FINAL TABLE OUTCOME...and Snappers to make you HURL!

Okay, so...it's now Monday.

Just read a very interesting piece on ESPN.com about Lenny Dykstra, about what an absolute scam artist, piece of shit he is. Incredible. Great story by Mike Fish.

Also, after checking into my Facebook account, I was amazed to see that Phil Hellmuth has not ixnayed me (however you spell that) from his 'friends' list. Not that I was losing sleep over it.

I have completed the final chapter in RESISTANCE:2 on PS3. Killing Daedalus was a nightmare. But once you kill him, he transfers all his power to you...and you can simply make people disintegrate by using your hands and throwing POWER at them. Awesommmmme! Their bodies just explode! Well, after the game was over I decided to FINALLY figure out how to get online and network with other players. I quickly found out how 'behind the curve' I am in that department. Every single game I tried out with an online community involved, I got DESTROYED! And I noticed a trend. They all had apparantly acquired the codes or add/ons somehow that enabled them to be far and away better outfitted to beat the living hell out of me. Yeah, that didn't go well, but it was fun to learn, at least...how to get on the Playstation Network.

Squirrel and I took the 'kids' to the beach in Ocean Springs Sunday morning. I passed on the 10k Guarantee at the Beau Rivage, fearing a smallish crowd and wanting to play the 1 million dollar Turbo Takedown as I had over 5000 FPPs required to buy in with. So I bought into it on my computer at noon, giving us an hour and a half to do the beach. They loved it. It was Mollie's first experience with water and she loved it. Jasper would pay the price later...he has a weird hip situation, and all the exercise beat him up...he would be welping in pain all last night and today. Poor guy. I dropped Squirrel off to meet her friends at the beach in Biloxi, then came home to play those. I was half an hour late...just like in LIVE tourney play!!!!

There was over 8500 players. I was only down about 400 when I walked in the door. I immediately went to work, and of course bought into all of the big $11 MTTs that were running, as my Friday night and late Saturday night sessions on Stars had my account down to a paltry $64! I got up to 7000 chips ....then this guy moves all in on the button with me holding AA in the BB. Ugh....yeah I will call the 4200 all in (with the blinds 150/300, nice play retard)....he has 55. I flop a set, with a 2. Turn brings a 3, followed by a 4 on the fucking river. GREAT! Down to 2800 chips. Meanwhile not doing MUCH of anything in any of the $11 MTTs. Then I went on a tear. Got up to 15k on the Turbo Takedown just 300 away from the money ($90). I will cut to the chase because it isnt very exciting. I managed to stick around, pick up a pot here and there...and got whittled down, and into the third pay tier my AK whiffed against 88. I finished 363rd and won $315. Not bad.

Squirrel and her posse showed up around 6, tired, drunk and sun-burned. They would play cards til 4am for the third consecutive Sunday in a row while I played online all night and managed a $450 profit with three final tables in the $12/180pp turbos, a win and a 2nd place in SNG's and a 4-way heads up victory. A pretty good night online, for a change.

So in Saturday's tourney...well, I arrived about 20 minutes late, found out that by calling ahead I had gotten Seat 10 still. Michael later told me he forgot to tell them I had called. Whatever. On my first table change I would get SEAT 1! Everything was working in an opposite universal way. So, with that in mind, I started making people change! You know I HATE doing that...WONT do it, all the dealers KNOW IT. Why? Venetian, Spring, 2008...made change for 4 players. All 4 players would eventually bust me. That was when I quit. Well, you know what? As bad and unlucky as I have been running this year...I said FUCK IT! I am making change! Switch it up! And it did NOT bite me on the ass!

I had TJ, a dealer at the Beau Rivage, a pretty good buddy, and a pretty good player at my table most of the day. He had managed a lucky double up before I arrived. So he was already in pretty good shape. I was literally card dead for 4 levels. As a matter of fact, for the 2nd Final Table in a row, I never saw a pair over 10's the whole tourney. Talk about doing a lot of work with very little workers! Saturday, I would get 10s...and simply moved all in out of the BB, holding 5400 chips...with the blinds at 300/600 and SIX limpers. Hmmmm....50 antes...thats 500, plus 3000 in limp money....uh....YEAH....ALL IN! I will take that...thank you folks. I just check there....I never win that pot. NEVER! That was pretty much how I won every decent pot Saturday, finding spots where there was an overly adequate amount of money in the pot to satisfy my needs then using my crafty sales pitch to convince everyone that my all in play was one that they wanted no part of. It worked to perfection.

I was literally short stack ALL DAY. With 15 left, I had like 4 big blinds. I knew it was going to be another one of those gut wrenching 6 hour days for nothing. I had already envisioned the long, painful drive home. Then...I don't know...things just started clicking. Our table has FOUR small stacks on it (out of 6) and the other table (5 handed) had NONE. And yet, one of them managed to knock someone out...getting us to 10. Nice, we bargained for 10th place to get $250...and then everyone just kind of started slinging it! Two quickly went out...so now I am up to 8th place money ($800) and feeling pretty pleased. Then I move all in with 88 and get called by AJ and KQ.....yikes, try dodging THOSE cards! I did, and now had over 60K!

It amazes me how badly some players play when they make a final table. Getting it in with hands you couldn't pay me to play in the situations they get it in with. But I love it because you can just sit there and pick up money watching donkeys. It was a bit of a luxury...being 8 handed since we played 5 and 6 handed for over an hour...being the BB every fourth hand when you are short is a nightmare. But my table either liked me a lot or just feared me because I got a walk in the BB about 5 or 6 times, which REALLY helped me a lot! We actually had a pretty cool table. I had no 'issues' with any players all day. Took an aderol when I arrived and it started kicking in around 1pm...man those things are incredible. I was ULTRA dialed in. And was having a lot of fun conversation with the table.

Well, so we get to the Final Table, things start to finally happen for me, and now I am feeling like I might actually win this thing. When I had 8 BB's and we had 10 left I asked Johnny Groomes what the odds are on me winning this thing. He put it at 12 to 1. He said, realistically it was more like 17 to 1, but was grading me up based on my skill level. Well, thank you sir, compliment accepted. I tried to get him to take a $20 wager on it...with me betting on myself, and of course he declined. (uh, some kind of rule against a poker room manager making side wagers with players!!!!)

We got down to 3. We decided to do a money save at 4, wherein we all would take $1600 each, which was $200 over 3rd place money, and leave $1600 to play for...which, with first place being $3500, would come out about right if you won. Ideally, I would get heads up and have about a ten to one advantage and be in position to play for ALL OF IT and not have to chop that up any further. Well...the moment arrived where we all scratch our heads and try and decide what to do.

Three of us left. I have 170K and am chipleader. Mike Wexler, who is destroying the Beau's new TLB leaderboard contest with 85pts (two outright wins) compared with 54 pts for whoever is in 2nd place, and my 11 pts (no points for the weekend tourneys) is on the button and MOVES ALL IN (blinds at 2000/4000) for 67k. I have A10d. Hmmmm. Tough decision. I add up my chips. Okay, basically a 3rd of my stack. How strong is he? Couldn't be VERY strong....definitely not a top 4 hand...or I think he would be raising to 12 or 15k. He is usually very matter-of-fact about his raises. Looks at his cards, and BOOM announces "I raise 12 thousand" and then puts out his chips. On this one....he looks, ponders...then says "Im all in." A little different.

So, I am thinking...I think he either has a bad ace...like A8,A7....something like that...or he has a middle pair, and just wants to take down this 9k pot. Now on my end...John Riola, another very fine player...is in the BB. John and I have a very good relationship with one another. And a pretty deep mutual respect for each as well. I have been playing lights out every since we got three handed, and have managed to get a pretty decent chip lead by not getting crazy/greedy out of the SB or button, but using very tactical position plays to take down hands without every seeing a flop, which in my mind is STILL the best way to win at the Final Table. John generally has a fairly accurate read on me when I raise, but I will say, I also use that as an advantage when taking pots from him when I have him covered with my chipstack. But he does the same thing to me. There are times when I KNOW that by simply moving in on him when he bets into me that he will fold. However, I know that I COULD do that and 93% of the time get away with it...the 7% of the time that I get caught might encourage me to use patience and guile to get those chips back from him in my own little creative way later.

So, back to this hand. I do not ignore John in the BB in this hand. I am cognizant that he is sitting on about 105k. If I call, and John folds, and I take Wexler out...I KNOW with almost absolute certainty that John and I will most likely save another $500 each (taking me to $2100 on the day) and play for the remaining $600, which is more for pride, bragging rights, and tipping out!

So finally, and without using my coin flip medallion from Ceasers Palace that I so often deploy in these moments....I do make the call. That is when John instantly shoves all in. What? OH FUCK! Great. How much more to call dealer? 55K? UGH. Well, its official...I am behind! But now we are looking at what? Over 200K in the pot? With a chance to END the tournament right HERE and take home $3200? After sucking ass all month? Well, I couldn't have folded there if I wanted to. I call....John has QQ...yikes. At least I have my ONE over card. Wexler has 88. Well, things could be a lot worse. Just one ace will do dealer!

Now, I know that if JOHN wins, Wexler loses....and even though John will have me heads up by about 10 to 1, he will still probably do a save with me for more money. Not too sure about the other guy. FLOP comes out.....

10-3-7. Okay, okay....I have Wexler beat now at least....but it doenst matter as John has the biggest stack. The turn brings a damn 8! No Q on the river and everything goes to shit. I am left with 24k. They both have a lot of chips. I am all but dead.

Then I play pretty freaking great (sorry, but I did) and somehow get my 24k back up to around 100k. But the blinds are now 4k/8k. Wexler limps in from the SB about 4 times and when I look at A4/A9/910c/44 I shove all in to get him out and take down decent pots. While this is happening, I am thinking in my head "one of these times he is going to pick up something huge and catch me."

And of course, that is what happens. He limps in with AA. I look down at KJh...which is a pretty damn good hand heads up. I move in. And he does the move that will leave me with an indelible image of him for at least the next month or two. Have you all seen the clip from WSOP on ESPN of Hellmuth when he has ACES and gets someone to push on him...and he does the thing where he comes up out of his chair and starts excitedly pushing/splashing all of his chips into the middle while bellowing out 'I CALLLLLLL'???? Like a fucking retard? You know what I am talking about? Most of you do. He does this. All good feelings that I had for him went right out the window. I didn't say anything, just looked at him like I would look at my shoe if I just stepped in dog shit. Of course I didn't suck out on him...and was out with $1600 for my efforts.

I wasn't upset. Hell, I was basically freerolling all day anyway. And when I did get to the Final Table, I felt great about how I played. One thing did kill my buzz though. Upon making the Final Table I did the Red Snapper presentation. Randi, our waitress, suddenly decided it was a Capital Offense to be given a beer with my shot. As well as the other players who had already been enjoying a cocktail. After three years of it NOT being a big deal, now the whole TWO DRINKS at once thing was exploding in our faces. Oh come on! But I didn't get ugly about it, simply assumed that SOMEONE upstairs was cracking down and had made a big deal about it in preshift. As Squirrel works there, I hear about these things, and I wasnt about to make a big deal about it. I mean, it's not her fault, she is just trying not to get fired. I get that.

But then it got ridiculous. I asked if Bruce was around, the beverage manager, who I know from Cheryl pretty well. If he was, I wanted to just ask why after three years it was now a major issue. I didn't ASK or DEMAND to see a manager, as it later got reported back to Cheryl....along with me alledgedly 'cussing' a waitress..which thankfully was disputed by EVERYONE at the table when Squirrel accused me of THAT. Yeah Cheryl got to work and was told to report to the office over this. REAL NICE ! Which of course, led to me getting my butt chewed out by her, in front of all my poker peers. Awesome! But incidently, the new assistant beverage manager, Shannon, who was working at the WOW! wings joint on Popps Ferry by our house before it closed after only three months....came out and talked to me for about 15 minutes about it. This was BEFORE I got ambushed by Squirrel. Shannon and I had a very friendly conversation about the whole matter. Nothing out of line at all. So then, these Snappers show up, made by a bartender whose name I have never heard before...something like Sharday, or Sharmay...I don't know...they were GODAWFUL. I drank mine...and I don't know what it was in there....you know when you start to throw up while the drink is still making its way down your throat? And you catch it before it shoots out of your face? Then you try real hard to get it down again? But just can't? And you start to throw up AGAIN? But again...you catch it?

Well, I managed to get it down. Then my eyes started watering, and I thought I might puke again. But I didn't. But now I wanted to die. That was the SECOND round of shots. The first round was great. So they obviously had a shift change while all that was going on. So thats about the time that Squirrel came zooming in to verbally rampage me. While I was still recovering from "the shot from hell." So no, that was not a magical moment, and my body pretty much said to me "Monkey, I am done taking in alcohol for the day sir" (or at least until we get to the BR Prime and sit down for some steak and oysters!).

Okay. I am not even going to get into the later cash game session, which resulted in me losing every fucking pot on the river to one of the scariest looking men I have ever seen at a poker table, wearing a Hooters shirt and taking up two spots at the table. I won't bother with the BR PRIME experience, but I will say my filet was great, my conversation with Kai was amusing as always, Ronnie the bartender was great, the two ladies from Chicago were pretty interesting...and the Bink Pinot Noir was out, which sucked...but the replacement wasnt too shabby...and the lemon flavored creme brulee? No. Not good. Vanilla please. Just Vanilla, no need to get fancy there. And can we please get more than ONE food runner on a busy Saturday night? This kid was looking like he was about to have a nervous breakdown. That happens at Chili's, not BR PRIME.

Time to get online and see if I can keep it going. Plus, I really need to get after winning this WSOP seat, especially if my backer is flying the coop on me. Havent heard a peep from her in days. Starting to wonder if she is firing me!!!!

MONKEY