Women gettin deals and a HORRIBLE BAD BEAT!

I had no intention or desire to post today. But I am.

Had a pretty good converstation, okay, exchange of emails, with Jason Young last night. Met him this summer through Joe Cutler out in Vegas. Nice kid. Has some pretty nice results. And a blog on PokerPages. I looked at their other bloggers. Then looked at the writers on CardPlayer. Always kind of wondered how that works on the big sites. Do they get paid? Are their restrictions? As in, length of articles and content? He gave me a lot of info I didn't previously know.

Got started on my backers' spreadsheet last night. About halfway through it...I mean, we are talking about 49 days that I have to report on...brutal. I will finish it today.

Okay...so listen to this bad beat. I am playing 2/5. I buy in for $1000. But after treading water for hours, and watching guys with 5 to 10k on the table muscle people out of pots, I decide to get serious. I put 50,000 on the table. Crazy? Sure. Then after about 30 minutes I get dealt AA. Whoa, I get that little chill/shock we all get when we look down at those. I raise to 20, get two calls then a re-raise to 100. Really? This is the super aggressive player. I know that if I call, the other two are SURE to call. If I re-raise him too much though, he could bolt. This is THE guy I want to get into...as he is sitting on about 15k. So, I raise it to 300. The other two fold...and now he just smooth calls. Hmmm...Jacks? Queens? AK maybe if Im lucky? The flop comes AhAsKh! You gotta be kidding me. He checks. Now, I believe its always smartest to bet INTO quads...as its the only way to ever get paid off. So I fire 400 at it. HE CALLS! Wow. The turn is the Js. He checks AGAIN! I bet 1000. Why? Cuz I have a feeling that he is either sitting there with KK, or has a big flush draw...and this guy WONT fold a flush draw I dont think...so might as well get as much as I can without going crazy. He calls, again. The river is the 10h. He sits there...pondering. Or is he? Is this an act? He checks! What? What is that? I bet 1500. He tanks. Asks me how much I have. What? Tell him. He starts fiddling with his chips. Moving them around. Counting his cash behind. Now I am looking at the board. Is this asshole slow-rolling me here with QhJh? How bad will THIS be? Then he just shouts and stands up..."Im all in!" My automatic winner with Quad Aces is now starting to feel a little bit like that BMW feels after you drive it off the lot and run it through a big mud puddle. Still pretty, but sporting a flaw. No way....no way this prick has a Royal Flush. And if so, why would he go all in?

[this moment has been interrupted by my dog, Mollie chasing her tail. Does this ever happen and NOT make you laugh?]

I convince myself somehow that this guy has either got JJ or, maybe KK. I just can't see him pushing all in for 12k if he has a Royal Flush. Doesn't make sense. Unless he is over-shoving for value. Which is also a good play. I can't fold. Especially since, if this is the case...I will be the recipient of the Bad Beat Jackpot..which I am looking for...there it is...scrolling across the bottom of the screen....mmmm.....65,355....okay....can't lose on this deal. I call. He turns over....QhJh...OMG. Wow. But hey! Ship me that $32k and change for the bad beat please! Here ya go dude, here's another 12k.

Then it happens. Nothing. Thats what. Nothing is happening. Um...sir? Dealer? WTF? Why aren't you alerting the floor? Both cards just played....did I NOT just win the Bad Beat Jackpot?

"Sorry sir, red chip games arent eligible." WHAT!!!!??? This is 2/5! I thought that was only for 5/10!??? You gotta be shitting me!!!!! And I go into a mental cacophony...that feeling you get when you just got fired, then walked out and watched your car being towed away...and your phone rings and its your wife telling you she is leaving you for your best friend...

AGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !(*@(&*@!#(&*@!#*!@()**!(@@*!@(#$#*&#$@!!!!!!!

Then my phone rang. It was 11:45am. My buddy Russ Bozeman, calling from Cullman, Alabama wanting to know if I was going to Tunica this week. Oh my God, Oh my God....wow..thank you, thank you!!!!! It was just a dream....ohhhhhhh.....wow! Granted, you would never see me dump 50k on a cash table! The only reason I dropped 6600 the other night was to prove a point to that little jackass, and the fact that the largest stack on the table was 650. So I wasnt putting that money in peril. Anyway, what a sick dream. I was on the verge of throwing up!

Moving on. There is a new acronym floating around out there that people are using that is about to make me kill myself. Okay, first of all, I think my efforts to rid the poker world of "SICK" and "SPEW" are actually getting somewhere, I am noticing a serious decline in the usage of these retard words/phrases. But this new one...kind of hatched this summer...is making me nuts. And being grossly overused. "FML" It used to be...they were just using it at the end of a text message when telling of their imminent demise from a tourney. Example: Got it in shortstacked with KK...got called by donkey in BB with J8...flops J...rivers 8....FML. Going to get baked and take a nap, good luck.

FML= FUCK MY LIFE

Cute, right? Yeah...cute...and original. Untillllllll it starts to take over every conversation! What? Haven't heard this one yet? Oh...you will! You will! Its the new 'Ed Hardy' of poker acronyms. [Mollie is STILL chasing her tail...this dog IS nuts] BTW...when is Ed Hardy gonna leave this planet? Couple guys I know out in Vegas were talking about doing their own line of clothes...calling it Fred Tardy. Love it. Bring it. The guy who owns this shit, Christian Audigier...was on Extra or some shit last night, being interviewed about the death of Michael Jackson. I guess he was one of the last people to talk to the freak. This interview was a joke. "Was his nose fake?" Um....no. "Did you see him take drugs?" Um...no. Pretty much every question asked was answered in this robotic, assclown fashion....'Um....no.' Thanks Christian. And uh...nice store. And nice club at Treasure Island, oh, I mean...T.I.! Used to be Tangerine..which was a pretty cool name. Now its...oh! Christian Audigier. Yeah. Thats the name of the club. Really? Come on!

[watching Weather Channel. One of these cool shows watching houses get totally destroyed by tornados. How amazing are tornados!?? And btw, where in the hell are all the Hurricanes this year!?? Its almost August and we have had, what? ZERO hurricanes this year!]

Okay, final topic. Women in poker. This started when I saw the picture of Beth Shak and her only 'real' quality on yesterdays front page of this website, her breasts. Her breasts are FAR superior to her poker game. Then...after reading the article, it was attached to a paper in Boston, I left a nice comment about Ms. Shak. Then today, we get the 'reason' that T.M. 'skipped' this year's Main Event. At least SOME OF US actually had a BONAFIDE reason! By the way, Michelle is her middle name. When I tried to get her to tell me her last name that night at Noodle Asia..she wouldn't budge. Like it was a dark, mysterious piece of information that people would pay millions to find the answer to. I should have just gotten Squirrel to beat it out of her. Not that I actually care, mind you...I just hate it when there is information out there and I don't know the answer. I HAVE to know! Then I quickly forget, usually.

First, let me say this; as I am attempting to deflect those who may be lining up to label me as a sexist...I know some very good female poker players. I know, that they know...that I respect and admire their games. I will not, and do not NEED to mention them. They know who they are. They also are almost ALL lacking an internet/sponsor deal. Why? One reason, and one reason only. They haven't won a big tourney or been featured on television getting deep in a tourney. Period. Because, if you are a female, and even SEMI-good looking...and either win or get deep in a televised tourney, you are SET! It is total bullshit. Which is why I am thinking about a sex change. Okay, I'm just kidding there.

Lets start with this Beth Shak clowness. Some of you may remember her from a couple years ago. She was somewhat deep in the Main Event. She wakes up with AA. So does Mr. Dramatic, Phil Hellmuth. Another player, fairly anonymous and much more restrained in his actions...has KK. They get it in, 3 ways. Phil, in his retarded way...jumping up out of his seat and shoveling all his chips into the middle, Shit Shak pretty much doing the same. But what she does next is another black eye for Harrah's and their double standard way of governing poker tournaments. She gets up from the table, with her AA cards in her hand...and starts showing her cards to the crowd. Yeah, literally took her cards about 5 feet from the table. Granted, exposing the hand wasn't that much of a big deal since there was no action pending...but taking the cards OFF THE TABLE...total violation of TDA rules. Her hand should have been declared dead. But was it? Nope. In fact, no one even gave her a warning. What a joke. Yeah...she's a 'Poker Professional,' a 'Poker Champion' as one of the articles' writers labeled her. Ha! She has never WON a single tournament! Champion!

Next we have...ah hell, might as well lump them all in together, T.M. (everyone's favorite to bash) Lacey Jones, Christina Lindley...there are a couple others I am going to leave out...but the list keeps getting longer and more and more annoying. Girls who have decent looks, but ZERO game, and ZERO results to back them up. Who find wealthy men to put them in tourneys. Once in awhile one of them gets deep...and we have to read about how "Professional poker player, Miss so and so has made it to day 2 of....." and it makes me want to puke! I have 3 career wins, and like 53 or so cashes...and not ONCE have I ever read "Professional Poker Player Will Souther.......blah blah blah." How can that NOT piss you off? Its kind of an insult to every ACTUAL Professional poker player. The women I know, who ARE good players? They should REALLLLLLY be pissed off.

Beth Shak thinking of doing a poker reality show? Why? Who the hell is going to watch that? And why? Her husband maybe? And now word that Lil Tiff is gonna be on The Amazing Race? That she is 'a true performer at heart?' That its her true calling? Rigggggghhhht. Maybe the fact that after cashing for 335k last year in the WSOP...and going on to playing, and BRICKING about 5 different 10k events after that...and not being able to get ANYONE to bone up the 10k to put her in this years Main Event...maybe that had a LOT more to do with not playing this years Main Event? I'm pretty sure that if CBS' production of the show started July 18th, and the final day of the Main Event this year was...ahem, the 18th...that her involvement in the show wouldn't have been impeded by her playing in the Main Event. Not only that...her SOMEHOW (by some act of God) making the November Nine would only have enhanced her appearance on their stupid reality show, wouldn't it? So...yeah, okay Tiff...we are all buying it. After spending just an hour in this chick's company...I struggle to find a reason to watch any show that she would be featured on. But who knows? Maybe she will shock and amaze us with her amazing charisma as she does whatever it is people are supposed to do on that show that I've never watched.

BTW...nice little move she pulled on Poker News last year...when she signed with Ultimate Bet in midstream while playing under a sponsor deal with Poker News. But she seemed to think it was okay. Nothing like biting the hand that feeds you. Then trying to justify it. And at the height of UB taking all the shit for their little scandal. Hmmm..wonder what kind of deal, exactly it was that she had with them. She sure didn't make them much money this year, did she Annie? And, um...wouldn't UB be expected to have her in the Main Event? Okay. I've ranted enough. In fact, probably too much. Bitter boy is done.

Squirrel is still asleep. 2:54pm. Amazing. Watching this FULL FORCE NATURE show on Weather Channel just made me realize...its a good time to go out to the garage and test my generator! That just might wake up Squirrel too!

MONKEY