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Thursday, April 15, 2010

Reader Comments Reply Day

I don't know if most of you ever go and read all the comments that appear at the bottom of the entry. I used to get a lot MORE comments, actually, and I used to be really good about replying to them.

One thing that is a mystery to me is whether or not...after I reply to them, if they automatically shoot out my response/reply to the recipient who originally left the message...or if they have to see it by going back to check. It's a little hazy to me.

I have really been kind of slacking off lately about answering each and every comment. Oh sure there are those that are just so inflammatory and ignorant that I don't bother publishing them...most of them DO get published, even some of the critical ones. I will try to be better about posting my replies to your messages.

First of all, some of you with your F-bomb laden diatribes, your misspelled words and your horrible grammar. First...don't you think that I read this and immediately roll my eyes and feel sorry for your family that you are related to them in any way? Don't you think I say a small prayer to our Lord that he will never, ever give you the chance to reproduce? Please...understand just how stupid you are making yourself look, even if you do post anonymously.

I figured there would be some comments about my attack on St. Louis. Fair enough. If I lived there, I would feel compelled to defend my home city too. I would think less of you if you DIDN'T defend your town. But let me clarify. I'm sure there are a lot of wonderful people in St. Louis...and for that matter, Tunica. And yes...I met a handful of you who I would love to attend a ball game with, or a picnic, or share a beer with at a topless bar, if you actually had one in your city that had a girl who was over a '3' working at. If you just PROMISED not to talk poker while we were there. But, I would assume, you wouldn't. And it would be the final nail in the coffin.

So, as they say in war...in every battle there is always going to be collateral damage...so in this case, when the bombs start falling in the War on Bad Poker Players...you folks are just going to have to end up being the semi-innocent victims. I know, it sucks...but it is what it is. I will be sure to send your families a lovely floral bouquet.

One reader comment really captured my attention. He likes to use the word 'fuck' and 'gay' a lot. It dawned me after reading his comment through two times...I think its very possible that he is one of those guys who sits there in his camouflage hat, his super-dark glasses, his goatee, with that incredibly intimidating scowl...acting like the poker player he wants everyone to fear. He can't figure out why no girl will date him...and for years has angrily lashed out at anything or anyone who comes off as 'gay.' Why? Because...under the surface of it all...this guy is, himself....a homosexual. Don't fight it man...go with it. It's not a terrible thing. I know and admire/respect a lot of gay people. But you don't have to be so angry at yourself.

Another joker likes to make it known just how STUPID I am for telling you that I know what a person has by their body language. Suggesting that this kind of talk is just ridiculous. You know what is ridiculous? People who are at such a beginner's level that they find this kind of talk 'stupid.'  I imagine that guy who just got his pilot's liscense sitting around a bar in Pensacola locked up in a hot debate with another guy about certain aspects of flying....that other guy just happens to be the pilot of the #5 Navy Blue Angels. Who is going to win this argument do you think? Yes...I just compared myself to a USNavy Blue Angel...my all-time favorite aerial demonstration team.

One hand...and this will be all you get as far as 'poker hand play' in today's blog. Now...for the poker-impaired, this might be kind of hard to follow. Try though...you might just learn something:

The blinds are 150/300. Player UTG+2 (that means he is sitting exactly three spots to the LEFT of the big blind...we also call this 'early middle position') limps for 300...after pausing...thinking about raising...and then just limping. Based on my 'physical tell' of this guy...he is either limping very strong, which makes no sense for a good player there because he has a decent stack...and putting your stack in peril at a table full of donkeys is just stupid...or he is limping relatively weak, either a small pair or a weak painted hand. (oh whoops, painted hand means a hand involving face cards...you know, those people in colorful, fancy suits and usually holding some kind of weapon?) So when I flat call the limp...meaning, I too have CALLED the 300...I do so with KQh. I feel like I probably have the best hand at this point. But I also feel that I am a superior player to this guy and can outplay him after most flops. Plus...if he IS limping strong, and I raise with KQ...I have to fold to any re-raise. This is what we call....BASIC POKER COMPREHENSION!

The flop comes K-7-3. Rainbow. This guy leads out for 700. Well, now I think he must have limped in with K-10 or K-J. The KJ seems likely because he looked/seemed like he wanted to raise...but fought the urge. I now am certain that I am ahead...so I decide to raise him substantially. I make it 2200 to go. Now, if he stops and thinks like a good player...he insta-folds! Why...because lets think about all the hands that are beating him. AK...which he can safely assume I don't have or I would have been raising preflop. KQ is a very REAL possibility. A set of 3's or 7's is even MORE likely. But what does this moron do? He smoooooooth calls. Oh yeah.

The turn produces a Jack. Yep. And what does he do? He checks. Thus informing me and everyone else on the Planet Pokertron that he DOES have KJ. Wonderful. Why would I bet here? So when the river produces another King...giving me trips...but giving him a full house...he checks again. I tell him "well, you are sitting there with KJ...you made a ridiculous call of the raise on the flop and then our buddy here in the box just rewarded you with a runner runner gem....go ahead, turn it over, pal."  Thats right, I checked behind his attempt at getting me to fire at the pot. And showed me and the rest of the table KJ.

This, my poker intelligience-lacking friend is how you 'read' your opponent. It's how you stay in tourneys. By not going broke when most players do.

Another classic example I see where bad players make themselves easily identified is when you have a hand where there is a big raise made preflop...and gets called by one player. A large bet is made after the flop. Other player sticks. Another large bet is made on the turn. Still heads up to the river. HUGE POT. Both players now have less in their stacks than what is in the middle. The river card is a possible kill shot for both. The one card that neither of them want to see. So when the first guy checks...this is where the 'classic error' generally occurs, and sees a lot of players exit the building, usually shaking their heads and kicking themselves. And if they aren't kicking themselves? Well, then they must just be from St. Louis.

There is absolutely NO REASON to bet that river behind the check if you THINK the person just sucked out on you! Why? Well, its called "SURVIVING TO PLAY ANOTHER HAND!" If your hand is still good, then you have just won a very nice pot, that will help you mightily in your attempts to win that day's tourney. But if you decide to go ahead and bet there...a couple of other juicy things might happen. Lets review:

(a) He might have been on a draw...and sure, called off half his stack to get there...and once he made his hand, checked to you hoping to get you to commit more chips....and if you don't? Well, hell, he still just won a nice fat pot, didn't he?

(b) He might have been on a draw and hit his hand...and checked to you hoping that you would bet the hand for him....and you DO...and then, you open the door for him to raise you or even go all in. Then where are you? Sitting there with probalby less than 10 big blinds now and feeling like you just got gang-raped in a dungy Singapore prison. Bad spot there huh? Should have just checked behind and saved that misery for another hand.

(c) Sometimes in this scenario the only way you can win a hand...if you have already pumped half your stack into the pot...is to FIRE HUGE on the river. This is where 'nerves of steel' poker come in very handy. Convincing that other guy that you hit YOUR draw...and dropping the hammer on the river. This can also backfire, especially against excellent players (such as myself...yes a rare moment of gloating) who will identify this ploy as a desperate act by a desperate player who can only win the hand by forcing me out with an 'all in' on the river. See...cuz if you actually HAD made your hand on the river...why would you move all in?  Ahhh but this is where the 'confusion' comes in when you are playing in a shitty place like Tunica and/or St. Louis.

A 'good' player will do the all in river bet there as a 'shove for value' move...wherein he convinces that other 'good' player that he shoved as a desperate act to take down the pot...when in reality he was sending a false message in hopes to inspire a 'hero call' which we have all been guilty of at times, myself included. But against a shitty player...they will shove all in there...not to be tricky, or induce a call...no, no...nothing quite as complicated as them being crafty or skillful. They are just so fucking thrilled that they hit, and are so excited to say the words "I'm all eeeeeen" that they turbo-vomit their chips instantaneously.

KNOW YOUR PLAYER. And the ones you DONT KNOW....fear THEM! I do not fear good players. In fact...I relish their existence. I pray for their appearance at my table. It means my chances just improved by about 35% to win that day's tourney.

For those of you who think I play bad. Who think I am clueless? Guess what? I don't give a rat shit. I am where I am...due to one thing: I have paid attention over the last 6 or 7 years. I have evolved as a player. I have learned from my mistakes. I have gained the ability to read my opponents and with 77% accuracy put them on hands. Yes...77%. Not 75%, not 79%. SEVENTY SEVEN. Don't argue with me. I have learned when to put pressure on my opponent. I have learned the way to develop a table image. This game is very complex. I am also STILL learning. I will always be learning. But if you want to log on to my blog here, and tell me how bad I play? Check yourself, donkey. I am 100% secure with who I am, what I am, and where I will be 5 years from now. And when I come to get my car washed...I want you to make sure you get ALL the leather on the inside...not just the seats. You got that??

Have a nice day. I'm going to go throw Jasper the ball. Squirrel just left for home for a few days. Just me, the dogs, and Pokerstars for the next few days. And oh yeah...yard work! Maybe a few trips to the gym and a couple cash sessions at I.P. if I'm feeling froggy and get the right invitation.

Monk Zilla

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

You dumb fucking monkey. You think traveling around the U.S. and breaking even, useing some old ladys money, makes you a pro poker player? Those hands you describe are fucking retarted!! Ha! I have played at the table with you about 30 times, and every time you call out someones hand, its not even close! Then every body looks around and laughs behind you back. Your not even 7% at reading hands. And you saying you would rather play with good players is moronic. If all the players were good, you dont ever win a tourney. The only reason you get to chop a tourney ever once in a while, is because you play all 1k and under, where all the bad players are. You play in anything else, and you dont have a prayer. You are one of these assholes who dont figure out how bad they are until they are 55!! Oh yeah, kinda funny how you dropped the robbery story, after that amazeing fairy tale! And its too bad you dont have the balls to post these comments. Guess you know that 75% of the readers will agree. Let your friends keep pumping you up about how good you are. You should be well on your way to another break even chop, play it out for the photo and the trophy tourney!!!!!!!! Idiot.

Gregory Aumann - jack king off said...

Monk-

Dude, your blowing our cover. Shut the fuck up about WSOP New Orleans. What, are you TRYING to tempt those mutants from the midwest into making the trek? Needless to say; the very thought terrifies, even the most jaded and hardened of "good players", with the thoughts of horrific bad beats, 9-1 suckouts, and 2 and 3 outters spiking on 5th street left-and-right?! We already have our fair share of clueless donkeys show up for that event as it is! 2 to 4 of these players per table is beautiful. AND necessary. A table full of them...ummm, can very quickly become a nightmare!

Ix-nay the eworleans-Nay alk-tay!

Glad to hear they (the Harrah's Empire, [tongue firmly planted.....]) reinstated your playing "privileges", (aka, i.e.; their right to fleece the players at every step along the way).

BUT, those juicy structures cannot be ignored...........See you there.

Ross Leitz said...

Mr. Anonymous,

I do have a question regarding your educational background? Did you attend public school in Orleans parish? Your spelling is quite atrocious, you may want to work on that before your next post. You must be a true winner to post your spineless comments without using your real name. It's easy to point fingers. but I believe in factual information & not opinions. Fact is that Monkey has a pretty nice track record & lives a life style in which most of us envy. So maybe before you continue to bash someone's character, maybe you should look in the mirror to realize what a spineless donkey you really are. At least I have the balls to accept responsibility for my words & actions. Great responses by the way Monk.

Ross Leitz

anchordraw said...

if Mr anonymous is calling you out for playing $1k or less events, but has sat at your table 30 times...hmm, he must only be playing in $1K events or less himself. I've played at many events with you, and don't remember too many people laughing behind you. Actually, your well respected by most players. See you in New Orleans! I'll be the one playing the $125 sitngoes, and a few small buyin events :)