NIGHTMARE IN TUNICA...."FREDDY WINS"

It's official.

I am taking up professional hopscotch.

If you read my last entry you will remember how I went out of the main event. Who put me out. How he put me out. And the others he dispatched along the way.

I have to now admit...I have no clue what I am doing playing poker. You all think I am kidding don't you?

Text messages and Facebook messages from Tunica have confirmed it. David Kruger, AKA "Freddy Kruger" has won the Main Event. This after winning another earlier event that he Donk-Zapped me out of (when I finished 15th). Quite a run for the John Deere (e on the end or not? I'm not sure and don't feel like researching it) Tractor-driving nightmare on every street who orders me to 'get out of his pot.'

So I ask myself, and those of you who THINK you are a good player. "What is the secret?" Am I missing something? Is there a gigantic grand canyon-sized hole in my game?

I left Tunica last night about 8. I got a call back from hotel management. They got my bill all squared away. I thought they would. Thanks again Goldstrike, and thanks Ken Lambert. I can't call the trip a disaster. I did chop a Second Chance, cashed twice, got deep in almost everything I played, and admittedly had fun. Just sucks that I LOST money for the trip. But poker is a tough, tough business.

The drive home was decent. Decided to try out the long way. Meaning, I didnt turn left at Jackson and go through Hattiesburg. Why? I will tell you why. I like to play online poker while I drive...and/or watch movies on my stereo. I didn't have any movies so I played poker the whole way.

It was also a very successful poker trip. I played 4 games at a time. 3 seperate sessions. Session A...I cashed twice. One final table in a $12/180pp, 8th place, and a 6th place in a $12/45pp. In Session B, my best, I got 2nd in a $12/45pp for $110, then a 1st place in a $11/45 for $139. In Session C, I only had one cash...for a mere $51. Nonetheless, a profit of $200 for my 5.5 hour drive! And the desire to get back online and play some more. During this time, I was reminded once more just HOW BAD the play online is!

Not having to deal with 2-lane roads and a small town every 15 miles that force you to slow down to 45 mph proved to be a great decision. It took me exactly the same amount of time. Having the cruise control stuck on 82 the whole way home was a treat. I also turned my stereo to its highest setting and sang at the top of my lungs. Just about every song. Another good thing about driving alone! No one there to offend!

Something dawned on me. There are a lot of very impressive people in this world. Far more impressive than me. I wonder, if I ever get on TV and win a couple million bucks playing this stupid game...will any of THOSE people who I think are amazing think I am amazing? Or is that just silly to think like that?

First one that I think about...guys who can sit and play the piano (that alone I wish I could do) amazingly WHILE singing amazingly. Wouldnt that be sweet? Fighter pilots. I know its tough, because I've tried it on PS3. And when I die, I get to start over. Not them. One mistake, its lights out. Tiger Woods. Ever sit and watch this guy? Its purely disgusting. Who the hell can consistently smack a ball with a stick and make it land so close to the pin as often as this guy? Firefighters. I can't stand it when I get a little hot. These dudes walk into 200+ degree heat, with shit falling all around them, burning shit...just so they can save someone who should have never been in there in the first place. Or someone's dog...which I appreciate, because I love dogs. Politicians (magicians). How a guy who almost always has a terrible hair do, and dresses like a schlub can get people to fork over cash to him, while he constantly two-face lectures opposing constituents, gets himself elected and manages to somehow dodge criminal convictions while lying, cheating and stealing all throughout his term is simply...AMAZING to me. Who else amazes me? Oh...those guys who do traffic reports from helicopters, while FLYING the helicopter. First of all, things look a lot different from the sky. Much smaller. And how do they know all those streets? And then they have to come off in a way that sounds good on the radio. Doctors amaze me. Had a couple of experiences in the last few months to come to this conclusion. My Mother's surgery out in Seattle and me and Squirrel's interaction with her doctor when we almost had a baby. They are so smart. And they know just how to talk to their patients. And the things they do when its crunch time....wow, I could never do that. They deserve whatever they make. And it's a lot.

It might be more fun to discuss the people who DONT amaze me. But I'm not sure there is enough blog space on the webserver to allow for that!

Have you ever been driving on a long road trip...stop at a gas station off of some remote exit, and when you walk in (usually in pursuit of, lets say, some coffee) you immediately feel like the person behind the counter thinks you are about to rob the place? You start over-compensating and trying to be overly nice...only to watch their face grow more and more suspicious? How are you supposed to combat that situation? It happened last night. I freaked out and just left the store.

Squirrel has her brother and sister in law down with their kids, so of course she likes to do her little clean up BlitzKrieg before they arrive....which means every little thing that I have placed in its 'special place' has now been relocated. Carpets have been cleaned, which means my buddies (Jasper and Molly) are not allowed in the house. While I love that she is like that (as opposed to the opposite...I'm talking to YOU Claudia Crawford!) I also hate that when I come home its like walking into a strangers home. Oh...hey, I finally found the TV remote!

Congratulations to Freddy Kruger on his big victory. I think I heard him threaten me before I left...."Hey Monkey, it was good playing with you...I wasn't going to come play in Biloxi, but now because of you...I think I might go down there now." Fabulous, can't wait. You have ALL been warned!

MONKEY