Atlantic City Update...and Tiff Mich Shows her Ass.

Ya like that headline? Eye catcher huh? Now...for those of you who actually find Miss Michelle (not her real last name) attractive and think this is a golden opportunity to see her pale, flat, can...Im sure sorry to disappoint you. No, it was a figure of speech.

I managed to draw a pretty lively, fun table in the $1650 yesterday. The poker wasnt going too hot. I got a lot of good hands and just about ALL of them blew up in my face. I would eventually go out in about level 5 when I flopped top pair (Ace on an A-8-4 flop with two clubs and me holding A7c) with a flush draw...but ran into a guy with a set of 8's and didn't improve.

But before that happened, I had just coincidentally been telling a story from a couple summers ago at Tao in Las Vegas as it related to Tiffany Michelle and her friends basically crashing our table and drinking all our booze. Then nearly getting her ass whooped by my wife. They all got a kick out of it...and most of them at the table had nothing but disdain for the girl.

Well, then she goes and does something that left the entire room in stunned silence. Kind of...well, one of those moments when you all just look at each other....and someone finally utters:

"uhhhhh what the FUCK was THAT all about????"

HERE IS WHAT I FOUND ONLINE ABOUT IT....CLICK HERE

Let me set the stage for you. Her friend and "Amazing Race" co-star Maria Ho...who was dating my buddy McLean Karr for the first part of this year (is no longer) and who I actually think is pretty nice (and had just talked to a bit earlier in the day) was at the table right behind us. Miss Tiff suddenly was lurking behind us...no one was sure why. But something was up.

Then...all of a sudden, we hear...on the freaking house microphone...our little stick figure in designer jeans shouting out, with a shreaking/shrill hiss coming from the microphone....

"Yahhhhhh girlfriend.....YOU'VE BEEN ICED!!!!"

WHAT?

{okay...I found it...and if, after watching this...or in the process of watching this...you don't throw up all over yourself...please don't ever talk to me again. CLICK HERE!}

Yeah....see apparantly, Tiff 'got her' friend by somehow getting her? Forcing her? To drink a shot of smirnoff vodka or something. All we know is that it was alcohol related. And as we are all sitting there looking at each other with stark astonishment, you began to wonder to yourself...

'Does this girl have ANY humility? Does she even have that little alarm in her head that starts going off when its clear what she is doing is being recieved by all the other players in the room as you would react to that guy getting up at your wedding, drunk...and start babbling on and on about all the hookers you banged when you were in Vegas together on your batchelor party. Yeah...it was that awkward! And she just kept right on babbling into the mic...and I guess she really thought there were people, hell, ONE person in the room that wasn't in shock that anyone could be so enamored with themselves and lack any sense of what a fool they were making of themselves.

It is pretty clear to most of us that this girl is going to milk every last second of her 15 minutes of fame until finally there will be nothing left but a ring of dust around herself. The fact that she still identifies herself by the label of 'Professional Poker Player' is maybe the funniest thing of all. Interested to see how amazing this 'Poker Pro's' list of cashes are? CLICK HERE>>>>

Pfffft. Right!??? So...how did we finally get them to wrestle the microphone away from her? I'll tell ya how. A very well respected poker player, not me, who was at my table...sent a text message to the tourney director that read...

"What the FU** is that stupid CU** doing with the microphone!??"

In about 22 seconds one of the floor guys came and took it away from her. And a smattering of applause from the players ensued. And all this on the heels of my story.

CASE CLOSED. Court adjourned. State rests. Thank you your honor. Peace out. Please.....please.....expire you nagging 15 minutes of ridiculousness.

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Wanna quick recap on my poker accomplishments thus far? This will be quick and painless. As I mentioned, the $1650 went terrible. Then I bought into the $550 Survivor tourney. It also went terrible, and I was out fast. I went on to play a total of 4 sit n gos. The third one I would win. Out right. With a fat last longer. Which...after picking up a nice little chunk in some late night 10/20 limit Omaha H/L...put me at just about even for the day.

During the SNG I won...we had one of the weirdest tables ever. Carwash was in the 1-seat, I was in the 8-seat...and about half way through he texts me....

"I seriously think I hate every single player at this table."

He was not too far off the reservation. It was guido central. Then you had the guys who think the recipe for winning poker is to just shove all in ...regardless of the pot size. Then...kapow, it happened, and it also signalled to us experienced players, just who the 'table teams' were. Not that I didn't think I already had it figured out. This place is notorious for teams that come in here to take down SNG's together. And there is usually three of them. Which...if you have an ounce of common sense...would realize that this is an assisine approach to start with. THREE players...in one SNG...that are trying to do what? They are almost guaranteed to lose money. Well, this guy...we will call him 'Teammate #1" is the first person knocked out. I ask the others if they wouldn't mind sliding down a little bit. But this clown decides he wants to stay seated there.

"Um, sir, I'm sorry, but if you have been knocked out you can't stay at the table."

This is when the prick on my right...who we will call 'Teammate #2, or just...to make it easy to remember...'Mr. 145lb dripping wet, wanna be tough guy but only when his 5 buddies are around him, who challenges people to fight him, then cries wolf when the floor comes over, who has zero muscle tone and looks like a fucking bobble head doll." I know that name is a little long...but that is his name. I'm not going to repeat it. Oh....anyway, that is when he says..."What the fuck is your problem man? He can stay there if he wants! What are you going to do about it pal!???"

Oh boy. I just looked at the dealer, waiting for him to do his job. But alas, he was one of the famous 'blue shirt' dealers. These are the dealers who have been brought in off the ....uh....lets keep it clean here, these are the temp dealers, the part timers, the 'just out of dealing school' crew who you have heard everyone chirping about. {more about these folks later, and why the dealer situation is as bad as it is up here} Well, blue shirt just sat there, looking baffled. Luckily the floor was nearby, heard the conversation and ordered the player to leave the table.

Thats when he goes 'Jersey Shore' on me. And keep in mind here...I am wearing my sunglasses, and my iPod and headphones...and literally have not said a single thing, except asking if everyone can slide down a little bit. Even said please.

"Yo...what is your problem man!??? You got a problem?"

I didn't hear him....I just saw him looking at me...his mouth moving, and his face showing me that I had done something to upset him.

I quickly walked over, shook his hand, and explained that all I was trying to do was gain some elbow room. No intent to upset him. He shook my hand, and that was that. I guess.

But then jackass on my right takes his jackasseness up a notch. Now he won't move over. "I'm comfortable right where I am. " Lovely, so me in the 8, the guy in the 9, and the 10 seat all got to continue being jammed together, while the 5 and 6 seat were empty. What a prick. Oh and he never let up. He was the guy who wanted to tell the dealer how to do everything, although you could tell just by observing him play that this bozo had been playing for a maximum of 2 years. Just a fucking moron. And at one point, I tried to defend the dealer and he jumps down my throat...again challenging me to a fight. I just looked at him....dead in the eye...with Carwash looking on...and said to him:

"Listen, scarecrow...I want you to know that I am terrified of you and all the horror that I'm sure you would bring to my world. You seem very eager to get the shit kicked out of you. See, I am 43, and this is officially my office. I won't give you the satisfaction of getting myself in trouble over someone as irrelevant as yourself. It's just not worth it. However, it has been a while since I have been in a scrap...and honestly, I kind of miss the feeling...so here is my offer. I will give you my room key (and I did take it out and offer it to him...with the sleeve it came in with the room number written on it) and when this sit n go is over...I will meet you...just you...up in my room. And one of us isn't coming out. So unless you take this room key from me...dont say another fucking word."

He didn't take the key. And he actually did shut the fuck up. And then...when he raised my big blind 4-handed and I looked down at 10-10...and moved in on him...he snap called with AJ...missed the board...and was sent packing. Goodbye dickhead. And as classy as I could possibly be, I said NOTHING to him. But did it feel good? Hell yes. Saw him on the rail today watching everyone play...and glaring in my direction. I ignored him. Talk about irrelevant. What a fucking loser.

OH...I would get one more satisfying moment in that SNG. The guy in the 4-seat...who we shall call Teammate #3...goes all in when we are 3-handed...for 2200....at 600-1200 and me and the BB holding about the same amount of chips. I have A8 and decide to just call. THe BB completes, and this guy starts hollering 'Collusion!!! Their Colluding!!!!'

Talk about the coffee calling the kettle black. I had sat and watched the three of them chip dump to each other about 2 or 3 times during the sit n go, and then put on the most pathetic display after folding to their teammate. It was a joke.

So when this guy starts chirping, I just had to laugh. Yeah...I am colluding with this other player, who is from Israel, barely speaks English, who I have never seen before. Yep...we gotta deal! Holy shit. So I flop 8-high...and bet out big...BB folds...and this guy was drawing dead. Bye bye now....all three of you are done. Nice!

Me and Israel played heads up for about 15 minutes before I beat him. He was actually a pretty nice kid. Didn't talk a lot...but was a nice kid. Decent player.

Today has sucked so far. Played the noon Mega. It went bad. Made two terrible reads...and it was over.

Then played a $120 SnG that lasted two freaking hours. We got to 600-1200 and still had 8 players left. We also had two dealers who were flip flopping with each other throughout the game who were absolutely dreadful. Nothing like a dealer who sits there staring at the two hands after the hand has played out, trying to figure out where to push the pot. Or mucking one of the player's hands after an all in bet is made, the other player calls...they both turn over their cards and wait for a flop. ???? Where did my cards go dealer?

"Oh I thought you folded." Really? Yep...this is a regular occurence here.

I am sitting in my room now, where I was told by the Dell rep who called me this morning...that they would be coming by my hotel to fix my laptop...which is not responding to my charger. Says "plugged in, not charging." Yet it doesnt go dead as long as its plugged in. Weird. I was told they would be here between 4 and 6. It is now 5:20. The next mega starts at 6pm. Wanna guess what time I predict this person will arrive? I'm gonna ball park it and say 5:58pm. Sigh.

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So...I promised to get to the bottom of the dealer situation here in the good 'ol State of New Jersey. There have been a lot of myths and opinions and some stated facts bantied about in the last week, both here, on my Facebook and just between other players.

Well yesterday, I actually took the time to go and talk to one of the tournament directors about it...and they were extremely forthright and didn't duck any of my questions...some of which were pretty direct. It was a great conversation. So lets share it.

1. Does a dealer who works at a casino in New Jersey have to live in New Jersey? There are some who think they only have to live in the 'area', say in Philly, or Delaware. The answer? They MUST be a New Jersey resident. No exceptions.

2. Does New Jersey have a dealers union...and is that why the WPT and WSOP events arent permitted to bring their own circuit dealers?
The answer is NO...there is NOT a dealers union. In fact that was kind of laughed at. I was told that some dealers from Ceasers tried some number of years ago..but got nowhere with it. Guessing that was inspired by their cocktail waitress' union. We all know how wonderful that has worked out for us who like to look at attractive cocktail waitresses! Yikes! Ceasers.........ooooof!

3. Do casinos here take 3% out of the prize pool, and does it go to the dealers if so? The answer? Yes. They do. And yes...it does. But did they always? No...they did not. What it required was for them to introduce a bill to the gaming commission to get it approved, and they fought for three years to get it approved before they finally got approval.

4. What are the dealers paid, in terms of downs? For those who don't know what a 'down' is...its a 30-minute session that they serve at our table...for each one of those downs, they usually recieve a set amount per down. Well, in New Jersey...they are NOT paid by the down...but by the hour. I didnt ask what that rate was.

5. Why do they not allow outside dealers? And would they like to, if they had their choice? They would absolutely welcome circuit dealers. However, this is where it gets really sticky. Because of the Gaming Commission's requirement for all dealers to be state residents, it would present a conflict of interest to allow non-residents to come in and deal for specific events. Could it somehow be ammended to only allow for events that are sanctioned by the WPT and/or WSOP? Sure. But it would take another bill to be introduced, probably a ton of lobbying for it...and finally, a lot of money to fuel the effort. So while we all look at it as a no-brainer, something that should be able to be rectified over night...you are staring into the face of the stark reality of the way things are done in this state.

Does it suck? Ohhhh yes it does. We all come to this place. We pay a nice chunk of money to stay in their hotel. We pay our substantial buy ins. We pay a higher percentage of juice here than most casinos I play at. And what we get in return is a very shoddy representative in the box dealing to us. To me, there is nothing more disrespectful than to provide us with incompetent dealers. Its a slap in the face. But what sucks...is there is no ONE PERSON to be pissed at about it. The floor people do the best with what they have to work with. They need dealers...and they go out and find them wherever they can. So who are you supposed to be mad at? In the end...you need to be mad at the New Jersey Gaming Commission. And no one else. The TD's and the floor staff completely share in our frustration. Its like...if you were having a bunch of people over to your house...and your toilet suddenly stopped working, and your landlord flat out refused to send a plumber to have it fixed...and you were stuck with that situation with company. Its embarrassing. I get it.

So that...my friends, and readers...is the situation with the dealers here. Did I say....'The Situation?' Boy...do I hope I see that idiot while I'm here.

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Should we talk about the cocktail service? Why not. It is horrible. Not in the looks category. That is fine. Most of the girls who work here are from somewhere in Russia. Thats how it was last year too. Not sure what the connection is with all the Russians being here...but they are. Most of the girls are tall, with nice legs, small breasts...and pretty faces...and talk in those rich, Russian accents. Very exotic. But there is no way to allow yourself to even begin to start to like them...because getting a drink here...and by drink, I mean ANYTHING. Water, a beer, a soda...a cocktail....you are almost always going to wait a minimum of 25 minutes.

As someone who is the husband to a cocktail waitress in a casino, I am sensitive to what these girls endure. It is clearly NOT the fault of the waitresses here. It is the fault of the management. I've figured out that each girl is responsible for 20 to 30 tables each. Yah! That is nearly impossible to provide even marginal service to.

{Dell tech just arrived....it is now 5:42pm. I was pretty close}

Anyway....with all the tables in this huge tourney room...and 2 or 3 girls to work the whole room...its just irritating. Its a very hot topic of conversation.

Alright I'm wrapping this very long entry up...hopefully getting my laptop fixed...and going down to hopefully win my entry into tomorrow's Main Event in this $550 Mega satellite!

See ya soon!

Monkey