A Lousy Night at the IP.

Yeah last night sucked. I can't get ANYTHING going all of a sudden. And Justina keeps killing me. So she is back to her old tricks again. Last night it was standard Justina. We had a nice table...Bert Ladner just got knocked out, sitting on my left...which to me, as tough as Bert is, was kind of a relief.

But then they bring an older lady from the other table. Oh No! I typically run awful against them. Then Justina pushes in. Oh Gawd! Double whammy! Well sure enough...about 6 hands in...I pick up 89 in the SB, and call the extra 50. Flop comes 6-9-9. Hmmm, interesting. I check. Old lady bets 200. Everyone folds to me. I was just going to call, but I figure I better be smart and raise. So I make it 600. "I guess I better just go all in!" Huh? Shit. For another 3k. Which would leave me only 850. (start with 5k) I guess we can eliminate the 6 as a possibility. So she has to have a 9 also. But she was in the BB and didn't raise...so there is a chance my 8 is ahead...at the very least we chop and I get all my chips back, right? Can't really fold. But in the back of my head I know I'm doomed. I call. She has J9. Of course she does. It holds.

I go all in with AJ...get called by 10-10...and turn an ace. Double up. Can we do this? Guy limps for 100. I get 10-10. Raise to 400. Get 3 calls. great. Flop comes QQK. Ugh. Older guy who had already made one complete idiot play with K6 vs. a raise (A10) and a re-raise (AK) then gets lucky with a 2-4-3-5-J board...felting both players (how you arent folding to an all in on that board with an ACE I have no idea....but, well) bets out....I have to fold. He gets called down by the other guy who has AK...and loses a bunch of chips. Clever play sir.

It wouldnt take long for me to leave. I get it all in for 1650 behind 3 limpers at 200 each. Similar to the night before...but hell, with 750 in the pot...and needing to just score some decent pots to get back in...K10c (the Devil!) was looking like a good hand to squeeze with. First guy folds AJ. Second calls with AJ. And...Justina proudly delivers an Ace on the flop. Wonderful. Bye guys.

Then I go play Omaha H/L again. $4/$8 limit. The good news? I put in 4 hours and am now just 1 hour from hitting my 15 hrs required for Sunday's freeroll. The bad news? I have never encountered a worse shit storm playing Omaha H/L. Some of the WORST players I have ever witnessed in my life. Literally 3 of them still learning the game. One guy was playing hands where he was holding 3 of a kind....222J on one, 888K on another and JJJ9 on the other. Thinking those were great hands. Notice he never had a LOW draw on any of them? Didn't matter. And these clowns would NEVER fold...so no matter how good you were preflop, or postflop...you could always count on them staying in to find whatever card it was they needed to ruin your day. If these guys had been at the same table and it had been Pot-Limit instead? My gawd I could have made some money.

But worse than the $376 I lost on that table? The Asian guy to my left had the worst breath I have ever smelled I think. No well, there was that ONE guy at the Venetian this summer...who's breath smelled like he had been chewing on a 2-week old carcass. But this guys' was close. And he was 2 seats away. But every time his head turned in my direction...I would catch a whiff...and there goes my stomach turning inside out. Then you had Steve...the former dealer from somewhere in Gulfport...black fella, who has started a new fashion trend. Not sure anyone else has noticed this or not...but he was sporting a belt, a real thin one, like they wore in the late 80's early 90's...but here is the catch, un-buckled. And I think it was too short to even buckle if he had wanted to. So that was his look...this belt...unfastened, with the crooked baseball hat with the super straight bill. But none of that was bothering me. No, what was bothering me was that Steve had a cold. Well, I am assuming it was cold. You know when, like, old guys do that thing where they are trying to clear their sinuses? Snorting in through their nose? To suck up all the snot? I'm thinking that 'act of annoying disgustingness' has an official name...but if it does I can't think of it. But he did this non-stop for 4 hours. I was about to lose my mind.

We finally closed that table with only 3 of us left and me holding $24. Wonderful. So I left. I saw an open spot on a $5 blackjack table and took note of the human garbage that was occupying the table. Its amusing to me when you look at the people at a $25 and up Blackjack table...then go look at the dirt-pile of humanity at the $5 table...just how much disparity there is. Bad clothes, bad skin, bad hair, usually half of them smoking, usually overweight...couples that make no sense. This table had a little bit of everything. Whatever, I didn't want to sit down and risk falling into their world of scary/nasty association...so I just stood behind one of them. I also did not want to walk over to the cage and cash out $24. How ridiculous. So I was either going to just lose it...or run it up. So with $24 on the circle, she gives me a 4-7. Great, and I had no money in my wallet to double down...and looking at this cast of characters, I knew I wasn't about to get the 'courtesy loan' that usually comes in that spot. And she was showing a 2. So of course I fetch a J, giving me 21. Dammit. It wins.

Next, I split them in half...24 over on this one...and 24 over on that other empty one. I catch a BlackJack on one...and 19 on the other, and she busts. up to $100. Just then the floor lady is starting to get excited. "Sir do you have a players card?" Yes maam but I won't be here long enough to wait for you to give it back. I split them again...48 on one and 48 on the other. BOOM. 20 and 20...and again, dealer busts. So whatever 96 plus 96 is...I color up, and BOLT! Leaving the human refuse at the table sitting there looking stunned and jealous, I think. Guessing it was one of those....sit there, betting $5 a hand....over, and over and over and over...win, lose, win, lose, win, lose.....3 hours of play...and down $22. Then here comes this guy....who turns $24 into $192 in 7 minutes and leaves. Yeah...they probably hated me. Fuck em! At least they still have their good looks and their health, right?

I come home. I fall asleep. Squirrel gets in at 3am. I wake up. I get the 'fly on the wall' report. Yeah, she worked in Poker last night. I tell ya...people will never, ever cease to amaze me. She does not like to broadcast it that we are married. She does NOT like to discuss my personal issues either. Its just not how she rolls. But she will defend me if called on. And as usual, it was bordering on necessary last night.

At one point it was some older, heavy set guy...who, when my name came up...which it sure seems to come often, decides to tell the whole table (with Squirrel serving the table and just listening) that "Oh that Monkey guy? yeah he is banned from like HALF the casinos in the world! He can't play hardly anywhere! Not even the World Series!" Someone let it out that she was my wife. Oh! Ooooops! Yeah, dipshit. Never know who is listening to ya huh!?? Well, she managed to inform him that there are two....TWO...casinos that I can't play in...the one he is sitting in...and Ceasers Las Vegas. Thats it. But thanks for the standard disinformation.

Then she is serving another table...and out of nowhere, my name is heard again...this time...."Oh Monkey? Yeah he has a blog on GulfCoastPoker.net...and he isnt allowed to play here cuz he wrote about kicking some guy under the table to let him know to fold...yeah! Thats right!" Hmmm...then again...Squirrel is asked by someone, maybe a dealer...hey Squirrel, isn't Monkey your boyfriend? Or are you still together? "Umm...yeah, but he's actually my husband." Uh oh! More feet going into mouths. So another guy pipes up....."Oh yeah! I remember that you were pregnant with him right? Like two years ago!??"  "Uh....no that was last year sir." "Oh okay...right...so what did you guys end up having?"  "Oh we had a miscarriage sir." "DOH!" Yeah...jeezuz.Very nice. And then there was the "He isn't not allowed to play here for that reason sir...its something entirely different." When pressed on it, she simply declined, saying it isnt her place to discuss matters involving me.

A couple of guys who had read my waitress/tipping blog from yesterday hit her up about it...and also over-tipped her (thanks boys!) which made her feel kind of awkward, but I think they were genuinely being nice guys. While I was sitting in last nights tourney...I had a couple guys hit me on Facebook, telling me they had NO IDEA the kind of crap the girls put up with every night....and that he will ALWAYS tip at least $2 from now on, if not more. Hey! Its not just about me helping Squirrel...I don't need her extra money. Its about all the others...and if you guys are getting this messsage, and taking it the right way? Well, cool! Maybe things will be better for all of them in 2010.

Just for the record...well, I'm not even sure it matters. It just amuses me how people and gossip work. People will be throwing you under the bus, talking so ugly about me...and then Squirrel walks up...and all of a sudden it turns to "Oh you are married to Monkey? Oh, I love Monkey! He is a great guy! And such a good player! Yeah him and I used to play at the same table together in SNG's...hes a lot of fun!!!!" Uh huh...and yet 15 minutes earlier, I was this raging asshole. If I start letting that crap bother me...I think I am gonna need some new medications. Squirrel keeps trying to get me to go get on something. But I hate the whole feeling controlled thing. I still think regular excercise is a better way to control your heightened emotions than to have to rely on some mind-controlling pharmaceutical. But I don't know, maybe I'm wrong.

I just wish though, that everyone would read ALL OF MY POSTS...then come to their conclusions. Instead of reading bits and pieces of some of them...and working in the BS they are fed by certain tourney people and/or dealers. I really do. Because if they would...not only would they have a different take on me, the player, but they might also start to see just what a bunch of fucking lemmings they are.

Squirrel and I then watched American Idol, and the 1st episode of the new High School Class Reunion. Idol was funny, as all of the first two or three weeks usually are. I am thrilled that Paula is gone. She was making the show unwatchable. Kara on the other hand is almost as bad. She clearly loves to hear herself talk, and you can tell, she really thinks her assessment is the GOLDEN assessment. She is the kind of girl that I think I would enjoy watching my wife duke it out with. On the first night Victoria Beckham was a guest judge. I had no idea that she was actually sweet. I always thought of her as bitchy. But she was really, really nice. And on top of it all, I've always thought of her as too skinny, and not that attractive. But she looked really hot. Something about her was just very sexy. Yeah, I like her now. On the second night they had Mary J Blige. I would say she was a bitch, but then she would have fleeting moments of kindness. But she seemed almost like she didn't want to be there. And at times seemed a bit racist too. I don't know, not enough to go on...but I wasn't crazy about her. You  had your standard lineup of people you know they are just throwing on camera for the shock value they provide. I mean...have you ever wondered....okay? How in the hell do they go from a STADIUM FULL of people to no one...in two days? I mean...come on? There is NO WAY all those people are auditioning. And out of all those people, the bad ones get into the studio in front of the 4 judges? Yeah, okay duh! The bad ones are brought in simply to make us laugh. There must be like 200 or so 'satellite judges' that they use to weed out the candidates, right? I would like to see a seperate episode detailing how they wittle down the fields like they do.

Um, I have several more colorful messages, again...that wont be getting posted. I am only posting anonymous posts from now on if they are not offensive. Telling me how much of an asshole I am, how I am starving for attention...how badly behaved I am...is just getting boring. Yeah, I behave so bad don't I? I love these fucksticks. Who have probably sat in a tourney or a SNG with me, maybe once...and probably like 3 or 4 years ago...yet they are an authority on what a huge prick I am. Dude...or dudes, pretty sure there are maybe two or three of you max...you should know something, I am not letting anything you say upset me. Really. I know you don't believe this...but its true. I know that I am about as tame as tame can get nowadays. I am not mean or ugly to anyone anymore. And for you to call me an asshole? For what reasons? Have some first, then maybe we can have that discussion. The only area that I think I am even slightly an asshole, and even then that isn't the word I would use...is my inability to tolerate certain people at times. And that is more just me being tired, exhausted of hearing the same old stupid shit over and over and over. I have a great core of friends in poker...between players and dealers and tourney supervisors...then a very close relationship with my family...to where I wont even begin to let your ridiculous rants begin to cause me any feelings of anxiety over how I am percieved.

I really do like writing this blog. I like when the majority of you tell me you read and enjoy it. I don't do it for money. I don't do it for fame. I do it because its a place for me to (a) vent, (b) offer insight into the poker world as I see it, (c) share my feelings as it pertains to improving the game, and (d) defending myself against things that may arise. Its also a place for me to just ramble about shit I think is funny  and/or entertaining. Its also a place for me to hand out props to my buddies for their success. I am certainly not using this as a venue to try and make anyone better at poker. You all have your own styles of play. Some of you (a lot it would seem) actually think I suck at poker! Hey, thats cool. I have no problem with ANYONE thinking I suck at poker. All I know is that I have been going now for 6 years without having to have a real job...and that makes me happy.

OH! I will address one thing that this jerkoff through at me. His big sticking point was that if I was SO GOOD like I THINK I AM (which clearly I don't think) then why would I even NEED a poker backer? Alludes that I have a backer because I KNOW that I am no good. That if I didn't have a backer I would go bust. That if I REALLY thought I was good, I would just SELL EVERYTHING I own and 'go for it' for 100% of my action. I read his comment...and I just had to smile. What else can I do but smile? These are the words of a guy who just does NOT understand this business very much. Could I have severed ties with my backer after this past summer? Sure. I could have. Very easily. And instead of what I have sitting in my safe right now...I would have double that. And instead of 1 and half years of stressless, not having to worry about losing my backer, poker....I would have had probably close to 2 or 2.5.

See, there are a lot of players out there, who did just what this guy is suggesting. Had a backer for awhile, then won something for 50 to 100k...and went out on their own. Playing all the $500 to $2500 tourneys...for 100%. Some of them kept it going...and got even bigger. But most of them? Hit that inevitable cold stretch...and watched all their money go bye bye. Then guess what? A year or two later? They were back to looking for a backer.

See, there have been about 5 seperate cycles in my backer/player relationship. I started cold. She stuck with me. I got hot. I stuck with her. I floated around .500 for 8 months...she stayed with me. I got super COLD...she hung with me....but was understandably getting antsy. I got SUPER HOT...and she was as happy as could be. I had people telling me "go out on your own Monkey!" to which I merely snickered. Then I was hit with 6 months of absolutely icey friggidness. Did she quit on me? Nope. I would heat up again. May in New Orleans was just enough to get us out of the red and excited about the summer...and the summer? Well, I kicked ass. Made her some money. Made me some money...and kept a healthy sum in our bankroll. So now, we head into 2010 in the best shape of our 2+ year relationship. I have no reason to leave her. NONE! If I win a half a million or more this year...then sure, I am quite certain we will restructure things. As I did for her a year ago, when I didn't feel like she was getting a fair deal with me. She was doing too much for me, and me not enough for her. So now...now that I have been pulling my weight a little better, its my chance to get myself a better deal, by winning more. It's how it works. And by her being loyal to me, and sticking by me? That is just an ethics thing. For me to win a million bucks and just dust her off? That would make me a piece of garbage. I am not a piece of garbage. When people stick by me, I never turn my back on them. Ever. EVER! So thanks for your silly words, and your attempted insults Mr. Anonymous, but you know what? I am doing just fine thanks. Pretty happy with where I am. And next year at this time...when Squirrel and I are sitting in our new house, driving our new car....with all my bills paid...and thinking about names for our baby? I will think about you. And again, as I am doing now...I will smile.

Monkey