...We Continue from the Binions story...plus more.

Okay. I am now back in my room. It is Tuesday night. Just finished wolfing a meal at Hash House A Go-Go...which, as advertised by Dan Walsh...who literally was sending me photos of his meal there on my phone....is AMAZING. Huge...I mean...HUUUUUUUUGE portions on everything.


Got out of the 2nd Mega with my seat in the Main Event locked up. Woo Hoo. Didn't have to battle too hard for it either, which is always nice. It was pretty uneventful. Got paid off with AA one time. Then after making a huge fold, this guy raised on the button and I just stuffed with 88...got called by shorty in the BB with AK...and then button unexplicably calls off his whole tourney with KJ. Board ran out all rags...and I had a huge stack and never looked back. When we got down to 8..with it paying 6 seats and $850 for 7th...these boneheads tried to sell us on shaving the $60 off the top of each $1060 seat and giving it to the 7th and 8th place guys, who both were sitting on less than 2 BB's...and letting them split the 7th place money. Hmmm.....lets see...I have 125k. The blinds are 5k/10k....ugh....yeah I'm not losing that one. Hey, how about I just go outside and give $60 to a homeless guy instead? They were all fairly okay with it, but me and this other guy...who I know through this guy Christian, kind of decided it was a joke of a deal. I told them...."Uh, guys, you both have 2 BB's or less, I would suggest you both split the $850. There is not ONE iota of common sense in us all giving up $60."  Everyone agreed with me.  I ended up trying to take the guy out....he folded, and literally left 3k for the small blind, which was 5k. Absolute absurdity. It was over on the next hand.

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Remember my little rant about people who stand around blocking the walking path in casinos? How annoying that is? So tonight, as I am walking in to the I.P. I'm walking up the aisle...in between the two pits...and here we go, a gaggle or 4 guys and 5 chicks...all in their 20's...and they are completely blocking the aisle. So I stand there, awkwardly waiting for a hole to open up. Not happening. Then I give an...."Uh....excuse me folks...reallly like to get by ya."  Surprisingly, the two guys were actually cooperative...."Oh sorry dude..."

But then little miss bitch face, she had other ideas...she just stood there...still yapping away with her three girl friends...shooting me a glance but not budging.

"Yeah...this is called a walkway! There is a reason they call it that. Not exactly a great place to stand around yapping, ladies! Think ya could maybe move so people could get by you!??"

And this nasty little bitch just goes off! "Yeah! They call it a walk way...so you should just keep walking! Thats right! Just keep walking! YEAH! Uh Huh!!!"

"Okay sweetie...I will, great comeback by the way. Further enhanced by the fact that you are the ugly one in this posse. Because honestly, my plan tonight, was to come back to my hotel, then get clogged up behind you, grab a chair, and sit and listen to your boring fucking conversation for about an hour or two....then go up to my room, get out a razor blade, and end my life. Have a nice night you little bitch!"

The guys were all smirking. The girls, predictably all started calling me a rash of names like 'asshole' and 'fucker' and maybe there was a 'dickhead' mixed in there.

I really, truly have little use for any woman under the age of 30 these days. Just about all of them annoy me to no end or bore me to tears. And the ones who roll up into Vegas for their little once-a-year vacation come on this high horse they need badly to be knocked off of.

I guess we could say I could have handled that a little more sheepishly...a little more, uh, politely. Maybe I was a bit confrontational, yeah? And all this after having an actual winning day in poker. Hmmmm.  Whatever.

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I think when we last left off I was warming up to the exciting conclusion of the Saturday nightly tourney at Binions. I had sucked out with Q5 vs. AA for a triple up. I do NOT remember all the other decent hands, and frankly....really, who cares? Do you? All that really matters is that as I started consuming cocktails, I, as usual, started accumulating chips. Couldn't tell you where most of them came from. It's just strange how in these nightly's that when I start getting hammered, I start gaining confidence in my ability to just keep pounding on the blinds and building up a stack. I have picked up a new little trick from some of my excellent poker-playing friends. I've stopped raising 3x...almost entirely. So when we get past level 10...and I am raising 2.25-2.75...and have a hand I'm not willing to go broke with, its so much easier to fold. Maybe Jason Young made it make the most sense, not sure. But I am seeing the results of this. In tourneys late...I am probably taking down pots with raises 6 out of 10 times....having to fold maybe 2 times out of 10...and then the other 2, when they call the raise, I am winning after the flop about 75-80% of the time. Pretty sure I used this strategy against the inferior opponents Saturday night and just pretty much ran over the Final Table when we eventually got there.

Decided to do something kind of fun when we got to the Final Table. Since there is no bracelet, no trophy, no ring....nothing but a small pitance of money for the win....$1750...I decided we should have something. So I went over to the gift shop and grabbed a few stuffed animals, brought them to the table, and everyone unanimously voted for the frog. So I purchased the frog...and brought it to the Final Table. He posed for a few pictures. And when I told everyone it was $18...I requested $2 from each player. 5 of them complied. 2 stubbornly refused, one lady said she would think about it and another completely ignored me. Is it just me, or is it simply amazing how fucking cheap people can be sometimes? Or how absolutely mundane they can be?

The lady came around later...when she started watching the non-frog-payers get knocked out. She forked me her $2 when we got to 4. One guy...when I gave him one more chance to pony up $2...literally says...
"If that frog were on clearance for $.50 I wouldn't buy it."  Sir...you are not a nice man. I must now bust you!  I busted him 4 hands later.

I won't bore you with all the various hands that took place throughout the final table. All you need to really know, is that I won going away. Didn't play very long heads up either. And in the end...it was me, the frog, and my Monkey Beads. Aparantly I won an entry into their monthly freeroll too...which I have no idea what we are playing for. But its on July 11th, so I guess I will play in it.

See this guy? This guy was awesome! He is one of the funniest, coolest old guys I've ever met and/or played against. He told me his name was 'Good Lookin Johnny' something. Forgot his last name. I think it was Italian. He was full of those...'Lemme tell you about this one time....' stories that cool old guys always have. I loved this guy being at the table. He was the first to pay for the frog! And when we were 8-handed, I proclaimed that "You and I are gonna get heads up Johnny!" Which is exactly what happened. We got heads up....hahahah! And unfortunately for him, I actually picked up some pretty damn good hands and he never really had a chance. But he was very, very gracious in defeat. It was a great ending to the night.

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So...what did I do next? Oh...instead of going to my room and getting a good night of sleep, instead I went to the cash room at O'Sheas and there she was...that damn blonde chick who killed me the other night at I.P. Or wait...was it the other way around? Well, whatever, all I know is that once again...I lost to her. She never folds. I can't ever bluff her. Or semi-bluff her. And she never loses. Disgusting. But at least I managed to talk myself into just getting the hell out of there and not chasing my two buy ins. NO MONKEY...NO! Just get the hell outa there. She is the DEVIL! Blonde DEVIL!!!!!

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Okay, lets move on to Monday, because Sunday I didn't squat but sit in my hotel room all day and play online...trying to duplicate my near miraculous score from last Sunday in the 300k guarantee. I would have some decent cashes...but nothing significant...and at the end of the day I made a nice little $450 profit.

The plan was to get to Aria in time for the first day of their Aria Classic...and the first event was supposed to be a triple entry event...wherein you could play on Day 1...and if you survived...great, come back on Thursday for day 2. If you lost...you could come back and play on Day 1b on Tuesday. Get it? So what happens? I get there at noon...and voila...find out it doesnt start til 5pm! Shit! What to do now? Guess I'll play some 1/3 cash game. Bought in for $300. The table was lousy. I ran $300 up to $600...then the Euros arrived. This one dude was raising nearly every hand...and if a flop went out and everyone checked to him, there was an auto bet of twice the pot. Pretty predicatable. So I just started three-betting his ass every time he did that. I was fairly successful. Then...disaster. He raises to $10 utg. I look down at QQ. Oh shit. The bitches. hmmm....re-raise? Should have yes...but I think he would have called anyway. I call. Two others call. Flop comes K-Q-7. Wow. Nice. Check, check, he bets $20. I raise to $55. The others fold. He calls. Hmmm. Turn is a 9. Shit. I immediately start to wonder about J10. He checks. What? Now I check, hoping to pair the board. There is now also a flush draw out there. So when a 5 of diamonds hits the river...and he bets out $120...I hope to God he doesn't have J10...can't put him on a flush...but might be able to sell him on a flush...so I shove all  in on him for his whole $320. He tanks. Starts talking it out. And finally calls. With J10. Fuck. I was back down to $110. Shit. But I would grind it back up to $300...and then it was 5pm and time to go play the tourney.

They have a seperate room set aside for this event. It's up the escalators, and down a long hallway, past the beautiful theater where the Elvis Cirque du Soleil show is being held. Down another escalator and in this big ballroom. They have 30 tables or so set up in a huge room with bigscreens on each end of the room. You could literally play football in there. As long as you didnt have to punt.

Thats when it hit me. And them. Holy shit. There are only 33 players. What are they going to do? How many levels are we going to play? How many players are they going to bring back on Thursday? How many fewer chips will our group have than the other two groups? Was this a bad investment of $335? But after getting only 1 level in they informed us that they would be making it a 1-day tourney. Guess we call that 'shifting on the fly.' That is pretty much the only thing they COULD do I think. It was pretty clear that they were disappointed in the turnout. And I am disappointed for them. I have a few ideas on what they could have done...but once again, I am going to dodge the whole..."They should have done this, or done that....to get more people here," since these type of 'ideas' tend to land me on people's shit lists. So I suppose if they want my ideas, they will ask me for them. Until then...I will just play the events I am allowed to play...in places where I can find the largest fields.

So I did actually go into this making an effort to win. I think to be the first winner in the history of their poker tourney...would have been kind of cool. And I was headed there for awhile. Then...the disaster/nightmare that has been plagueing me all summer long at Aria...drilled me again. And it was one of the sickest.

First a little bit about the tables I was playing at. Observe photo below. As I was walking into the tourney, I literally observed these two guys...as well as three of their buddies all entering the room together. All dressed in the fashion that most of today's online players dress. They are becoming very easy now to recognize/identify. The kid on the left had kind of a McLean Karr look to him...with one or two exceptions. Yeah, I believe McLean has that same hat. And similar glasses. And the facial hair looks familair. Only difference was the ability to play poker. There were four of these little bastards at my table. One, who is not pictured, was on my right...and may have been the most annoying. Zits all over his face...indicating he was about 22 or so...this kid had a very cocky attitude. He had managed to obtain the chiplead and one point starts annoying stating that "I'll take 1st place money and let you guys chop the rest." With every passing second I was becoming more and more annoyed with not just him but all of them.

As time went on it became very clear that they were 'working' our table. Four of them...and me...and three old guys. That was our final table. Earlier in the night...when this little punk raised my BB for about the 5th time...and it was always a min raise plus a smidge...I just decided to go STACKFACE on him one time to slow his ass down. He folds...and I showed him 2-7...yeah, ME...showing a bluff. It was kind of supposed to accomplish two things....(a) serve as a big fuck you and quit raising my blinds you little cockbite, because I WILL defend my blinds and (b) setting him up hopefully for later when I jam on him with a monster and get a lot of his chips. That chance would not come. In fact...it would work just the opposite.

We got down to 7 players...and it was paying 3 only. I was starting to really gain some momentum...and was now really liking my chances of winning this. Then....as I was saying a couple paragraphs ago....the NIGHTMARE:

PizzaFace raises me from the SB. From 500/1000 to 3k. I look at 55 and call the raise....stating "Well, I have a pair so I have to call."  Him "Really? you have a pair huh? How big?"

The flop comes 3-5-7. "why do I feel like you hit that?" He leads out 4k. I just call. The turn is another 7. Wow. Boat! Sweet. He checks now. I bet 10k. He calls. WTF? And for this special moment...we turn to our new 'not-so-favorite' dealer....a very delightful Asian dealer who seemed to enjoy this upcoming moment...the moment when he put ANOTHER 7 on the river...which sent that "holy shit, I have just been fucked" chill down my spine. He checks the river...and how can I bet? He turns over 66. I wanted to puke! I wasn't dead...not by any stretch...but I was mentally feeling like I had just been sniped by a guy I never saw hiding in the rooftops.

So a couple hands later...Internet Pain in the Ass #1 makes another light raise in early position into his buddy's BB....Internet Pain in the Ass #2. Well I am in between in the SB with A9h. And I think about re-raising right there...but decide instead to try and play it a little stealthily. Well, then I.P.I.T.A #2 decides to make YET another three bet...which I.P.I.T.A. #1 folds to...and it gets my wheels to spinning.

Hmmm. I am feeling this overwhelming feeling that these little fuckers are just slowly slicing us up with this type of bullshit. Limp....raise....re-raise...trap the guy in the middle, force him to fold...and its just going to go on and on until we get shortstack and eventually desperate. So what do I do? I decide its time to change the climate of the table...time to put my foot down. So I re-raise him all in. And what does he do?

"How much is that?"  Why is he asking that? No reason...he's just being a little prick...because he was never going to fold...since he had...TADA! Aces! Yeah...why not! Just aces. Oh I felt so stupid. And pissed. And that was it. I was outa there. No cash. Just frustration.

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As I was walking out of there I again started taking notice of all the intricate little details of this beautiful, futuristic looking casino, and realized that I really need to go in there with my digital camera and take a bunch of pictures...and probably do a whole segment on here on how cool this place is...so for those of you who haven't been out here to the new City Center, you will know what you are having to look forward to.

On a little side note...its been confirmed that the Mirage, with its dinosaur dealer staff and freakishly old cocktail waitresses, and struggling poker room....the site of horribly structured tournaments...will be closing after the summer. Good riddance. I always ran nothing but bad in that place. I think its a good idea to start closing some of the floundering poker rooms and start funneling them into the nicer places with better games, better rooms and better dealers. There are about five really nice poker rooms in Vegas...Venetian, Bellagio, Aria, MGM is still pretty nice and Wynn. Actually Harrah's isnt too bad. But its not a 'destination' poker room. The rest are just there because the casinos think they have to have a poker room presence. I think the poker 'craze' is finally beginning to wear off a bit, and eventually you will start to see more and more poker rooms go away. Which is perfectly fine by me and most serious poker players I know.

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Yeah...so I made my way to the Valet...where I have been having some very long,  disappointing experiences while waiting for my car. This wall has become a good buddy of mine. That is a wall that has water running down the side of it. Its actually very soothing to stand there and watch it after taking yet another brutal beat. One day, I am probably going to end up standing with my back to that wall, letting that water pour over me.

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Watching the BIG GAME again, that Pokerstars sponsored show. This week its Joe Cada...who I don't know, for some reason, watching him play drives me absolutely nuts. Jason Mercier is on...who I actually really like to watch play. Barry Greenstein is on...why I have no idea...I have nothing against Barry...but find him to be about as exciting as watching leaves on a tree go through the process of going from green to brown. Our loose cannon this week is some hottie from Europe named Natasha Magnus...gee wonder how she got cast? Hmmm....yeah, poker is starting to really get irritating in that regard as well. A girl with even semi-attractiveness now makes a big final table or wins something...and she is pretty much set for life. Look what Tiffany Michelle did with ONE deep luckbox result! ONE! We all know how awful she is. But look at how long her 15 minutes of fame lasted! Pretty sure its about over...not positive...but I think so...maybe 27 seconds or so still remain. I've been saying this for a year or two...and I stand by it...put me in a hot womans body (not literally! Well....) for a month or so...and I will kick the SHIT out of poker!

But what can I do? For centuries...that old adage has always remained true: SEX SELLS. Right? Who do people want to see on TV? On magazines? Some fat, old boring man? Or some fabulous, big breasted female? Court adjourned!

And with that...I am out! Tired...and needing sleep for tomorrow! Need to close strong on this trip!

MONKEY