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Saturday, January 29, 2011

Wow...now THAT was a trip!!!



Hahahahah...no that is NOT me hanging, dead, from my hallway...though I'm sure some of you got a little excited there for a second. At least two of you I know. I got two really...mmm, what should I label them? Snotty? Asshole'ish? Comments, anonymous actually (big shocker, as the people with backbone and character always sign their names to their shitty comments) posted that I am debating what to do with. I am tempted to post them and break them down point by point...and address each little snide remark that they made. But not today. Nope...today, I am in the middle of recovering from my trip to Lafayette...a place, that if I ever see it again, will be while driving by on my way to Las Vegas on I-10.



I am told that Lafayette is home to some of the most beautiful women in America, and that it is traditionally voted by Playboy magazine as one of the top 10 college party towns in the nation. Well...since I am now over 40...and married to what I consider to be a smokin hottie...neither of those is in my wheelhouse anymore. So...after last night's little experience in the 'CajunDome' I feel I have seen all I need to ever see in that little 'burg' in the swamp.

If you watch that show True Blood on HBO you will also know that the super creepy gay guy on there is named Lafayette, also. So....



I can't deny it...I was warned. By a lot of you. And I went in prepared. I have played at some pretty shoddy places in my life. I've done the bar poker nights. I've done the Elks club tournaments. Trust me...I've seen some shit. And after sitting through a two week stint in Atlantic City last month, not much could shock me.



Guess what? I was wrong. Totally wrong. Memo to self, and everyone else who considers themselves a 'professional poker player,' do NOT...EVER...think you can go into this kind of a situation thinking you can come out of it a better person, no matter how much good you are doing for humanity. It's just NOT possible.

Next year...if this same group of Charity Poker Tournament Carnies run this tournament...I think I will just take one of their 'Sponsor' programs on behalf of someone, maybe our website...and send in a contribution...because after last night, I am a worse poker player, and possibly human being...for that little 7 hours of driving, $120 in gas, and $320 in tourney fees I got beat up for.



I am very, very...sorry to dissappoint you with the announcement that I have no pictures to post. Because if I had taken even 10 photos, they would have been instant classics. I would likely have been contacted by TIME or LIFE magazine and offered a job as a full time staff photographer.

Now...I will try to describe this in a way that allows you to feel like you walked a mile, or at least 50 yards, in my shoes. I know for some of you it will just be impossible, since some of you who read this dont even PLAY poker...and some of you who read this really SHOULDNT be playing poker.

SIDEBAR: (and there might be a few of them here as we go) Kai Landry is back, blogging on GCP.net...and I'm very pleased. I even got a mention in his blog...."I don't have diarhhea of the fingertips like Monkey"...which left me beaming with pride. But honestly, if you check out Kai's current blog...it really underscores a lot of what us poker players go through, and what/how we feel on a regular basis. He really pinpoints a lot of things in his entry...things I've never really known how to breakdown and put in words. Good job, Kai...and welcome back to the bloggosphere!

SIDEBAR: I would like to thank the sons of bitches who run Poker Stars. I am pretty sure that due to having too little support people and too many customers, that a lot is just going right through that department. Two weeks ago, I decided to take advantage of their 'Online Blogger' Championship....which featured seven events, culminating with todays Main Event. I did everything they required. Sent them a URL of my site, and posted their stupid little logo on my page. And did I ever hear back? Hell no. So today, I email them...four hours before the Main (and final) Event was to start...detailing my concerns. I get an email back telling them it will be looked into. Oh! Thanks you jerkoffs. By the way...registration is NOW (obviously) closed for that event...and NO! I never heard back from those incomps!

Back to Lafayette. Back before I married Cheryl, I met a girl named Jill one time at some airport. She was from Lafayette. She was blonde, and had a great body. Actually, looked a lot like Squirrel. That shall be my one and only positive memory of Lafayette.

I park at the CajunDome. See lots of people wearing hockey jerseys? Hmm. Thats weird. No its not. There was a hockey game inside. Oh! I've parked 420 yards away from the correct place. The CajunDome Convention Center....an annex. Okay. I do my mini-marathon walk.

I walk in. There are five lines. All of them have one person in line. I went to the wrong line apparantly. I was in 'pre-registered online' line.' No, oops, not me, I'm the one who has to pay another $10. I am directed by the cheerful young lady to go to the other line...even though her and the other girl were standing right next to each other, and their was no one else in either line. Makes perfect sense, right?

I just realized that I probably can't share EVERYTHING I experienced that night...not sure my fingers can make it that far. I will try to focus on the major points.

The guy running the tourney was buzzing around in a hove-a-round. He knew about as much about poker as my dog. Maybe less. I had to take a phone call before I sat down, so I was polite and waited outside of the playing area...handling the call before going in to play. Well three of them were all looking at me like I was a 'scooby snack' and they were my dogs...I couldn't figure out why they were all salivating over my presence, while the gnome in the hove-a-round was knitting his brows and looking irritated with me. WTF?

Turns out, my table/seat number on my registration ticket were a farce. They were standing there, waiting to pounce...because they just sit you somewhere. Later on...when our first table broke, they had us all take a sticky pad piece of paper with a table/seat number on it...only 50% of us got to our new table and found those seats to be occupied. I literally went to four seats before I finally got one that was empty. Awesome.

The tables were basically those rectangular tables they use at arts and crafts fairs...only they customized them with poker tops. So at each table there was someone posted at the end of the table...it was weird.

The dealers? Now...this was so comical it was...well, there is no way to explain it. Of the four dealers I had...3 of them acknowledged it was the first time they had ever dealt poker in their life. THEIR LIFE! No practice. No house games. Nothing. They just volunteered. And yeah...it was obvious. And this is what sucks. As an experienced pro, obviously guys like me know all the rules and whatnot, right? Well, the trick, is to try super hard not to come off as one of those assholes who knows it all, and comes off sounding like a major prick when he is simply trying to be helpful. So I would delicately tell each dealer that I appreciated their volunteering for the event...and that I did this for a living, and would try to help them wherever possible. To not take anything personally that anyone says to them...blah blah blah. Right?

Well, here is the trouble with that. You have around 7 out of 10 morons at each table who either dont know SHIT about poker...and freely admit it, or who dont know SHIT about poker...and yet THINK they know everything about poker. Those are the ones we fear the most, right?

So...after about the first three or four times while trying to help the dealer in sticky spots...and having to battle it out with either the ones who are clueless, and think I am unnecessarily 'picking on' the dealers, or the complete assclowns who THINK they know something, but dont...and listening to them argue about something they are 100% wrong about. There is just no winning in that situation. You are simply a victim of your own experience and intelligience. Its like...how DARE you know so much about poker and try to assist some people who have admitted they don't know a THING about it.

I finally just gave up. I stuck to my vow of not drinking in poker...but...and this is a HUGE BUT...were there EVER an excuse to put it on hold...this would have been the time. Instead I took a 'happy pill' and just faded off into the background, becoming one with my chair and the green fuzz on the table.

The blind structure was an abomination. Starting with 16,000 chips was nice...with the blinds at 100/100. yeah...no green chips in play, so forget about 'switching up' your wagers. It was always a whole number...and the standard raise was about 1000. I sit down...and after playing two hands I was on spin cycle. On the first...I had 8h9h. The flop comes 10h-7h-5s. Yeah...we will call that a MONSTER flop! Open ended straight flush draw? Wow. I check with the intent to raise any bet. This guy...who, oh I wish I had taken a picture of this guy...leads out 1500. I raise it to 3500. He calls. I turn the 4 of hearts...completing my flush. He checks. I bet 6000. He just calls! I now only have about 5500 left. What in the hell. The river is ANOTHER heart...great. He checks! I can't bet now. And he turns over Jh-8c. He called me all the way down...with an EIGHT! And a gutshot. But runner runner's a better flush. Wow.

I hadn't even shaken that one off when on the very next hand...and after taking a double rebuy for $80...I pick up KK. Six people limp in for 100 and I make it 700 because is probably the smart thing to do with these mutants. I get three callers. Okay. Wow. The flop? 6s-8h-10s. Pretty good flop right? Checks to me. I bet 1500. One guy calls. Flush draw? I turn a KING...of diamonds. Nice. I bet 2000. This old guy shoves all in. Anybody folding here? Me either. What did he have? Oh just 7-9. Flopped the nut straight. Can I pair the board? Nope. Why would I? REBUY!!!!!!! And we were off!

Actually that was when I got up and did a little walk through the room. I should preface that by saying I was reaching down into my bag to retrieve my BOSE headphones...which just showed up on my doorstep three days prior (replacements)...and I had just put some new music on my iPod..and clearly I was going to need it. Right about that second, the gnome gets back on the microphone...which throughout the course of the night he was treating like a sailor treats a little 'sucky sucky 5-dollah' girl he meets on shore leave in Thailand.

"Attention all players...all headphones and music devices are not allowed in the playing area. And no cell phones either."

WHAT? I am at a charity tourney, basically being played in a barn...with dealers and floor people that don't even know the game...and their chief concern is phones and iPods? Really?

I ask the guy why they don't allow music. Ya ready?

Gnome: "Because it is a way for players to cheat! Its not my rule...its a STATE LAW...they just tell us we can't allow it."

Y'all remember when they used to try that little act in New Orleans at the Harrah's events? The 'ol 'its against the law' answer...that is sure to make EVERYONE (lemmings especially) back down at the mere mention? Until finally enough players got after them about it...going so far as to actually FIND OUT if it was (even though they knew the answer) indeed a 'law' as they were trying to insist. Pffft! Yeah...some dope from wherever their gaming regulation is comes by and decides to outlaw them in casinos because he is so stupid he thinks iPods are two-way communication devices. Yeah! No bullshit. And yeah...iPhones ARE...but contrary to their idiotic view of the technological universe...95% of the people listening to music aren't using iPhones to do it.

So now, finallly....we can use our iPods at New Orleans Harrahs. So when this guy goes into the 'Its a State Law' and 'if you ever play in New Orleans they don't allow them their either' speech...I just decided "you know what self? this isn't something I am going to win...so screw it, just move away from this gnome before you hotwire his hove-a-round and drive it off a cliff!' So...yeah, that is when I took a walk...in search of a coke...a coke that cost $3, but which the waitress didn't see fit in bringing me the whole can. Instead, I got a gigantic serving of ice cubes and just enough coke to color the cup brown. When I asked where the rest of the can was...she tells me "I guess the United Way has it." Really? Well, can I just buy a can...unopened...for $3? She 'went to find out' and comes back telling me they can only serve it this way.

Pulse....increasing....mind....slowly....slipping....into....(*!@#&(!*(#)

I find the mobile bar in the back of the barn...which had a very nice gentleman working at it...who was only too happy to sell me a can of coke for $3. Ahhhhh...a semblance of sanity enters into the fray! Thank GOD! I tip him $2 for 'making my night.' Drank my coke, ate my pill...and was on my way to 'dealing with the madness.'

SIDEBAR: Some of you loyal blog followers might recalll the 'its a state law' bullshit I experienced at my gym in Biloxi, Planet Fitness...whenever I would go in to tan, and the new girl, full of sass and attitude, working the front desk would adamantly demand to see your goggles before she would let you tan...and if you didn't have any, INSIST that you MUST wear them...that its a STATE LAW! I am amazed by the large percentage of idiots who live among us...who, if you just tell them that something is a STATE LAW...will suddenly buckle in fear and surrender. Its hilarious!

Visit a restaurant. "Excuse me waitress, can I possibly inconvenience you by asking for a hot towel to wipe this barbecue sauce off my face and fingers?" I'm sorry sir...its a STATE LAW that we aren't allowed to provide customers with hot towels.

Just imagine the possibilities...how out of hand it can get. People are so stupid, and such followers (slang for lemmings) that you can almost get away with ANYTHING in our country just by convincing your unsuspecting victim that whatever you are doing...or trying to do...is against the STATE LAW!!!!!

Back to the Cajun Dome.

The blinds reach unbearable. We started with 300 players. And one hour after the rebuy period ended, we had 200. We went 100/100....t0 100/200.....to 200/500!!! Then 500/1000.....1k/2k.....2k/5k....5k/10k....thats as long as I lasted. Oh wait...no thats not true, I got knocked out at 10k/20k. When the average stack was 5bb's. Yes...it was the truest definition of a shovefest!

I'm in the BB with AK. First guy goes all in. Next guy goes all in. I call. I'm up against AJ and A7....and flop a king. I don't win. Nope...instead the board goes runner runner and it was a three way chop with a wheel. Unreal. That was a very large pot...although Im not sure it was going to matter. Not with that structure.

I actually started employing a pretty good strategy. We got down to 80 players. That was about the time I find out they are only paying 10 spots. But before that, the Gnome tried to convince me they were only paying 3 spots. THREE....yeah....with over 300+ players....paying three? I should have known he was wrong, after all...I'd asked him about 4 questions before that one...and he was wrong on all previous questions as well. Still...10 spots? And yeah...the payouts were top heavy as hell. 10th place paid $100. I was in for $320!!!! I needed to finish 6th or higher to pay for my trip over there.

Guys were limping for 10k...and leaving like 90-120k behind. Just stupid. Guys who wanted to see every flop. So you'd get like 4 limpers....55k in the pot! Twice I didn't even look at my cards in the SB...I just shoved. All three times I did that, they all folded. One of the times, I actually had an ace. I was starting to chip up pretty nicely...up to about 220k at one point.

On that one...where I had the ace...it was the last hand of the level...and I was all in...for another 120k to call. And thank god, I had the one and only competent dealer we had seen all night. Everyone folded. Everyone went on break. While we are on break...some 'volunteers' are swarming all over the tables and coloring up everyone's chips. Before I leave the table, I count my chips. I have 155k. When I come back from break...all my 5k chips are gone...replaced by 25k chips. And...hmmm..I'm missing 50k! Yeah. I have a mini-come-apart....and can't find a single floor person who either (a) knows what I'm talking about (b) knows how to fix the problem or (c) seems to really care.

I mean...come ON! Of all the stupid shit..you would think THAT would be one you're not going to experience. I finally...FINALLY find a guy who kind of gets it. But I have to somehow prove that I had 155k. Thank god I am smart enough to know that the dealer literally announced the amount to call my all in, he confirmed it, they gave me 50k in chips then suggested I calm down. Calm down? Hahahahah...yeapppp okay. I'll calm down, hayseed!


But then I lost 10-10 vs. A9...and then went out with AK against....an actual hand....QQ. No big deal. I was actually ecstatic to get out of there. At a time that was early enough (11pm) to allow me to get home at a decent hour.

I was almost glad I got knocked out...since on the break I heard some horror stories from past events. One of the guys I see on a lot of tourney stops...David...tells me three years ago...they still had 2 tables left at 11:30pm and the guy comes on the microphone and announces that:

"Ladies and gentleman, the state sheriff demands that we are off this property by midnight (and I found out that was STILL the case) or we get fined for every minute we are over. We still have two tables left...so we are going to skip the next two blind levels...and start making the blind levels just 5 minutes long. Good luck!"

No shit! In fact...I found out the hard way...that they were already doing declining blind levels. We went from 30 minute levels in the first four levels...to 25 minute levels...and on down. Craziest damn thing I've ever heard of. I mean...start at 10 minutes...and work your way UP if you have to! Lose all the players early...and then let the decent ones have at least a CHANCE later on!

Yeah...I did this for charity. I really did. And listening to Bill from the website talk about it...it really seemed like a great cause. So I really was being careful about not being too ugly about what I experienced. But honestly? I can see why they went from raising $67,000 two years ago to only raising $30,000 last year. It's the way they are running it. I mean, you would have to be stupid and/or at least have a money tree growing in your back yard to ever put yourself through that twice.

I was told that the guy who used to run the event....just up and DIED...two weeks before the event. And whoever they got to come in and take it over...was completely clueless. NO! I don't believe them! What was scary? That same person who told me this...also told me that this year was run a lot better than last year! Wowwww.....if I had attended last year? Without the medication I am now on? Whoaaaaaaaa.

I decided after finding out that these Acadiana folks are actually an organization that travels around the country, with their own ridiculous custom-crafted poker tables, that just round up volunteer dealers at each venue, who employs people with zero poker knowledge, then rents a venue for the bargain basement price...gets them in and out as quick as they can, cuts whatever local charity it was claimed to be for a check, and takes their carnie act back on the road....I decided after finding that out...that there has GOT to be a really good opportunity there for someone who wants to do the same thing, only do it right.

I mean, I have discovered that there are a lot of really good people in this world. I have done some fundraisers in the past, and have just been shocked out how generous people can be in a lot of various circumstances. If I took anything from this experience, it wasn't that the United Way was ripping people off. No way. In fact, that was the ONLY thing I felt good about. They had representatives there, and it was obvious they had no poker savvy among any of them. They were just there to help out, and were clearly jubilant at the turn out. I was happy for THEM. And for those who we hopefully helped out.

My bitch...is that if you are going to take on the responsibility of putting on an event...for charity...for a reputable charity, you should be held to a certain standard. I think it would be a really fun job, to get together a crew of about 10-15 people...and even sign on some of the dealers that I know...order some real, legitimate poker tables, and chips...and take to the road, doing nothing but putting on charity poker tournaments...for whatever the cause was. And really put on a great event. Really make people want to come back and play again the next year. Why put on some shabby shitshow that no one is going to come back for the next year? And in doing so, treat those people like they are unappreciated while they are there at the event?

I can't tell you how many frustrated conversations I heard players having with these 'floor' people that ended with the player being more upset. I mean...wow. You take something as easy as a poker game...and you complicate it to the point that some of these people who were just looking for a fun night out that would raise some money for the needy in their community, end up going home with a horrible taste in their mouth. And in a lot of cases, pissed off.

Well...I fully expected to leave in the frame of mind that I did. So it wasn't really all that upsetting. I was just happy that I was going to be getting home before 3am. And I had movies to watch...so I got on I-12 and just set my cruise control to 68mph. Speed limit was 70 for most of the way.

Then...as I am going across what I guess was a bridge? Traveling from Lafayette to Baton Rouge...I guess I was driving over swampland. I get pulled over! Huh! I was almost positive the guy was pulling me over for going too slow, since I was being passed by almost every car...and just didn't care. I stayed in the right lane. But it turns out...he was pulling me over for SPEEDING! Yeah! No shit! Tells me the speed limit on 'the bridge' is 60mph...and it is ZERO tolerance....no exception. No 5-10 mph leeway like most places. I apologized profusely, literally told him I was taking a nice, slow leasurely drive home...and had actually been getting lapped and was now about 5 laps down if were running a NASCAR race. He laughed at that...and ended up giving me a warning. I thanked him...and drove home...with the cruise control on 60mph!

SIDEBAR: (kind of) I don't know what to say about people from Louisiana. I know a lot of them/you read my blog...so I am careful to try not to offend. It might partially be that I am from the Pacific Northwest. I'm not sure. I sit, and with amazement, watch/observe these people and am just baffled. Half the time...they are talking and I have no idea what they are saying. I had this lady sitting next to me...probably in her late 50's? Who..if you just looked at her...she would be, well, fairly attractive for her age. Had those sexy librarian glasses that a lot of gals are wearing now. And I was hoping she would be pleasant. Well...as soon as she started talking...I was like, "What the fuck!!!! Is she talking about!!???" And when trying to engage her in conversation...I was finally able to conclude that she was just an utter moron. One of the stupidest human beings I had ever talked to. And the two guys on my right...not too much brighter. The guy next to me, he gets knocked out...and doesn't want to leave. He thinks he is supposed to sign something, or recieve something. And just sticks around....it was weird.

Remember my prediction about lots of camouflage and neon hunting hats? I wasn't disproved. Although there wasn't as much neon hunting hats as I would have expected. But camouflage? Oh hell yes! I don't get it? I mean...I get that a lot of these folks down here like to run around killing things....animals, fish, birds....each other. I get that. But dude...when you leave your house...and you know you are going to a casino, or a barn/convention center...to play poker, why the hunting outfit? Who are you trying to hide from? Are you expecting to encounter an 8-point buck at your table during the tournament? Wanna be ready to pounce without him noticing you? I'm wondering if I go play in Montana or Wyoming if the fly fisherman show up in waders to play poker?

So...here was a fun hand. And yes...my pill had kicked in. I wasn't talking to anyone at the table. And unlike most tourneys...where you always seem to find that ONE poker player that you can sort of buddy buddy up with? Confide in? That just didn't exist...so I was basically isolated, on an island...my own little private island of PLEASEKILLMENOW...surrounded by retarded sharks and donkfish. This shortstack goes all in. Mr. Camouflage smooth calls and leaves two bets behind...slick move. I am in the BB with KQ suited. I call. The blinds were 2k/5k. Guy was all in for 11k. Flop comes A-3-5. I check. He checks. The turn is a 4. I check. And he does that totally ridiculous, straight outa 'book of tells 101' move where they do the nonchalant shrug of the shoulders followed by the 'I guess I'm all in' move. I just start gently laughing to myself. And as I am folding...the hunter looks down at me and asks...."What is your problem! Why are you laughing at me! Are you mocking me!???"

Me: "I'm laughing sir, because you are funny. Thats all. I've folded now...so you can turn over your two now."

He turns over his pair of deuces...and he wins the hand. Don't even know what Mr. All In had. Didn't matter. Couple people look at me like I'm a genius for calling his hand. That almost made me laugh even harder. What's even more funny, is that the guy started being nice to me after that? Usually in that situation, the guy makes you his enemy...and it just gets worse. I think that alone had me so perplexed...it just added to the insanity. Maybe he was just embarrassed at how stupid his "I guess I'm all in" was. Who knows?


There were a few other hands that night where I made a hero call on the river...where it was so obvious the other clown was bluffing the pot on the river...that had me at least feeling kind of champion-like for a short little while, and the other players looking at me like I was Hellmuthian in stature. Yeah Yeah...I know...I know, trust me, I didn't, for a second....let it go to my head. But you know when you are at some shitty little cash game somewhere, playing with terrible players, and you get that feeling? That...what shall we call it? Confirmation? That after a few good plays...that leave the other players amazed, that you can at least hold your head up high and know that you are a player with superior skills to the people you are sitting with? That even if they end up getting all your money/chips you know in your heart and head at least, that you were the best player?

Not sure what that is worth exactly...but at the very least its good for a temporary 'good' feeling at least. And those moments in poker are so few and far between it seems like, that I will take the layups and the freebies where I can find them.

My gawd...how long is this blog entry? It has taken me two days to write. In between I went out to dinner and a 'night on the town' with the wife and her friends.

We went to a place in Gulfport called 'The Quarter' where a band was playing. This band was managed by the guy Cheryl's best friend is dating. We met the band...really a nice bunch of young guys...from Hurley, Mississippi...band called "Together, Tomorrow." They were good, and we really had a fun night out. I spent a good amount of time transfixed on the dynamics of certain people that were dancing in front of the stage.

One thing I will say...and I don't care how old I get...and how much things change. This will always hold true:

If you are an above average female, looks-wise...say, a '7' or higher...and you are a terrible dancer...you should NEVER dance. Just don't do it. Here is the litmus test for dancing. If you are watching someone dance...and you imagine that they are naked, would they look incredibly sexy while dancing? Or would they look like a complete fool? If they would look like a complete fool, then dancing in public is something they should refrain from doing. I know I know...there are those who will say "maybe they don't care what YOU or anyone else thinks about them...or how they dance! Maybe they just really enjoy dancing...and want to have fun!" Actually, my wife might be heard uttering that phrase.

Well....okay, if that is you? Have at it! Knock yourself out! If you don't care that you look like a fucking spastic, and are making your friends run away and hide from you...then I am way out of line talking about how stupid you look dancing like a one-legged ostrich.

There was a group of four people. Probably in their 40's. After each song...the man would holler out..."You Suck!" The first time I heard it...I thought I was imagining it. Then the second time he did it...the lady with him looks him in the face and I could see her mouth "stop saying that!" so now I knew he was doing it. Why? First of all, the band clearly didn't suck...they are really good. But secondly...this guy was...in a suit and tie...who does that? And I had just spent time getting to know the guys (in the band) on their last break...so I had taken a bit of a protective approach about it now.

Before I had heard him say that little tidbit, I had been fixated on the four of them, and how they were dancing. Of the two women...one was standing totally upright...tight little sweater tucked in...I guess she was sort of cute...but seemed super frigid, just based on watching her dance. Then the other gal...she was wearing looser fitting clothes...and was really getting into the music...and dancing her ass off. I decided she was probably the coolest of the group. The 'You Suck' guy danced like everyone's single uncle at a wedding. You know the guy. We all know the guy. The fourth guy...oh baby. This guy was a piece of work.

He had the whole place laughing. Doing these windmill moves, almost smacking a few of us in the process. Weird, weird dude. Kind of had a Cosmo Kramer thing going on.

One of my favorite things to do when I go to bars and/or clubs...and it needs to be, because I am finding bars and clubs to be more and more undesireable the older I get...is to just sit and observe people. I am fascinated by the creatures who live among me.

The third time this guy hollers out "You Suck" I finally call him out. But I did so in a very non-hostile fashion. In fact I never even raised my voice. Just asked him politely, why he was telling them they sucked. He asked if I knew them? Well, yes...my friend here manages them. But does that matter? Its just rude. And if you really think they suck...why are you continuing to stay here and dance while they perform?

Well, the lady that I thought would be cool? Ended up being cool. She steppped in...agreeing with me...and he goes into some cockamamie excuse about how 'when I say something sucks, it means its good' and when I say something is good, it really sucks. Mmmm yeah, I see. I bet NO ONE ever takes that the wrong way, huh?

Turns out...this lady and I end up chatting about it and him afterwards, that this clown is a local JUDGE! Yeah! A Judge! The two ladies worked under him...as a court reporter and a court clerk. She told me they get out about once a month, and every time the judge drinks he turns into a fool. Unreal. Imagine being that woman? And having to work for such a dumbass? Maybe the judge needs to stay out of public. I sure hope I never end up in front of that jackass needing a good judgement to go my way!

I think I am finally done with this post.

I think I am going to Vegas. Since a certain tourney director in Biloxi decided to call a certain tourney director in Tunica and openly lobby the guy to deny me entrance to their tournaments up there...why I have no idea? Just waiting for the dominos to fall....just waiting...patiently. Staying out of the way. Going to Vegas...playing Venetian, maybe skip on over to L.A. for a couple LAPC events. A little west coast flavor...Super Bowl in Vegas...always a good time. Just need to find a flight. For those of you up in Tunica...and I hear the first two tourneys have had big turnouts...I wish you well...seriously. For those of you who cash for a good amount...and think about tipping....might I suggest seeking out the dealers either on the side or when they are dealing cash game...and taking care of them there? Just saying, if you're anything like me, its nice to know that they will actually see your money.

Take care now!

MONKEY

6 comments:

Matt S said...

Just so you know sir not all Lafayette Poker players are as bad as what you experienced. That definitely is the worst example to put yourself through when meeting poker players from lafayette.

Was good seeing you and the GCP crew again.

I definitely didnt enjoy the donkfest experience as well and i was baffled they accumulated 300ish people to this event. heh, well im sure ill see you again in the near future

Anonymous said...

You should def do a blog about dealers getting the money that the earn. I'm sure you wouldn't have to dig very far to uncover a web of fun around Sommerfeld and those clowns. Keep up the good work. Always fun and enjoyable to read.

Anonymous said...

This is blog reminds me of the monkey style from years past! Entertaining.. Great job!
Ydf

Jody A said...

Got to love the 50% Underlay Tournys! I played in one up here in Memphis on Saturday night, and amazingly got a final table chop out of the deal. The increasing blind structures and the piss poor dealers were amazing here as well.

You are dead on about someone could make a killing if they were to setup some sort of business to run events like these (the right way).

Good Luck out west. Gonna try to take down one of these Tunica tournys this weekend. I'll make sure to order Red Snappers for table when i do!

Time for some more Home Games. I'm 1/1 in "Lucky".

MSURounder23

Anonymous said...

You are the very one always crying
about censorship, and you wont post
my comments from the other day because they are true. What a fucking pussy!!!!

Brandon Jarrett said...

Sent you a TEXT hoping you might discuss the issue of the OPEN ROBBERY being committed daily at certian WSOPC Events in a certian SHITHOLE we know as Tunica...

Event #1 - 1032 Players @ $345 +$10 Dealer Appreciation

Posted Prizepool - $290K
Actual Prizepool - $340K

$10,320 Dealer $ (Assuming all Entries Paid)

This is 100% RIDICULOUS! I understand Poker for Profit... SURE... but Really? This is just an obvious ASS RAPING!

If the Event was ran in a manner to justify that kind of rake thats one thing... but to only have 2 ladies running registration the day of the event is insane... Im DONE!