SQUIRREL'S DAY

SUNDAY...SQUIRREL'S DAY....as she turns..mmmmm 30 somethin'ish!

First let me say this. Black Labs are ridiculous. I've always had one. And I LOVE THEM. But they are ridiculous. Babies. My dogs name is Jasper. We have two. One is ten, part Doberman..and...well, we aren't sure, maybe deer. Has diabetes and every other ailment. Spend about $400 a month to keep her alive. But Jasper...sheesh. He has this little habit. When I go out of town for long periods of time....he likes to destroy the yard.

We have this nice little screened in back porch which is great for the dogs. Well, he decides that when he is going to dig holes and destroy the yard...that he will do it right in front of the door to that porch. So...mix in the occasional rain storm and what you have is a mud pit. Which renders the nice little indoor/outdoor carpet I put on that tile porch, POINTLESS and WORTHLESS! I decide to take the Sunday $350 tourney off and dedicate it to cutting the grass and FIXING JASPERS HOLE! So...three hours later....I have it all finished...only I discover I am about 4 pieces short of perfect. Which gives him the opportunity to still mess it up.

In the process of doing this I think I shocked my body, which the next day felt like I had gone 12 rounds with the old Mike Tyson. I would have gone today and gotten those 4 pieces of sod....but Home Depot only gets their sod on Thursday...at noon. If there was any left today...it was surely crap, after sitting in the hot sun for five days. So Thursday I will finish the deal! While I am doing this, Squirrel is cleaning....CLEANING? Hell...when we are about to entertain guests, which we are going to be after the concert...she goes WAY overboard. And she did again. Not that a clean house is bad...its just funny I guess.

I go to print off all the Def Leppert tickets...which we bought for everyone....19 of them....and what happens? NOTHING! First while I was in Vegas my Monitor went tits up. Something about some part in there going bad. Nice! That was only $700. Well, now my printer is all screwed up. Its about 4 years old. ANd it wouldn't do ANYTHING! Of course it was the first time I had tried to use it since I've been home. So we call and have someone in our party print them all. She doesn't have ADOBE ACROBAT. (to utilize the Ticketmaster PRINT TICKETS NOW option) So we call someone else. They are out of ink! We finally find someone with a functioning printer!

We had made reservations at Bonefish Grill 3 days prior to this night...a SUNDAY. We are on our way over there when they CALL US....its 6:10....asking us if we are close...as we have a 6:00 reservation. Yeah we are five minutes away. "Are you sure?" HUH! Yeah we are (*@#*(&#@ sure! WTF...we will be there in five minutes! Which we are. We walk in and the place is swamped! Cheryl had cancelled MY reservation...for 12 in the dining room...and made one for 12 in the BAR...because we had some smokers in our party! NICE! I HATE SMOKE! Why isnt it illegal to smoke in restaraunts here like it is almost everywhere ELSE now?

Well, we find our table has been pulled apart...and try to squeeze 10...which later swells to 16....into this table. We arrived at 6:15. We see a waiter for the first time at 6:40. We have our orders READY..and tell her we are going to the concert at 7:30. Or HOPE TO! We order Apps, salads, and entrees. Oh and drinks. First thing to arrive in 15 minutes? Our salads! Great. NExt.....water. Lovely. NEXT? Drinks. Thank god!.....oh...here come our appetizers finally. Not all of them though...just half the table's. Good touch. No refill on water? How bout just bringing us a full pitcher? "We arent allowed to do that" Oh no sweat...I will just sit here and suck water our of my ice! (@#**(#@$ When my entree arrives, Cheryl is STILL waiting for HER appetizer!

I am getting more and more PISSED by the minute...and she is trying to calm me down. Whatever. I gave her the diamond earrings....making a good impression on her and her friends....which as a guy (as we know) is always important! I also gave her the gayest birthday card I have ever bought in my life. While shopping at Wal Mart late the other night after my drunken cash game session...I couldn't find a card to save my life...so I opted for the most RIDICULOUS card I could find...that would be the one with Hannah Montana on it...featuring CD stickers on the inside. AWESOME!

I am pretty good friends with the Regional Manager for Bonefish Grill and as we were eating I fired her off a little text message...kind of a SPY report...on the experience we were having. She texted me back as we were leaving. Probably would have scored a nice discount if we had still been there. But that wasn't even really WHY I texted her...it was to tell her how UNBELIEVABLY unprepared and disorganized things were in there. I was really disappointed.

When I lived in Pensacola and a liquor rep...it was one of my accounts. I had eaten there several times and always had a great experience there. Not SO MUCH on this occasion! Well whatever, we have a better destination!

We proceed to the Coliseum for the Def Leppert concert. Opening for them was Joan Jett. As we are walking in we hear her singing her LAST song...which was amazing! And really made me furious about our dining experience, because now I am pissed that I didn't get to see the rest of her act. So we catch 40 seconds of Joan Jett.....and find our seat for the headliners. The arena wasn't anywhere close to full, which was kind of too bad, because Def Leppert...as old as they are getting...were GREAT.

Dude's voice has lost a little, but singing THOSE songs...whose wouldn't lose a little something over the years. They were very entertaining...and the guitarists...who always like to take off their shirts....had a pretty damn good body for being that age. Made me ALMOST (emphasis on almost) want to go work out today! I spend the first hour trying to explain to Cheryl that NOTHING IS WRONG with me...when I choose to sit alone in a spot where there is a no one in front of me but a rail to look over.....a place to put my legs over the side....comfort basically, while being able to see the stage and the band.

That and I was ...mmm...pretty baked...and just wanted to sit, chill, and enjoy the show! I hate it when people insist that you be standing and dancing to PROVE that you are having fun. I AM FINE! LEAVE ME ALONEEEEEEE!!!!!!

A few observations I made while attending last night's concert:
(a) Years and years in concert time has passed...and STILL...it is STILL ridiculous to ignite your ligher and hold it up in the air!
(b) Using your cell phone is even MORE ridiculous!
(c) Not sure WHEN it WAS cool...but holding your hand up (and blocking my view for about 75% of the show asshole!) with pinky and index finger extended is STILL gay! I hope and suspect it always will be!
(d) Just curious...is there ANYONE cool out there who doenst feel like a mere lemming when prodded by the band to "throw your hands in the air" (and rap shows, wave them like ya just don't Kay-yare) I just refuse to comply with this request/demand.

Some of my observations about the concert scene. And when you are leaving the concert it is NOT a requirement for people lacking the ability to sing to decide to suddenly start serenading the departing crowd with their bad renditions of the songs we just heard.

We move back to the Casa de Monkey et Squirrel...where we welcome about 24 friends over to partake in booze, food and games. Jasper got all the attention he so desperately craves! People go outside...get mud on their feet and track it all over the carpet. Someone brought Wii.....we play/sing American Idol...and I have to say, Squirrel did a really, really good job with her song...doing the dancing and almost nailing all the words. Simon, in his judgement even called her "okay." Which, we all know what a compliment THAT IS!

Gabe...wow, how did I miss this! GABE COSTNER put on a display unlike any I have ever seen from him...and spent the whole summer together! I don't know what it was...the weed, or the booze...but he was acting ...I don't even know what the word is....it made all the rest of us laugh. Claudia was about to kill him. At the restaurant...he kept dipping his steak knife into the sauce of Claudia's trout (which by the way we BOTH had and WAS delicious) and trying to put it in her face. I kept thinking someone was about to take a knife to the eyeball. Well...arriving at the restaurant later than us...but not with our group...was CUB...with a mystery dinner guest (your welcome Cub, and his mystery date)...he talked to us for awhile...then Gabe disappears for like 15 minutes. He was over at Cub's table...drinking his dates drink...and putting his finger in her sauce!!!!!!

You go Gabe...ya psycho!!!! Well, he passed out on the couch...and in a house of 24 people...and only two couches....ya kind of need the space....so he is stretched out...sleeping! HAHAHA. I move his ass to the guest room and tuck him in!!!!!!! Everyone cleared out around 5am....and we finally got to sleep...which we did...til 2pm!!!!!! I am ready to play some poker....lets go online now and see if we can get crushed!!!!!!!! I see Squirrel already has a game fired up over there on her side of the bed!

MONKEY...OUT!