...We Continue from the Binions story...plus more.

Okay. I am now back in my room. It is Tuesday night. Just finished wolfing a meal at Hash House A Go-Go...which, as advertised by Dan Walsh...who literally was sending me photos of his meal there on my phone....is AMAZING. Huge...I mean...HUUUUUUUUGE portions on everything.


Got out of the 2nd Mega with my seat in the Main Event locked up. Woo Hoo. Didn't have to battle too hard for it either, which is always nice. It was pretty uneventful. Got paid off with AA one time. Then after making a huge fold, this guy raised on the button and I just stuffed with 88...got called by shorty in the BB with AK...and then button unexplicably calls off his whole tourney with KJ. Board ran out all rags...and I had a huge stack and never looked back. When we got down to 8..with it paying 6 seats and $850 for 7th...these boneheads tried to sell us on shaving the $60 off the top of each $1060 seat and giving it to the 7th and 8th place guys, who both were sitting on less than 2 BB's...and letting them split the 7th place money. Hmmm.....lets see...I have 125k. The blinds are 5k/10k....ugh....yeah I'm not losing that one. Hey, how about I just go outside and give $60 to a homeless guy instead? They were all fairly okay with it, but me and this other guy...who I know through this guy Christian, kind of decided it was a joke of a deal. I told them...."Uh, guys, you both have 2 BB's or less, I would suggest you both split the $850. There is not ONE iota of common sense in us all giving up $60."  Everyone agreed with me.  I ended up trying to take the guy out....he folded, and literally left 3k for the small blind, which was 5k. Absolute absurdity. It was over on the next hand.

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Remember my little rant about people who stand around blocking the walking path in casinos? How annoying that is? So tonight, as I am walking in to the I.P. I'm walking up the aisle...in between the two pits...and here we go, a gaggle or 4 guys and 5 chicks...all in their 20's...and they are completely blocking the aisle. So I stand there, awkwardly waiting for a hole to open up. Not happening. Then I give an...."Uh....excuse me folks...reallly like to get by ya."  Surprisingly, the two guys were actually cooperative...."Oh sorry dude..."

But then little miss bitch face, she had other ideas...she just stood there...still yapping away with her three girl friends...shooting me a glance but not budging.

"Yeah...this is called a walkway! There is a reason they call it that. Not exactly a great place to stand around yapping, ladies! Think ya could maybe move so people could get by you!??"

And this nasty little bitch just goes off! "Yeah! They call it a walk way...so you should just keep walking! Thats right! Just keep walking! YEAH! Uh Huh!!!"

"Okay sweetie...I will, great comeback by the way. Further enhanced by the fact that you are the ugly one in this posse. Because honestly, my plan tonight, was to come back to my hotel, then get clogged up behind you, grab a chair, and sit and listen to your boring fucking conversation for about an hour or two....then go up to my room, get out a razor blade, and end my life. Have a nice night you little bitch!"

The guys were all smirking. The girls, predictably all started calling me a rash of names like 'asshole' and 'fucker' and maybe there was a 'dickhead' mixed in there.

I really, truly have little use for any woman under the age of 30 these days. Just about all of them annoy me to no end or bore me to tears. And the ones who roll up into Vegas for their little once-a-year vacation come on this high horse they need badly to be knocked off of.

I guess we could say I could have handled that a little more sheepishly...a little more, uh, politely. Maybe I was a bit confrontational, yeah? And all this after having an actual winning day in poker. Hmmmm.  Whatever.

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I think when we last left off I was warming up to the exciting conclusion of the Saturday nightly tourney at Binions. I had sucked out with Q5 vs. AA for a triple up. I do NOT remember all the other decent hands, and frankly....really, who cares? Do you? All that really matters is that as I started consuming cocktails, I, as usual, started accumulating chips. Couldn't tell you where most of them came from. It's just strange how in these nightly's that when I start getting hammered, I start gaining confidence in my ability to just keep pounding on the blinds and building up a stack. I have picked up a new little trick from some of my excellent poker-playing friends. I've stopped raising 3x...almost entirely. So when we get past level 10...and I am raising 2.25-2.75...and have a hand I'm not willing to go broke with, its so much easier to fold. Maybe Jason Young made it make the most sense, not sure. But I am seeing the results of this. In tourneys late...I am probably taking down pots with raises 6 out of 10 times....having to fold maybe 2 times out of 10...and then the other 2, when they call the raise, I am winning after the flop about 75-80% of the time. Pretty sure I used this strategy against the inferior opponents Saturday night and just pretty much ran over the Final Table when we eventually got there.

Decided to do something kind of fun when we got to the Final Table. Since there is no bracelet, no trophy, no ring....nothing but a small pitance of money for the win....$1750...I decided we should have something. So I went over to the gift shop and grabbed a few stuffed animals, brought them to the table, and everyone unanimously voted for the frog. So I purchased the frog...and brought it to the Final Table. He posed for a few pictures. And when I told everyone it was $18...I requested $2 from each player. 5 of them complied. 2 stubbornly refused, one lady said she would think about it and another completely ignored me. Is it just me, or is it simply amazing how fucking cheap people can be sometimes? Or how absolutely mundane they can be?

The lady came around later...when she started watching the non-frog-payers get knocked out. She forked me her $2 when we got to 4. One guy...when I gave him one more chance to pony up $2...literally says...
"If that frog were on clearance for $.50 I wouldn't buy it."  Sir...you are not a nice man. I must now bust you!  I busted him 4 hands later.

I won't bore you with all the various hands that took place throughout the final table. All you need to really know, is that I won going away. Didn't play very long heads up either. And in the end...it was me, the frog, and my Monkey Beads. Aparantly I won an entry into their monthly freeroll too...which I have no idea what we are playing for. But its on July 11th, so I guess I will play in it.

See this guy? This guy was awesome! He is one of the funniest, coolest old guys I've ever met and/or played against. He told me his name was 'Good Lookin Johnny' something. Forgot his last name. I think it was Italian. He was full of those...'Lemme tell you about this one time....' stories that cool old guys always have. I loved this guy being at the table. He was the first to pay for the frog! And when we were 8-handed, I proclaimed that "You and I are gonna get heads up Johnny!" Which is exactly what happened. We got heads up....hahahah! And unfortunately for him, I actually picked up some pretty damn good hands and he never really had a chance. But he was very, very gracious in defeat. It was a great ending to the night.

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So...what did I do next? Oh...instead of going to my room and getting a good night of sleep, instead I went to the cash room at O'Sheas and there she was...that damn blonde chick who killed me the other night at I.P. Or wait...was it the other way around? Well, whatever, all I know is that once again...I lost to her. She never folds. I can't ever bluff her. Or semi-bluff her. And she never loses. Disgusting. But at least I managed to talk myself into just getting the hell out of there and not chasing my two buy ins. NO MONKEY...NO! Just get the hell outa there. She is the DEVIL! Blonde DEVIL!!!!!

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Okay, lets move on to Monday, because Sunday I didn't squat but sit in my hotel room all day and play online...trying to duplicate my near miraculous score from last Sunday in the 300k guarantee. I would have some decent cashes...but nothing significant...and at the end of the day I made a nice little $450 profit.

The plan was to get to Aria in time for the first day of their Aria Classic...and the first event was supposed to be a triple entry event...wherein you could play on Day 1...and if you survived...great, come back on Thursday for day 2. If you lost...you could come back and play on Day 1b on Tuesday. Get it? So what happens? I get there at noon...and voila...find out it doesnt start til 5pm! Shit! What to do now? Guess I'll play some 1/3 cash game. Bought in for $300. The table was lousy. I ran $300 up to $600...then the Euros arrived. This one dude was raising nearly every hand...and if a flop went out and everyone checked to him, there was an auto bet of twice the pot. Pretty predicatable. So I just started three-betting his ass every time he did that. I was fairly successful. Then...disaster. He raises to $10 utg. I look down at QQ. Oh shit. The bitches. hmmm....re-raise? Should have yes...but I think he would have called anyway. I call. Two others call. Flop comes K-Q-7. Wow. Nice. Check, check, he bets $20. I raise to $55. The others fold. He calls. Hmmm. Turn is a 9. Shit. I immediately start to wonder about J10. He checks. What? Now I check, hoping to pair the board. There is now also a flush draw out there. So when a 5 of diamonds hits the river...and he bets out $120...I hope to God he doesn't have J10...can't put him on a flush...but might be able to sell him on a flush...so I shove all  in on him for his whole $320. He tanks. Starts talking it out. And finally calls. With J10. Fuck. I was back down to $110. Shit. But I would grind it back up to $300...and then it was 5pm and time to go play the tourney.

They have a seperate room set aside for this event. It's up the escalators, and down a long hallway, past the beautiful theater where the Elvis Cirque du Soleil show is being held. Down another escalator and in this big ballroom. They have 30 tables or so set up in a huge room with bigscreens on each end of the room. You could literally play football in there. As long as you didnt have to punt.

Thats when it hit me. And them. Holy shit. There are only 33 players. What are they going to do? How many levels are we going to play? How many players are they going to bring back on Thursday? How many fewer chips will our group have than the other two groups? Was this a bad investment of $335? But after getting only 1 level in they informed us that they would be making it a 1-day tourney. Guess we call that 'shifting on the fly.' That is pretty much the only thing they COULD do I think. It was pretty clear that they were disappointed in the turnout. And I am disappointed for them. I have a few ideas on what they could have done...but once again, I am going to dodge the whole..."They should have done this, or done that....to get more people here," since these type of 'ideas' tend to land me on people's shit lists. So I suppose if they want my ideas, they will ask me for them. Until then...I will just play the events I am allowed to play...in places where I can find the largest fields.

So I did actually go into this making an effort to win. I think to be the first winner in the history of their poker tourney...would have been kind of cool. And I was headed there for awhile. Then...the disaster/nightmare that has been plagueing me all summer long at Aria...drilled me again. And it was one of the sickest.

First a little bit about the tables I was playing at. Observe photo below. As I was walking into the tourney, I literally observed these two guys...as well as three of their buddies all entering the room together. All dressed in the fashion that most of today's online players dress. They are becoming very easy now to recognize/identify. The kid on the left had kind of a McLean Karr look to him...with one or two exceptions. Yeah, I believe McLean has that same hat. And similar glasses. And the facial hair looks familair. Only difference was the ability to play poker. There were four of these little bastards at my table. One, who is not pictured, was on my right...and may have been the most annoying. Zits all over his face...indicating he was about 22 or so...this kid had a very cocky attitude. He had managed to obtain the chiplead and one point starts annoying stating that "I'll take 1st place money and let you guys chop the rest." With every passing second I was becoming more and more annoyed with not just him but all of them.

As time went on it became very clear that they were 'working' our table. Four of them...and me...and three old guys. That was our final table. Earlier in the night...when this little punk raised my BB for about the 5th time...and it was always a min raise plus a smidge...I just decided to go STACKFACE on him one time to slow his ass down. He folds...and I showed him 2-7...yeah, ME...showing a bluff. It was kind of supposed to accomplish two things....(a) serve as a big fuck you and quit raising my blinds you little cockbite, because I WILL defend my blinds and (b) setting him up hopefully for later when I jam on him with a monster and get a lot of his chips. That chance would not come. In fact...it would work just the opposite.

We got down to 7 players...and it was paying 3 only. I was starting to really gain some momentum...and was now really liking my chances of winning this. Then....as I was saying a couple paragraphs ago....the NIGHTMARE:

PizzaFace raises me from the SB. From 500/1000 to 3k. I look at 55 and call the raise....stating "Well, I have a pair so I have to call."  Him "Really? you have a pair huh? How big?"

The flop comes 3-5-7. "why do I feel like you hit that?" He leads out 4k. I just call. The turn is another 7. Wow. Boat! Sweet. He checks now. I bet 10k. He calls. WTF? And for this special moment...we turn to our new 'not-so-favorite' dealer....a very delightful Asian dealer who seemed to enjoy this upcoming moment...the moment when he put ANOTHER 7 on the river...which sent that "holy shit, I have just been fucked" chill down my spine. He checks the river...and how can I bet? He turns over 66. I wanted to puke! I wasn't dead...not by any stretch...but I was mentally feeling like I had just been sniped by a guy I never saw hiding in the rooftops.

So a couple hands later...Internet Pain in the Ass #1 makes another light raise in early position into his buddy's BB....Internet Pain in the Ass #2. Well I am in between in the SB with A9h. And I think about re-raising right there...but decide instead to try and play it a little stealthily. Well, then I.P.I.T.A #2 decides to make YET another three bet...which I.P.I.T.A. #1 folds to...and it gets my wheels to spinning.

Hmmm. I am feeling this overwhelming feeling that these little fuckers are just slowly slicing us up with this type of bullshit. Limp....raise....re-raise...trap the guy in the middle, force him to fold...and its just going to go on and on until we get shortstack and eventually desperate. So what do I do? I decide its time to change the climate of the table...time to put my foot down. So I re-raise him all in. And what does he do?

"How much is that?"  Why is he asking that? No reason...he's just being a little prick...because he was never going to fold...since he had...TADA! Aces! Yeah...why not! Just aces. Oh I felt so stupid. And pissed. And that was it. I was outa there. No cash. Just frustration.

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As I was walking out of there I again started taking notice of all the intricate little details of this beautiful, futuristic looking casino, and realized that I really need to go in there with my digital camera and take a bunch of pictures...and probably do a whole segment on here on how cool this place is...so for those of you who haven't been out here to the new City Center, you will know what you are having to look forward to.

On a little side note...its been confirmed that the Mirage, with its dinosaur dealer staff and freakishly old cocktail waitresses, and struggling poker room....the site of horribly structured tournaments...will be closing after the summer. Good riddance. I always ran nothing but bad in that place. I think its a good idea to start closing some of the floundering poker rooms and start funneling them into the nicer places with better games, better rooms and better dealers. There are about five really nice poker rooms in Vegas...Venetian, Bellagio, Aria, MGM is still pretty nice and Wynn. Actually Harrah's isnt too bad. But its not a 'destination' poker room. The rest are just there because the casinos think they have to have a poker room presence. I think the poker 'craze' is finally beginning to wear off a bit, and eventually you will start to see more and more poker rooms go away. Which is perfectly fine by me and most serious poker players I know.

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Yeah...so I made my way to the Valet...where I have been having some very long,  disappointing experiences while waiting for my car. This wall has become a good buddy of mine. That is a wall that has water running down the side of it. Its actually very soothing to stand there and watch it after taking yet another brutal beat. One day, I am probably going to end up standing with my back to that wall, letting that water pour over me.

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Watching the BIG GAME again, that Pokerstars sponsored show. This week its Joe Cada...who I don't know, for some reason, watching him play drives me absolutely nuts. Jason Mercier is on...who I actually really like to watch play. Barry Greenstein is on...why I have no idea...I have nothing against Barry...but find him to be about as exciting as watching leaves on a tree go through the process of going from green to brown. Our loose cannon this week is some hottie from Europe named Natasha Magnus...gee wonder how she got cast? Hmmm....yeah, poker is starting to really get irritating in that regard as well. A girl with even semi-attractiveness now makes a big final table or wins something...and she is pretty much set for life. Look what Tiffany Michelle did with ONE deep luckbox result! ONE! We all know how awful she is. But look at how long her 15 minutes of fame lasted! Pretty sure its about over...not positive...but I think so...maybe 27 seconds or so still remain. I've been saying this for a year or two...and I stand by it...put me in a hot womans body (not literally! Well....) for a month or so...and I will kick the SHIT out of poker!

But what can I do? For centuries...that old adage has always remained true: SEX SELLS. Right? Who do people want to see on TV? On magazines? Some fat, old boring man? Or some fabulous, big breasted female? Court adjourned!

And with that...I am out! Tired...and needing sleep for tomorrow! Need to close strong on this trip!

MONKEY

Get Ready to Laugh...I'm ready to vent!

Okay...we are not off to a very good start. I tried something new today. I tried to upload a video clip, one I took last night with my cell phone. I know it can be done. I've seen video clips on Bill's blog. But when I just tried to do it...it failed. Dammit. What was the video? Well, it was a glimpse inside the eyes of Monkey when returning to IP after another heartbreaking defeat just shy of the money.

It was called "Elvis and the Spaz."  Of the impersonators that deal blackjack and then get up on stage and perform...the Elvis is the best...because he actually sings.... not lip-syncs...and looks like Elvis. Well last night there was the goofiest guy I've ever seen standing out in the aisle..holding a microphone...it was a PROP...not an actual mic...and he was singing along with fake Elvis and dancing like a meth-head on Xanax. Picture that. If I can figure it out...I will get it on here later. It's classic.

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When I last left off I was at Table 29, seat 2 racking up quite a motherlode of chips in the noon tourney at Golden Nugget on Saturday. I had reached the point of 'inconsolable indifference' and had begun to go into stark detail on every player at my table...I had gotten as far as Seat 6...yes, I was live blogging on my cell phone...when all of a sudden I hit the wrong button and lost all that I had been writing for an hour and a half. In the midst of that I got into a 'tiff' with the guy in the 3-seat...who I had taken to calling "The Carp"...well, in my mind. I hadn't called him that out loud. Why you ask? Well...because he had the strangest profile, he, well...looked like a carp. That, for those who don't know...is a fish. In fact the Asian Carp is currently endangering Lake Michigan...so it is a good fish to form a natural hatred for these days. And that is pretty much what I was forming for this goofball.

It all started with his outfit...which can be unfair sometimes...but sometimes, people just can't be let off the hook. And this guy was one of those examples. Head to toe: One of those 'gansta' style lids (ball cap) with the straight bill...and Texas Longhorns to boot (losers! Roll Tide!) tilted to the side. An Affliction shirt that was too small for his 25-40 lb overweight body. Then these cute white bermuda shorts that were too small and showing everything in his pockets. But the best was his white patent (fake) leather tuxedo shoes...without, of course, socks to finish up the ensemble. And he was that guy who anytime someone had the audacity to win a hand off of him...he would end it with "nice bluff!" Because no one could EVER possibly have had a better hand than HIM! Just when I was about to nominate him for biggest douchebag of the year...there was a late attempt on his part to 'make peace' with Monsieur Monkey...so I won't bury him. I know he is probably going to look on here to see what I wrote...and that's fine. Just so you know dude...on the board with the 4-4-5-whatever-whatever...I had KK. The other time...yes, I completely bluffed the shit out of you. With 10-high. Have a nice day.

Holy shit, I am cooking...have to go cool off in the pool. Be right back.

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Okay that was a nice little 1-hour session with my book and the water...and a virgin pina collada. Did I look like a homo? Probably. Who cares. I have to leave here shortly. I will probably just bring this lappie with me and finish this.,..because frankly, I have a lot to say. I also have a lot of photos to post. My sole mission today is to make you folks laugh.

Lets start with this topic. Pants on the ground. Yes...Captain Larry or whatever the hell his name was on American Idol brought this to the forefront this season with his snappy tune. But its something that I and most of  'Sane America' has been harping on for years now.

Yeah...while taking a break on a recent poker tournament...I observed this clown...with, you got it...his pants on the ground. I am pretty sure this guy is from somewhere in Europe. Somewhere along the way, he got the bright idea that this 'look' is considered 'cool' in our country. I cringe to think that this has somehow caught on in his native country. And if it has? Well, then our planet is doomed. That's all I can think. Our urban friends started this ridiculousness about 4 or 5 years ago...and for some reason it still persists. No idea why. I've never met a girl, white or black who finds this 'look' sexy. To see a white, European dude rockin this look...really kind of put me on life tilt for the good part of a half a day. I feel compelled to lead a march on Washington or something to put this 'Pants on the Ground' look in the ground for good. Bury it. Kill it. Erase it from the social and fashion landscape forever. It's not cool. You just look like a fucking moron. And it's making members of your family NOT want to invite you over for holidays anymore. Recognize....biotch!

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Okay...I've got to get to Binions...to play their Mega into their Main Event that starts there tomorrow...its a $1080 Main...with 30,000 starting chips and 1hr blind levels. NICE! Nugget's Main is Saturday I think. I will go ahead and post this and add to it when I get up there.

MONKEY

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Okay I'm back. Tableside now...just busted out of the 2pm Mega. Started bad...had to fold KK and 1010 early. Then made it up...got some traction...got short with an attempted QJ steal...ran into JJ and AQ. Ouch. Then moved in with KQc and ran into Charles "Woody" Moore's AA. Ouch. Woody is a really cool guy though, been playing against him for years. I didn't crack his aces....and so now I am lined up here about to start the 5pm Mega.

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Okay...just won the first hand. And Woody's wife just did the 'ol "what happens if your on your computer when your in a hand...???"  What happens? Um...well, nothing I reckon, unless someone tries to make a major big deal about it. Not like I'm playing poker online or chatting with anyone. Right? Sigh. Oh...well she just got knocked out on the 4th hand of the satellite. Whoops.

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Ready for some funny pictures?

This lovely gal was caught zipping around outside of O'Sheas one night not too long ago. I started out just wanting to snap her picture because of her zany outfit. Then I started chatting with her, and she became interesting. But then, alas, the more we chatted, the more evident it became that she was totally NUTS! God Love her!!!!

Ya'all remember a couple weeks ago when I told you about Kai being here? How we had one super hot older gal at his cash table and then one really obvious trannie? And I couldn't find the picture? Well guess what? Monkey is your hero today! I found it. And here it is!!!!

                                        

While I have been here I have witnessed some pretty crazy hair-dos. Why? Well, in large part I would have to say its kind of because (a) I am staying at the IP and (b) I have been spending a lot of time in Old Vegas...or Downtown, as the locals call it. Well, I have seen it all. Mohawks seem to still be in fashion. And then...just when you thought the mullet was dead....here it comes.....and here it IS! And yes, that is a WOMAN! Dig it!

We all know that guy who wears Ed Hardy right? Usually is also sporting shades that are way too dark...and has to take them off to see the board? Know that guy? Well, in that same tourney the other day where I had "The Carp" and a lady I started (in my head of course) calling "Grandma Skeletor" I had another guy at our table who earned the nickname "Hollywood Hardy" because, yes, he was totally decked out from hat to jeans in Ed Hardy shit. And of course, the glasses. Lets show ya this clown...and then tell you the story of a hand that would make any poker player who is worth half a shit want to get up out of your chair, walk over to his chair...and carrying a bucket of slime or snot, or three day old jello that had been sitting out in the hot sun, or maybe some donkey dung...and just dropped it over his head.

                             

So, okay...we are at 600/1200 and this twit limps in from early position. Fair enough. Maybe he's limping with a big hand. So when I see 99 on the button, and I'm sitting on 15,500 and he has only 5600...I don't see any other way to play it then to commit him to his stack with a raise. So of course I do raise...to 3500. It folds around to him...and here we go with the slow rollin, Hollywoodin bullshit. I'm not even sure if this clown was clever enough to realize that no MATTER what he did here I would never fold. In fact, he could have SHOWN me two aces, and I'd have been forced to call the other 2300. But...no! He sits there, with those stupid glasses on...staring at me...fondling...then making love to his chips. Asks me how many chips I have. Are you kidding me? Then I say it:

"Dude! Are you kidding us? This is a $150 tourney bro! There are no TV cameras. There are no railbirds. We are not playing for a trophy, a ring or a bracelet. And if you check the pot, and check my raise...and check your own damn stack...you will notice that I can't fold ANY TWO CARDS TO YOU! Now if you limped in with AA just save us the fucking act and make your move! Jeezuz!"

So after that...he finally goes all in. I call. He has AA. I have 99. Aces hold .

"Congratulations sir, you win."

What a jackass.

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I found that mystery photo that I never thought I had from that win at Aria last Friday. I also have another couple of fun pictures from Aria...but inbedding these pictures once I have gotten all the way down the page is becoming a real pain in the ass. It drops the photo in at the top of the page and I have to drag the damn thing all the way down. So I think I will do my next post...where I put in ALL the pictures first, then write the text around the pictures. Sounds a whole lot smarter huh?

Wow, okay so then as soon as I say all that, BOOM this one slides in right where it's supposed to go. Hell, I don't get it. But whatever, right?

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SATURDAY SHENANIGANS AT BINIONS!!!!

Well, things didn't quite work out at Golden Nugget on Saturday. After being up to 25k, I kind of blew up. Kind of? No, I totally blew up. In one of my most ridiculous performances of the season (yes, I am not speaking like Poker is an athletic career!) I made a complete idiot play. On the, or IN THE...only way I can legitimize my play, we started with 253 players in this rinky-dink $125 hold em tourney that I was playing in...and at the 600-1200 level still had 99 players. It was going to quickly become a shovefest, and  I had kind of dedictated myself to getting to 30 or 40 BB's and having my way with that field of novices. Granted, the only reason I was even playing in this shitstorm was due to the early flameout in the $235 PLO H/L tourney...when, after raising with AdKh2d3h...and flopping Kd4d5h...and getting all of the money in the middle because the other player had "I wanna pot it" -itis and him holding A-6-K-J...he hits nohting but a jack...no low comes, no flush comes...and son of a bitch, he took me out with two pair. Nice hand sir. Well played. He would fail to make the money. I would see him later in the nightly at Binions.

Oh...so yeah, meanwhile, back to my ridonkulous play that got me springboarded from that $125 jokefest. A guy who liked to raise utg a LOT...and always raised light...did it again...for 3000. (at 600-1200) The button flat called. And in the BB I look down at 99. So instead of just completing and seeing a flop and getting away when some face cards showed up...I raise...to the ridiculous amount of 12k. Leaving...yeah, 13k behind. Brilliant move eh? Especially when the first guy moves all in. Oh...great. Well, kind of hard to fold now huh? Without looking totally retarded instead of just partially retarded. So...hoping he has AK, I make the awful call and discover his KK. Hmmm..nice hand sir. Then the dealer delivers a King on the flop...and that was all she wrote. Far out. Bye bye Monkey.

Off to Binions for the 7pm. We had an Asian guy at the table...who whenever he had money in the pot...and hit either a pair or a draw of some kind after the flop, would just shove all in. It was pretty effective for awhile. I eventually caught him. He shoved a huge stack on me with A10 and I looked down at 1010. My tens held.

Before all that though, there was a hand that inspired a later 'Spite Call' from me. The blinds were 200/400 and I had literally NOT PLAYED A HAND yet. I was in the BB. 4 players limped in. I wake up with AKh. I raise to 2400. With 1600 in the pot. Everyone folded except this guy at cutoff, who 'goes ahead and goes all in' for 3500. Holding A10 offsuit. Mmmhmmm. Nothing on the flop. Turn gives me a flush draw and reduces him to 2 outs. River? 10 of clubs. Um...I was a little irritated, but said nothing.

So two hands later...when the crazy asian guy ships it with an open ended straight, and gets a semi-loose call by a kid who had middle pair and was currently good...but lost on the river...this same guy, after the Asian left the table to hit the bathroom, utters this gem:

"gosh I can't believe that guy went all in with just an open-ended straight draw....thats kind of crazy!"

Which cued me to say:

"This from a guy who had the minimum invested, then called off his whole tourney with A10 offsuit, against a player who had yet to play a single hand? Yeah, man, I'm sure you have a lot of reason to question his play!"

Which then set up the future spite call.

And here is how it went down. You all know how often I get sucked out on right? In fact...as bad as this summer is going, I almost feel like it may be necessary for me to start to take pictures of my beats...because I'm sure it starts to smack of 'bullshit' after awhile, unless you were physically there to witness it. But when you have a backer...it might not be such a bad idea to carry around proof that some of the absurdity you've been claiming is legit.

Well, on this night, the suckee would become the sucker! Sucker-outer that is!

At 200-400 I limp in with KdJd. The SB raises it to 1700. The BB...Mr. A-10 himself...goes all in. I look at my stack and count out 5400. Not very impressive. Then I decide...hmmm...you know what? He deserves a bad beat. The other guy I don't really care about, plus he has less than I do. Screw it. I call! The other calls as well.

They turn over AK (the first raiser) and KK (the Spite Call recipient)...and I start laughing and gathering up my stuff. A jack hits the flop...

Oh by the way, I did announce 'Spite Call' when I made the call...and the whole east end of the table understood.

I am not the type to suck out...so I continued packing up my stuff...when BOOM! A jack hit the river. Sweeeeeet! Unloaded the Monkey...sat down, and started stacking. And listening to A-10 boy start his whining. Boo-hoo...cry me a river bitch!

      NICE EH????

That was my first huge suckout of the night. The other came after I lost a huge race against the crazy asian. He moved all in with AK...I called him with JJ...he turned a KING. Sucked. Took me down to 4 BB's...and on the last hand before the break...and me not wanting to return with my current shit stack...I moved all in with Q5. I got called by one guy, and another guy re-raised all in....with, what else? AA! First guy folded. I would flop a Queen...and then rivered a 5...which the guy didn't even see. Thanks! Nice triple up Monkey!

*********************************************************

I have to tell you about this dealer at Binions. His name...or well, nickname I guess, is 'Frenchy.' He literally looks like a dude who just climbed off a Harley and moved into the box to deal. At first I was kind of like...."wow, really?" But then...as I continued to watch and observe, I started to really enjoy this guy. I mean...I am attaching a picture to make you see what I'm talking about...but there is no way this guy gets hired to work at any of the corporatee (just made that a word) casinos...because they would likely deem him to ....mmmm....word here? Not 'professional' enough looking would be what they would tell him probably. But this guy was actually really, really cool. Very likeable. Great personality. And was an outstanding dealer. He was cutting up a lot with the players. I could see a lot of me in his style. And also see how he could be misinterpreted by others and percieved as being a certain way when in actuality he isnt. We got to talking a bit...his favorite hand is J10. As is my wife's. Squirrel. So then he starts pulling out these gold squirrels to show me! Wow! Too funny. Or ironic.

This is 'Frenchy'...the guy has muscles like Ed Hoculy...has to work out 4 or 5 times a week. Tattoos all over both arms. And then he is all blinged out in mostly gold jewelry with a lot of diamonds on his watch and rings. You definitely know you are 'Downtown' when Frenchy is dealing to you.

   Here are Frenchie's Squirrels. Pretty cool. Gold and coated with crystals or maybe fake diamonds. Not sure...but they were sure cute. After showing me these...he then pulls like a 5lb gold lion from his fanny pack. Hilarious! The table was like..."damn, what else you got in there, dealer!!!???"

Okay Im gonna take a pause here as the battery is getting low and we are now down to 3 tables in this Mega....I will wrap up the nightly story after this.

****************************************************************

If anyone finds my mind....please return it to me!!!!

[another retraction. Thought I woke up and saw that Frank, Phil Ivey and Men the Shyster all won bracelets last night. Sorry...I got it wrong. Was just waking up and still groggy. Sorry bout that. But GO FRANK!]

Yes...2010 is now officially becoming, THE YEAR FROM HELL!!!!!

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

And to prove just how screwy this year is...I keep on winning online. Just returned to my room after yet another day of hair-pulling results...log on to Stars...and promptly win a $16/18pp SNG followed by a $33/9pp SNG...and also a $20.80 double or nothing. Go figure.

Back in the 'real world' I can't catch a damn break or get anyone to fold when it should be quite clear just how behind they are.

So today, I go to the pool, get two hours of sun. Good way to start the day, right? Meet up with Hod, a guy who used to be a staff photographer for Rounder Magazine before they vanished into oblivion...and headed for the Nugget, where I decided to get away from Hold Em for the day and take a shot at H.O.R.S.E. Well, we had a pretty fun table, and I was actually doing okay. When I arrived I noticed I was sitting next to that kid Ryan Caskey who I just finished writing about. He didn't stick around long...he got moved pretty early. I actually like this kid...he has a good table demeanor.

Why drag this out? Just when I was really starting to like my table, and really thinking I might get deep in this damn thing...I get up to over 15k...and the game goes to Stud H/L. I get AA2...then A23, and yeah, I cap raised both of them. Only to get called by this complete.....well, I don't even know what to call him. Because I thought he was an okay player...but then he informs me after both plays that "I have no idea what I'm doing." Great. Just great. That right there...is the guy Ive been losing to all freaking summer. Its getting old. Real old. Yeah well, on both, I turn a low draw...on one, a nut flush draw. Would I win either hand or even salvage a chop? Fuuuuuuck no. Why would I? I was left just shaking my head and literally about implode. So why would anything change...when....as we switched to LIMIT Hold Em....the same guy raises from 300/600 to 1200. I re-raise to 1800 with JJ....only to have the BB re-raise it to 2400. The original guy folds (????) and I was all in with my last 400. He calls of course, and turns over A10 offsuit. Hmmm...yeah, okay. Nice hand sir. Flop comes A-9-7....I didn't find a Jack or go runner runner anything...and that was it. I was out. And again....PISSED. 6pm.

Get in my car...great, on EMPTY! Go find a gas station. Get accosted by a homeless guy. Then another one. Only this one was insane...I mean...very crazy. This was where I had one of those moments. You know the kind?

Its like...when you look at a monkey....and you think "hmmm...there is a lot about that monkey that reminds me of myself....I mean...just how much of a difference is there, really?"

Well...I'm looking at this crazy fucker....and listening to his crazy babbling...and instead of being, well...like most people, and just dismissing him and/or making fun of him...which a lot of people do I think because they think they are supposed to, or because it makes them feel better about themselves....I instead stood there, carefully watching this guy. Then it dawned on me..."Wow...you know? Holy shit...how far away am I from being that guy? That could be me...sitting there...like I just was in valet a few moments earlier...babbling about this asshole and his stupid calls...and my bad luck....blah blah blah....babbble babble babbble......" Damn...if things keep going like they're going...I could be out front of a 7-Eleven by next summer, hassling your bastards when you come in to use the bathroom or buy a Slurpee!

I make my way to Aria...the place I like to go when I feel like playing lights out poker for 5 or 6 hours, then get fucked in the ass...and leave just short of the money. Oh! Except for that one magical night last Friday...which I don't even remember! Yeah...my last victory...and that money is now toast.

West Side Bobby (Bob Smith, who works the floor for WSOP) showed up...I hadn't hung out with him all summer. And he landed at my table in the 10 seat. I was in the 2 seat. In the 1 seat we had a total jerkoff. At one point I was leaning back from the table...but within arms length...and the prick mucks my hand. New me...just sat there looking at him...blankly...and just asked..."Can I ask why you just did that?"

"Well, I mean...are you going to play your damn hand? You weren't at the table!"

Old Me....hell, I don't even know how I would have handled that...but I just let it go. But inside I was fuming. So it didnt break my heart when I raised with KK UTG...got called by his dumb ass....then when the flop came A-high...he checked, I bet out light...and he called. Shit. Turn? Just a KING! He checks. I check this time. Hee Hee....trappy trappy, I'm huntin Slappy! River was...I don't know...oh yeah...a 9. Which paired the board...giving me a boat. He flops out 2100. I min raise him to 4200...and he insta-mucked. BAM!

Westside folded a hand to him...for all his chips...and watched him show a bluff. Bob told him..."Yeah keep doing that...I'll get your chips!" To which 'The Asshole' offered this powerful comeback. "Good...I hope you do!"  Huh?

Well, Bob would end up getting all his chips! It was funny. Then a girl took his place in the 1 seat. I got my stack up to about 14k...and picked up QQ utg....yeah, good 'ol Queens. I raise, of course....and no one calls, except her...with what she claims is her favorite hand. Lovely. Flop comes Q-J-4...with two clubs. She checks. I bet a decent amount. She calls. Turn was the 7 of clubs. She checks again...starts babbling about something...and I now started thinking she either had 9-10 or a flush draw....so seeing that she had 5100 left, I bet out 4500. She went all in. Sigh....lets see it lady. Oh...how nice...10-8 of clubs. Fantastic. Flush! I needed to pair the board. Nope, not happening. great. Knocked me down to 2400.

But on the very  next hand....with a raise to 600....and two callers, I pick up AK in the SB and move all in, getting called by one guy with AQ. Somehow I get that hand to hold up. Oh he turned a flush draw AND a straight draw...but still, not sure how...he missed on the river.

Long story short...I ran that stack up to over 34k. And appeared headed to another Final Table...but as it was paying 7...I would need to chip up.

I raise in early position with A9...and run into a short stacks A10...and it holds. Damn. Knocks me down to 24k. Then on the next hand...I get AA. Sweet. Or is it? I raise to 8500 (blinds 1500/3000)...This guy on the button shoves all in for 15k. Of course I call. He turns over JJ. The guy next to me says "I folded one of your outs!" NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! The last time I heard a guy say that was at Venetian in the Main Event last year...when I was putting AA up against KK with 14 players left....and dude promptly flopped a K. That definitely was ringing in my ears.

WHY would you tell me that? I mean....I don't NEED TO HIT! But he did, and as soon as I heard that, I felt like I was going to get fucked. He flops a Jack...and just in case I had dreams of hitting my one-outer...he rivers another one! QUADS! Awesome! And now I was down to 3 BB's...which I got in with J3 hearts in the SB...running into A10...which of course, held. And I was out....11th. Sensational.

I walked by Randi...the girl who works the floor during the tourney...who has watched me take one bubble beat after another at Aria...and just had this painful expression on her face...and told me, as I was saying good night and walking out...."Bye Monkey...I love you...." Another long, long....irritating night ended like so many others this summer. I just wish I could lose early in these. Play for 6 hours...then lose like that? It just keeps happening...and I wish I knew why. It's not like I am playing cautious. It's not like I'm being negative. I was in a great mood all night...was chatting with everyone...was having fun.

Frank Kassela came by...visited for awhile...then went back to Ivey's Room and got into a 400/800 mix game with John Robert Bellande and a couple other guys. At one point I walked back there when they were playing 2-7 lowball...and watched a raise to 1200 by this Asian guy...Frank makes it 3600. Then JRB makes it 6400. The Asian guy calls 6400....and Frank caps it at 15,000! JRB folds...and the Asian guy calls. I guess they couldn't bet any more....because they both turned up their hands....Frank was holding the nuts...and dragged a pot of about $37,000. Ah...there is that number again. $37k. It keeps popping up everywhere. Amount that got stolen from my house. Amount I almost won on Sunday in the $55 MTT on Stars. Spooky. I'd seen enough...I had to get out of there.

I had a chance to talk to Frank about his conversation with Jack Effel...and the reasons behind why they won't let me play at Rio. Most of it I really don't want to publish here. But the more this thing drags on...the more confounding it gets. I kind of have a backup plan...but as much as you folks want me to clue you in to everything that is going on in my life right now...I just can't. Most of you get that...and to those who don't? Well...a lot of the things I have said in the blog over the last year or so, have really come back to bite me on the ass. Unfairly? Maybe. But the bottom line is...Freedom of Speech without persecution in this country is pretty much a farce. Yeah...sure you can say what is on your mind without being killed or put in jail most of the time. But say what you want without the risk of being blacklisted? Ha!

I am laying in my bed, and I am watching Poker After Dark on NBC...which is filmed at Golden Nugget. Tonight's episode is featuring David Grey, Karina Jett, Annie Duke and Mike Matusow. Listening to the mindless banter at the table...and watching every insignificant hand after hand....I nearly lost my mind. It might have been the most UN INTERESTING thing I have ever seen on TV. It was very similar to when you go on break...and get stuck in the cluster of players who want to talk about every effing hand they played during the last three levels. Please...just KILL ME! At Golden Nugget now...on breaks...I literally make a beeline to the pool, find an empty chair...and just sit there, away from all the poker freaks...and chill for 15 minutes.

Wow. It's been a full year since Michael Jackson died? And...also Farrah Fawcet? Jeezuz.....how fast did THAT year go by? 2010...boy oh boy am I ready to get this year over with!

Picked up Cardplayer today...and there was Liv Boeree...looking very stylish. Sent her a message on Facebook...which she promptly responded to. She's so cool...I'm really happy for her and her success this year. Glad to know she isn't too much of a bigshot to reply back to me!  :)

Watching a commercial right now for a local lawyer...Jack Bernstein and Associates. Holy shit. Anyone seen this commercial? Not only is the guy a fucking twerp, weasel...but his ability to read his script is hilarious. And he has no idea what to do with his hands. I hope some of you that are out here see this commercial...if it isn't the biggest piece of crap legal commercial you've ever seen...I will give you $20. And no...I can't afford it...but I am THAT SURE you will agree with me.

I pulled three HUGE bluffs today, and got away with them. Quite possibly a record for me in one day.

On the way into my hotel tonight...I observed the 1/2 table...and could see nothing but fish...so I decided to try and recoup my losses for the day...which totalled $600. Bought in for $300. On the fourth hand I played....on a live straddle, I pick up AJh. Not bad, but why raise? I call the $5. So does 7 other people. I flop....tada! The nut flush! 9h-5h-6h. Sweet. First guy bets out $20. He gets called by two others. Hmmm.....do we just call here? Or raise? Kind of worried about someone sitting on a set maybe....so I raise it to $65. First guy calls. Second guy goes ALL IN! For $450. Next person folds...and the last guy also goes all in, but for only $100. Wow...win this pot and I can call it a day and feel a lot better. I call of course. This guy doesnt turn over his hand....thats one thing I hate about cash game....but when a ten hit the turn...and the board paired a 5...he slaps his hand over...."FULL HOUSE!!!!" and I see his pocket tens. You have GOT to be SHITTING ME!

That was it. I just got up...grabbed my bag...and headed for my room.

Yeah...this summer had really sucked ass. But I know for a FACT that I am better at this stupid game than 90% of the bozos I am sitting down with. But that just doesn't seem to matter. Because eventually, it gets to a point in every tournament, where luck plays a huge role....the later stages usually....and my luck....just SUCKS! But what else can I do? I have to just keep it together...not lose my mind...even though I think I partially already have. Just one or two decent wins will get me back to ....well, I won't say normal, because there is too much BS going on in my poker life right now...but it sure will help me in a lot of ways.

Alright you know what? I'm now tired as hell. Not sure what I am going to play tomorrow. Its hard to play these 12-14 hour days...not making a penny, then getting up and starting back from scratch and going after it all over again.

Monkey

Congrats to Frank!

Frank Kassela texted me yesterday....

"Finally bumped into Jack Effel today...talked to him for a bit, he said it was still a no go. Tried. Sorry."

That was kind of disappointing, but kind of what I expected. So this year is pretty much screwed I guess.

So...what Frank DIDNT tell me, was that he was at the Final Table of the Razz tourney. Thats Frank for ya, never one to brag, or gloat. I mean...which friend of your's leaves THAT out?

I didn't know until Dan Walsh brought it to my attention around midnight. I was following along on Pokernews.com when finally, at 3:46am, I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. Well, I just woke up and discovered that Frank has won his SECOND bracelet in a week. Wow! And a couple weeks ago he took 11th in another big event. Frank, it's safe to say, is having a helluva year. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

And just further evidence that if you have any involvement whatsoever with me...this is your year to kick ass. I'm not positive but I don't think it will work if we aren't already friends...so please don't come try to get a piece of the Monkey Magic, especially with me being in my dark mood these days. I just don't think it will work. You likely have to have already been indoctrinated into my screwy little world.

So which one of you is next? Can't wait to see.

Meanwhile, Phil 'who I respect' Ivey took his 2nd bracelet of the summer...and NINTH overall....hey Phil Hellmuth? Can you hear the footsteps behind you? Thats Ivey coming pal. And Men the Master...who I respect very little due to his nefarious shenanigans in the past that include smuggling chips to his room, and stiffing dealers and staff after winning tourneys....also won his 2nd bracelet last night. I have to admit...the guy can play some freaking cards. Doesn't mean I have to like him though right?

Its early...like before 10am...and I have been quickly losing my tan. So I am heading to the pool...to get some of it back...then I'm off to play a noon tourney and hopefully get myself a 'W' today.

Monkey

Vegas Update...3 1/2 weeks...still alive, still going nuts!

Today's bad guy is named Ryan Caskey. But its hard to be too mad at him...since (a) he looks to my blog here for comic relief, and (b) I kind of set myself up to lose. Sort of. After sitting with him the other day at Golden Nugget in the Omaha tourney that I finished 2nd in, and he took 6th...a day after winning their HORSE tourney there...I arrived tonight to him sharing a few laughs with me over one of my recent posts. He informed me that I forgot to include as a 'things that annoy me' item...the people who drag their small children around with them...whom you have to constantly dodge. Yea...I can't deny that its an annoyance.

So...I did NOT play a noon tourney because after losing late last night...going out 12th at Golden Nugget...paying 9...when my AK ran into AJ....dude hits the Jack on the turn...I was below ten BB's after that and had to shove KQ suited...and of course, I ran into AA. Awesome.  Decided to go to O'Sheas and chase my recent deficit at that money-handing facility. Plan did not go so well. I believe I re-bought 5 or 6 times. It was brutal. Every bluff got called, and every hand that I was ahead on after the flop went down in flames. I decided to turn to Jack Daniels and his friend Coke...only, O'Sheas being a Harrah's property...they resist the temptation to bring happiness to our beverage confuming lives....so its Pepsi...I hate Pepsi....which might have had something to do with my headache this morning.

Morning? Okay, I woke up at like 2:39. Not that it would have mattered. I had no desire at all to play at noon.

My wife and I celebrated our Anniversary yesterday. I was hoping to cash a top 5 in that big $55 MTT on Stars the other day, then climb on a plane and fly home to be with her. But Pokerstars had other ideas about that plan. Bastards. So instead I played all day at Nuggett and didn't cash. Sweet. I sent her an e-card...boy if you haven't done that before, what a pain in the ass!  Then I did the 'ol Facebook salutes. And finally I sent her flowers. Went through a 1-800-flowers florist, and for about the 2nd or 3rd time of using them...the flowers that she recieved at work were terrible. Really pisses me off. And they got there late. That's it...I am officially DONE with that company!
A year ago, when she came out here and we got married, I ended up going on a monster heater...to finish up my summer on a great note. Things this year have been lousy...maybe something will change this week. Last year at this time I won two tourneys in a week.

There are a couple comments on the comment board that I am oblivious to. Something about running AJ into AA? Dobbas? No idea who that is, or what its referring to. Cant recall running AJ into AA....then again, not saying it didn't happen...its been a rough summer. For the most part.

So back to Ryan Caskey. I got up and got outa here around 7:15pm tonight to head over to Aria. I arrived and started getting great hands. First hand...99. Lost. Then, KQ...lost...then 55...won. Then hit a straight on a guy...won. Then 99. Lost. Then made trips out of the BB. Won. Then 99. Lost. See a theme here? See nines, FOLD THEM! Got AK. Lost. Got AQ. Lost....somehow, I still was over the average...when I get AA. This kid Ryan is a guy who really likes to defend his blind. Vigorously. So its kind of hard to ever put him on a fucking hand. Its a major pain in the ass. So when I raised him with KQ suited and AK...it was easy to fold after the flop when it came all rags and he was blasting at it. Whatever, right? But when I raised from 100/200 to 450 with AA...and he called (of course) I felt pretty goood about the 3-3-8 flop. He checked. So I checked to try and induce a bet on the turn...and hoping he would put me on AK again. Turn was a 9. He bets out now....600. I raise it, though I thought very seriously about just smooth calling and hoping he bet the turn...but usually, in that spot, most good players will never bet again if the guy flat calls there. So I figured I should probably raise at least a potentially 'call-able' amount.

So I raise it to 1600...another thousand. He calls. Okay. Okay. River is another 9. Shit. Dont tell me. He checks. I bet 1500. Now I had about 8500 behind, and he had about 12000. After I bet, he just instantly shoved all in. Hmmm. It felt like a bluff shove to make me fold. Oh I was well aware that he could have that damn 9...but if so why shove? Maybe one of those famous 'shoves for value?' Well..it was a $120 tourney...and now there was a ridiculous amount of chips in the pot...enough to where if I was right, I could pretty much coast to the final table...especially given the softness of our table. So I called....and he turns over..... NINE DEUCE! Yep. 9-2. Wow. I didn't say anything. Nothing at alll...just gathered my shit and went back to the hotel. Was I pissed? Mmmmm...I wouldn't say pissed. I mean...I think I played it okay, but sure, if I had bet the flop..he'd have been gone. But you want to try and get as much value there as possible, right? What I do NOT understand...is why he is calling there with 9-2. But hey...he has posted some great results...so maybe I am missing something about playing any two cards. Whatever. It knocked me out...and tomorrow we go back to the drawing board.

I guess more than anything I am just frustrated that things keep going the same way. Slow play a hand, lose. Play it aggressively to take it down...I get no value, or they DO call...with some BS gutshot or bottom pair or something, and miraculously getting there. After a lot of that you really start to let it get into your head, and makes you think there is someone out to get you. Like...you know....GOD!??? Just kidding , I know God could probably care less about poker!

I came back to the room and fired up an online poker room. I sat here and lost with Aces about 7 times....so I guess me and aces are mortal enemies today. Screw you aces!!!

Today, my 'Peanut' died. What is a Peanut? Its one of those trimmers that barbers use on you...Squirrel had one cuz she used to cut hair for living. She's been cutting mine since we've been dating. Well, I use it to trim my facial hair. It is now dead. Just dead. So I don't know what to do. I think I will have a panic attack. That might solve the problem.

Las Vegas is the most exciting place to be when you are running good. But when you are running like shit? I don't think there is a place any more depressing. Well, except maybe jail...in solitary confinement. I imagine that would be worse. Or being holed up in a cancer ward. That would suck pretty bad. Or a burn unit. Or being 1000 miles out at sea and having your boat spring a leak...that would be a pretty shitty deal too. Being on an airplane...and having a terrorist take it over...climb in the cockpit and lock the door? Yeah that wouldnt be too great. So I guess I should quit bitching. I guess there are a bunch of you probably sitting there at work, in your 9-5 job...reading this as your boss walks back and forth by your office, or cubicle or whatever, and all you can think about is how much you hate the guy...and wish YOU could be out here doing what I'm doing. Is that accurate? So...yeah, I will just suck it up, and get back after it tomorrow.

I have some pretty funny pictures to post. But I'm gonna hold off...until I get about 20 more...then I will just have one big, massive picture posting 'Las Vegas Scrapbook of 2010 Memories' special. Sound good?

My friend Lara Miller, who I stayed with a while out here in November....has decided to sell her company, all her possessions and move to INDIA for a year or so. Or maybe its three years. To go to do volunteer work. Wow. She hasn't even told her parents. I hope they don't read this blog. Well, good luck Lara!

Ive been doing a lot of watching CNN regarding the BP (latin Bastardius Professionalus) oil spill..and its becoming more and more clear that these pricks are just a bunch of greedy pigs. Cutting corners at every turn to save money. Ignoring safety concerns. Lying to employees and the media. Then Tony Hayward takes a 'special weekend' with his family to go watch his multi-million dollar yacht race around England. Dude....are you THAT much of an asshole? Then BP tries to cover his ass. Yo! Check this out cockboy...you're company is spilling 100,000 gallons of oil into our fucking WATER EVERY DAY! There are no FAMILY GETAWAYS while you are killing our Gulf and destroying our wildlife you insufferable prick! I'm pretty sure your family will understand if you can't make the boat race this year. Yep...Tony now rises to the top of my "People I most want to punch in the FACE".

Oh my God...Heidi Klum is on Jimmy Fallon tonight......yes! Finally, something good on TV!

The USA is into the 2nd round of the World Cup! Sweeet. What an amazing last minute goal by Landon Donovan. Granted, another disallowed goal earlier in the game almost fucked us again.  Way to go boys! Keep it going! How about France and their nice little implosion? Wow. Nice team. Nice comraderie. Today, at Wimbleton...these dudes played for TEN FREAKING HOURS! And they are still playing. Suspended by darkness. I'm gonna guess these guys are tired tonight.

Um.....okay, I'm done. I'm going to try and fire up a late night session, and see if I can book a win or two. Good night!

MONKEY