W-H-Y ???

I am sitting in my living room.

The police just left.

One of you out there is reading this, having a little laugh with yourself, or maybe even a couple of your friends.

To you I say this: Congratulations. I bet you feel really good about yourself right now. Unable to go out in this world and make a living on your own, you have chosen an easier path. Well...I just hope that when Karma comes to visit you...its a very, very painful experience for you.

That is the only thing I have right now to think about.

My wife is screaming at me. Has been now, for about an hour. Why? She blames this blog. This blog, where I share a lot of myself with a lot of you...mostly strangers. She blames this blog...because unlike me, she is very private. She keeps her personal 'stuff' to herself. Always has.

So when she sees me sharing like I do...and the damage it often times causes, including me getting disallowed from certain casinos...it makes her furious when something like this happens. Like me making myself too available, has somehow brought this about.

It is 3:28am. At 2:05am, I walked in the door, with her out in her car doing something. I walked into the house. Everything seemed normal. Then I walked into my bedroom. And I dropped to my knees.

The room was in complete disarray. OH MY GOD! No way. This can't be happening. I immediately sprinted to the room and the location where my new christmas present, my safe...USED to be. Thats right. USED to be. My stomach fell out of my body. I started to get dizzy. Squirrel had yet to come into the house. I checked the front door. Unlocked. Odd, since I KNOW I locked it when I left today.

The police just left. My safe is gone. I am not going to put a number on it...but lets just say I won't probably sleep tonight. My backer's money, the football pool money that I am holding...and a good deal of my profits from all of 2009, and our money to hopefully buy a house...just walked out my front door. Yeah...thats how they left. Finally figured out how they got in. That brand new garage door the landlord replaced last week? They simply pulled it out far enough to crawl under it...which is why I figure it must have been two people. So now, once again the garage door is trashed. Like I even care.

So now...on January 17th, 2010, coming off of my best year in poker...I am back to square one. Literally. I would love to provide an answer to the question...."what are you going to do, Monkey?" But honestly, at this moment...I have no clue. I am, as they say...in a state of shock. And...again, I'm being chastised for 'blogging about this' by my loving wife.

But this, I'm sorry, is kind of my way of dealing. Talking about it. Trying to make sense of it by talking about it. Its the only reason I even do this blog thing...as a bit of mental therapy. But as the little snyde comments pile up, and my house gets robbed, taking basically everything I have...its occurring to me more and more that it might be time to completely disappear from all of you.

When our house got hit in Las Vegas in the Summer of 2008, it caused a lot of controversy. Lots of fingers were pointed. There were lots of suspects. Nothing was ever proven. But I spent a lot of time looking over my shoulder after that. I spent a lot of time wondering who was my true friend, and who was actually a potential threat to me.

Now...this all returns. Only its worse. Because then, there were 6 of us in the house. And it wasn't really known for sure who the target was. This time...its very clear. I WAS THE TARGET. And I just want to know why?

I really don't think I've done anything to bring this on myself. I think I am a good and generous person. I just get done donating more than I probably could afford to Haiti victims yesterday...and I go out of my way to help people in need, and when I come home...and find this...it just makes my heart hurt. And to add insult to injury, my wife is actually MAD at me. Because why? Because me and my lifestyle have led people to break into my house, to have what I have worked my ass off to get.

So now...whats it going to be like? Every time I sit at a table, every time someone says hi to me...there is going to be this lingering shadow floating over everyone I encounter....is this the person? Is this the person who invaded my home? Is this a friend? A real friend? Or a person who is trying to get close so he/she can victimize me?

I'm finding that writing this isnt really helping me feel any better. I want to throw up. I think the only thing that is keeping me from completely losing it, is that my dogs are safe. Had they been in the house...I fear that something dreadful would have happened to them. And they are like my children. Whats worse? Losing all your money? Or losing the ones your love the most? I trust my abilities enough that I feel the money can be replaced. Its a setback. Another damn setback. A very, very painful setback...that will most likely result in a major shift in my personality from here on out.

The other thing that is keeping me TRYING to remain positive...is thinking that about 1500 miles from here, there are people who are buried under thousands of pounds of debris, unable to move...with no food or water...and probably with broken bones...wondering, as every second ticks by, if they will be rescued. I think of those people, and I can shed a tear for them. Because that is real tragedy.

This isn't a tragedy. This is the act of a scumbag. A loser. A jealous piece of filth who knows no other way to make ends meet than to steal from someone who does. Yeah, I'm talking to you pal...I know you're reading this. And no, I most likely have NO IDEA who you are. And no, you most likely wont get caught. Enjoy that money you piece of shit. One day you will be forced to answer to someone a lot bigger than the police over this. And then....lets see how much you are laughing on that day.

MONKEY