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Monday, February 28, 2011

Windy City Weirdos

One of the things that sucks about writing a blog that a lot of people read, and apparantly rely on...is that if I let a couple days get by me without posting, and people start badgering me for a fresh one...I let a lot of good material slip by me due to how fast it piles up when I go to a place where lots of whack jobs reside. Feel free to lump Chicago into that category.

Oh before I forget...and I'm not going to include a link because I don't feel like re-directing you today...got to YouTube.com and in SEARCH...type in 'Randal's Animals' and watch what comes up. Kai sent me a link to one on the 'Nasty Ass Honey Badger' while I was at my Mom's last week. We were all playing a board game...like 8 of us. The result was complete laughter. There are other good ones too....a white shark one...a zebra one...mmmm one with flamingos and a baboon. Hilarious. Randal is gay...like, REALLY gay...and he is doing voice-over on top of a National Geographic video. What reminded me of that was the mention of the word 'badger.' Check it out.



Don't take that the wrong way, Chicagoans. I like the city. The people are very nice. Most of them, anyway. It's a real nice casino. Not sure why they don't have a hotel attached to it...that's a bit odd. Having to pay for drinks is kind of downer...not as much now as in October, since I decided to stop drinking to please the Tournament Directors and Floor Supervisors of America...not that it has appeared to do much good. Huh? What Monkey, you ask? Do you have something to tell us? Yes...I suppose I do. But...in a bizarre 'not like Monkey' open field reverse...I'm not going to. Sorry...some things need to remain in the clubhouse, ala Bobby Cox style.

When we last left off I was securing my seat in the Main Event. Ohhhh happy times, happy times. Lets see how good I have gotten at summarizing and cutting to the chase:

Showed up Saturday. On time. I know. Shocker. Field of 980 for the $350. Nice. Played 5 orbits. Established everyone's 'image' and on a limped pot for 50 each and 6 callers, I raise out of the big blind with AKh to 250. UTG guy insta-raises to 1k. The rest fold. Hmmm. AA or a 3-bet resteal? Totally capable of the latter, is this guy. So...with 15k in my stack, I decide to see a flop. I call.


Flop comes Kc-4h-7h. I check(raise). He bets 2000. I raise to 5000. He immediately shoves all in. Fuck. Has to be AA. Or could he be trying to rep AA and maybe have QQ? Could we have the same hand? And I'm freerolling the flush draw? Or does he just have AA like I think he does? I can't bring myself to fold. And so I don't, I call. He has AA like I thought. I fail (again....pretty sure I'm 0-2011 in that situation so far this year) to hit a flush....or God forbid, hit another K. OUT!




I go buy into the 7pm tourney. Then head downstairs to play some Sit N Gos. This will be REAL brief. I am pretty sure I made Monkey history in 1 hour and 37 minutes. In three sit n gos, I finished 8th, 9th, and 7th...and...ready for this?




NEVER....WON.....A.....SINGLE....FUCKING....HAND!!!!!! Thats right. Not ONE! Was I freaking out? Mmmmmm.....a little bit, can't lie.

Go upstairs and decide to play the $350 Mega Satellite at 5pm. AA gets cracked. KK gets cracked. AK gets cracked by AQ and I was out. Shit!


Just in time for the 7pm tourney. Honestly...I don't even REMEMBER what happened in that...other than I know I lost!

Go back downstairs. Meet up with some cool dudes I met in the nightly, guy named Tim...good player, wears a Notre Dame jersey. Bought me a drink. OOOppps. Ugh oh. No drinking in poker, Monkey. Don't do it. Well...its one drink. Its a SNG...there SNG area is IN their side lounge, for chistsakes...its like your playing in a saloon in the wild west. How can you NOT drink in THAT environment!??? I mean....really! So that one drink becomes 5. Captain and Ginger. Delicious. And amazingly...nothing bad happened!


Well, unless you consider losing ANOTHER two sit n gos bad...which, dont get me wrong, it was bad...but I was just having too good a time to get all worked up about it. I was 0-3 on the day in tourneys...and now 0-5 in damn SNGs. Tremendous run there Monkey you assclown. Then...not sure how...I win the final SNG of the night. For $700. And my deficit on the day went from $1800 to $1100. Almost acceptable. All day I just kept telling myself...its okay Monkey , its okay, you have your Main Event seat locked up. Don't worry about it.


Wake up Sunday. With all intention of going and playing the 8-game. Or maybe it was 7-game. Not sure. In any event, not my specialty. But wanting like hell to win that BMW...and figure it will be a small field. Or I can wait and play the $240 with $100 rebuys at 2pm. Hmmm. Oh. Or...I can do a total reversal and stay in bed, order room service and play all the big tourneys on Pokerstars. Because when I play online poker it's always a good place for me to go when my life is wrapped in insanity.


Combine those options with me erroneously thinking that THIS Sunday was the Sunday where the Sunday Million was a guaranteed $5m. And the $1m Turbo Takedown was taking place. There was a race on TV. My brain kind of hurt a little. Sold. Staying in.

30 minutes in I realize the Sunday Million with the big added money is NEXT weekend. Shit. Oh well. I play em all. I get deep in everything. And I min cash in all of them. Bought into the Sunday Million. Got up to 29,000 at 200/400. Cruising along nice. Then it happens. The standard Pokerstars assfuck.





In the BB. With KK. UTG just shoves 6000. Nice! Folds around to the button...who OVERSHOVES 28k. Wonderful. Smells like AK. Such a Pokerstars overshove. And as bad as I've been running with KK on Stars...I almost have myself convinced that I should folk. Then I realize...dude...no way in hell the guy has AA. The utg shover could have have AK/AQ..this guy might be drawing to two outs. Or even have JJ/QQ. Can't fold. I know I know...its $262,000 for first...but you aren't going to win folding KK in that spot. So I call. He has AQ. Offsuit. Nice play sir. UTG guy has 66. Clean flop. Turn....son of a bitch....ace. I go out a few hands later.

Just can't figure out why I can't EVER have a good run in a meaningful situation on that damn site. Why is it everytime I play deep on there I run into that shit? So annoying.

Next up? Nightly. Got punched out right at 7:10pm. Can just shower and get over there in time. Really? Think so? Fuuuuuuck that! At 7:28...and a full 32 minutes still to get there and get in....I get to these railroad tracks, which are being filled at the moment with a train. A long train. A very, very, verrrrrry long train. WTF. OMG. Then...at 7:34...it stops. Yup. Just stops. And sits there.

7:40pm...tick..tick...tick....7:45pm.....tick,tick,tick,tick....you gotta be kidding me. 7:55pm. Is this a sign? It must be. I text the floor guy...then another one. Tell him my plight. Whew...he's gonna keep registration open. Finally, at 8:10pm the damn train moves. Then spend another 15 minutes trying to find a parking spot. Jeezuz. Finally get in there for level 4.



Chip up rather quickly. Had a nice table. Everything going smooth. Couldn't be happier. Then my table breaks. Hmmmm. 28 left. Paying 18. Sitting on 25 bb's. New table has about five people at it I find to be, mmmm, distasteful. The guy next to me...old black guy, wearing the outfits that mechanics wear, wearing a huge puffy jacket OVER it...who just sat there mumbling incoherently. "Huh?" "Sir?" "Pardon me?" What in the hellllll???



Seated next to HIM...old guy...bad hair that is dripping dandruff from his head...reminds me of my old step dad Mark Magnuson...who I secretly hope goes to hell and is tortured by Satan's little helpers when he dies. Also sporting a long, gray mustache...which is especially perfect for NOT hiding the leftover crumbs from his dinner earlier. Sick.



And then....next to him...we have, 'The Woodchuck' and ohhhh how I wish I had snapped off his picture. This guy....ugh. I hadn't even really worked up any angst towards this guy. I was kind of off in my own little never, never land. But I was casually observing the table. In seat 2 (I was in seat 8) was I guy who I met at one of the events this fall, maybe here? Not sure. But he's real cool, and really seems to think I'm something. Since later he kept feeling the need to take up for me and tell people 'glittering' things about me and my accomplishments. I mean...it was nice of him, but at the same time...it was a little awkward. Regardless, I appreciated his intent.



'Chucky' was one of those guys...who I am 98.4% confident, is one of those dudes who all throughout junior high and high school watched as his buddies made varsity and he was stuck on JV...mainly because he was short. I mean..it HAD to be, because he was short last night...so obviously he was short BACK THEN too. Pretty sure he didn't SHRINK...and it is obvious he never GREW. I also suspect, based on his 'Ginger Kid' appearance, that he was also that guy who was just on the cutting edge of 'likeable' by the girls, but never quite able to get over the edge of mediocrity, and was forced to spend his adolescent years dating the girl no one really wanted.



Are you getting a picture of this guy? Well imagine that he is about 35-40 and has the misfortune of having the hair at the top of his dome defecting to the floor and other surrounding areas. Add to that his unfortunate dental situation. Wait! You remember that guy on 'Seinfeld' that borrowed Jerry's coat then didn't want to give it back? Was he maybe the dentist? Tim guy? Or was he a comedien? Not sure...but every time he talked, it was like he led with his incisors? Remember that joker?



Damn, battery is going dead. Gotta finish this later. In the middle of a sit and go right now that I'm chipleader in with a $100 and $20 last longer. Wouldnt mind winning this shit!!!!



Be back in a while!




Okay, I'm back. And I have to say...while I was away...a lot happened. See this guy up here? That is a piece of gum hanging out the side of his face. He has been talking me up since I got here. Knows my name. Seems to like me. Is fairly likeable himself. A relatively decent player...pretty sure he's a full timer at the cash table. Has a father who, I am told, looks like he is out of central casting for the role of 'mob boss.' And the way his kid acts...with the swagger and what-not, I wouldn't dispute that to be the case. He kept asking me if I was going to put him in my blog...and I kept telling him I didn't really have a good reason. Well...now I do.

He violated Pet Peeve #2 yesterday. In the first round of a sit n go, I limped with A10. Flop came A-x-x. I bet 200 on the flop. This crazy old woman with banana titties and chewing gum with her mouth wide open....calls. Then this guy raises to 500. I'm fairly positive he is making a play. I call. So does the seahag. Turn is something harmless. He just open shoves the turn. It smells like bullshit. And I really want to call. But its also early. Screw it. I fold. The crazy lady folds. He shows a 4. There is no 4 on the board. No straight draw. Nothing. Air. He starts doing this obnoxious gum chew/gum twirl on the outside of his mouth thing...that made me, mmmmm....irritated.

So stupid. No reason for it. Made no sense. I like the kid...a little bit...but that was just stupid. At any rate...he would bust out before I did...and that was my secret victory. My other victory would come later in that SNG when I would not only win the SNG for $575...but would also win all of the last longer for another $440. A nice 1k pull. Yesterday was a good day...I will get into everything else later.

For now we need to finish up by talking about these two fellas below, here.

I am also coming up against the clock...as I have registered for today's $1100 Heads Up Championship...which will be featuring 86 players who have acquired their place in the tournament by being in the cash room and getting high-carded by the floor. Can you imagine how many of these people are going to have ZERO experience playing heads up? I'm pretty excited for it. And it starts in less than an hour...so I need to hurry up.

I would like to introduce to you all...the Smack-Talkin Sandwich Crew from CollusionVille. There were 3, possibly 4 members of this crew. They signed up early...then decided to go play slot machines, and round up sandwiches. I can't say I hated their strategy...mainly because I liked it, endorse it, and do it often. Meaning...going nowhere near the table while all the lousy players bust each other and/or out. Coming back after about 45 minutes you usually discover there to be about 4 or 5 missing and your stack in adequate shape.

Through a little inquiring, I found out the deal with these guys. First of all they are the members of some kind of 'charity poker tournament' organization. Secondly, they had been running 'crew' on sit n gos all day already...having won their last two in a row. Third, after observing them for awhile it became very evident that they were the worst colluders in the world. Never was it so glaring as when the one guy....holding 1300 chips at 300/600....announces that he is going all in dark on the button. Which he does. I had about 6500 at that point...in the small blind, but had J3 and had no interest in doubling him up.

One of his teammates, however, had KQ suited...in the BB...and 2300 chips. For another 700...he folds. And folds face up. Huh? Me and the dealer exchange glances of 'what the fuck was THAT?' Pretty clear if it wasnt yet...what was going on here.

So at 4 handed, it was ME...against the three of them, with two winners...and I had 80% of the chips in play. Still, I didn't feel all that confident.



If you look real carefully you will see this guy wiping his face with his shirt...while holding his sandwich in his right hand. At no time did he let the presence of large bite of sandwich in mouth keep him from talking...and talking loudly...all while working on another mouthful of food. It was disgusting. I'm not sure there is ANYTHING grosser than someone shooting their mouth off with a hole full of food.



However, if you DID need something more annoying...it was this guy...and thank god he wasn't at the SNG the whole time. Everytime he came back, he commanded the space that three players would usually be able to take up. Then...he was white, however...if you closed your eyes, or were blind...and just listening to the table, you would think HE was the black one and the black one was the white one. Well...okay that might be a reach...but you get the point. And he also was eating his sandwich like he hadn't eaten in 12 days. And talking with his mouth full of food.

If you haven't put two and two together yet...I wasn't exactly having a great time. But now I was up against the Collusion Boys...four handed...so I was being very careful, and finding great places to three-bet shove to shut them down. These guys might be able to run crew on most of these people here...but me? Forget it. Way ahead of these guys...seen guys 10x better at running crew than these boys. They never had a chance. And when the dust settled, it was the Monkey sitting on all the chips. See that stack? the only thing missing from the 20,000 total chips in play was the 800 the other 'winner' was left with...as the other two somehow decided which one of them was going to officially finish as the 2nd winner. I'm guessing they all split the $575 three ways. Stupid.

Look, if you ARE those guys who try to enhance your chances of winning sng's by teaming up, it really makes no sense to have THREE of you playing in a 2-winner SNG. But I suppose you'll figure that out with a little more experience.


I ended the night with a nice win in my one and only SNG...to get me over losing the nightly in such ugly fashion.

Now that I think about it...I didn't even go into detail about how the nightly ended I don't think.

Now I'm running out of time so I will have to be brief. Old man dandruff/food in stache shoves the button on me...when I clearly saw him NOT look at his hand. I call with A10. He has K2. Hits a 2. Of course. It sticks. Long story short...I lose THREE consecutive hands where I am a 60/40 favorite (two live cards, both overs) and went down in flames.

In the course of losing...there was a minor 'flareup' when I observed the Woodchuck in an apparant tirade. I pulled back an earphone and asked what was going on. This guy was all pissed off that me, and/or anyone else was allowed to have "all of your little toys on the table (iPod's, iPad's, cell phones, etc) when we aren't even allowed to talk in the hand...like when we are heads up! Its bullshit!"

Huh? What exactly do those two have to do with each other? He went on and on about it. Old guy next to me....he calls floor and tells them there is a dispute and that we are slowing down the game. The dealer tells the floor guy that there is no dispute, and that no one is slowing down the game. Floor guy leaves. No warning is issued. I look at this guy wondering if he was that little shit in grade school who was always seeking brownie points by doing shit like going to the principal and ratting people out for stuff they may or may not have been guilty of, in an attempt to get on their good side. What a clown. A 60 year old clown.

I hate it when I go from one table of such cool people, and am having such a fun night...to a table of such complete douchebags...and especially when I watch my chips go down the tubes to donkey players who get lucky. Sucks so much. Then to find out from a local guy here who I've become pretty chummy with that after I busted, and he took my vacated seat, that they were all talking shit about me after I left the table.

I love the spineless weasels who won't ever say boo to you or about you when you are at the table...but leave the table and they all start to pile on. I guess its just like the same haters who act like they are my buddy when they see me...but then will turn right around and talk shit about me when I'm not around, or post anonymous comments on here. It doesn't even really bother me anymore. I have a lot more to say about the types of people who play the 'nightly' events...its a special kind of mutant...but I am really running out of time. It is now 20 til noon and I have to take the damn shuttle...and am hoping there will be a delay as they do the drawing for the heads up matchups.

GOOD BYE. Have a nice day. I won the nightly last night...details to follow later!!! Hopefully with more good news about the Heads Up tournament.

MONKEY


4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ok my friend let me just say you are playing in hammondINDIANA, the armpit of the Midwest, and the reason there is no hotel at the casino is because the trailer park where I am sure 90 % of the attendees live is just around the corner by the railroad tracks....seriously if you and squirrel want a tour of my home town, CHICAGO, I promise you it will be light years different than that truck stop. I would have to say Hammond Indiana makes the 9th ward of new Orleans look like Monte Carlo...they would have to guarantee me a BMW just to show up there in february, which is why i went to tunica Mississippi the armpit of the south for their unattended event... You will be amused to hear your name came up at both tournament and cash games and the consensus opinion management made a huge mistake barring you...and management cow-towing to the high roller disgusted most. The Sunday night earthquake was the only highlight of my long weekend. Hope your luck changes , linda keen an new orleans

Anonymous said...

Ok my friend let me just say you are playing in hammondINDIANA, the armpit of the Midwest, and the reason there is no hotel at the casino is because the trailer park where I am sure 90 % of the attendees live is just around the corner by the railroad tracks....seriously if you and squirrel want a tour of my home town, CHICAGO, I promise you it will be light years different than that truck stop. I would have to say Hammond Indiana makes the 9th ward of new Orleans look like Monte Carlo...they would have to guarantee me a BMW just to show up there in february, which is why i went to tunica Mississippi the armpit of the south for their unattended event... You will be amused to hear your name came up at both tournament and cash games and the consensus opinion management made a huge mistake barring you...and management cow-towing to the high roller disgusted most. The Sunday night earthquake was the only highlight of my long weekend. Hope your luck changes , linda keen an new orleans

Anonymous said...

your roughly 55% to win w/ kk there, lemme hear some more sob stories about flips pls. also, i wouldn't consider the 200/400 level of the sunday million exactly a meaningful situation. pretty good time to use ur run bad imo

Anonymous said...

Dude, i chopped a noon tournament today in Tunica, and guess who was one of the choppies? none other than your father-in-law, a very nice man, and solid player. You should give him a congratulations call.