Tourney outcome...and a reader who needs to be addressed...then tar and feathered.

Yeah, so sorry about not following up yesterday. My backer went through the same excruciating, "what the heck ended up happening" that I did to the rest of you. Well, I will tell you...it was one of the most disappointing finishes of the year for me. It sent me into a downward spiral of emotions that ended with me sitting down at a 1/2 table and declaring war on any and everything I laid my eyes on. I was just pissed!

I came back from dinner break with only 32k and the average stack at around 56k. I needed help, but I was still okay, and was willing to be patient. There were 70 left, with 45 cashing...so I didn't need to get crazy. Well, I wouldn't have to wait long. On the 3rd hand back...Im in the BB with AK...fairly solid player raises...gets called by the button...and with me staring at over 15k in the pot...and a pretty damn good hand to shove with...I shoved. The first raiser calls...and the 2nd guy tanks...then finally folds...what he said was JJ. The first guy has QQ. Oh boy. King in the window! And it holds! Wish the other guy had called! Now I was in pretty good shape.

But then...on the VERY NEXT HAND...in the SB...I pick up AA. Dan Clemente raises in early position. (gee, I wonder, am I 'name dropping' there?) Dan is a real solid player who cashes a LOT...and who I also have a pretty good player relationship with. We also traded a 5% save on a TOP 5 finish in this tourney. (oh no...another save with a friend) Well, Dan had been pretty active with his raising...so he could have had a lot of hands. Turns out he had KJ. The guy three over calls his raise. When it gets to me, I re-raise about 2.5x the bet. Dan calls. And the second guy (who has AQ) calls. The flop comes A-10-4. Rainbow. Hell yes! I go ahead and lead out...for 7500. Dan calls. And the third guy shoves for 38k! Awesome! I debate on whether or not to re-pop it. Then it dawns on me....WHY? So I smooth call his all in. Dan gives me a pretty funny look and tells me, "I have outs!!!" but he KNOWS what I have. Either a set of 10's or a set of A's. The other guy is all but dead...and fails to go runner K runner J..and is OUT! And I spend the next four hands stacking my 155k in chips! It was a great, great feeling. I could start to think about the Final Table.

Granted, I have been here before, and there was no way I was penciling myself in for the Final Table. But others were, and I hate that. Expectations suck. Well, I would hover around 150k for several orbits. Had one hand where a guy with as many chips as I had limped in for 2k, and I folded A5....then flop a damn wheel...with Dan betting out...and the other guy calling. Ugh. Could have been a very nice 50 to 100k pot for me there. Bad fold. Then I have a hand blow up in my face. Sitting in the BB with AA again...I would have aces 5 times yesterday...I decide to get sneaky and go for a HUGE pot...one that would allow me to coast into the Final Table with a massive chiplead. Already we had all the chips on our table between  me, Dan...and this other guy I've never seen before.

Dan raises. The other chip monster calls....and I decide to flat. My full intent is to check any flop and then re-raise any bet. The flop comes Qc-5c-3d. Pretty good flop. I check. Dan bets out 9500. The other guy folds. I raise it another 18k to 28k total. Then...it happens. Dan re-raises me...but not a lot...almost like he WANTS me to call...or WANTS me to put him all in. He makes it another 30k. Son of a bitch! What the hell.....QQQ? Or a flush draw. Fortunately we had a dealer who wasnt beating us up with the 'no talking in the hand' crap that a lot of the Venetian dealers are nutso about. I took forever deciding what to do. I just kept feeling like he had either a set or a huge flush draw...in which case....if I pushed all in he wasnt folding anyway. So I did what I thought was smart and laid down aces. He was amazed...but later told me he had the ace high flush draw. Well, had I known that...I still think I fold there.  I still had plenty of chips...and we would be re-drawing once in the money...and I would certainly be moved to a table full of small stacks and bad players.

Which is exactly what happened. We made the money...and I was moved to a table of bad players...who had very little chips. But then I went card dead for about 6 orbits. Yet I still had 200k in chips with the average at 198k and 22 players left.

Then this guy who I had been pretty chummy with all day does something really fucking stupid. I always watch the players before they act...and I swear to God this guy didnt look at his hand. And on the button...he moves in on me for 58k. With the blinds at 3k-6k. I look down at AcKc. Pfft...great...I know I'm ahead and I just know I will lose. I call. He turns over 2-5 offsuit. Huh? Then tells me "I didnt look Monkey, I had to do SOMEthing to get some chips...."  Great so steal my BB....with dogshit. You dumbass. So when the dealer puts out nothing but a TWO....I had lost almost a third of my stack. Very next hand I have AQ. In the SB. Another short stacks moves all in. I call. He has K4 offsuit. He makes two pair. Awesome. Just awesome. Oh and I hit my ace on the flop. So now I am seething. Absolutely seething. When the same dealer gives me Ah10h at cutoff...I just throw in my last 56k in chips...and wait. I get a guy who re-shoves behind me...wonderful, watch him have AA. Nope, just 88. Well, thats not too bad. Then the flop comes out Kh-Qh-4d. WOW! Could I ask for a better flop? Jeezuz...lets see, I had 9 hearts, any ace, any 10, any J....or runner runner KQ....pretty much flopped the world.

Would I hit? Why would I? Fuck me! And I was out! 22nd! For a whopping $900. I've never been so pissed at having someone hand me $900. No...I had my heart and mind set on the Final Table and getting down to 5 and doing a 5-way chop...then negotiating with the other players so I got to get my picture taken with the trophy...which I would pay extra money to get to take home. Cuz thats how I roll! Okay, that is all bullshit. But when you read this dickheads comment down below it will make sense.

The next 5 or 6 hours were a blur. I was rude to my wife. I was rude to everyone who was even slightly morose with me. I went home talking to myself...mumbling really. Then when I woke up this morning at 11:15 and a splitting headache...I had to pull myself up off the canvas, get it together...and come back to try again today in the $550. It was a disaster. I really don't want to get to into it...other than to say I had this fat clown at my table who I immediately wanted to kill. If Big Bird and Snuffaluffagus got together and had offspring...this guy is what it would look like. He decides in an early round hand that he would happily slap a bluff in my face. I really thought I was good too...but he bet so much, it just didn't justify a call that early. But I hit the roof. Made whacking HIM my #1 goal. He also managed to get the rest of the table gunning for him. Sitting next to him was this scrawny little asian kid who looked about 12....who decided to be his pal. I am watching him after hands that I lost and the two of them are snickering and saying shit I know relates to me. I start having fantasies that I am writing the script for the next 'Saw' movie. The Asian Laurel and Hardy over there are being cast as my lead characters. I get moved to a table that 'Acap' was sitting at. Jason Young is at the table behind us. Hey look at me, dropping names again! I'm so important. Acap has a lot of chips. Then he gets his ass handed to him by that stupid motherfucker who looks like....take your pick....(a) Mark Cuban and/or (b) a fucking Mole...with this long, tube-like nose. Retard raises UTG with K10. Acap has JJ and just calls. No one else does. Flop comes 7-7-4. Dude checks. Acap bets the pot. Dude (retard) calls. Turn is nothing...like a 3 or something. Now the idiot leads out for a large bet, like 8500 or something. Acap RAISES him..like 3x. The guy CALLS! Again! The river? A fucking KING! And the guy checks! Acap bets 15,000. Whats this guy do? He smooth calls. When he turns over his hand Acap just flips. I almost fall out of my chair. Jason runs over...and he flips. But then tells us..."thats nothing compared to the shit on my table!"

Well, I am sitting there getting blinded out. Getting nothing, and losing the hands I do play. So when the mole limps in for 600....and Acap calls...and the lady (who will fold to my raise, I KNOW) next to me calls....I see a chance to scoop up a pot of almost 3k...half my stack...without (hopefully) seeing a flop. So I shove all in with my pair of 3's. Everyone folds except for the owner of the Mavericks. He has 88. Shit. I get nothing...and he hits an 8 on the river. And I am done for the day. Came up to my room here at the Venetian...which I just moved into this morning, with Kai Landry (one of my gay friends) and decided to take a nap. Which I just woke up from. I was staying at Lara Miller's house the first few days I was here. I met Lara this summer...she's a really cool chick who lives alone, owns her own PR firm, and represents a lot of poker players....whose names I would tell you but...HOLY SHIT...that would be name dropping. Well, I appreciate her letting me stay with her....but Kai got left high and dry when his buddy he was sharing a room with decided to split. I also kind of was hating the daily drive to and from the house. Its nice when you are staying upstairs...and can just go up and down. Like being able to go upstairs on dinner break and taking a hot bath! I love that. So I decided to help Kai out a little and share the room with him. So thanks to Lara!

I guess thats about it. I'm going to go back down here after I finish this...as its now 10pm...and try to play 1 or 2 sng's. Tomorrow is a $550, followed by a $1000 on Monday that I would like to play. But it would be nice to satellite in and not buy in. I don't know though, Jason had mentioned making Sunday a day off to just all go hang out and watch football in a sportsbook and eat lunch. That might actually happen. Suppose it depends on how many players I see when I go down there. If its over 250 I think I will have to play. There were 228 today. Kind of a low number I thought...but still...32k for 1st place is always worth playing for. So...lets address this pricks message.



Anonymous said...



Hey idiot, There is nothing to be jealous about. So, that cant be it!


You chop a couple of small tourneys, have to give your backer 60%. And split the rest with all your idiot friends who you had saves with. Whats to be jealous about? And everybody knows, after you make a chop for most of the money, the remaining players are not really playing anymore. Your the only idiot who buckles down, so you can take a pitcure with the chips and cards. Your probably one of those retards who wears the crappy jewelry thay give away. Your trying to become some poker celebrity. Its embarassing. And all the name droping you do is pitiful. "had a nice little talk with Helmuth in the hallway". "Had a bet with Gavin" All those accomplished players names you drop, all laugh at you behind your back. They all see you as a "MONKEY". But not the monkey you think you are. But a real ass monkey. And stop taking credit for tourney structures and making things better for the players. If you want to do something for the players,keep your crying ass home.


There is a reason your banned at all of these places. So just show up keep you mouth shut, and keep playing your super tight make it to the end and chop style, give your backer 60% and your fake friends the rest, and you might make the backpage of one of those low grade poker mags. And if everything is true, who gives a fuck if its from anonymous or Bob or Steve or Sara or whoever else is sick of your goofy ass? And I guarantee you at least 85% of people who play with you would agree with every word. Just because you have some goofball followers that come to your defense, dont let it go to your head. See you at the tables goffy!!!


Okay, fuck nugget. Here we go. Not sure why I waste my time giving clowns like you the forum to try and make me feel bad...I guess its because I like giving it back, which I plan to do right now.

Nothing to be jealous about? So thats not it? Well,  first, I wasn't the one who suggested you were jealous...as its pretty clear you are the same douchebag who made the earlier anonymous post. In fact, it was other readers who made the statement that you are nothing but a jealous asshole who is (my read here) probably saddled to a desk living in cubicle land Monday thru Friday making $36k a year or less, who gets to trek down to his local casino on the weekend to play 1-2nl or a $200 or less tourney once in a while, but who derives pleasure in talking smack...and bad smack at that where other successful players are concerned.

You keep mentioning that I keep chopping 'small tourneys.' Not exactly sure which ones you are referring to. First of all, I am guessing you have never MADE a Final Table, so you probably don't understand the dynamics of chopping up Final Table money. First and foremost, I NEVER chop and STOP. I always insist on playing it out. I LOVE TO WIN...and want all the chips. And the picture? You silly silly retard...the tourney directors take that picture, of their own valition. And then they post it...either on their site, or on a Facebook page, or other places. But yeah...I like the victory shot. Who doesnt? Its a happy moment. Dude wins a race, he gets up on his car and sprays shit everywhere. I mean...whatever field we are in...winning feels good. And to NOT want you picture taken? What would be the reason? Because I have to worry about your stupid, loser ass making fun of me?

Back to the chopping thing. See, moron...there are times, when based on the structure of the tournament...it is in your best interest to guarantee, to lock up...a certain amount of money...and then leave some more to play for on top. It has worked in my favor just as much as its worked against me. Of course when I end up winning, I am always bummed. But when I get knocked out next...and make a lot more than I would have...it feels pretty satisfying. Its economics my friend...but as someone who doesnt GET IT...I wouldn't expect you to understand.

You like to keep bringing up that I have to give my backer 60% like that is such a bad thing. If you understood exactly how good I have it...you would be jealous, instead of slighting me. But again, you have the IQ of a jagged rock, so I wouldnt expect you to figure it out. My backer enables me to do something I love with very little risk to my personal funds. And the 40% that I do garner in victories? I take care of that money in a way that provides me with a relatively comfortable lifestyle. Now, sure...if/when I ever hit something for half a million or more, there is probably a day when her and I re-structure our deal. I restructured it for HER myself last year...when it became clear to me that the deal was not very good for her. So I took it from 50/50 with no buy in refund to 60/40 and partial buy in refund...and its been a lot better for her, and not that much of a hit to me. She's happy, I'm happy...so if you aren't happy? Guess what? We don't give a rat shit.

Next. Ah yes...saves with my 'idiot friends.' Ha. You're funny. You only WISH you could be in the same situation I am in...to actually HAVE friends that are good enough players to warrant such consideration. You imply that I make 'saves' with people because they are my friends. Quite the contrary. I am friends with them due to the fact that they are worth of doing saves with! Well, that and I just like them. But I would NEVER do a save with a guy who I didn't think had an even-money shot at making the Final Table. Again...another topic you would CLEARLY have no understanding of.

NEXT: You think the players aren't trying after the chop deal is made? Well, you are a fucking imbecile if you think that three guys take $2500....and leave $1100 more on the table and don't TRY to win it. Simply a retard.

NEXT: Jewelry? You are obviously not reading ALL of my posts...as I have said on here, many times that I have NO desire to win a ring or a bracelet, to wear at least. To have one would be kind of cool. It would go in a trophy room with the other ones I have won. Or actually, I might even give it to my backer. I have said many times that I think players who wear their bracelets and/or rings at the table are kind of ridiculous. If its an attempt to intimidate the other players, its silly. I have railed against the whole jewelry thing on here a lot...so you get a big STEEEEEEEE-RIKE on that one too.

NEXT: Trying to be a poker celebrity? A name dropper? Listen bitter boy...I'm 42. I've done a lot of things in my life where I was as recognized or more than in poker. It's never been what 'drives' me. Do I enjoy some recognition for my accomplishments? Sure, why wouldn't I? If you know anything about me...you know I don't live in obscurity under a bridge...as you obviously do in 'Cubicle-Land.' I've actually said on this very blog, that I am hesitant about my desire to win a televised Final Table...that all the extra demands and attention that will come with it, might not be worth it. I rather enjoy winning these 'under the radar' tourneys for $20 to $60k, not being on TV...being recognized by my peers whose opinions of me I value the most. What would make more of an impact to me? Being in a grocery store and having some stranger Ive never met come up and tell me they saw me on TV....that they love poker, blah blah blah...and can they have my autograph? And maybe rattle off some personal bad beat story? Or walking into the next event after having won a nice one previously, and have a couple guys I know as good players, and good guys...coming up and saying..."Hey Monkey, heard you snapped off a nice tourney last week. Way to go pal! Was glad to see you win!"  Those are the comments that mean the most to me.

As far as name dropping? Dude, the only one who thinks that is name dropping, is the loser who idiolizes those people I mention. I mention a LOT of names in my blogs. I am not going to omit ONLY the ones that EVERYONE has heard of at the risk of some low-life asshole like you calling me a 'name dropper.' Buddy, its POKER man! If you consider these people something better than YOU? Than you need to check your self esteem. I don't hold any of these guys in higher regard than myself. We are all peers. They know me, I know them. Some of them I am closer to. I don't tell stories on here and use names to impress anyone. I don't need to. I think my stories are just as good if I made up the names...instead of Gavin Smith, next time I will call him Lavin Griff. Would that make it an easier read for you bleeding brain boy? See...maybe if you lived the life that I do, you wouldn't think it was a big deal to run around with these guys. I'm reading over your comment...and honestly, I am actually kind of starting to just feel sorry for you.

So you think that 85% of the people/players out there agree with you? Well, thats okay if you think that. I happen to know you are off. Way off. Sure there are SOME players who arent fond of 'my act' and I know that. And frankly, I'm okay with that. I go out there, and I have fun when I play. I talk a lot. I get to know people...and everywhere I go, there is no one who has more players come up to the table to say hi to than I do. And you know what? I like it. It makes me feel good. I make a lot of players have fun when they never expected to. I know what the actual number of people are who can't stand me. Do I like it? No. I don't think ANYONE likes to be disliked. But in life, there are some people who you will NEVER make like you. And to sit and TRY to win their affection, sometimes...isn't worth the time or energy required. And some people just aren't really the type of person you WANT liking you. I get the idea you are one of those people I would NEVER want to be friendly with. I imagine you to be the type who tortured animals when you were a kid. Used a magnifying glass to kill insects. Started fires to amuse yourself. Tormented the kids who were smaller or younger than you. Yeah...I think I pretty much have you pegged pal, for a straight up, world class loser. And what is the difference, you ask...in posting your name to your stupid comments? Why does it matter if its Bob, Doug or Shirley?

I'll tell you why. Its called 'BEING A MAN.' If you had any credibility, if you had any qualities of a real man, if you had a shred of honor, or class...you would sign your name to your ridiculous comments. But you don't. Why? Simple. Because you are a hater. A miserable, unhappy, jealous, spiteful, LOSER. I am a winner. I stand behind everything I say. I go to bat for people who deserve to be defended. I share my winnings with those I love and/or care about. I go out of my way to see the good in people. I am a responsible human being. I pay my bills on time. I love my animals, and don't torture them. I don't sit outside of junior high schools in my '85 Ford Escort watching the kids come out at 3pm. Go find a mirror pal, look in it...and with total sincerity ask yourself this question:

"Who the FUCK am I to question someone else and their life?"

And when you come up with an answer that makes any sense...feel free to post on here, and sign you name to it.

Have a nice day!

MONKEY