he was shortstacked....MAJORLY...RYAN raised my blinds for the umpteenth time....and Blaine goes all in for just a little more. In the BB I had A6H. I figured Ryan was smart enough to check this thing down to lose a player. But then the flop comes 2/4/6 rainbow...and I'm thinking...you know....I really probably should bet this. Maybe not...but I think I should. I bet out pretty big and Ryan folds what he claims was AK (skepticism from me on that one) and Blaine turns over my NEMESIS....K10. UGH! TURN card...a freaking 10. He doubles. I would double him two other times.

Back on that Red Snapper deal...I have yet to find ANYONE who can assist me in coming up with those hats. Black hat. Crazy-looking Monkey with shot glass in one hand filled with Red liquid, two cards in the other (K9 of course) with "M.R.S.P." below the MOnkey...then on the side....."Monkey's Red Snapper Posse"....I need 100 of these hats. I really wanted to have them by the August event here...its going to be tough now!

I sit and watch Blaine call off LARGE all ins from other players with A9, A8 and A10...he wins two of three of them. Then I am getting pretty low with four of us left...and the pots are huge. I am UTG with KJ suited...and Ryan again in the BB. Only one way to play this sucker. FIRE THE ROCKETS!!!!!! Blaine calls...agaaaaaaiiiinnn....with A10 offsuit...for $80K! Blinds were 3k-6k...not just your run of the mill "the math made sense" call. He flops the ace.

Whatever. I'm out...but still...another Final Table...and a decent payday. And my backer gets a nice chunk of our bankroll restored. Rooster gets 10% of my action..as we had swapped 10% before the tourney. He went out about 23rd...another tough break for Rick. But...he would make the Final Table at the IP on Sundays 20K guarantee over there and got himself a nice little chunk of $$$ and some badly needed confidence back in his game.

So what do I do next? Go home? Spend time with my dogs? Read a book? No No NO...that would be silly! Lets instead, hang out....drink some more...and play some $1-$2 cash game!!!!??? Because I run SOOOOOO good at the Beau Rivage in cash game. YET ANOTHER huge mistake. No details here...lets just say I got rivered maybe 15 times. And lets say I missed about 25 draws. I lost about $400. If it weren't for a lot of very nice bluffs by me...I would have lost a LOT more! OH!

While I was sitting in there....what happens???? I hear that rumble...you know the sound....coming from a table in the upper level.....that "Oh My God, I think someone might have just hit the $76,000 Bad Beat JackPot" rumble. And as soon as I stick my head over the rail.....I see it! One player...JJ....the other player...99....the board? J-9-2-J-9!!!!!!!!! Quads over Quads! The way they do it, and they say this is the last time...that from now on, it gets paid only to the table where it happened...but in this case....the table got paid, and everyone in the ROOM who was in a hand when it went down! One guy to my left had gone to the bathroom! I told him I thought he was screwed. Didn't stop him from trying...and when our table was getting paid out...he went over and stood in line, only to be told he wasn't dealt in to the hand.

It was $242. Hey...not bad.....the amount of time that it took to get paid though......good GAWD...I'm talking it took like an hour and a half. Kudos to Cincere though for taking our table first (per my request) and getting us paid. I did of course, get on the microphone and lobby for everyone to leave the dealers a good tip when they get paid out. I hope that worked out. And I sure hope the two guys who won ($31,000) and ($15,000) did the right thing. But based on their appearance...I am guessing that didn't happen. Maybe I'm wrong...I hope I am! But once I got my money, I was ready to pretty much get the hell out of there!!

After the tourney...I kept my word (to myself)...and made my way to PRIME...to treat myself! I sat at the bar and was immediately scolded by the bartender...who incidentally I never saw again the whole time I was there...just dawned on me...weird....to REMOVE MY HAT! This is what pisses me off. Claudia, who would later join me there at the bar...comes in wearing a hat...and no one says a word to her. But I have to take MY hat off? Why? Whatever. I do.

Then meet this cute little couple at the bar...the guy's name was Mike Hunt and said he was a safety on LSU's 2003 National Championship team. We had to talk, of course about how bad I think they are going to suck this year.....then of course he finds out I am a Washington Huskies fan...and we have another fun conversation. Yeah yeah...I know...we REALLY suck. Ty Willingham....I hate you. You have hurt me so bad the last four years!!!! Anyway, Mike has this little hottie for a girlfriend...named Amelia...and we all have a blast...sharing food, wine and everything else.

The guy who won the tourney joined us for awhile too. I had a KOBE ribeye...which the chef SCREWED up the first time...I order it MR..very clearly...and it comes out...VERY M...almost MW...and the bartender catches it BEFORE I DO! We send it back...and he brings it back out and says "The Chef cut into the middle of it and JUST WANTS TO MAKE SURE you still think its overcooked!" HUH!??? Are you kidding me!??? Everyone at the bar agrees, as does the bartender? And I'm like...dude, "I understand its a $115 steak! and the food cost on that is huge....did you tell the Chef I was drunk and that I might be talked into taking it back? I'm not THAT drunk dude.

You are the one who insisted on taking it back! Does this mean he spits all over the new one?" He laughed and said no...and took it back. The next one was AMAZING! Worth every penny! During the night I had 12 of the best oysters I have ever had while on the GULF COAST. They were clearly from the North Atlantic...either Bluepointes or Malepaques (definitely NOT Appalachicolas)....unreal...and the dozen only cost $23...which had to be the best value on the menu. Shared some Steak Tartare, Tuna Tartare...Crab Cocktail....Fois Gras....had some of Claudia's Filet, and some of Amelias Seared Tuna Steak.

What an AWESOME meal!!!!! For wine I had the most expensive glass of Pinot Noir I have ever drank...at $23 a glass...it was called BINK. Had never heard of it...but it was amazing! And what I really like about Prime is that they keep all of their wine at cellar temperature...which is very important with GOOD red wines. Most restaurants serve their wine at room temperature, which is always TOO warm. Getting it at 45 degrees....is IDEAL! I cant wait to go back. Even though I was in my clothes that I was playing poker in, and could detect a little bit of snobbishness from some of the staff members looking down their noses at me...the bartender (the good one) could tell I knew what I was doing...and my 30% tip probably won me some credibility as well. Cant wait to go back there........... our next dining experience was NOT QUITE as memorable!

Second half of post to come: