Welcome to Tunica sir, your room is, uhhhhh...not ready!

Okay! Final post of the month. Blogging from Table 48/seat 8 at Goldstrike at 11;30am. That's right! I am EARLY for a tournament. Figure with this structure I better see every early hand I can!!!

Before I go any further, I would like to thank EVERYONE for reading my blog! In June I had a pretty amazing 4985 hits! Being a guy who likes to beat numbers (made me a good liquor salesman!)I was hell bent on beating that number. Well, winning a couple tourneys will help make people read I guess. So when I looked yesterday we were at around 5200! Nice! Thanks everyone! Even you guys who read just so you can bash me!!!

Uh oh. 7 minutes til kickoff now. Keep gettin interupted by people I haven't seen all summer, I guess its a good thing when they all want to congratulate you for getting married and for having a great summer in Vegas!

So, I leave Biloxi at 6pm last night. I pick up Keith "The Angle" Ezykowich and head for Tunica. Watch 'New in Town' with Renee 'The Anteater' Zellwegger while driving. It was actually very good. Keith fell asleep. Then the snoring started. Cue anxiety attack. Turn up movie volume. Still hearing it. Blood pressure rising. Try the pillow on the face trick. No good. He moves the pillow under his head! Shhhhiitttt!!! Now I'm freaking OUT! Time for drastic measures!

Hmmmmm. What is it that wakes everyone up when they are a sleeping passenger!?? Ahhhh ha! The simulated 'fall asleep drive off the road' move! I pull that move, and IT WORKS! Temporary relief!!! We go there about two other times during the drive. Good lord!

So we arrive. At the Horseshoe, where the 'Angle' has procurred us a suite...allegedly. Who is there to greet us when we pull into Valet/Check in? Let's back up for a second...

Let's pretend like we just pulled into the Venetian. Someone opens your door as soon as you pull in. (Which is usually okay, but eveeeery once in awhile not so much!)They greet you in a friendly manner. "Welcome to Venetian sir! (Or, Mr. Souther if you'd been comin all summer like some of us!)Then you have a dude standing there asking if you have luggage to check. Nope not today sir, but thank you! Then as you approach the front door you see a smiling face and a uniformed staff member holding the door open, wishing you a good day. Why, thank you sir. Ahhhhh, what a great way to start the day! I love Las Vegas!

Time to snap back to reality. Pull into Horseshoe. I see a valet booth. Its empty. No one comes running over. In fact I don't see a single living human being. Its not 4am or anything, hell its 12:15am.

I get out of the car. I immediately get attacked by about 28 mosquitoes. (Memo to self, must wear long sleeves here every day!)Get bit about 9 times!

Finally just lock the car, leave it there and go to get checked in. We are greeted (if you want to call FREE ATTITUDE a greeting) by the very helpful Toenicia. (No, I did not just make that name up to add interest to the story!)

We are informed that our room reservation has been...mmmm for lack of a better term, FUCKING LOST in the system! Awesome. Meanwhile my Pseudo-Buddy Tim Burt is almost to the Final Table of the Stud 8 or Better (he has already WON the Omaha 8 or Better on this trip...nice job Timmmayyyy!) and I would really like to give him a 'mini-sweat' since I promised it on his Facebook update. Or maybe get into a late SNG. Maybe? Nope. Forget all that!

Nope, it took the 'Angle' to start 'angling' and get a host up there before we finally got us a room.

Get to the room. 1508. Their 'nicest room.'Okay, look...how do some people keep their jobs? 20 ft ceilings. Big spacious room. Gorgeous, spacious bathroom. Nice big closet. In the living room there is a nice big flat screen on the wall. Sound good? Sure it does. Til I tell ya the rest...

Wow, as I write this funny shit just keeeeps happening today. We are presently in Level 4 of this $330 donkfest, which started with around 400 players. I'm running very bad but somehow still have 7k in chips. Uh oh Glen 'Ratchet' Banks on my left may be about to depart. Nope. He just doubled up with a flopped set vs 2 pair. Whew! Keep the good player here!!!

Back to the room and employment in the 21st century. So; in the master room, no flat screen on the wall. A freaking 24 inch Zenith with Technicolor! (80's technology term for all you Senior readers out there!) Furniture from an old-folks home. Thermostat with the DIAL! Killer wood paneled cabinets that look like a closet, til ya try to open it! Nope just a goofy lookin, um...not sure. Bathroom sink that doesn't drain. Toilet that won't flush. Art on the wall that looks like a Rorsach (spelling?) Test! You know? The ink blot-pattern test? Nice art! Alright, you get the picture I think, right?

How do people keep their jobs? You have this potenially great hotel room that is about 65% of the way to kickass and then you simply refuse to take it the distance. What happened to people giving 110%!!??

Speaking of 'how do people keep their jobs' these days. Just got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of play, get to the entrance and there are two tall employees standing there...blocking the entrance...SMOKING!!! WTF? Here is the good part. They both look at me like, "what do YOU want, boy!?" And I literally said "um,say guys...hate to break up your smoke break, but ya think I might squeeze by you to use the bathroom!??" The gave me a disgusted look and finally moved. Wow! Only in Tunica.

We just went to Level 5, AKA the level of death. We show 320 remaining. I will predict that by the end of Level 6 (200/400 with 50) we will be down to 180. Every player worth a shit that I've talked to are all saying the same thing. You know what that is. I'm not going to say anything to upset Johnny and Ken Lambert (who just cruised by my table and said 'hi') because I just like them so much and I don't want any bad karma, but doggone I wish they would work with players like myself to make these Goldstrike/Beau Rivage events a GREAT event like Steve Frezer did with me on the Harrah's New Orleans event that everyone just LOVED and can't wait for the next edition of. I don't know what it will take. I would WAY rather see the MGM properties kick the Harrah's properties' butt when it comes to running quality events...but right now Harrah's just seems to be holding the edge. But I'm not giving up on my boys. Hell maybe I need to start a little 'Give us a better structure' petition drive. If they see the actual numbers it might influence them to re-think things. Who knows. Maybe not. What/who am I anyway? A stooopid monkey!

Well this has gotten too long. We have been moved to another room. I'm not tellin you about our terrible Waffle House experience last night. Tunica! The only place in America where you can count on a bad Waffle House experience. Won't tell you about pulling into the gas station and suddenly locking all my doors and fearing for my life as the cars with the $900 frame but the 2k stereo and the 3k lift package with the 2k wheels had me surrounded like a bunch of flesh-devouring piranhas. Um. Okay. That's it. We are now at 200/400. Time to pray and/or start making some pot stealing moves with my 7100 chips.

Nice structure!

Monkey

A NON POKER (waste of time) Blog Post...from Orange Beach

5 days without a blog post.

I couldn't stand it any longer!

Okay, okay, thats not totally true. This is actually the first time I've had a chance to sit down and write something. Plus I just read the front page and found out some stuff I didn't know was going on. Also picked up 8 new comments that needed approving or rejecting. Approved them all. Some very interesting follow up comments from GeneD after one of those posts about T.Michelle and the sponsor deal she had in last year's Main Event. Apparantly she was staked 50% by Jeffrey Lisandro and 50% by Tony G...but I think there was some kind of understanding between her and Poker News that she would be 'representing their interests' in the unlikely event that she DID do something memorable. So I guess it would stand to figure that they would feel 'slighted' when she leaped for the first offer she got (from a dying Ultimate Bet, nice choice, like accepting the Admiral's Suite on the Titanic after hearing a boom and feeling a shudder!).

Sitting here watching the Hooter's Beauty Pageant with Squirrels stepfather...and ooops, the two boys (both under 7) just walked into the room. Something tells me this channel is about to be changed. Dammit! Best thing I've seen on TV in over a month!

So, quicky report from Tunica. The numbers have been 'decent.' My buddy, who I have written about on here a few times, and predicted great things from...managed to win an event up there...I think it was Event 3...not sure if it was a $340 or $550, but I do know he won about 30 dimes. Awesome job BJ McBrayer! Great to see that...I think he has been running pretty good online this year, but crappy in live tourney play. Then, that night, my other pretty good buddy, who I initially labeled in my phone "Kyle Big Red" since he is a tall red-headed kid....Kyle Milam, got there and played the 7pm tourney and orchestrated a 3-way chop for about 3 dimes. Well done boys! See...when I meet you clowns, and end up adding you to my phone, its usually something goofy to help me remember you. "Mike fast talker poker" "Don St Louis nice teeth" "Cherokee Rhino Great LapDance" (just kidding on that one!) You get the idea!

Then someone texted me last night that Chris Moneymaker either won or was in good position to win, the PLO tourney. Awesome! I like it when Chris final tables circuit events. He got 2nd in one this past January that I played in and cashed in light. Chris is a good guy, and he takes a lot of crap (usually behind his back, which is so chick(*#@* of people) from people that have never even met the guy. For the last time....if you see him in a $330 or a $550, it doenst mean the guy is broke and lost it all, you assholes! It means he LIKES TO PLAY POKER TOURNAMENTS! He won a lot of money, he invested it. A lot of it. Its locked up. And he keeps a certain amount for his bankroll, and plays as he played before he won the Main Event. Exactly (within reason) how I would/will approach tourney poker if/when I win a big million dollar score. It sucks that the assclowns in poker can't seem to avoid the temptation to talk shit about a guy and make up stories based on what they have managed to come up with in their silly little brains. Here is the assclown brain at work:

Dude won $4 million in the main event. (or whatever it was) Dude is playing $2/$5 NL cash game. Or dude is playing a $330 tourney. OMG! DUDE IS bROKE! He has to be! I was down in the Bahamas two years ago. He was there. He told me he brought only about 3k with him. Why? Didn't figure he would need more. And probably figured it was easy to get money if he DID need more. I mean, what casino can you NOT do one of those stupid cash advance deals where it costs 10% to get more than what the retarded ATM's will allow you to pull in a day, which in my bank's case is a ridiculous $300. What a joke! So it turns out (and I know because I experienced it to, as I only brought $1000 with ME!) that getting money down there was a friggin nightmare! And when he went to get money he got stonewalled. And he (to his credit) didn't even pull the "HEY Mother(*@##$&*$ I'm Chris Moneymaker! You HAVE to give me some money!!!!) How many people have we all seen that ARE like that! Nope. He just went to a couple of guys he knew pretty well and asked them to float him a loan so he could play a little 1/2. No big deal. Until the asshole network got fired up...and started talking shit about the guy...about him being broke. I hate these people. I really do. Why is the world filled with so many haters? Is it just because they are THAT miserable with their own crappy lives?

I had a talk with Wild Bill the other day about what happens when we win 'The Big One'...what we decide to play. Do we worry about 'what they will think' if we end up playing the small tourneys? Or if we are seen playing $1/$2? I had a message the other day from a reader...saying something to the effect of "Hey Monkey, if you want to be taken seriously, and be a big timer...why dont you quit playing just the $340's!" To you, I say this..."when I go to Vegas and spend all summer playing $340's,$550's, $1000's, a $1500 and a $5000...I think I am putting myself in pretty good position to win between $50,000 and $500,000, without the risk of losing everything." See, if I have $50,000 in the bank, and people think what I need to do is go play 5 events with $10,000 buy ins to 'try and hit the big time' these are people who 'don't get it!' Because it just doesn't work that way. And all of you serious poker players know and understand this. I've lasted 4 and a half years playing like this because I keep things in check. I had a couple of nice scores last May...that kept me going all year with relative stress free living. I was running low and running kind of bad through April this year...then had a nice N.O. trip in May and a great summer in Vegas that will now allow me to live stress free again through next year...and also have taken all the pressure off of my backer. Which is great. Which means I can play some more (better) events, like maybe the tourney down in Aruba.

This is a JOB. I approach it like a JOB. I respect it like a JOB. (well, respect is kind of a shaky word I guess, since I get myself into bad spots some times!) But I do respect my situation with my backer, and with the funds we have available. Would I like to play EVERY 10k event and put myself in a position to win over a half a million every time I sit down and play? Of course I would! Who wouldn't? And I feel fairly confident that were I to play 10 events with 10k buy ins in a calendar year that my winnings would exceed $1,000,000. Easily. Is that me being cocky? I don't think so. I think I am a good player. And 10k buyins usually have pretty nice structures. And usually pretty good players. I play well in tourneys with good structures and good players. Winning tourneys vs. shitty players is REALLY hard. But the bottom line is...if your poker bankroll is a million bucks...and you play ONLY $10k events...guess how long that bankroll is going to last if you aren't cashing? Not very long. So when you see a 'name player' in a $300 and/or $500 tourney...maybe you should try not to be so critical. Or jump to so many conclusions.

Wow...that ended up being kind of long-winded didn't it?

Orange Beach report. Got here Sunday. Too late to enjoy the pool. Enjoyed grilled steaks. Then everyone went to bed early. Laid there...for hours and hours and hours...unable to sleep. Finally fell asleep at 4am. At 7am, I was woken up by Squirrel's brother, Scott. It was time to go golfing. OMG. Really? I pulled it off. Somehow. Got there. Hit the driving range. Forgot to put on my glove. After about 30 swings...hand, destroyed. Nice. BListers on both hands, in 5 different places. Put on glove. Put on band aids. Which kept falling off. Nice sunny day. Not TOO hot. Not TOO humid. On the fairway, about 125 yards from the hole...think it was about hole 13...look over and see a HUGE FREAKING SNAKE! I am not exaggerating. This thing was about 4 feet long. I ended up moving that ball! And any ball I hit into 'brushy areas' became a lost ball. I lost about 12 balls that day. For not playing in a year, and playing on about 25% of my available skin still on my hands, I didn't play too badly. I would hit a great shot, then follow it up with a horrible shot. I would find the green in 2...then three put. I would find the green in 7 shots...then nail a 30 foot putt. I think they call that PLAYING INCONSISTENTLY! Whatever it was...I had fun. It was nice spending 4 hours with my new brother-in-law. Not like he is a stranger or anything. I've known Scott for 8 years now. He is a great guy. She really has a great family. I am very lucky to have been married into such a wonderful group of people. And Scotts 3 boys are truly great. Hanging out with them makes me really want kids of our own. But I also see the awesome responsibility that it presents. Am I capable? I sure hope so. Had we not lost our baby the day after the Super Bowl...we would be one month away right now from our first child. Wow. I would be so nervous and yet...so excited. Meanwhile, Bill from this site is expecting his first...and on about the same day as ours would have been arriving. So good luck to Bill and his wife!!!! I am very excited for them!

Last night, after golfing was done and the rest of them were done 'beaching it' we went out to dinner at a place called 'The Hangout.' Whoa. Not a place I think I will ever 'hangout at' again. The place itself is pretty cool. But it is very, very badly managed. You walk in and there is a big courtyard area...with shops, bars and a stage with a band playing. It just so happened that the band was from Pensacola, and the lead guitarist was a guy I know from coaching his kid, Cody Fortag, in Little League about 5 years ago. Ricky Fortag. He's a really cool dude. The guy who was doing the singing though...whoa...he was pretty bad. Oh well. Did get me thinking about how much I miss coaching Little League. I think this coming year, no matter what...I am going to find me a team to coach. It usually runs from like February through April. I just won't be able to do much traveling...so I better win a bunch between now and then!!

When we arrived we were quoted a one hour wait. Ugh. I hate waiting, for ANYTHING. You people who read this a lot know that already. I made an attempt to tip the hostess $20 to speed up the process. Yeah. 45 minutes later the pager went off. No big deal. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. We enjoyed the outside area anyway while waiting. Then we sit down. 15 minutes go by before we see our waitress. Here is what sucked. Our waitress was an absolute doll. From El Paso, going to Alabama. Cute as hell. Even Squirrel said "our waitress is beautiful." Yes, she was. But good waitress? Nope. Took another 15 minutes just to bring back our soft drinks. By then we knew what we wanted to order. I was prepared to order fried oysters. First thing out of her mouth? Sorry, everyone...I just was told we are totally out of oysters. Grrrrr... I have this thing about restaraunts. Especially in resort towns. If you are a Kitchen Manager, or Chef, with even 1/3rd of a clue...you do NOT run out of food. And if so...run out at 10pm. Don't run out of something at 8pm. Especially something you KNOW you sell a lot of. That shit just rankles me! Especially I guess because I spent about 15 to 20 years in that business in some capacity.

Well, as it turns out...they weren't even OUT of oysters. Part of finding that out was watching one tray after another of oysters walk past us after she told us that. When we asked the first time, we were told "Oh those orders must have been in before I told you that...we only have SO many oysters." Uh huh. So the manager comes over and tells me the same thing. "Really? Is that right? Well, then explain to me how that table over there...who were just seated 15 minutes ago (we have been there now for an HOUR!) are now being delivered a plate of oysters!???" She had no answer. See, instead of going into the kitchen...a place she obviously spent little time visiting...and finding out if there ARE or ARE NOT any oysters...she just went with the waitress' claim. As it turns out...the waitress was wrong. She 'misunderstood.' Great. I got my oysters afterall. The appetizers took about 25 minutes to come out. Then, when those were done...we waited, and waited, and waited...OMG...for 45 minutes before our entrees finally showed up. It was unreal. At least by the time the entrees showed up everyone was hungry again!

Then of course there was the whole....hmmmm, I wonder if she is going to clear away the plates? Maybe remove the table debris that is all over the table? No? Didn't think so? Refill for my Coke? Never mind...I will just roll over to the bar and get one of those boys to refill it for me. Thank you sir, here's $1. Wonder how we go about getting our check? Finally go find her in back, and request the bill. It was a 2.5 hour odyssey. Bad management. Nice place, good environment, lots of good things about the place. Just bad management.

I passed on golf today. My hand was too beat up. Slept in instead. Or, well, tried to. Sometime around 8:24am, it started. The kids. Hollering. Crying. Shouting. Just general COMMOTION. Hmmmm....glad I brought my iPod and Bose headphones. They went on, and I managed to find another 1.5 hours of sleep. Nice. Then spent the day at the pool. Just got in. Just had a HUGE storm pass through. GOOD! Why? Because it means I didn't have to walk downstairs and help grill hamburgers and hotdogs! Instead we cooked in! Sweet. I am feeling very lazy. And I wanted to talk to you guys!

Going home tomorrow. Squirrel has to work. And tomorrow night I will drive up to Tunica I guess and play the last 10 days of that event. That should be my next report!

MONKEY

This just in from Tunica!

Just placed a phone call to Tunica, or should I say...to the Goldstrike, never actually tried to call a TOWN...that would be funny! The first event today, a $230 buy in, has filled 405 seats. Hmmm...not bad, not too bad at all. Wasn't sure just what to expect. Thats a good start. For those who keep calling, texting and emailing me about 'what are the tourneys gonna be like up there in Tunica?' here ya go:

http://www.goldstrikemississippi.com/casino/pokerroom.aspx

Thats all you need. Because if you are looking on Cardplayer you will not find the structure...which a lot of us 'real' players use as a barometer when deciding which tourneys to go and play. Just click on the event that you see...it will bring up a seperate box with the structure.

So, my opinion of the structure? Well, I almost want to just bite my tongue, since its obviously NOT going to change. Its a Johnny Groomes product. Same as the Beau Rivage spring event. They have some called DEEPSTACKS events. Well, you be the judge. In the 'DEEP' stack event you get 10,000 chips, but 30 minute blind levels. In the regular events...you get 6,000 chips, but you also get 50 minute levels. The structure on them all are the same. I see my incessant lobbying for the return of the 100/200 level with 25 ante has been ignored. So once again, we will see the attrition rate in Levels 4 and 5 be astounding. And you can just about count on being close to the money by the dinner break.

Its going to be hard going from such a beautiful structure all summer at Venetian to this. But the one draw back to the Venetian was the number of tourneys where you would log 10 to 12 hours and not cash. At least at these....if you put in 8 hours of more you are more than likely going to be in the money. Granted, you will be in the middle of a crapshoot, shovefest...but at least you will be in the money. My advice? If you care? Be active early, don't raise a lot...see lots of flops in Levels 1, 2 and even 3...and try to trap some bad players for their whole stacks. Get yourself to Level 4 with 2 or 3x the average and you have a chance to make it deep. Otherwise...ha! Good luck, hope those Jacks hold up when you finally get them in level 6.

Not sure why Johnny and company think its such a great thing to get their tourneys done so fast...but they sure are holding to that. Oh well, it is what it is. You know it going in...so I guess we can't bitch about it right? Only way to truly show your disagreement is to not show up. And we poker players just don't do that, do we!??? Besides...for all the time you spend belly-aching about this event, you just get to turn around and do it again three weeks later when the Beau Rivage kicks off the Gulf Coast Poker Championship...because that event is pretty much a carbon copy of this one.

We're such suckers!

MONKEY

Women gettin deals and a HORRIBLE BAD BEAT!

I had no intention or desire to post today. But I am.

Had a pretty good converstation, okay, exchange of emails, with Jason Young last night. Met him this summer through Joe Cutler out in Vegas. Nice kid. Has some pretty nice results. And a blog on PokerPages. I looked at their other bloggers. Then looked at the writers on CardPlayer. Always kind of wondered how that works on the big sites. Do they get paid? Are their restrictions? As in, length of articles and content? He gave me a lot of info I didn't previously know.

Got started on my backers' spreadsheet last night. About halfway through it...I mean, we are talking about 49 days that I have to report on...brutal. I will finish it today.

Okay...so listen to this bad beat. I am playing 2/5. I buy in for $1000. But after treading water for hours, and watching guys with 5 to 10k on the table muscle people out of pots, I decide to get serious. I put 50,000 on the table. Crazy? Sure. Then after about 30 minutes I get dealt AA. Whoa, I get that little chill/shock we all get when we look down at those. I raise to 20, get two calls then a re-raise to 100. Really? This is the super aggressive player. I know that if I call, the other two are SURE to call. If I re-raise him too much though, he could bolt. This is THE guy I want to get into...as he is sitting on about 15k. So, I raise it to 300. The other two fold...and now he just smooth calls. Hmmm...Jacks? Queens? AK maybe if Im lucky? The flop comes AhAsKh! You gotta be kidding me. He checks. Now, I believe its always smartest to bet INTO quads...as its the only way to ever get paid off. So I fire 400 at it. HE CALLS! Wow. The turn is the Js. He checks AGAIN! I bet 1000. Why? Cuz I have a feeling that he is either sitting there with KK, or has a big flush draw...and this guy WONT fold a flush draw I dont think...so might as well get as much as I can without going crazy. He calls, again. The river is the 10h. He sits there...pondering. Or is he? Is this an act? He checks! What? What is that? I bet 1500. He tanks. Asks me how much I have. What? Tell him. He starts fiddling with his chips. Moving them around. Counting his cash behind. Now I am looking at the board. Is this asshole slow-rolling me here with QhJh? How bad will THIS be? Then he just shouts and stands up..."Im all in!" My automatic winner with Quad Aces is now starting to feel a little bit like that BMW feels after you drive it off the lot and run it through a big mud puddle. Still pretty, but sporting a flaw. No way....no way this prick has a Royal Flush. And if so, why would he go all in?

[this moment has been interrupted by my dog, Mollie chasing her tail. Does this ever happen and NOT make you laugh?]

I convince myself somehow that this guy has either got JJ or, maybe KK. I just can't see him pushing all in for 12k if he has a Royal Flush. Doesn't make sense. Unless he is over-shoving for value. Which is also a good play. I can't fold. Especially since, if this is the case...I will be the recipient of the Bad Beat Jackpot..which I am looking for...there it is...scrolling across the bottom of the screen....mmmm.....65,355....okay....can't lose on this deal. I call. He turns over....QhJh...OMG. Wow. But hey! Ship me that $32k and change for the bad beat please! Here ya go dude, here's another 12k.

Then it happens. Nothing. Thats what. Nothing is happening. Um...sir? Dealer? WTF? Why aren't you alerting the floor? Both cards just played....did I NOT just win the Bad Beat Jackpot?

"Sorry sir, red chip games arent eligible." WHAT!!!!??? This is 2/5! I thought that was only for 5/10!??? You gotta be shitting me!!!!! And I go into a mental cacophony...that feeling you get when you just got fired, then walked out and watched your car being towed away...and your phone rings and its your wife telling you she is leaving you for your best friend...

AGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !(*@(&*@!#(&*@!#*!@()**!(@@*!@(#$#*&#$@!!!!!!!

Then my phone rang. It was 11:45am. My buddy Russ Bozeman, calling from Cullman, Alabama wanting to know if I was going to Tunica this week. Oh my God, Oh my God....wow..thank you, thank you!!!!! It was just a dream....ohhhhhhh.....wow! Granted, you would never see me dump 50k on a cash table! The only reason I dropped 6600 the other night was to prove a point to that little jackass, and the fact that the largest stack on the table was 650. So I wasnt putting that money in peril. Anyway, what a sick dream. I was on the verge of throwing up!

Moving on. There is a new acronym floating around out there that people are using that is about to make me kill myself. Okay, first of all, I think my efforts to rid the poker world of "SICK" and "SPEW" are actually getting somewhere, I am noticing a serious decline in the usage of these retard words/phrases. But this new one...kind of hatched this summer...is making me nuts. And being grossly overused. "FML" It used to be...they were just using it at the end of a text message when telling of their imminent demise from a tourney. Example: Got it in shortstacked with KK...got called by donkey in BB with J8...flops J...rivers 8....FML. Going to get baked and take a nap, good luck.

FML= FUCK MY LIFE

Cute, right? Yeah...cute...and original. Untillllllll it starts to take over every conversation! What? Haven't heard this one yet? Oh...you will! You will! Its the new 'Ed Hardy' of poker acronyms. [Mollie is STILL chasing her tail...this dog IS nuts] BTW...when is Ed Hardy gonna leave this planet? Couple guys I know out in Vegas were talking about doing their own line of clothes...calling it Fred Tardy. Love it. Bring it. The guy who owns this shit, Christian Audigier...was on Extra or some shit last night, being interviewed about the death of Michael Jackson. I guess he was one of the last people to talk to the freak. This interview was a joke. "Was his nose fake?" Um....no. "Did you see him take drugs?" Um...no. Pretty much every question asked was answered in this robotic, assclown fashion....'Um....no.' Thanks Christian. And uh...nice store. And nice club at Treasure Island, oh, I mean...T.I.! Used to be Tangerine..which was a pretty cool name. Now its...oh! Christian Audigier. Yeah. Thats the name of the club. Really? Come on!

[watching Weather Channel. One of these cool shows watching houses get totally destroyed by tornados. How amazing are tornados!?? And btw, where in the hell are all the Hurricanes this year!?? Its almost August and we have had, what? ZERO hurricanes this year!]

Okay, final topic. Women in poker. This started when I saw the picture of Beth Shak and her only 'real' quality on yesterdays front page of this website, her breasts. Her breasts are FAR superior to her poker game. Then...after reading the article, it was attached to a paper in Boston, I left a nice comment about Ms. Shak. Then today, we get the 'reason' that T.M. 'skipped' this year's Main Event. At least SOME OF US actually had a BONAFIDE reason! By the way, Michelle is her middle name. When I tried to get her to tell me her last name that night at Noodle Asia..she wouldn't budge. Like it was a dark, mysterious piece of information that people would pay millions to find the answer to. I should have just gotten Squirrel to beat it out of her. Not that I actually care, mind you...I just hate it when there is information out there and I don't know the answer. I HAVE to know! Then I quickly forget, usually.

First, let me say this; as I am attempting to deflect those who may be lining up to label me as a sexist...I know some very good female poker players. I know, that they know...that I respect and admire their games. I will not, and do not NEED to mention them. They know who they are. They also are almost ALL lacking an internet/sponsor deal. Why? One reason, and one reason only. They haven't won a big tourney or been featured on television getting deep in a tourney. Period. Because, if you are a female, and even SEMI-good looking...and either win or get deep in a televised tourney, you are SET! It is total bullshit. Which is why I am thinking about a sex change. Okay, I'm just kidding there.

Lets start with this Beth Shak clowness. Some of you may remember her from a couple years ago. She was somewhat deep in the Main Event. She wakes up with AA. So does Mr. Dramatic, Phil Hellmuth. Another player, fairly anonymous and much more restrained in his actions...has KK. They get it in, 3 ways. Phil, in his retarded way...jumping up out of his seat and shoveling all his chips into the middle, Shit Shak pretty much doing the same. But what she does next is another black eye for Harrah's and their double standard way of governing poker tournaments. She gets up from the table, with her AA cards in her hand...and starts showing her cards to the crowd. Yeah, literally took her cards about 5 feet from the table. Granted, exposing the hand wasn't that much of a big deal since there was no action pending...but taking the cards OFF THE TABLE...total violation of TDA rules. Her hand should have been declared dead. But was it? Nope. In fact, no one even gave her a warning. What a joke. Yeah...she's a 'Poker Professional,' a 'Poker Champion' as one of the articles' writers labeled her. Ha! She has never WON a single tournament! Champion!

Next we have...ah hell, might as well lump them all in together, T.M. (everyone's favorite to bash) Lacey Jones, Christina Lindley...there are a couple others I am going to leave out...but the list keeps getting longer and more and more annoying. Girls who have decent looks, but ZERO game, and ZERO results to back them up. Who find wealthy men to put them in tourneys. Once in awhile one of them gets deep...and we have to read about how "Professional poker player, Miss so and so has made it to day 2 of....." and it makes me want to puke! I have 3 career wins, and like 53 or so cashes...and not ONCE have I ever read "Professional Poker Player Will Souther.......blah blah blah." How can that NOT piss you off? Its kind of an insult to every ACTUAL Professional poker player. The women I know, who ARE good players? They should REALLLLLLY be pissed off.

Beth Shak thinking of doing a poker reality show? Why? Who the hell is going to watch that? And why? Her husband maybe? And now word that Lil Tiff is gonna be on The Amazing Race? That she is 'a true performer at heart?' That its her true calling? Rigggggghhhht. Maybe the fact that after cashing for 335k last year in the WSOP...and going on to playing, and BRICKING about 5 different 10k events after that...and not being able to get ANYONE to bone up the 10k to put her in this years Main Event...maybe that had a LOT more to do with not playing this years Main Event? I'm pretty sure that if CBS' production of the show started July 18th, and the final day of the Main Event this year was...ahem, the 18th...that her involvement in the show wouldn't have been impeded by her playing in the Main Event. Not only that...her SOMEHOW (by some act of God) making the November Nine would only have enhanced her appearance on their stupid reality show, wouldn't it? So...yeah, okay Tiff...we are all buying it. After spending just an hour in this chick's company...I struggle to find a reason to watch any show that she would be featured on. But who knows? Maybe she will shock and amaze us with her amazing charisma as she does whatever it is people are supposed to do on that show that I've never watched.

BTW...nice little move she pulled on Poker News last year...when she signed with Ultimate Bet in midstream while playing under a sponsor deal with Poker News. But she seemed to think it was okay. Nothing like biting the hand that feeds you. Then trying to justify it. And at the height of UB taking all the shit for their little scandal. Hmmm..wonder what kind of deal, exactly it was that she had with them. She sure didn't make them much money this year, did she Annie? And, um...wouldn't UB be expected to have her in the Main Event? Okay. I've ranted enough. In fact, probably too much. Bitter boy is done.

Squirrel is still asleep. 2:54pm. Amazing. Watching this FULL FORCE NATURE show on Weather Channel just made me realize...its a good time to go out to the garage and test my generator! That just might wake up Squirrel too!

MONKEY

N.O. did NOT stink this time!

Wow!

I almost can't believe it. A couple of things I can't believe actually.

We arrived in New Orleans to meet our friends in a place I had never seen before, a place called Port of Call. It looked older than both of my Grandparents, who...incidently (incidentally?) are both deceased. But Allie swore by the place, so we went. GPS did a 'bang up' job of finding the place. We ate. We got drunk. We left.

We found Pat O'Briens. Amazingly, we both found parking spots ON THE STREET. Incredible how hot we are running! We found the back porch. This was the first place Squirrel and I came on our first official date, in February of 2002 when we came to see the Super Bowl between NE and STL...and came here and drank Hurricanes. Now we got to sit and watch a different couple giddy and and what Squirrel would later label as 'nauseatingly in love' (but cute) with each other. We would make our way to the piano bar...to watch and make song requests. Honestly...the place was pretty empty, the lady singing wasn't very good...and it was pretty boring. We lasted about an hour.

A little something here. Squirrel gave me shit because I tipped the bartender when I returned the glasses for our 'deposit.' They have this neat little racket that they run at Pat O's. You order a drink. The drink is, say...$6. But you get charged $9. You are being charged for the GLASS. If you decide NOT to take the glass, you can return it to the bar and get your money back. That is what I tipped the girl for, a $1. She called me STUPID. After hearing her reasoning...I am stupid. So...how many people do you think just leave their glasses on the table? And of those...where do those glasses go? I am guessing the bartender over there is also part Buzzard Hawk...waiting to pounce on those glasses...and turn them in, and putting the cash in his/her tip jar. And of those that don't go that route..its just a cash cow for Pat O's...but I'm going to guess Pat O's doesn't see much of that additional revenue. And on busy nights...when you have to push and shove and wait to get those glasses and subsequent 'deposit' back...you KNOW there are some who just say 'screw it' and drop their glasses. And for those who actually KEEP the glasses? Please? $3 for a freaking glass? We all know those glasses probably are being purchased for about .50 cents a unit. Nice racket. Moving on.

We get our deposit money back for our 3rd round and we split. To go check into our hotels and prepare for dinner later. Dinner never happens. We get into our room at The W, they get into theirs at Harrah's and magically, we all decided to crash and call it a night.

The room at The W...wow, I was overstating earlier how nice this place was/is. First, it WASN'T the W in the Quarter, but the one near Harrah's, which I had seen in May when I was here playing the WSOP circuit event. Frank Kassela had a room there, and when I came to see it, wasn't that impressed. First of all, the $30 they want to park your car overnight is a joke. Then they try to make you believe this crap at the front desk when checking you in...."Oh, Mr. Souther, we have given you a complimentary upgrade to the blah blah blah...suite, blah blah blah...." Mmmm....okay, sure you have.

We get to our room. Its tiny, borderline, microscopic. Same room Frank had. King bed (as I had requested), which was actually very comfortable. The bathroom was tiny. And in very tacky style the black wallpaper had taken on too much moisture and was peeling from the wall. Even the two framed pictures in the bathroom had taken on too much moisture and were now warped and starting to do that thing when cardboard gets wet, then dries, then gets wet again...know what I mean? Starts seperating? Looked bad. This place is all about the look of the lobby. Very 'LA' looking with the over-abundance of black everywhere, hardwood floors, spacious lobby area...with ultra-modern furniture. It attempts to carry over into the rooms, with the black-lacquer desk, the flat panel TV and the 'trip to the shrink' couch next to the bed. Its a nice try...but those of us who travel a lot are smart enough to see the 'swing and a miss' about this place.

We wake up the next day, get checked out...and go pick up Allie and Liv and go to Houston's on St. Charles Street. Allie went to Tulane a while back...for 4 years, so he knows this city pretty well. Him and Liv were going on a Swamp Tour later...sounds fun...but Squirrel had to work. Sure it was a fun trip for Liv. I was just happy that it was a very bearable 92 degrees while we were there, the scary people and the bums were low in numbers, and that familiar smell that always seems to be present when I am in Stink City were not very noticeable. It was, shockingly...a nice trip to New Orleans. We left Houstons, and headed for Biloxi. Squirrel left for work...and I....logged on to Pokerstars.

Things would start VERY badly. I quickly lost EVERYTHING I played. I want to say I was 0 for 8, so I will. Then I win a $12/45pp SNG for $154. Nice. Got me back to even on the day. Then get 4th in a $11/27 for a modest $48. Then..in a $12/180...play quite possibly the FASTEST final table EVER...and get heads up with the maniac...him holding a 3 to 1 advantage on me...then I get it to me being up 3 to 1...and just when I think I'm about to win $600...he sucks out on me on the river...flips the advantage...then takes me out with his A3 vs. my A6....3 on the river...and I win $400 instead. Still...a nice little evening session on "the site from Hell!" Then Squirrel got home from work and I shut it down. This is kind of shocking. Since I left Vegas I have run my online account balance from $300 up to over $1000. Not sure what to make of it.

It is now 5:17pm. I am contemplating going to the Beau and playing the nightly $120. Not sure why I am feeling that. What I need to do is sit down, and get my backers' spreadsheet done, emailed to her...and figure out how much I owe her and how much I actually have in my account after all of this summers' achievements.

PREVIOUS KAI LANDRY QUOTE/TEXT DELETED FROM THIS SPOT per request by KAI himself for his own reasons; my apologies for the 'gapping' here.

Okay. For a recap. First of all, I think what may have happened to me on Day 2 of the Main Event at the Venetian was that Kai failed in his duties to give me my Pre-Day 2 Monkey Slam text...which typically had been propelling me to Final Table happiness all summer. For those who do not READ Kai Landry's blog, and have not seen his various Pre-Game 'pep texts' to me and for that matter, mine to him....this will come across to you as the ramblings of a lunatic..which basically is what Kai is, but in a comical way, not a medical one. This is actually very funny shit. Kai won the Main Event up in Tunica, so he is of course reflecting back on happier times. I, on the other hand...have had heaps and heaps of bad luck and misfortune up there at that dung heap on the Mississippi River. I have had numerous cashes, but nothing that has given me that 'tear off all my clothes and dance naked in a cotton field' feeling that Kai must have felt after winning the Main Event up there. Puggy is what he started calling me after my almost 'heads up' battle with Amarillo Slim at the Final Table of the $550 out at Venetian. Slim went out 3rd. Puggy was Puggy Pearson, a great poker player back in the...hell, I don't know? 50's? 60's? No idea. Him and Slim had their share of battles. This text rant from Kai was followed by another one the next morning....

"Um, yeah, that was Ambien-babble. Entirely unnecessary. I'm gonna try to shoot for Tunica around work sometime on a weekday stretch (found out later this means they will NOT let him off for the weekend from the place he works, which really SUCKS for him!) will know more for sure Wednesday. I'm not sure what the rest of that stuff meant exactly. Lots of people seem excited about this tournament."

And that was it. Wow. Kai is definitely living in a Jekyl and Hyde state of mind isnt he? I don't care! I love the guy, and think he is freaking hilarious! I need that insane hilarity in my life to keep me coming back to the poker table. Because the other 93% of those mutants out there just make me want to take razorblades to myself! I have this dream of mine where I go to a tournament or a sit n go, and everyone seated are always the same players....Kai Landry, Allie Prescott, Mike Terril, Joe Cutler, Keith Ezykowich, Liv Boeree, Tiffany Michelle (for the simple purposes of abusing, both in a poker sense and simple clowning), Maurice Hawkins, Bryan Micon, Clint Tolbert, E-Tay (Esther Taylor), Matt Brady, Frank Kassela, Dan Walsh, Brandon Jarrett and/or Brandon Cantu, Claudia Crawford, Heidi Northcott, Jamie Gold (for ALL of us to make fun of and abuse), Charlie "Smoke" Oliver, Joey "Luckbox" Gross...uh oh...looks like we need another table here....Matt Russell, Bryan Lanoix, Rick "Rooster" Rudloff, Kevin O'Leary (who by the way got home to the UK and won some tourney over there yesterday...well done fuckbird!), McLean Karr, Phil Hellmuth (my dream! Someday, its gonna happen, and it WILL BE EPIC!), Russ Bozeman, and maybe his wife Andrea...if she is on at least cocktail number 5, and my boy Steve "Anger" Banger...if he could ever get his Canadien passport issues cleared up! Okay, so thats almost enough for a 3 table SNG or a very small MTT. I probably forgot a couple of guys/gals I would like to see there...but for now, lets just say that if I were to show up for a tourney and 8 of those 30'ish were at my table I would never quit playing poker!

Okay its 5:58pm. I am skipping the Beau Rivage tonight. I am going to work on my backers' spreadsheet and get that done tonight...and probably 'toil some' on Pokerstars! Now..here comes the challenge...hmmm...which box will you click? Which one!!???

I love this new feature. I think there are some who think that EVERYONE who reads their blog is reading it because they LIKE that person. I am not that delusional. I don't know whether I should be flattered that haters read my blog or offended. I think a good shrink would say I am supposed to be flattered. So I will be flattered. I just love it that someone will sit there and read something that takes at LEAST 15 minutes, just so they can click on....'WASTE OF TIME.' It's awesome. I got a hater to waste their time. Hahahahahahahahhaah!!!! On ME!!!!! Thanks! Come again! Please drive through!!!!

Monkey

PS: On another note, I am getting VERRRRY close to breaking last months record of 'hits' on this blog thing. There is a thing where I can check in with the total number of hits, called a hit meter I think...and with 8 days left in the month...we have a shot at crushing last month. Now, I am not sure...does posting a LOT help my chances of breaking it? Or hurt it? Good question. We shall see!

Welcome Home...Um...really?

Here is what I love about writing this blog....

Well, actually there are a couple of things. But the main one is this. Just when I think I will NOT have anything to write about for a few days at LEAST....fate hands me a douzy... and if all you mutants out there who think that its funny/cool to click the box that says 'waste of time' that I was so kind/asking for it to put on there dare to click on anything but 'funny' after THIS one...well, nix that. Its actually pretty funny to me that all of you who are clicking 'waste of time' are doing that. Its kind of like a Double Burn. I got you to waste your time, which to me makes me the winner whether you enjoyed the current article or not. Ha Ha!

Now then, I am sitting here, trying to bang this out...KNOWING I will never finish in time, its a RACE between me actually finishing it, and Squirrel hollering at me to "get in the shower, Souther!" And while this is going on...Allie Prescott and Liv Boeree and their never ending parade of text messages urging me to 'get squirrel out of bed and get your ass over here to New Orleans' as they are currently T-minus 125 miles to N.O. and counting...is further adding to my sense of urgency. See how important your guys' existence is to me. Not to mention the scores of errands we have put off to join our little drinking pals in Stink City. Ohhhhh last night was a douzy...the kind of night you are supposed to forget ever happened, to track down the team from Men In Black, find that device, and erase our minds of everything that occurred between the hours of 8:15pm and 3:21am. That would make life so much easier.

But then you wouldn't get this great blog entry.

Shit. I lost. The hollering has begun. I must get in the shower......I will continue this, probably on the drive over. I promise you...its going to be good.

Monkey.........to be continued.

Okay, out of the shower....now waiting on her to 'do her makeup.' Guys? We all know that means I could literally sit here and almost bang out a novel! A blog entry? Piece of cake!

So...we leave the house to go to dinner at our favorite (previously) little sushi place....Saki, off of Exit 50 in Ocean Springs. thats SAKI! AS IN...>DO NOT EVER EAT AT SAKI!!!!!! EVER!!!!!! SAKI SUCKS SAKI SUCKS! Its Sunday night. They close at 9pm. We know that, because we eat there ALL THE TIME. Or, rather, we USED to eat there all the time. We will never go there again. I am parking my car when this chick sticks her head out the door...oh, its 8:25pm...and tells us..."we no seating, we give last call..." HUH? I look at the door, nope, still says 9pm. Squirrel says..."sweetie, forget it, they are closing early...we don't want to eat there anyway, they will just spit in our food." Thats always her reply in these situations. And just when I thought I WOULD let it go...NOPE...I changed my mind. Fuck that. Thats bullshit! If it says 9pm on the door, then they close at NINE PM! I worked in the restaraunt industry for 15+ years. Yeah, does it suck when a couple walks in at 8:52pm? Sure, it does! But its freaking 8:25...and we just drove 15 miles to get there. Uh uh! I'm raising hell! So I walk in...see that there are like 6 tables in there still eating...now I am REALLY pissed. I go through the standard...'come here a lot, say nice things about them to friends and my blog clowns, etc etc etc' and ask for the manager. She's the manager. Ask for the name of the owner. She's the owner! WTF? She looks 12. She keeps repeating..."we do last call, we give last call." No bitch, you don't do LAST CALL! Bars do last call! If you say your open til 9, then you are open til 9! I ask if it will bother her that I never give them $1 of business ever again...and you know, she didn't seem to give two shits. So...with that in mind, I will find a new sushi restaraunt to visit. So now I am steaming, steaming mad....and we head towards Biloxi.

I remember a night when Johnny Groomes told me he was going to McElroys...across the bridge in Ocean Springs. I think "hmmm...maybe we should check this place out." Whooooooooops! We pull in. It looks like it might be nice. Oh man...then we walk in to what looks like one of those 'family dining' places you would maybe happen upon on a road trip through Nebraska. The waitresses are wearing what almost, at first glance...look like Waffle House uniforms. Then you realize...oh, its just bearing a resemblance. Other things about this dining experience would lead us to think we are/were at a Waffle House. I quickly noticed they were all wearing tennis shoes. Don't let this lead you to think it was so they could move around in a speedy fashion! That would just be silly!

One great thing about being married to Squirrel. Or any woman you have spent 8 years with, I suppose. You both share certain elements of communication, like the ability to watch things around you and both be thinking the same thing. About halfway through our 'dining experience' Squirrel looks at me...smirks, and asks me "Are you writing your next blog entry right now!??" I start laughing....of course I am! You're too good!

Ahhhh...we are ready to leave....okay, I will finish this on the journey to New Orleans...I have just secured a room at the Fabulous W Hotel...my little surprise treat for Squirrel, if you have never stayed at THE W...do it, the place is really cool. We are doing the one in the Quarter. Okay...be back soon!

Monkey....to be continued.

Okay. I'm back. Squirrel is behind the wheel. Allison is conducting a city tour for Liv right now, waiting on us. Squirrel's caffeine addiction has just been satisied (Coffee Fusion, a place you all are invited still to frequent) and my 4Runner's addiction to gasoline has just been satisfied as well. $2.22 for Unleaded in Biloxi! Awesome. We treated her to SUPER again...its the SHIT! Plus I'm squeezing another 30 to 40 miles a tank out of it. Its worth it....and the V8 is much more impressive runnin on the good stuff. Wow, am I really writing about gas? I feel a 'waste of time' click coming!

So back to McElroys. I look at the prices on the menu. Wow. Really? Appetizers $8 to $14. Entrees $16 to $28. Hmmm. So I am looking at Ruth Chris-esque prices...but uh...where are we? The freaking twilight zone! The dining room is overlit and adorned with those really bad-times paintings of the tug boats and shrimp boats...with the occassional fake trophy fish on the wall. The place is horrendous. Of everything on the menu, the waitress seems most excited about the 'homemade Ranch dressing!' Hey...thats what we came for! We heard about your 'World Famous Ranch Dressing!' Squirrel orders the Boiled Shrimp. It was served in one of those big plastic shells that I last saw in like 1988. After watching her face as she ate the first few shrimp, and then trying one myself, I'm not too sure the shrimp weren't also from 1988. Okay, maybe 1989. Frozen, defrosted, not served, frozen again, defrosted...again not served...repeat this 852 times before finally Squirrel and Monkey walk in and order it. FINALLY! SOLD! Horrible. She would finallly send it back to the place it came from, well...not really, since that place is now probably a dry lake bed somewhere. I ordered the 'Seafood Platter,' which is funny because you would imagine actual 'seafood' being on it right? Scallops. Yeah. And my Aunt is Queen Elizabeth. Some kind of wafer, shaped like a scallop that was clearly NOT a scallop. Shrimp? No no...these things were like those little suckers you put on your salad. More batter than shrimp. Oysters? Maybe..but they were so over-cooked that the whole oyster part of the Fried Oysters was no longer...just FRIED.....then there were these pieces of fish, not sure if that fish ever swam or not. But it would become Squirrel's meal, since she refused the wonderful offer of 'ANYTHING ELSE' on the menu. No thanks. I'm good!

As if the meal from hell couldn't get any worse...it, surprisingly, did. Squirrel and I were looking into each others eyes...oh no, not romantically, just sort of in a 'I wonder whats going to happen next' kind of gaze. Then it started. The vacuuming! I can't make this up. The waitresses cleaning their stations...and Allison drags the vacuum out and starts going to town, right next to our table. I just sat there...mouth ajar...eyes wide open...and Squirrel just starts howling. I just said one word. Kind of loud. "Really?" Wow. Then...as we are waiting for the waitress to pick up the check with my money (needing change) inside...THREE other waitresses come by our table...two to ask if everything 'is okay?' and one to swipe all the condiments off our table to refill and (hopefully) clean. No effort to pick up the check and get us the fuck out of there. Nope. Finally our little servant arrives. By this time Squirrel and Monkey are about to start tearing the wood panel off of the walls! We finally escape, and on the way out...an old lady is standing there, looking like the funeral home hostess...and she utters this gem..."I'm sorry things didn't work out for you." I can't even follow that up with anything good. It's going down as an immediate classic. "I'm sorry things didn't work out for you" July 18th, 2009. Granny FishStench.

Where to next sweetie? Lets go check out the new poker room at I.P. Okay. We arrive. In valet. (big mistake, it would take 20 minutes later to get our car...even though we were the ONLY people waiting for our car). We walk into the poker room. Big. Well lit. On the main floor. Art on the wall. Full poker room. Hmmm. Impressive. We both score a seat at the same table. Let the fun begin.

This is where I start my introspective mind meld. Lets see here. Just got home from Vegas. Best trip ever to Vegas. Argueably my best tourney run ever. Spent time playing against some very good players, and of course...your standard touristas and newbies. Hung out in very nice places. Watched/observed/interracted with some very attractive/interesting/intelligent human beings for 7 weeks. Fast forward. Now sitting in Biloxi. Having just had two horrendous attempted dining experiences. Now looking at the freaks from the homefront. Do I really live here? Not that I am hating. Well, not trying to anyway...but seriously...do these people even LOOK in the mirror before they leave the house?

Anybody watch the tv show 'Becker?' You know that guy "Bob?" Who always prefaces everything he is about to do with his name? "Bob is about to go outside and get hit by a car!" "Bob is about to raise...forget to C-bet, and then fold to ANY bet on the turn!" This guy in the 3-seat...was Bob. Looked like Bob, acted like Bob. Maybe even was Bob. I've played against this guy in Beau Rivage tourneys. He is horrendous.

This kid shows up on my left. He has ZERO personality. His game is less exciting, if that is possible. He has this face...its hard to explain..but he has these big bushy eyebrows, and whenever someone does something like re-raise him...he gets this look on his face. His eyebrows mash together...and its as if....well, put it this way: When I walk out to the kitchen, in a veiled attempt to get my dog Jasper a 'scooby snack' and open up the cabinet where they live, only to pull out, say...a hammer, I just turn...look at his face, and start laughing. He is totally perplexed. If a dog could say, "Um...what the fuck!"...then this is the time when we would hear it said. That is this guy. Oh, and everything is monotonal with this guy. On one hand...I flop top pair...who cares...what? A nine I guess. Maybe J9. He calls my bet. Bet turn. Bet river. He rivers two pair...9-5. He, in a very comedien-istic way delivers this beauty.....in his monotonally gorgeous way..."Dolly Parton! Nine to Five! Yeah!" I just looked across the table at Squirrel and chuckled.

Then there would be dealers who captured our attention and caused more laughing. One guy...okay decent looking gentleman. Seemed normal in every way. Was even a good dealer. Then I get the text message from Squirrel. Look at this dealers' hands! They are freaking me OUT! SO I looked. And what did I see? The hands of a 7th grader. Whoa. She was right. So thanks dear, now I can't stop looking at this guys' hands. Shit!

He pushes out, and in comes a new one. What in the hell is that on his head!? And those eyebrows...they look just like...anyone remember Captain Kangaroo? Or am I getting too old for all of you? Well, if you DID know the guy...that is what his eyebrows looked like. But this hair. Wow...maybe the funniest thing I've ever seen. Wait...I've seen some shit in my 42 years...no no no...this is definitely in the top 10 I think. I shoot Squirrel a text that says "Um, sweetie, what is that on his head? Is that a Fox humping a Timber Wolf?" To which she returns with..."Thats funny sweetie, I had this guy the other night, and OMG I hope he took a shower since then because his B.O. was so bad the other night I almost threw up! And how about that earring of his? Does he think he's a pirate!?? I think he is maybe a pirate! They don't have showers on Pirate ships do they!?" Wow...I laughed some more. And ohhhhhh there it is! The smell made its way over to Seat 8. Nope, he still stinks. But I couldn't get away from that hair. Okay...picture this...from just above the ear-line there is nothing but silver hair (he's older, in his late 40's at least) that wraps all the way around his head....followed by this reddish collection of fur resting on top of his head. Now could it possibly be a toupee? Sure. Of course it could...but the funny part to this, is I am pretty sure it wasn't. I think that he went out of his way to get creative and dye that part to look 'trendy.' I am waiting for the Bud Light voice over guy to discover this dude and make a Bud Light radio commercial about him...."Here's to you, Mr. Card dealing Hair in two colors, talking in a gruff military drill sergeant way guy!" I can only dream of that day.

Meanwhile...oh, I almost forgot...we are getting the shit kicked out of us. I am flopping a straight with 10-8 (J-7-9) only to not be the flop...watch a Q hit the turn and run into 'ol Monotone boy over there with, of course K10. Monkey gets stacked. Lose another large chunk with JJ vs. QQ when the board comes 10 high. See ya chips. Chase several straights and flushes and rarely hit. Oh, but they all certainly hit THEIRS when chasing. Yep...pretty much how I ALWAYS run when I play cash game. Doesn't matter where I am. Squirrel is losing too.

Then..."The Asshole Punk" shows up. Why do they always seem to show up when I am buried deep in my hole, in the middle of insisting that I can get it all back? He has his fat little girlfriend hovering over his shoulder...grossing us all out with her over the shoulder make out attempts every 4 or 5 hands. This kid and his 'too cool for school' way of doing everything is making me nuts. The way his flicks his raise out there, the way he looks at the player before over betting the pot. I hated this guy. Then it happens. He shows this other player the bluff. The total, unneccessary show of the bluff. To win a HUGE $14 pot. I cringe. Thats it. This guy HAS to go DOWN...and he HAS to go down HARD!

It only takes a few hands before we get into it. Something came out of my mouth...like "yeah pal, I only wish I were half the player you are." To which something came out of his mouth that sounded like "I know you do! You don't have a clue man. You have no idea who you are messing with! You think I'm some kind of rookie don't you!? You should leave man, you've already lost enough money tonight!" This is when I ask the dealer if there is a table max here? No? Good. I reached into my pocket and pulled out what I believe to have been $6,600 in $100 bills. Ricky Pelton was sitting across the table in Seat 4 and just started quietly chuckling. He had already congratulated me for my run out in Las Vegas. This apparantly went right over this punks head. Like it would even matter. He likely doesnt have cable or internet anyway. War was officially declared. Squirrel got that look on her face...demanded that we leave...."NOPE!" Not ready to leave yet, dear! She got up and went to the video poker bar.

Kid suddenly got very quiet. And very tight. No more raising 4x every hand. No more calling every one of my raises. Hmmm...its like going to war with the worlds greatest army and the other side digs a hole and closes the lid. Thats kind of fucked up. And no fun. So...I pulled in about $180 from the other 'players' and called it a night.

Met Squirrel at Video Poker bar. Watched her lose about $100 while I hit KKKK and won about $35 overall. Then we went and played 3-card poker. She lost $100. I won $5. Then I found her at the $25 blackjack table...ahhh...trying to get it all back sweetie? Yep. Another $200 loss. Ouch. I don't touch $25 blackjack! Then the half hour wait for our car. I offered her half of her losses back but she has too damn much pride and wouldn't take it. Okay sweetie. One way or another...she will get it back! You married guys out there all KNOW THAT! And so do I!

So yeah...that was our exciting night out in Biloxi in my first night home! Wonderful eh!?? So...NOBODY EATS AT SAKI in OCEAN SPRINGS! You all get that? EVER! And if you know of a great sushi place in Biloxi/Ocean Springs...let us know! If you own it, even better...I will give you a link on here for preferrential treatment! We are now 3 miles from the place Allie and Liv are waiting for us...lets see if the GPS here is lying to us...or if we go directly to Port of Call!

Talk to you all soon!!!! Really hoping not too see a lot of 'waste of times' clicked. Or am I? That will just tell me you wasted a LOT of time cuz this sucker is LOOOONG!!!!!

MONKEY

HOME FROM VEGAS!!!!

Ahhhhhhh. Got home sooner than I thought I would. Stopped in Baton Rouge to visit my longtime buddy Charlie "Smoke" Oliver and dodge 5pm rush hour traffic...then got home. Unpacked! Which I almost always put off for about 4 days! Then Squirrel got home from work early. It was nice to see her and the kids...to catch up, and to see what they had done to the house and the yard. Mercy! We can fix it, we have the technology!

This morning Allie and Liv called from Memphis. They are trying to talk us into getting into our car...drive to New Orleans, and spend the night dining, drinking and revelling in the things people revel in when going to New Orleans. I am pretty beat, as is she...and we really don't feel like going over there. But a small part of me knows that we will have a lot of fun. Its always fun hanging out with ALlie, and Liv is one of the craziest, funnest girls I've met in a long time. I'm 100% certain that her and Squirrel would be like two peas in a pod. Would surely be a great night.

I added a little feature at the bottom of each entry. Then I was looking at it and realized "Hmmm, thats pretty stupid. It says "Funny", "Interesting" and "Cool". Huh? They are all good categories. Like whats the difference between funny and cool? What kind of a category is COOL? Thats stupid. It leaves no option for those people who read this that hate me. So I just changed it. You know have, instead of "cool"...a category of "waste of time"!!! Better? I think so!

I am watching the British Open playoff right now. Squirrel grew up with Steward Cink's wife, Lisa up in Florence, Alabama...she has mentioned him several times over the past 8 years. Kind of hard not to root for the old man, Tom Watson...but I guess we kind of have to root for Stewart on this deal. How amazing of a run, though by Tom Watson is this?

Had no idea that LSU was travelling to Seattle to play my Huskies in the first game of the season...until a bunch of you started telling me about it, and how bad you are going to beat our asses. Well, I will say this: Ty Willingham left the cupboard bare. BUT! We have our stud QB coming back, we have a new attitude, we have home field advantage, and we have what I hope will be a great new coach coming in from USC...so I am not surrendering to you fuckers! Go Dawgs!

So, right around Houston, maybe Beaumont, I fired up Poker Stars and decided to try my luck at some online poker....hmmmmm...did I really want to do this? Well, the first game was a $12/180. 2nd hand of the game I get AK. I simply call the raise to 60. 6 in the hand. No way I'm winning this hand. So when the flop comes K-K-5...I start that..."Hmmm...wonder what I'm going to lose to here." I find out. I check. Player 1 bets 200. Player 2 calls the 200. Player Monkey makes it 600. #1 folds. #2 goes all in. Sigh....whatever, I call. He turns over....FOURS. Yep. FOURS. Goooood 'ol Pokerstars. You know the rest. Yeah. On the river. Well, I play three more games. They all turn out shockingly good. $12/180. I get 4th. For $158. Play a $22/180. Get 15th. For $42. Then play the $3 rebuy...with 7,504 other freaks of nature. I finish 224th, good for $81. And that was it. So in those 3 cashes, I won enough to pay for ALL of my gas coming home, thats how I chose to rationalize it! I know today them and Full Tilt were going for a new Guiness record for most players in a tourney. Gonna have to miss that. No way am I going to try and pull off that stunt on Day 1 of being home!

Being in my own bed feels amazing. The string of trips to the doctor should begin pretty soon. The list of ailments and possible surgeries is amazing! I am a wreck. One of the first things I want to do, after updating my backers' spreadsheet of course...is to join the gym that Squirrel is a member of, and getting my ass in shape!

Thats all for today folks! Just wanted to let everyone know I made it home in one piece, and didnt have my horse and buggy jacked by masked desperados on the way home!!!!!

MONKEY

Sleep when Sweating? Good luck!

I knew this was going to happen.

I am officially spoiled now by the Venetian. From now on, every hotel room I walk into I'm gonna turn my nose up at. Well, I left the Venetian at 1pm. It took a ridiculous half hour to get my car. Save the worst for last I guess.

Went directly to Fashion Show Mall and made a beeline for Marc Ecko...where I managed to once again find a crapload of new clothes to buy. So...for the record, those keeping score, I went crazy when I arrived...and went crazy before leaving. I should now be set to NEVER wear the same outfit again for the rest of the year!

Cruised by Wal Mart, picked up 4 movies from the Red Box. Skipped finding Wachovia. Then it dawned on me. Wow...I am currently carrying more cash on me than at any time EVER in my life. I do not have any weed on me...as I ran out nearly three weeks ago. But I do have my little fun collection of pills, not that I abuse them, because I do NOT...I stretch them out and use only on a 'need basis', nevertheless, the thought occurred to me:

Suppose while driving home a drunk driver swerves into my lane...hits me head on...I die instantly, and everything in my car goes flying EVERYWHERE...including a ton of hundred dollar bills, a bunch of pills, and a pipe used for...ahem, yeah. How is this going to come off looking? What will they say? The news seems to ALWAYS go for the negative spin, don't they? Will they think I was a drug dealer? Afterall...why would a guy with FLORIDA plates be randomly travelling through New Mexico, or Texas...or wherever, with all that cash? Kind of a freaky thought. I'm thinking of writing a note...and sticking it in my console, in the 'unlikely event of a water landing' or....rather....the 'unlikely event of death by drunk asshole driver.' Just so I can avoid having my reputation tarnished, and quite possibly, some corrupt police department taking all my money and holding it as 'evidence' instead of giving it to my wife and backer!

So anyway...spent a lot of time today driving through landscape that contained nothing but dirt and tumbleweeds. How depressing. Will this land ever be used for anything I wonder? What a waste. I notice gas is a lot cheaper than it was on the way out here. That was pretty refreshing.

So yeah...I get into this room and immediately notice the temperature of the room is not where it ought to be. I was hoping maybe they just turned on the AC. Well, its been two hours now. Its the DESERT! And this room is all humid, and hot and sticky. I don't know what to do. The goal was to rest up for the rest of this drive (about 18 hrs to go) and now I am laying here, sweating and miserable and unable to sleep. Pretty sure someone is going to catch hell tomorrow morning.

Okay. Dates for future tourneys. TUNICA July 24th to August 10th. Prognosis. Get home Saturday the 18th. Spend a week doing NOTHING. Keep eye on Tunica...looking at total number of entrants for first few tourneys. Spend weekend of 26th-28th with Squirrel's family in Orange Beach. If the environment exists...go to Tunica the 29th til the 10th. COME HOME. Chill for three weeks, play nightly tourneys at the Beau Rivage. On August 27th-30th, entertain the idea of driving up to Win Star in Oklahoma to play the $3 million gurarantee tourney up there, which has a buy in of $2200. After that...which I doubt I will do...come home and dig in for the Beau Rivage tourney....which runs from Sept 3rd to the 14th. While that is going on you have the WCOOP going on again on Pokerstars. You all have fun with that. On September 10th I will NOT be playing so I can go to the Kenny Chesney concert with Squirrel and her friends. Around that time I plan on also attending some football games. Somewhere. Perhaps more concerts. Yeah, Sept 14th to October 30th is going to be a time to have fun with Squirrel. Because I will be back in Vegas for the next DeepStacks event at Venetian. There might be a cruise in there somewhere. Not sure of anything right now...except that I am about to KILL MYSELF in this room!!!!!!!

Okay, not even sure why I decided to write a blog. If any of you found this interesting....wow. Oh yeah...before I forget...I DO owe you all something very huge. Its kind of a two part thing. A photo montage of my summer. And the HUGE BARN FROM VEGAS SPECIAL that so many of you have been waiting for. I'm gonna be honest, there are SO many to put in there...its going to take me FOREVER, and you bastards BETTER appreciate it when it IS finally finished. It's going to take me probably five hours to bang that shit out...so, stay tuned!

MONKEY

Last Post From Vegas....for awhile.

Hello? Anyone here? Am I like, the last remaining poker player in Las Vegas?

It's like this every year. Everyone loses in the WSOP Main Event. Then everyone either doesn't play the Venetian Main Event and leaves...or plays and loses and leaves. Or, if your a high-rollin big shot or got lucky in a satellite, you play the Bellagio Cup. Slowly...they start breaking down all the extra tables. Its a very depressing end to the summer. The crowds get smaller and smaller...the excitement dwindles. And then, it just ends.

It ended at Venetian last night at about 2am. Nick Binger, who was at my table for all of my 20 minutes of Day 2...and started the day out by raising with Ks4s...getting called in the BB by Mike Seca with AJ....saw a flop of J-4-3...which for some reason "Little Man" decided not to bet....didnt bet the turn either when a 7 hit....Binger did...then Mike just flatted...only to watch a 4 hit the river....Seca went broke there....and I guess Nick was on his way. Had Mike played that right...who knows? Poker is such a weird game. So much of it is purely situational and often times depends upon one magical card to determine your outcome. So Nick Binger won this year's Venetian Main Event...for about $377k...with no chop! Wow, great feeling he is having right now. Nice score, sir!

I've been getting a LOT of emails, and texts and phone calls congratulating me for a great summer. Some people seem to think I am 'playing better.' I can tell you this...I'm not. I am not playing any better than I was all of last year, nor better than I was playing this year from January through April. Nope. I just happened to have some hands hold up. I sucked out a few times when I needed to. I may have shown more patience...but deepstack tourneys will allow for that. I am laying here in this very comfortable bed...its 12:27pm, the Bellman will be here in about 33 minutes. I am looking at my 1st place trophy and my All Around trophy, that I got last night from Tim Mix (Venetian Tournament Director, who I then went to 'Cut' steakhouse in Palazza and had an amazing dinner with)...along with the prize money...which is safely locked away in the safe...and its giving me conflicting thoughts.

Should I go home feeling magnificent? Take a month or two off from poker? Feel great about life, about my game? Is that even possible? Or do I 'get after it' and try to keep it going? When CardPlayer does their next update I should move up to #125 on the rankings. I will move up to 6 final tables for the year. I made 11 or 12 last year...not sure what they had me for. I'm ultra competitive...do I try to top that number? Try to get inside the top 100 or top 50 for POY? Does any of this matter? Will anyone do an interview for the Best All Around thing? Something that might get me some run with a stupid online site? Or even a big-baller 10k backer? The things we strive for in this business? I mean, I love winning for my backer...and its great to make these scores...but every damn one of us dream about playing 5 to 10 events a year that have 10k buyins...to give us a shot at a million every time we play. Do I just slip back into total anonymity after this summer? I wonder. I know Squirrel would like to have me all to herself, at home, not playing poker for awhile. How long can I do that before I go bananas? Itching for the action? Is that healthy? Lots of questions. Maybe on this 26 hour drive home I will have some time to think all this out.

I think right now it looks like this: Drive home. Chill for a week. Fix the yard the dogs destroyed. And everything else. Bond with those crazy animals. Take a look at how many show up in Tunica for first few Goldstrike events. If the number is decent (like, over 250 per event) then probably go there and make an appearance. Come home. Chill some more. At the end of August is the 3m guarantee at Win Star up in Oklahoma. That would only be a 3-day deal. Come home. Beau Rivage event runs from Sept 6th-19th I think. After that....nothing. Then we might take a cruise. Not sure, of course. Probably take all of October off, or most of it. Because then...its Venetian Deepstack time again...Nov 1st- 27th. Pretty much the whole month. Then all of December off to spend the holidays with friends and family. When I get home, I am going to see about renting out a restaraunt of bar or something for one of the nights of the Beau Rivage tourney....and maybe we can have our big Wedding Reception/Celebration to enjoy with all of our friends and family. And then of course...we have football about to start. Yep...this will be a most exciting next couple of months. And of course I have to sit down and do the spreadsheet for the past six weeks...which should be fun....for my backer...and come up with a final number on how much I made her this summer. It will feel good to be sending a check the OTHER way!!! Sure she agrees!

So...there ya go. Good trip. Good memories. Didn't spend a lot of time with my 'other' Vegas buddies this summer, and that was kind of a bummer...but hopefully I will see them in November. Once again...a huge thank you to Venetian and staff for everything they did for me. I wrapped up my poker experience last night. At 2am I woke up and was craving ice cream...so I walked downstairs...sat at a $1/$2 table, called for in-suite dining...ordered a fruit platter and bowl of haagen daas vanilla ice cream. I bought in for $300. I got my delicious treat...wolfed it down....and cashed out for $377. Meal was paid for with comps. There ya go! One victorious free meal before leaving!

Now then...I have 12 minutes to get packed and get outa here! See ya all real soon! Thanks for following my shenanigans all summer, and thanks for all your fun comments!

Monkey

a damn K. Gonna go throw up, then maybe cry a little. Watch a chick flick maybe.

I'm out. Dammit. 1010 against this asshole who had already reraised me off of 77 and AJ on first 5 hands. I had to take a stand. He had KQ offsuit. Flop

The Mega, The Main...and 'Sick'

Tuesday 10:38am.

Laying in my VERY comfortable bed in the Venetian. Backer just called, we talked briefly, she is very excited...a nice change in her voice from, say...March...when I was running SO freaking unlucky. Before the end of the night last night I turned to the right too fast and felt a twinge in my upper back, lovely...and now have a pain in the OTHER side of my body now.

The plan is to go to the gorgeous pool here for a couple hours before we have to be back at 2pm to start Day 2 in the Main Event. Yup. Day 2. Watching Family Feud. Its amazing how stupid some of these people are. I mean....just STUPID. And what's REALLY funny...is how after they give a horrible answer how the rest of their family starts clapping and says to them "Good answer, good answer!!!"

Sunday was Mega Satellite day. I played the 4pm one. Sometime around Level 5...after running bad to start out, and needing a double up...I move all in with A10 suited and run into a pretty nice guy in the BB who I can tell doesn't WANT to call me with KJd, since I just shared a cookie with him that I got when dealer Jenn Chantnicky dropped me off a big tub of them. But he does, and a damn K hits the river and I was out of that one. Oh well, no hard feelings. I left gracefully, $550 poorer, and more frustrated, as the last three days had been miserable, continuing to get beat on the river.

I then went and played a $130 SNG. We would get to 200/400 with 8 left. Again. Once again I would get axed by an Asian lady. The one who looks incredibly like a monkey. And it pains me to say that. Her AQ vs. my 99...and the Q on the river iced me. Ugh. Whatever.

So it was time to play the 8pm Mega. Last chance to avoid having to buy in for the full $5k. This would turn out to be a pretty smooth night. I started good, and managed to maintain an above average stack all night. I got Kristen the massage girl to work on me...for a long time ($$$ zoinks)...but when she was done I felt a lot better. Got 88 to hold up against AK and suddenly had a fat stack, which I manage to keep healthy. 108 started, 10 would win a seat. There would end up being some drama. I got moved to a table with this jackass who's name I do not know...but he seemed to think he was the greatest player on the planet. At one point he tried to imply that I 'wasn't shit' and that he's won 10 times more than I have. I rather enjoy these people now. It feels good when you HAVE won things, and you dont HAVE to even tell them. Instead the rest of the table did. Letting him know that I have won twice at this event, and won the All Around Title. Ha! Suck on that you little assclown. He is this ugly little Indian guy. He would get a massage too. Ordering the girl to rub his face, and scalp and eyes. It was gross just watching. And he was a yacker. An annoying yacker. I was again in my mellow place all night, so sitting in the 1 seat and having to listen to him in the 2 seat, I was ready to stab myself in the ears.

He should have been down to no chips with 20 left to lose. Tight player from Germany raises with KK. This troll calls in the BB with Qc3c. Nice hand idget. Thats right...idget. Not midget. Idget. A word my parents used to use when I was a kid. Maybe I am spelling it wrong, but thats the word. Idgit? Germany flops a set of Kings. Troll boy checks (of course...with nothing) and Germany checks. Turn was nothing, but gave him a gutshot...needing a miracle 10 and ONLY a ten to win. He moves all in...for a SHITLOAD...and Germany insta-calls. Turns over his hand and the whole tables' exuberance is obvious as we are THISCLOSE to getting rid of this moron. Then...it happens. A 10 hits the river. Germany looks like he is going to cry. And the little asshole starts freaking out. We are all in shock. Then he starts crowing about how good he plays. I simply tell him..."You are a donkey dude." He tries to defend his marvelous play. Other players are telling him he's a donkey, too. He doesn't understand why he's a donkey. "Um, joker...when you called the 3x raise with Q3...that is when you became a donkey....duh." About this time he starts putting his hand in my face. I couldn't hear him...all I could focus on was him putting his hand in my face.

Now understand this. I will NEVER, EVER throw a punch in a casino. EVER. I will never get tossed for assaulting a player. But I had just about had enough of this prick. I looked him in the eye, and in a very low voice...said to him, "if you don't get your hand out of my face, I am going to remove it from your arm!" That's when the floor came by to say 'Hi' to us. I won that battle. He was told to shut the hell up. He never did. But I escaped to my iPod and just tried to ignore his stupid ass. Finally we got to 18 and on the re-draw I got away from him.

I will just cut to the chase. I won the MEGA. It was nice to win that again, and save the buy in. We got down at 3:30 am, very late. I got to my room at 4am and only got about 6 hours of sleep before we had to be back to play the Main Event. I actually showed up on time!

The first day was verrrrrry long. We had a pretty good table. Starting with 25k...I managed to pick up a lot of decent hands early. I got up to 28k, then lost a 5k pot when a kid hit a lucky river for aces up vs. my AQ that left kind of a mark. But I was hitting flops, a couple of sets and a flush and I was up to 35k when the average was 27k. I was cruising along. Then something strange happened. I think I must have rivered a straight against this lady, this Asian lady...who must have had flopped a set against me. I had an over pair...88...and the look on her face told me I rivered her. Well, after that she would get into EVERY hand when I either called or raised. Or she would re-raise behind me. She was driving me nuts. This coincided with a conversation over why we were playing with the GRAY 5k chips instead of the RED 5k chips. The gray ones are very hard to use because they are hard to identify. We all decided the reason for it was in case people from the previous days' $1k had maybe thought about 'smuggling' in some red $5k chips, in 'Men the Master-like style.' I had already heard a story from another player the previous day that he was POSITIVE that Men was at his table the day before, and that he was certain that on break he somehow brought an extra red chip into play from somewhere else. Wow. Well, I shared that story with the table.

When they broke our table after dinner break, with me sitting there with about 50k in chips...the Asian lady would end up coming to my NEW table too. After about 20 minutes, one of the other players asks her...."so, is your husband playing over at Bellagio in the $15k?" Yes...she told him he was. Huh? Who is your husband? Guess who her husband is? Tada! Men the Master, of course! Oh jeezuz. So now I'm wondering if she was trying to bust me for talking shit about her man, or...Men. Maybe that reason huh? Oh well, maybe if he wasn't a cheater people wouldn't have to talk about him.

After dinner break I got into my car and drove through a complete shitstorm, with no windshield wipers. In fact, the top was down. I would raise, someone would move all in. Or I would raise, get three callers, hit the FLOP...and still have to fold. I would FOLD A FULL HOUSE.....with 77 I flop Q74. I check, to check raise of course. NO bet. Turn a Q. Nice. Bet out...3200...guy (Nick, a guy I know really well from Tunica) smooth calls. Hmmmm....weird. Jack on the river, I bet out 3500. He raises to 10k more! What? I tank. Ask him if he will show if I fold. Sure. Can't believe I am folding a full house. But I do. He has JJ. OMG. Wow. Thanks dealer. You suck!

I do make one nice hand. Guy raises 4.5x before our table breaks. I have KQs in the BB...and need to get something back. The raise feels like a middle pair, so I think I have two overs. The flop comes A-K-3. I check, he bets light. Feels like a C-bet. So I call. K on the turn. Nice! Unless of course he has AK. I check, he checks. Cool. River, Q. Sweet. I bet light, he calls. He has just an Ace...and proceeds to criticize me for calling with KQ preflop. "Hey man, sorry, bad read by me...your 4x bet was telling me you had like 88/99...." Now, I don't know this guy...but he was completely decked out in Ed Hardy shit. I mean...he had it all. The fucking HAT, the Jacket (totally covered in sparkly shit) the shirt...probably had the watch too, but I couldn't see that. And to top it off those gay white glasses that all those fagboys are wearing. I had NO problem taking his chips. I am getting more and more annoyed with 'poker idiots' and this sets up my next topic of conversation....'SICK'

So its the 3rd break yesterday...and I walk outside, where my plan is to find a quiet little place...sit down, read my book and be left alone. But I am intercepted by some guy I played with 3 weeks ago...who wants to talk about my run of success. Boringggg. Then his buddy comes along. His buddy has his jeans turned up at the bottom, like girls do? Huh? I tried to take a picture, but he wouldn't hold still. I couldn't believe what I was looking at. Not sure if you are picturing this. Where they dont roll them up...but turn them inside out from the bottom, right? And pull them up like 10 to 12 inches. Picturing this? So they kind of look like he is about to go clam digging. Stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen. And then the two break out into this conversation about hands. The first guy acting all interested, and like he is the ultimate poker authority...."Uh huh....right, right. Yep, 3x, yep, three barrelled, re-raised on the backside, blah blah blah...." Oh my God..it was like, hey, lets see if we can use every fucking poker expression we can think of that we have recently picked up on 2+2, Pocket Fives or whatever book we are currently reading and use in this moronic conversation. People like this hang out together, and they have these conversations daily, hourly.....every minute. How are there not more murder/suicides among poker players? There NEEDS to be. I was ready to kill myself listening to these two clowns. And then IT started.....SICK.

Dude...that is SO sick. Dude, this was so sick. Oh my God man....sick. Whoa man...you should have seen this hand, it was so sick. Then I go back to my table, and the kid in the two seat (I'm in the 3 seat) must have used the word SICK as much as my brother uses the word FUCK. It was a verb, a noun, an adjective, a pronoun, adverb and transitive whatever word it is I'm looking for there. SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK. Please....ALL COOL POKER PLAYERS WHO READ MY BLOG.....I'm beggin you....NO MORE USE OF THE WORD SICK....unless you are using it to tell me how SICK you are of hearing people say 'SICK' like I am. Holyyyyy shittttt. And can someone please BOMB the Ed Hardy factory so we can be done with all of that shit while we are at it?

Back to the Main Event. I somehow survived the day. I am sitting on a meager 29k with the average now about 64k and 95 or so players of 260 remaining. 27 will cash. Its only $6000 and some change to cash. But first is a mighty deliscious $377k. Wow, I could (a) pay off all my debt (b) buy a house in BOTH Biloxi and VEGAS...and (c) send my backer into orbit! But I am going to HAVE to catch a nice run of cards today, and hope for a good redraw when I go back. We get totally new seats/table assignments. Last nights last table was a nightmare...a table full of HUGE stacks. Makes you feel EVEN smaller when you're on a table like that. Darryl Fish pulled quite the move on the last hand of the night. I was on the button with AcQc. UTG limps for 1k. Fish calls 1k. Another guy calls 1k. I am thinking of moving all in. But damn...I have 29k...and to move all in there to win just 6k seems pretty stupid...especially if someone is limping in with AA or KK. So I just call. The BB....who is actually pretty tight....raises to 6500. Shit. UTG folds. And then Fish jams all in for 32k. Dammit. I am 89% sure that this is a total move by fish to take down a nice 10k pot to end the night. Not positive, but almost positive. I have to fold. BB folds and shows AK. Probably a good fold on my part. At least I went to bed still having chips and a chance.

So...there we are. Needing a double up. Again. Every tourney I have final tabled this trip I have done so after being in this situation, so I am kind of welcoming this spot. No one expects me to do much. I am glad I made it to Day 2. Kind of feel like when you win a couple of tourneys and the All Around it would look bad to leave early. I don't know when I get my trophy and my cash. Not sure if they are going to do some kind of embarrassing presentation...or if they are just going to give me the cash and the bling. I'm rooting for the second scenario. Either way...win or lose today, I will be leaving Las Vegas with a big smile on my face and a totally reduced level of stress that I drove out here with. It's going to be a very pleasant drive home, I know that. Maybe I will stop by Austin, Texas and find that jackass who caused that whole mess at Ceasers and find me some satisfaction!

For now though, I am going to go find the pool, pick up some rays...then go back to my tiny chip stack and look for some magic!

MONKEY

Night over. Ugh. 28,900. Real short. 99 left. Blinds still 500/1000. Back at 2pm. Goodnight!

45 mins left. Recent shitstorm has left me with 30k. 107 left. 60k avg.

This day just got real funny. Table breaks. Asian follows me to same table. Asian lady? Men 'The Master's wife! Ha!

iss excellence?' Really ? I just heard that? Wow.

John 'PearlJammer' Turner just slid into the 4 seat, my left. Greeted by dork in 7 seat with 'what's it like to be PearlJammer? To wake up everyday and p

Dinner Break. 50k. 150 left. Neck killin me! Almost felted the Oriental Witch! Gawwwwd I want to Final Table this thing!

Was just shown the updated standings book by Management. Ship it! Monkey wins the All-Around. Sweet!

Freaking Psycho Asian Lady about to drive me nuts. Beat her in one big hand early now she's tormenting me!

End of Level 4. 51k. Avg is 34k. Blinds going to 200/400 (25) next level. 180 left.

End of Level 3. Couple of nice hands last level. Loving the structure. 41k. Avg is 29k.

On level 3. Pretty good table. No huge donkeys. Started with 25k chips. Now have 35k. 260 started. 230 remain. $377 for first place.

Sunday, Moving day...and Mega Day.

I have just woke up with the biggest kink in my neck.

Where did this come from? I seem to recall in the middle of the night, excuse me...morning...when this occurred. And cursing the bed at this palace of hotel accomodations. Well, unless my level of motivation to move over to Venetian for my final four days in Vegas hadn't been where it needed to be to push me, it is now.

It's 12:30pm. I got in at 6am. The first Mega today is at noon. I called over and Daniel told me they had about 120, expecting about 15o...that the really decent sized one would be at 4pm or even the 8pm one. Due to Bellagio running a Mega today into their big 15k Main Event. Boy would that have been fun to play.

I think the plan will be to get everything loaded up over here...drop off some laundry (again, 3rd time this trip)...drop Mike off at New York, New York where he has fanagled another two free days for himself; thats right, me and 'Destructo' are finalizing our divorce today. Simply put...I needed some alone time. Good kid, had some fun times...but my last four days here are going to be spent 'coming down.'

Then I will play the 4 pm Mega, and if necessary, the 8pm. Hopefully though, I will snap off the 4pm, be in bed by midnight, and show up tomorrow for the Main Event rested and ready to kick some ass. I'm very excited for the Main Event at Venetian since I got screwed out of this years Main Event at the World Series. I expect about 400 players. which would mean a first prize of about half a million. Win that and my 'dream summer' is realized.

It appears that I have clinched the Best All Around player title...which is going to come with a very nice cash prize, as well as a beautiful crystal trophy that the guys showed me yesterday. I had a 10% save with Maurice Hawkins that we both agreed to last week. So he got knocked out yesterday right after the dinner break and decided not to play the Main Event, to get out of town...so I paid him on what we thought the difference would be, only problem is...him and the other guy are going to tie for 2nd place. So I had to give him more than I expected. But now that I think about it...if 1st is 30%, 2nd is 22% and 3rd is 17%...the two of them wouldn't split 22% would they? Wouldnt they split 39%? Well, whatever. I will see him again, if I got the bad end of the deal, I'm sure he will make it up to me later. The guys who work the floor hinted that they thought it would be a 'great idea if I took them all to dinner at a nice steakhouse.' I didn't have to be convinced on that one. I thought it was a great idea! Let these guys spend some time with me away from a poker room, and let me show them all my deep level of appreciation for the hard work they did all summer. I have to say, I had NO idea just how tough their job is, and how much it entails. While I was at those three Final Tables, and when we were on break I would hang out with Gary Hager and observe all the things he was doing while appearing to just be standing around. They all have ear pieces in and are in constant communication with each other. ADHD is, or would be...an incredible thing to have when doing that job. They are required to see EVERYTHING that is going on. And you can't believe how many situations come up that require the ability to respond quickly and in the proper manner. I have to say, they really are on the ball over there.

Friday, the day after my win....pretty much sucked. I should have known when I bought in and drew TABLE 60! I started out pretty good then bit the dust late. But so did Maurice, and that took the pressure off. Then played at Bellagio and took a semi-bad beat there, late as well, and got in around 2am. Woke up on time Saturday and made it down for the $1k, drawing a decent table. Started hot...getting up +3000 pretty quickly. Then sat around card dead for awhile and watching aggressive players push each other around. Always a good time to lay back and let people whack each other. Plus, with the 1 hour blinds, there is no reason to get stupid. There was a really nice field of 401 yesterday, with 1st place being a very robust $119,000. That is just awesome, and I REALLLLY wanted to win a share of that.

Sitting in the BB with 77, 6 players limped in for 200. When the SB made it 1200, it felt like another squeeze play from this guy...so I went ahead and called, sitting on 19,000. I felt as though I only needed to fade big face cards on the flop. One other guy called. the flop came 6-high. He led out for 3500. For some reason, I had myself convinced that I was good...and since he had 10k left after that....I thought he had some fold equity. I raised him to 7500. Other guy folded. He says "Damnit, I KNOW you hit a set, but I can't fold this" which is the funniest thing to hear from another player, especially when you HAVE hit a set. ("I can't fold this, cuz its AA, and its just too pretty!) So he shoves. I can't fold now...and he has AA. Not a problem, I go runner runner for a straight! Sweet. I sit around with 30k for 4 levels til they break our table.

I get moved to Table 44...one of my favorites, great for 'people watching.' I get very few cards. I win a couple hands. Stay around 28k. Then it happens. There are two awful players at the table...well, maybe 4. But these two stand out. The guy in the 9 seat, who looks like Lee Iacocca after he lost his job, gained 100 pounds and joined a bowling league...sat at my table the other day playing horribly for 5 hours before busting out and not making me a victim. I was lucky enough to never get into a pot with him. The other total assclown was in the 10 seat. We shall call him Caterpillar Face...because whatever those two furry things were crawling across his forehead, they seemed to come to life whenever he had to make an important decision. I tried to imagine him in a bank...while going through a loan process, or the doctors office discussing an upcoming surgury. Maybe going to the mound at his Little League game to ponder a pitching change. Those furry creatures on his face..moving up and down...sideways, back and forth...freaking out everyone and anyone he was forced to torment with his scary Caterpillar Face. Wait a second...did I say Little league? Please, no one would EVER let their 12 year old within a 100 yards of this guy. If anything, I would expect Chris Hansen to be trapping him as he came to enjoy cookies with 'Amanda' on that show 'To Catch a Predator.'

His raises were always some stupid amount. He was/is that guy online who likes to raise it from 100/200 to 479. From 200/400 to 1179. You know these jackasses. Am I the only one who wants to smash my laptop when that is going on? So when he raises it from 200/400 to 1125, I call with 66. BB calls. The flop comes K-9-2, rainbow. BB checks. He checks. My pot! I bet out 3400. BB folds. HE calls. Hmmmmm. Turn is a 4. He bets out 2500. What? I've decided NOT to give up on this pot. Because I know he has NONE of that flop, trusting my read here, and it will turn out..I am right. I go and RAISE HIM TO 7500! He tanks. Then flat calls. WTF>? The river is another 4. HE CHECKS! So I do what any good player will do here, I think? I bet 15,000....leaving myself 3500 behind...trying to look incredibly strong and wanting a call. I COMPLETELY expect him to fold....until he doesnt. And here is the funny part. I have 3500 behind, he has about 9000. Why in the HELL would you call 15,000 and not just put me all in? Well, he JUST CALLS....unreal, and turns over 77. Pretty much everyone at the table had the same look on their face that I did. I'm sure in his feeble head he was touting himself for his amazing call. My God, why couldn't I have hit a 6 on the river and destroyed this guys stack? I wanted to puke. Great call pal.

Well, he would pull a very similar play only a couple orbits later, only this time, things didn't work out so well for him. He managed to Pez-dispense all of my chips all over the table in the next hour. Meanwhile, I was orchestrating a nice little comeback, shove stealing the blinds a couple times...then getting a pretty funny call from Frenchy on my left...when....after this Euro raised UTG to 1500, and I shoved for 6800...he flat called, didn't re-raise to isolate...nope, just called. The first guy folded and I turned over 77 to see his AQ offsuit. Nice play dude. Ace queen offsuit. I held, doubled up...and now was right back in the game. With the average at 27,000 I was back up to 14,000. Then I had one of those aggravating sequences where I didn't raise, let others raise...and watched myself make what would have been the nuts twice. I could have been up to about 40k after all that. So when I see A10 UTG I feel like I should be raising. So I do. I get called by MP guy, then when the guy in the SB makes it 8k I have to cut it loose. But the other guy SMOOTH calls 8k! Hilarious. Then folds after the flop bet by 8k guy, who showed JJ. It is ASTOUNDING how many of these players are over-raising late with JJ at this place after tight players are raising UTG. Some of the worst players I have ever seen, but hey...we like them right? Grrrrrrrrrr

So on the next hand, when I am in the BB....Fat Boy in the 9 seat does the same 'ol gum chewing with his front teeth thing he does when he looks down at his hole cards and is about to 'take it up'....and as he makes it 3000 (at 400/800) from cutoff, and I look down at AdKd...I reraise him to 9000, leaving 45oo behind...an if that doesn't look strong enough, I'm unsure of what to do to MAKE IT look strong....so when he makes that stupid face of his and utters those words "I'll put him all in," I'm forced to call and look at his POWERFUL Ace Ten offsuit. Oh boy. The first thing I see is the 7 of diamonds, and before I can start dreaming about flopping a flush and getting back over 30k and above average again...the dealer slides a 10 in there. NO! Really? Come on! Quit rewarding this clown. It holds. And my dreams of going deep in the $1k and making a REAL score before going home...you know, the kind that will allow me to REALLY please my backer, to pay off ALL my bills, to maybe get me and Squirrel our OWN house in Biloxi and out of the rental that the dogs are destroying....to maybe take her on a honeymoon for a week to a place where chips do not live or aspire to live...that all dies when this asshole steals all my chips.

Later I would go to visit some friends at Table 60, which included Jena Delk...hope she survived the TABLE OF DOOM...and there he was...the Fat Clown. "Oh look who it is...beware of this guy everyone!!!!" And you know what he says? "You didn't have enough chips to make me fold!" HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAH! I love how these jokers' brains operate. I didn't have enough chips! If he lost that hand, he would have had 4500 left. So he puts 3000 in on a raise, and cant get away from it for another 11,000! Love it! Um....when I went back over to that table...he would be, ahem, GONE. Of course. Way to make my chips 'do work' you loser.

After that I went to check on Maurice, who was making his last ditch effort to catch me. At one point he had 80k, but claims to have 'donked them all away' and was getting very low. Sitting at his table was Mark, or "Bizzzzzmark" as I have named him....always forget his last name...had a big run in Biloxi at the Beau this spring. Also sitting there was Jamie Gold, all decked out in some 'Maven' crap. Hat, shirt...the whole nine yards. This guy has got to be one of the creepiest looking dudes around. Earlier in the day him and Robert Varkonyi were at the same table, near the rail, so they had a pretty large contingent of rail birds watching them.

Then I run into Kevin O'Leary...that crazy bastard. We talk about what to do. We decide, and I know I said I WOULD NEVER play it again....but the tourney directors think it would be funny if we both played the 7pm DonkFest and sat next to each other. Fine, its only $120...and maybe him and I will have fun. They stick us next to each other, me thankfully on his left! On the first hand I get KJ. I get in without Kevin making it 6x to go like he will do on almost every hand. I flop two pair. Long story short, he gutters a straight on me. BOOM! Next hand...an older guy who we both start calling "Perry Como" because, well...he looks like Perry Como....raises ...I have to call, I have K9! Flop comes K-9-5...but all diamonds. He bets. I raise. He calls. No help on the turn, as in a BOAT....he bets 1000, I call. River 6 of diamonds...ugh. he bets 1k...whatever, I call. Nice flush sir. Shit. I won't bore you with the details of this joke of a tourney. I get down to 2000. Then Como doubles me up with A10 against his (verbally predicted it before he turned it over, shocking all the donkeys at the table) K10....win a couple more pots....start getting a bit of hope...then lose...with....Oh I don't know...oh wait, yes I do, a guy who loved to raise with face cards....raises UTG, I have A8. Me and Kevin both call. SPITE CALL! I flop middle pair. I know its good. Kevin checks, I go all in...doofus calls me with...thats right....overs, AQ....and promptly runner runner flushes me. OUT. Whatever. Have a nice day. Kevin...and his 10k chips, would last about another 20 minutes. I think once I lost, his reason for being there ceased to exist!

I then decide to play a $240 SNG. Ends up having a $20 bounty, a $40 last longer, and a side last longer of $100 with Jim Worth, a guy I've known for a few years. Good player. Well, I experience my most CARD DEAD sit n go of the summer, and when we get to 400/800 and still have EIGHT FREAKING players remaining...and the guy goes all in on the button for 2000 and I look at 9s10s...it looks like AA. Literally one of the BEST hands I got all game. I call. He has KQ. Ick! But I flop a 9. Sweet! Get me to 4200 here and I have a shot to win this thing. Nope. Q on the river. Shit.

Jim tells me about a guy he played with in the WSOP Main Event who has invited him to Tryst, where they have a table. Hmmmm...never been to Tryst. Always kind of wanted to go there. Only four days left here, most likely last weekend. Might as well. Take Mike back to hotel, I shower and change and head back over to Wynn. I meet them at Blush. Its packed. Turns out, the guy he met is friends with the most totally Mafia-looking guys I have ever seen this side of Sopranos. It was both hilarious and kind of scary. I kept my distance from their table. Then, we left...to go to Excess at Encore. Not Tryst. Oh well, whatever. I may have failed to mention when I arrived I was turned away by Valet. No room here sir? Sorry. What? If I give you $10? $20? COME ON! So I have to find the damn parking garage...and walk half a mile to the club. That will come in to play later.

Excess is....well, excessive. Huge. Inside club, outside pool area. Filled with hot women. I do not know how ANYONE lives here and stays married. And whats weird, is I am wearing my wedding ring, which I am very proud of...and it seems to have this magnetic quality. Girls are just coming right up to me...."Hi! How are you!? You're cute!" Huh? I'm looking around for Ashton Kutcher again. Maybe that Richard Greico dick from "Cheaters." Nope! Not falling for it. Are you a hooker? You have to be a hooker!??? I KNOW I'm not cute! I KNOW someone sent you over here! Stop it! Then they tell me they are from UTAH! Huh? I think back to the weird family from Utah that we encountered at the Venetian pool when Squirrel was here. Is everyone from Utah just nuts? Maybe. Well, whatever...I behaved. I spent too much on about 6 drinks total...and at 4:30 am I left the place. But not before I walked by the poker room...and there was that tractor beam...pullllling me in....slowwwwwly.....inttttttto the rooommmmmm.

$1-$3? Yes maam, I will take a seat please. I buy in for $300. I look around the table. I start to laugh to myself, seeing stacks of $125, $200, $80, $400, $240, $140....really? It takes me about 15 minutes to felt three of them. Once with 56h...make a flush against guy with AA. Once with 47, felt a guy with QQ. Once with a staight against, OH BOY...top pair. Its too easy. Its too damn easy! Really? Is this really happening? Am I really dominating a cash game? I get my $300 up to $850. Then they break my table. I get moved to a super-hyper-aggressive table of morons. The average preflop raise is $30. Guy on my left will not shut up. He is convinced he is both (a) the funniest man alive and (b) the greatest poker player on Earth. Then I watch this play. A guy who looks like Borat raises to $25 with AQ and gets called by a guy with 8h9h. The flop comes 7-10-6, two hearts. The absolute nuts with outs to improve. AQ boy bets $50. For some reason, the other guy raises. Weird. But it makes the story better anyway. The next guy....RERAISES HIM! With, ahem....AIR. Makes it $150 more. Well, the other guy, of course goes all in...for another $350! And Borat CALLS! Yea...he calls, with AQ. No pair, no flush draw...just a prayer. And what comes? K on the turn, J on the river....for a bigger straight. The first guy simply laughs. Wow! I think I would have exploded. Literally. I mean....tissue, muscle, brain matter, blood....would have been everywhere. Okay, maybe not muscle...flab, lots of flab. It would have taken hours to clean up the room.

And that is when I did a very smart thing. I walked over to the bureau and picked up two chip racks and loaded up my chips. The guy with the 8h9h started laughing...saying "Dude, I love it, if I just saw that I think I would do the same thing...kudos to you for being smart!" I told him...well, its late anyway, and I have to play a Mega tomorrow, but yeah...you're right, I refuse to do to myself what you just experienced, and by the way...you took that very well! Good night boys! And with that....I left with a $500 profit in a cash game....highly unusual for Senor Monkey, the cash-game player!

Then began THE ODYSSEY! The search for my car. It would take me an hour. I finally got into a cab at Encore and requested a search and rescure mission, which finally resulted in me finding said vehicle. Called Squirrel to let her know my status. Just being a good husband! :) And returned to my lovely hotel...which was still crawling with meathead MMA people. Yeah...the big UFC 100 fight was at Mandalay Bay last night...and this town was FILLED with more muscle than Golds Gym at 6pm. Testosterone City yesterday. I am so glad I wasn't cruising around on the streets of Vegas last night drunk and having just taken 12 bad beats in a row. I would have surely ended up dead, or at the very least...in the hospital. These people frighten me. And the girls who accompany them are...mmm...hard to explain. Gorgeous, yes. Sexy...kind of. Great bodies. Yep. But there is something about them that is just strange. The tatoos all over their bodies? Yeah maybe thats part of it. You just have to ask yourself...what do these people talk about? I can't even imagine, at this stage of my life, trying to meet one of these girls and expect to carry on a meaningful conversation. I am so happy to be married to a woman who is (a) beautiful all the time (b) understands me fully (c) requires very little of my attention to function and (d) laughs at the same things I do and feels the same way I do about most things, and (e) always seems to provide me with pretty decent advice on most things. There is just too much upside to being with a woman for 8 years who has all those things to EVER want to be single and going back to square one. People today just freak me out!

So I guess thats about it. This turned out to be another long-ass blog. Whooops. Meanwhile...the WSOP got down to about 400 players yesterday. Couple of our boys went down...Mark Wild, TK Miles and Matt Brady all got knocked out. My buddy Brent Catalano showed up at Venetian when I was in that disaster of a SNG...to tell me about his 'Day from Hell'...he was battling all day with the same asshole at his table...and when the day ended he had just a few less chips than he started the day with. Hey, at least he is still in there on Day 5. Pretty freaking sweet. I wish him luck! OMG...read all of Kai's blog while I was sitting at my first table yesterday on the first two breaks. Yeah, never got up on either break. Didn't feel like talking to everyone...its such an awkward feeling walking around while everyone tells me "Great job Monkey" "Way to GO!" "How much did you win?" While I like winning...I don't need all that. Is that bad? I was talking to Mike in valet last night when waiting for my car...and when I told him "you know...I think I have major issues. I just won a huge tourney, just locked up Player of the Series...and for some reason, I don't feel happy. I am only thinking about the last two days of losing. That can't be normal! I mean, I was SO happy Thursday night...and yeah, that felt great...but now, not so much. What does that mean?"

He had a pretty good response. I think. Maybe. "Dude, I'm the same way. Thats how we are. Its the compulsive side to us. Its the competitive side to us. We never hold on to the wins very long. We dwell over the losses. Its what keeps us coming back." Pretty succinct. That kind of worries me. I guess if I go home, and realize, hmmm..I have enough in the bank now to assure us of having our bills paid for a year without stressing out....a backer who is happy with me and 100% on board for another year at least, probably then I will find some inner peace, maybe even some happiness. To see my Dogs again, to be with Squirrel, laying together in our confortable bed, with nowhere to be at a specific time...maybe then I will find some happiness. Yeah, I suppose that will be something to smile about! Okay, gotta go win me a Mega Satellite! Talk to you folks later!

:)

MONKEY