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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

BYE BYE ST. LOUIS...Hate 'cha later!!!!

Gooood riddance.

I can't remember being more excited, or packing faster to leave a city faster than I was when I left St. Louis...

well, except for maybe Tunica. And both places seem like they are cut from the same fabric.

I hadn't decided to blog, then I checked in on the comments board...and had to laugh like a hyena when I saw this comment posted by 'JoWeeks' calling me out for how 'horribly' I played AA preflop...and this just underscores how completely incompetent the play was in that shit stall.

Quickly, lets review. The day started terribly in the $1k. That has been established. What also had been established was just how terribly aggressive the table was. It was one of those tables where you pray for AA or KK in early position so you can limp and let someone in late position raise...which had been happening about 80% of the time.

This is where I struggle to see where this weeks guy finds my play preflop with AA to be so 'horrible.' Perhaps he is just a horrible player that didnt take the time to study our table enough to realize this was the ONLY way to play AA on this table.

The fact that I had JUST doubled up from 1750 to around 3600 on the previous hand...and now had a chance to actually get back into this thing...made even more of a requirement that I play them to get some value from them. So gee...he would suggest that I should have raised from 100/200 with a 25 ante to say, what? 600? Then..instead of Tim Vance pondering (like he almost did) whether or not to re-raise me...he would have most likely decided to fold, since he knows how I play...and would have decided that his A10s was not a hand he wanted to play against an UTG raise.

So, instead...after asking me for a chip count...and begging for a I could stuff all in on him...he just calls. Which led to three others calling...which was still my potential for stack growth was just manifesting. And when the flop came...I was still ahead.

Do I want that race for a double up? Him on a flush draw but then going runner runner for a straight instead? Or did I want him and everyone else to fold...and take down a 550 pot? Umm...yeah, I'll go with option A, and a chance to get back to the starting stack (with the other limpers) of 8k, thanks.

So JoWeeks...thanks for reading my blog. But your opinions...mmm...pretty weak. And you say you had a Xanax but wouldn't offer me one? suck, don't you?


St. Louis is over. I went into the Mega satellites on Monday feeling very hopeful. I started pretty well...winning a few pots early. Then flop a set of 5's on a board with an ace...with two players I KNOW had aces...and just massaged the pot until the river...getting a basic double up. Blinded down a bit...then...that magical moment occurred, the one we all dream about. I'm in the BB.  The tightest guy at the table...sitting UTG...who had literally played like ZERO hands....just all of a sudden ships all in! For 3500!!! At 100/200. I'm like..."whoa...what the hell???" But I know what I will have to have to call him. At the time I had 8800. Then...the guy on the button shoves all in! Holy shit! I tell the guy next to me...well, lets see if I have two aces!

I look at the first one. Ace of diamonds! Whoa.....hmmmm......could it be there? Look at the next card....ACE OF SPADS! Holy shit! Yeah I call! I am up against KK and KQ. Which guy had KK? You're thinking the super tight guy right? Wrong. He had KQ. Yeah! Waited patiently for 22 orbits so he could jam it in with KQ. Unreal. And what a great spot for me. But on the turn the board was 10-9-8-3.....a Jack and he wins. Nope. No Jack on the turn. I knock them both out...and chip up to over 20k with the average at 9k. Sitting pretty.

Cue the disaster. The disaster that hounded me this whole trip. On the last two hands at my table before it broke and we went to three tables...our dealer just kills me. This guy sitting on my right, who was in a nightly tourney on my right a few nights before....and is a really, really nice guy...but one of the worst players I have ever seen...KILLED ME. He was sitting on only 1700 chips at 200/400 and goes all in with Q10 at cutoff. Fair enough. I open up AK and call him. Nothing on the flop. Nothing on the turn. Rivers a 10. Fuck!

Then this beauty. And this guy had pulled this move a lot. I look down at AQh. The guy in middle position limps for 400.

Side note: The amount of limping at higher levels is something that will forever stick in my mind at this event. This is something that you just NEVER see in advanced tournament poker. But these fools...they are limping UTG...limping in MP...limping at cutoff....limping on the BUTTON!!! And then almost always folding to a raise. And this was RAMPANT up there.

So...MP guy limps. Dude on my right starts fidgeting...and I tell him...don't do it! So what does he do? He raises to 2200. He has left very little behind...which now has me thinking AQ must be in trouble. So I am deciding what to do and he starts chirping..."Dont do it!!!"!

So I fold. Well then the guy in the BB just shoves all in! Really? far behind was I?

Well, this clown's call is just a forgone conclusion right? Uh....check that. He tanks...WHAT? Dude! Really? And he FOLDS!!!!!!!

I just sit there looking at him in stunned silence. He looks at me...."What?"

"how in the hell did you just fold right there?"

He tells me "oh I had an ace....(he did, he showed ACE NINE!) I just didn't think I liked my kicker enough. I was just trying to take it down early."

Really? Nice. Good strategy putz!

Me pushing all in there would have eliminated the BB...the other limper...and then...he folds to me? And I get to fade the 3 outer? I'll take that scenario! Idiot!

So idiot boy doubles up with something...cant remember...and now has 3600. On the next orbit, and the last hand before our table breaks...he limps in for 600. I have Ah10h on the button and I raise him to 2400. Ya ready for this? He calls. Just CALLS! And leaves 1200 behind. Well...we all know that I am never folding to any board. Well, then when the flop comes A-A-6 I was! He checks to me...and I check...why? Because I wanted to make sure I got all his money. So on the turn...a 2...I decide to go ahead and put him all in. He calls....turns over 44.

"I didn't think you had an ace cuz you didn't bet the flop."

Hahahahahahahah....uh.....yeahhhhhhh....kind of think a GOOD player would have figured out WHY I didn't bet the flop...knowing I would never fold to ANY flop for what he had left in his stack!

So what is the river? Why wouldn't it be a four!??? So I go to my next table seething. I'm starting to be reminded of my 1k Mega flameout two days earlier.

Couple hands in I get AQ....UTG...and raise. I get a guy two doors down who doesnt move all in...but raises me huge! FUCK!  I fold.

Nice start. It would go from bad to worse. I get down to 5500 at 600/1200...and when a big stack raises UTG....into a short stack's BB...I have to assume (and hope) that he is just stealing from a good spot to steal...and when I see AQ....I move all in. He calls quickly. Why? Because he had KK. Shit! Flop came 2-3-4. Not bad! Can I get a 5 or an ace please? No? Okay...thanks! End of the noon Mega...out in 24th place....13 from the seat/money. And too late to get into the 4pm Mega. Perfect.


I go play a $125 SNG. My winning streak comes to an end. I didn't even get deep. Out 8th. I have QQ...flop comes K-10-4. Bet, get called. Bet turn, get raised. Shit. Good player...tells me later he had 10-10-10...I believe him. Lost the rest with JJ vs. A7. Sigh. Then contemplated just leaving right then and there. But straggled into the cash room and parked myself at a 1/2 game.

That started well. This dealer...who was actually pretty friendly and ran the table well, says something to me that in 7 years of playing poker...and I can't even tell you how many dealers, says "Uh...sir, you can't hold your cards like that...because I can't see your cards. Your hands are too big and are covering them up. So can you please use a chip to protect your hand and keep your hands off the table?"




I was so shocked that I didn't even have a coherent response. So let me get this straight...due to the size of my hands...and how I hold my I have always held my cards...I am being ordered to NOT hold my cards now? Then I started thinking to I pulled my hands away from my hot potato cards....that as bizarre as this trip has been, as much as almost NOTHING has made sense...wouldn't this just fit in perfectly? And instead of arguing with him...I just grinned. And dreamed of things to come in the future, when I could look back on moments like this and just giggle.

I won about $260 when 7pm rolled around. Buy in, $560. Do I play it? Its an interesting question. One thing I would NEVER do is spent $5190 to play this Main Event...against these this venue. No way! But when I attend an event, its always depressing to leave without taking a shot in the Main Event. You feel a bit like a failure when you don't take part in it. But part of me was hoping I wouldn't have to endure the pain of some horrible beat to some complete donktard in the biggest tourney of the event.

I secretly was I sat down and took my seat...and noticed that there were going to be 8 seats awarded...and the 9th person getting $4800...that when we got to 9...I would just start shoving all in, trying to get knocked out...and winning the cash, instead of the forced entry into the Main Event...and just put that money into me and my backers' bankroll...pulling us close to even on the trip...and just getting the hell outa dodge!

But I wouldn't get that chance? Why? Because of a guy named Lou Salamone. Yeah. Lou! St. Louis Lou. The same guy who won my March Madness Pool....who I just handed a check for $4500 to earlier in the week. The guy who is supposed to (a) recognize and respect my play and (b) believe me when I tell him that I have the BEST HAND!

I was cruising along pretty well through the first 6 or 7 levels. Then went card dead for a long while...but still had 6k in chips when we got to 300/600.

Old guy limps in early position....for 600. Lou raises to 1800. Folds to me in the BB and I look at AhKh. I know I have Lou beat. I can tell by his body language when he raised. He has a worse ace...or at best...a medium pair. I was warning him as he was about to raise...

"Careful Lou! Its my big blind!"

"Why did you look at your hand yet?"

" No....but I'm just saying!!!"

So he raises. And it folds around to me...and I say..."Wow, now I did...and I'm all in!"

He tanks. After the first limper folded of course. He is taking forever. I now know I have him crushed. We talk back and forth about it. I am really trying to get to fold, for his own good.

But what does he do? He calls. With AQ. Off suit. Nice call Lou. Nice fucking call!

But what does the dealer do? You know what he does. Oh wasn't a 'he' it was a
'she'....Barbara...who is without the slowest, most clueless dealer I've seen in a long time. That is backed up by almost everyone at every table that I had her deal to me at this week. So when she put a Q on he turn it was just too perfect a finish to this trip.

I was not quite out yet....still had a few chips, but I would be a few hands later. And all I could do was think about how pissed I was with Lou. It kind of made me feel the same way it did a year and a half ago at the Beau Rivage...when...close to the money in the Main Event...Dan Walsh completely ignored everything we had talked about earlier...and everything I was conveying to him at the time of the hand...when he re-shoved over my re-raise holding JJ compared to my AA and flopped a set to whack me. I didn't talk to Dan for over 3 months.

I have discovered a new disdain for anything, everything and anyone St Louis related. I couldn't wait to get out of that place. Earlier in the day...I made a visit to the buffet...thought I might go against my policy of avoiding buffets and sample the local grub. Asked for a buffet comp. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! Sorry! You have no points on your card!  Really? So I play a total of $14,000 worth of tourneys and sit n gos on this trip and I can't even get a $25 freaking buffet comped? Unreal! Thanks folks.

I couldnt wait to go to my hotel and pack. It was 10pm. Didn't care! Took an aderol, packed my car...and started driving...and didn't stop until I was in my garage! My dogs were so happy to see me. Got my first look at the backyard that I worked so hard to return to normalcy before leaving for this trip. Yep...Mollie has completely destroyed it...again! I give up. Regardless, I was still happy to see the little scamp! And Jasper was just full of kisses. I love that dog...he is so sweet. And of course, it was nice to see the Squirrel. And it was just nice to be home.

On the drive home I had one of my best online sessions on Pokerstars in months. I was getting chip leads in everything I was playing...then cashing most of them. Ended up at about +550 for the drive home. Nice! But then last night, after Squirrel went to work, I unpacked everything, did all my laundry (took 5 loads!) and got back on Stars, and got throttled. River, river, river! I had AA 6 times in half an hour and lost FIVE times. It was incredible. Maybe I should check with JoWeeks to make sure it wasnt my fault...that I didnt misplay them! I am really starting to think that maybe my IP address has something to do with my bad luck on Stars. After all, when I play on my Verizon wireless card, I seem to run much better. I just being paranoid?


Joe and I worked on locking up this 2 bedroom condo that is just blocks from the Bellagio....the Meridian... if you want to check it out. Place is beautiful, and the price is right. Just the two of us...for the whole 7 weeks in will cost us both only $250 a week. Can't beat that...and we are smack between the Venetian and Rio...which I am really hoping I will be playing at. Was talking with some other guys about a 4 or 5 BR house...on the outskirts...but I just really enjoying rooming with Joe...and after our house got robbed...or whatever happened two summers ago (in my heart and mind...I just don't know what happened....and fear never will, I just know I lost about $4000 living in that damn house!) that staying in a place that has a security gate in and out makes me feel a lot safer. Its just not worth it anymore to have to worry about protecting my self and my assets. Its hard enough to win money in this damn game without having to stress out about getting jacked.

People who steal from people are just fuckers. I wish a special form of cancer on all of them.

Squirrel is going home tomorrow. She is homesick. I have been invited to go. Oh boy. For four days. I know. I am supposed to go. It's the 'right thing to do' right? Be the good husband. Show some interest in her family. But I am so worn out from this past two weeks. The thought of getting in my car and driving 5 hours tomorrow? Ugh. Plus I need to get after my taxes. And get all the winners from my pools paid out.

Oh...took a nice trip to the mailbox this morning. I have been watching my online account, waiting for some money to hit my account from Pointe South realty...who is managing my rental house in Pensacola., I get a statement from them. And when I finish reading it...learn that I OWE THEM $250!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!

Yeah. I have my own handyman over there. Made it clear to my 'agent' that I would take care of all maintenance issues and pay them myself. So I get this statement with multiple bills for shit that I either already paid my guy to do....or they just decided to charge me for. $56 for touch up paint on walls and baseboards. Yeah...nice try. Already had that done. $180 for DEEP CLEANING! Yeah...good one. The place was left SPOTLESS! The best one...$133...and NINE CENTS...for an assortment of goodies.
[2 fire detectors, 4 light bulbs, 2 light socket covers, and tightening of faucets] yeah. $133.09. I left a pack of 6 new light bulbs on the kitchen counter. Socket covers cost .79 cents. The fire detectors were left on the dishwasher...two of them...needing nothing more than a new 9-volt battery. $1.48 each.  So we are at about $4.50. Faucets? handyman did all the bathroom faucets...and when I got home I had a bill of $263 from HIM...that I paid. 

So I fired off a very scathing email to them. I have yet to hear back from them. I get the feeling that most of their customers are older people who own vacation homes down here on the Gulf and just kind of see a check show up every month and don't ever really research it much. The 'ol 'dont ask dont tell' way of doing things. But see, I am always on top of shit. And when someone either (a) lies to me, (b) takes advantage of me or (c) makes the mistake of thinking I am an idiot...that is usually where they get a face full of Monkey! So that consumed most of my afternoon. When 'the boss' returns to the office on Thursday, I hope to get some satisfaction from this little snafu. Otherwise...a certain leasing company will be getting terminated. 

I am starting to think the whole world is turning into a bunch of angle-shooting gangsters. I really am. Are there any decent human beings left on this planet?

Okay....your caught up.

So to review.  ST LOUIS SUCKED! I will never, ever, everrrrrrrrrr go back to that city to play poker. I promise. So that now makes two places you will never have a Monkey siting. Tunica...and St. Louis. Both situated on the Mississippi River. Maybe there is something in the water.

I will be staying home...not going to Atlantic play this upcoming I.P. event...which...I will do with little enthusiasm based on their bad structure. I just PRAY that someone shows up for this event. I will do yard work. I will play online. I will be going to the gym...yes, those fat cows up in St. Louis really got me motivated to get myself back in shape. Especially with a long, 7-week summer ahead of me in Las Vegas. I want to be in good shape.  But after IP ends....I will be very fired up for Harrah's New Orleans...with huge fields and great structures. I really can't wait for that event. And the last three years I have had great May's there before heading for I hope that trend continues.

Wow...I am now starving. Bye Bye now!



Anonymous said...

Always talk bad about a town you lose in dont you? Ever think, you might play like shit? Half of the hands you describe are played like shit!! And you think you are playing them good?"I knew by the guys body language, that he had ace queen"! Are you fucking kidding me? And the most gay fucking thing I ever heard in my life was "I was massageing the pot". Oh yeah, and when you talk about giggeling!!! Fucking super gay!! And do you think its a good idea for your dumb ass to be driving and playing online at the same time? Think about it, you dumb fucking overgrown monkey!!!!

Anonymous said...

Too bad you missed the Main Event. Here are the highlights from my table.

1) 2nd hand, lady in her late 60's, early 70's opens for 125, button re-raises to 500, she re-pops to 1500, he calls. Flop is 662. She bets 1000, he calls. Turn is A. She bets 1000, he calls. River is a blank, she bets 1000, he calls. She tables KK, he mucks. The blinds were 25-25 by the way.

2) She opens for 500. Did I mention the blinds were 25-25? Everyone folds and she tables JJ. Standard.

3) Interesting pot comes up between 2 good players. After a post flop bet, one player goes into the tank for about 3 minutes. Same Lady, who is not in the hand, calls the clock on him!!! The table is pretty much in shock. Did I mention the levels were 50 minutes long and we were at 25-50? Inflection point? Guy who made the bet made a comment and she replied that the clock is running and the blinds are going up. I wish I was lying.

4) Little while later someone moves in on her. She asks for a count. Then proceeds to count down her chips, tanks for another 30 seconds and calls with top set of KK's. Poor bastard had a set of JJ's and asks why she took so long to call. She didn't answer. He repeats, what were you thinking about? Her reply, "i was thinking about getting all your chips". The reaction from the table was priceless.

5) no more than 10 hands later a guy moves in with AK on a AKQ board and she calls with QQ of course.

I busted around 6:30 when my AK couldn't improve against JJ meaning I busted out of 4 of the 5 events I entered holding AK. At that time, she was probably the chip leader of the tournament.

ONLY IN ST LOUIS (and maybe Tunica)

I have to say, I felt more of a sense of relief than disappointment despite the big buyin. I was just ready to get the hell out of there.

By the way, I am the guy who commented about being at your same starting table in what seemed like 3 tournaments in row. See you in New Orleans.

By the way, if I sent this post 3 times, I apologize. I am working on a small laptop.

Poker Monkey said...


Ive gotten bad about responding to them. Must get better. Simply must.
Okay Mr. Anonymous...first of all, is your spelling really that bad? Or is it simply that when leaving your comment at 3:51am you were just drunk and unaware of how horrible your spelling is? Let me address your coment point by point:

Do I always talk bad about a town that I run bad in? Uh. No. I dont. Just the places where I LOSE due to the incredibly awful players. See, I played well but ran bad in Vegas AND Reno on my last west coast trip...and didnt talk badly about EITHER place. I just ran unlucky on those trips. THere is a big difference. TUnica and St. Louis are both cities made up of Mental Misfits who wouldn't know common sense if it came up and punched them in the face.

Do I ever think I play like shit?, why? Because I don't. Gee that was easy.

"the most gay fuckng thing I ever heard in my life was massageing the pot" First...nice English skills. And its 'massaging' the pot. And yes...when you are 100% certain you have your opponent beat, you want to coerce them into putting as much into the pot as possible, without forcing them to fold...which, in bad players, seems irressistible. Happened a LOT up there...people letting people off the hook by over-betting them out of pots they would have continued to contribute to. See, you're obviously a you don't get that. It's okay, you mother dropped you on your head a lot as a have an excuse.

Getting long...will continue.

Poker Monkey said...

Following up:

You find, again with the spelling...'giggeling' (giggling) to be FUCKING SUPER GAY? Sounds like someone might be hiding out in the closet themselves...with the rampant gay references. Yeah...I think giggling to myself is a lot better than openly berating morons. And healthier.

Driving while playing online? Is it a good idea? Mmmmm...thats debatable. But as I am driving on a 3 or 4 lane highway the whole way home...and its the middle of the night, with NO traffic whatsoever...and I've been doing it for 5 years...and I have never had a moving accident or a moving violation in those 5 years...yeah, I am okay with it. And it keeps me from getting so bored and tired that I fall asleep at the wheel...which would likely be MORE of a safety hazard. But I know, you are just concerned for my safety. Thank you.

By the notice how much you use the word FUCK? It's kind of offensive.

Thanks for reading my blog.


Poker Monkey said...


Hahhahahahaah....dude, never have I enjoyed a comment so much, and had it encapsulate pretty much my entire trip up there. BINGO!!!! It was that lady and 150 just like her that made me want to literally KILL MYSELF! I nailed it! But...there are those who will still somehow suggest that YOU played like shit. That YOU misplayed your hands...whatever...this is the part of poker that I am so sick of. Those who are so ignorant that they will argue and defend their positions not even realizing how stupid they both look AND sound...and how embarrassed their families are that they are related!

Man, please tell me you satellited into that Main Event and didnt pay the full price. Please!!!!

Yes...I will see you down in New Orleans sir!!!!


Anonymous said...

I knew you would immortalize me Monk, now post the picture of me with the SARS mask so everyone knows just how stupid they are in STL,Tim Vance gets to chain smoke over the tables while I get smoke inhalation and can't decipher what you were saying to me :) so I called !