And I am now 43. Yikes.
Got some comments that I didn't publish over the 'flossing' episode. I think some of you missed the point. I immediately QUIT flossing as ordered by the little dictator. Not sure why or how some of you find it 'gross' as its not really interfering with anyones 'zone' or anything. And I'm not bleeding from the gums or anything. And the floor people/supervisors who 'matter' there told me to totally discount the admonishment that I recieved, even though I didnt. Next issue.....
Yesterday sucked. That would be Monday. I never left my room. I sat here and caught up on all the things I had to get caught up on. Mainly that included writing out about 23 checks to people who have won money in my pools...and mailed them out. I decided to hop on Pokerstars for one late session. 6 games. Got big stacks in 5 of them...only to get sucker-punched in each and every one of them. ZERO cashes.
I was going to drive over to LA last evening but it started getting too late, then I found out my buddy Chris Bruno was up in the mountains with his fiance and wouldnt be home til this morning. So the plan was to get up at 7am...wander down to the lobby, rent a car...and get out of here. Drive to Commerce, and play the 1pm $335 over there. Here is what happened instead:
Walk to lobby of Bally's. Find Hertz counter. Find sign that says, "For your convenience we have relocated our counter to Paris Casino." Oh...yeah, thats VERY convenient...that entails another 15 minute walk...in a sleep induced stupor. I get there. Wait in line for 20 minutes. "I need a car for two days, please?" She needs my lisense and credit card. I give her my ID and my credit/debit card. I am informed that on debit cards...they run a CREDIT REPORT! Yeah...a freaking credit report! Why? "That's just our policy." Huh? So, to rent a car I have to damage my credit with an inquiry? That's utterly ridiculous. Then I ask how much the rental will be. $89.99 a day, plus tax. So...we'll call it roughly $110 a day. Plus fuel. "How long before you have me in the car and out of here?" I am told about 45 minutes. Okay...you know what? Screw this. Screw going to LA today. I am marching back upstairs, getting another 3 hours of sleep and playing at Venetian.
Which is what I did. Then, waking up at 11:15 was a bitch. But I pulled it off. Cruising the sidewalk on the way to Venetian I ventured into O'Sheas...on my mission to secure a Subway. Passing the scruffy faced midget dressed up as the St Patty's Day Elf...hollering at everyone to come in and play one of their games, with a heavy emphasis on their 'World Famous Beer Pong'...I wandered to the back to find a line 15 deep in Subway. Dammit! Gotta pass. Not good at waiting in lines. Plus its 10 minutes to 12 and I have a real shot at being on time today.
Arrive at tourney. Draw early breaking table. It breaks early. Move to table 58...and wow, within ten minutes I was having it out with quite possibly the craziest player I have ever witnessed at a table. This guy was NUTTTTTS! I had sat, said hi to the 4 or 5 players I knew at the table, and joked about a few things. Had most of the table 'broken in' and was ready for a good day. Then 'IT' happened.
Black guy in the 1 seat...wearing some ridiculous glasses that made him look more like Urkel than anyone 'from the hood' which is what he kept trying to represent...suddenly snaps when I am on my phone and NOT away from the table...even though their rule there clearly states you have 'til the 2nd card hits the button to be off your phone' or your hand is dead. Well, the dealer hadn't even finished washing the deck and he was whigging out...demanding that my undealt hand be killed.
I really meant to take this guy's photo. You really needed to see this guy. After he was done jawing with me...he started in on the rest of the table. First it was the guy next to him...who, allegedly, kept stepping on his foot. Then...he couldn't stand that I knew so many people there, so he kept suggesting that there was a conspiracy. Then he started complaining that two of the players at the table were 'cheerleading' for me. Then he started openly telling the footstomper next to him that he 'hopes he loses' whenever he was in a hand. Then he starts hailing Obama...over and over...and accusing us of being McCain supporters. When I told him I actually supported Obama in the recent election, he was stumped. The guy would win a hand...and literally...state after winning the hand...."That is for Obama. Because Obama is great!" Whoa.
At one point, I suggested the irony in the fact that Obama's people would likely never let this guy within 100 yards of Obama. I asked him...because I really wanted to know if this clown had half a clue as to why he supported Obama, or if he was a fan simply because they shared the same skin color. His response? "Because he was smarter than McCain...cuz he went to Harvard Law School." Well, I can't disagree with him on that point...I think Obama definitely posseses more intelligience than McCain.
At any rate, this guy was 100%, certifiably insane...and the floor was getting really sick of having to come to our table on account of this guy. I am guessing that yesterday was a full moon. It HAD to be. On a later break one of the floor guys tells me, "Oh, I didn't doubt that HE was the problem when I came over to the table the first time...but I know how you feel nervous whenever you're involved, like you may be falsely accused, but when the first thing out of his mouth was 'those white guys' I knew right away who the problem was." Amen.
It would cease to be an issue for me in Level 5. I am in the BB with KQs. SB limps in for 200. I make it 600. He calls. Flop comes K-8-8 with one spade. He checks. I bet 1100. He just calls. Hmmm. Turn is....
THIS IS WHERE I FELL ASLEEP TUEDAY NIGHT. When I woke up on Wednesday, I wrote a very long conlusion to this....when I went to save it, I instead deleted it somehow. That is awesome. What sucks is I think it was very entertaining, and any attempts to duplicate it will surely fall short. It kind of ruined my day yesterday. Well, not totally. I will attempt to wrap it up properly. And there is MUCH more to add...so I will leave that, I suppose to the NEW POST...which will follow this one!
.....the turn is the Q of spades...now giving me a flush draw to go with my top pair. And honestly, I am really putting this guy on k10. So when he fires out 3000 on the turn, I move in...and when he snap calls...I am fearing A8. But no. He shows me 68off. Good gawd. And we all know I don't hit flush draws. So that was it for me.
Obama boys does his little wail, I don't say anything. I just walk over to an empty table, sit...and stew. Then waited...and waited, for a SNG to start up. There weren't any. So I went and played $4/$8 Omaha H/L...which I actually booked a nice little $180 profit before the SNG finally started. I play the SNG. There is a guy who doesn't fold. EVER. Did I say ever? What I meant to say was....EVVVVVVERRRRR!
4 handed I get him to double me up with A10 vs. his A8. Then I decide not to raise when he limps at 200/400 and I have AJ. Why bother? He wont fold. Flop comes J-2-2. Sweet. Or is it? Check. He checks. Turn? Ace. Nice! Or is it? I bet out 600. He calls. River. 4. I bet 2200. All in. He calls. Turns over a 3...um....okay? Then...finally, a 2. You fucking douchebag. I lose my mind. And retreat to another empty table.
Then my day gets better. My trip gets better. My whole world gets better. A $240 SNG gets started. I see a familiar face. Mr. Lance Funston. Mr. "I'll bet 4 red chips and 5 of these purple chips" dealer! You know who he is if you watched the USPC from Atlantic City about 4 or 5 years ago. He is the Chairman of a big company out of Philadelphia. When I first saw him on TV I was like "who the fuck is this clown" like most serious poker players must have. But then I got to know him a couple summers ago. He enjoys me at the table as much as I like him. He is so cool. First, he sits down and tips the dealer pregame. Then, he puts a $100 bounty on....HIMSELF! Yeah. And he will play any two cards. And just doesn't care. One day last summer...after I told him that Squirrel and I just got married, he offered us the keys to his home in Monte-Freaking-Carlo! Wow. He is also good friends with my long time buddy Chad Brown.
This is a guy who just gives the air of not having a care in the world. Must be a great feeling. I'm guessing he has more coin that I can ever hope to see in my life...so when you see him sitting in $100 and $200 SNG's its just kind of funny. He is there for one reason...he enjoys playing poker. Now how do you ever berate that guy if he puts a beat on you? You simply can't.
Well, he finds out its my birthday and demands to put me in the SNG. Wow. Well, okay. I am not real big on handouts/charity...as it makes me feel 'small' kind of, but I think saying 'no thanks' would have offended him, honestly, so I graciously accepted. But now I really wanted to win. Started slow. Table was super aggressive, so that boded well actually. Maybe get a bunch of people out early.
Then disaster. This guy to my left, whom Ive had several altercations with, the most recent in Biloxi. He is really tall, old, and wears all this JESUS garb. But he is anything but what you would expect from a Bible thumper. He's kind of a prick. And plays super-maniacal. So when 6 people limped for 50, and I looked at AK in the BB...I decided to make it 300, thinking it was a good place to scoop 300 chips, or get heads up with an inferior player with a dominated hand and either outflop or outplay them after the flop. But Jesus-Freak-Wannabe just ships all in. Everyone else folds. I am thinking about folding but I know how this jackass plays...so I call.
He turns over 55. Mmmmhmmmm. Bout right. Flop comes Q-10-6. Gee...only 10 outs there...plus any runner runner pair...so hypothetically, 16 outs, yeah? Yeah well, its 'run bad February' so I missed them all. I was left with 200. Wonderful. Waited two orbits before I got it in with 4c5c. Dickball raises over me, and Lance (my hero) calls (with 3s5s) in what I am assuming was an attempt to get the guy out after the flop and allow me a shot to win with a live hand. Pretty nice play. But it backfired. Lance flops 4 to the flush...and moves all in. The douchebag calls, as he hit his A with AQ....and loses on the river to Lance's flush. Sweet. But I was out.
Not two minutes after I bust, Lance asks me if I am playing Saturday in the Main Event. "I am if I satellite in, otherwise, doubtful." To which he responds..."I will put you in....for 60/40?" Holy crap. Really!? Great. And he reaches in his bag, pulls out a bundle of cash and tells me to count it. I tear a $100 bill getting the rubber band off, then count the money. I count $5000. I go to get the torn bill replaced and bring it back and tell him there is $5000 in there. He hands it to me. Jeezuz. Okay. I walk right over to registration and buy in. I print him a copy of my seat assignment, and write and sign our agreement on the back of it. Just to make it official. Not that I would ever dupe anyone...but you know how smarmy people can be these days. Well, when I was buying in I noticed that there was an extra $100. I let him know and gave it to him. He thought that was a big gesture I think...but jeezuz, why would I EVER keep that? Karma? Morals? Ethics? I'm not a douchebag?
So there it was...I was IN THE SHOW! Pressure on me...gone! Poof! Just like that. And now suddenly I felt ten times better about everything. The SNG's were done for the night, so I went and played a little $1/$2 cash game. I was in for $300 and had it up to $600...before I got AA and KK and lost with both to get down to $120. I started shoving then...with AK and 88...eventually getting a call and doubling up. Then with 45 I flop a wheel and get paid off...and decide with a $150 profit, and a tourney coming the next day, that I might as well call it a night. Which I did.
I think I have some things to write about but not sure if I posted them yet. So I will just publish this...and check...then come back and write some more.
MONKEY
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