A NON POKER (waste of time) Blog Post...from Orange Beach

5 days without a blog post.

I couldn't stand it any longer!

Okay, okay, thats not totally true. This is actually the first time I've had a chance to sit down and write something. Plus I just read the front page and found out some stuff I didn't know was going on. Also picked up 8 new comments that needed approving or rejecting. Approved them all. Some very interesting follow up comments from GeneD after one of those posts about T.Michelle and the sponsor deal she had in last year's Main Event. Apparantly she was staked 50% by Jeffrey Lisandro and 50% by Tony G...but I think there was some kind of understanding between her and Poker News that she would be 'representing their interests' in the unlikely event that she DID do something memorable. So I guess it would stand to figure that they would feel 'slighted' when she leaped for the first offer she got (from a dying Ultimate Bet, nice choice, like accepting the Admiral's Suite on the Titanic after hearing a boom and feeling a shudder!).

Sitting here watching the Hooter's Beauty Pageant with Squirrels stepfather...and ooops, the two boys (both under 7) just walked into the room. Something tells me this channel is about to be changed. Dammit! Best thing I've seen on TV in over a month!

So, quicky report from Tunica. The numbers have been 'decent.' My buddy, who I have written about on here a few times, and predicted great things from...managed to win an event up there...I think it was Event 3...not sure if it was a $340 or $550, but I do know he won about 30 dimes. Awesome job BJ McBrayer! Great to see that...I think he has been running pretty good online this year, but crappy in live tourney play. Then, that night, my other pretty good buddy, who I initially labeled in my phone "Kyle Big Red" since he is a tall red-headed kid....Kyle Milam, got there and played the 7pm tourney and orchestrated a 3-way chop for about 3 dimes. Well done boys! See...when I meet you clowns, and end up adding you to my phone, its usually something goofy to help me remember you. "Mike fast talker poker" "Don St Louis nice teeth" "Cherokee Rhino Great LapDance" (just kidding on that one!) You get the idea!

Then someone texted me last night that Chris Moneymaker either won or was in good position to win, the PLO tourney. Awesome! I like it when Chris final tables circuit events. He got 2nd in one this past January that I played in and cashed in light. Chris is a good guy, and he takes a lot of crap (usually behind his back, which is so chick(*#@* of people) from people that have never even met the guy. For the last time....if you see him in a $330 or a $550, it doenst mean the guy is broke and lost it all, you assholes! It means he LIKES TO PLAY POKER TOURNAMENTS! He won a lot of money, he invested it. A lot of it. Its locked up. And he keeps a certain amount for his bankroll, and plays as he played before he won the Main Event. Exactly (within reason) how I would/will approach tourney poker if/when I win a big million dollar score. It sucks that the assclowns in poker can't seem to avoid the temptation to talk shit about a guy and make up stories based on what they have managed to come up with in their silly little brains. Here is the assclown brain at work:

Dude won $4 million in the main event. (or whatever it was) Dude is playing $2/$5 NL cash game. Or dude is playing a $330 tourney. OMG! DUDE IS bROKE! He has to be! I was down in the Bahamas two years ago. He was there. He told me he brought only about 3k with him. Why? Didn't figure he would need more. And probably figured it was easy to get money if he DID need more. I mean, what casino can you NOT do one of those stupid cash advance deals where it costs 10% to get more than what the retarded ATM's will allow you to pull in a day, which in my bank's case is a ridiculous $300. What a joke! So it turns out (and I know because I experienced it to, as I only brought $1000 with ME!) that getting money down there was a friggin nightmare! And when he went to get money he got stonewalled. And he (to his credit) didn't even pull the "HEY Mother(*@##$&*$ I'm Chris Moneymaker! You HAVE to give me some money!!!!) How many people have we all seen that ARE like that! Nope. He just went to a couple of guys he knew pretty well and asked them to float him a loan so he could play a little 1/2. No big deal. Until the asshole network got fired up...and started talking shit about the guy...about him being broke. I hate these people. I really do. Why is the world filled with so many haters? Is it just because they are THAT miserable with their own crappy lives?

I had a talk with Wild Bill the other day about what happens when we win 'The Big One'...what we decide to play. Do we worry about 'what they will think' if we end up playing the small tourneys? Or if we are seen playing $1/$2? I had a message the other day from a reader...saying something to the effect of "Hey Monkey, if you want to be taken seriously, and be a big timer...why dont you quit playing just the $340's!" To you, I say this..."when I go to Vegas and spend all summer playing $340's,$550's, $1000's, a $1500 and a $5000...I think I am putting myself in pretty good position to win between $50,000 and $500,000, without the risk of losing everything." See, if I have $50,000 in the bank, and people think what I need to do is go play 5 events with $10,000 buy ins to 'try and hit the big time' these are people who 'don't get it!' Because it just doesn't work that way. And all of you serious poker players know and understand this. I've lasted 4 and a half years playing like this because I keep things in check. I had a couple of nice scores last May...that kept me going all year with relative stress free living. I was running low and running kind of bad through April this year...then had a nice N.O. trip in May and a great summer in Vegas that will now allow me to live stress free again through next year...and also have taken all the pressure off of my backer. Which is great. Which means I can play some more (better) events, like maybe the tourney down in Aruba.

This is a JOB. I approach it like a JOB. I respect it like a JOB. (well, respect is kind of a shaky word I guess, since I get myself into bad spots some times!) But I do respect my situation with my backer, and with the funds we have available. Would I like to play EVERY 10k event and put myself in a position to win over a half a million every time I sit down and play? Of course I would! Who wouldn't? And I feel fairly confident that were I to play 10 events with 10k buy ins in a calendar year that my winnings would exceed $1,000,000. Easily. Is that me being cocky? I don't think so. I think I am a good player. And 10k buyins usually have pretty nice structures. And usually pretty good players. I play well in tourneys with good structures and good players. Winning tourneys vs. shitty players is REALLY hard. But the bottom line is...if your poker bankroll is a million bucks...and you play ONLY $10k events...guess how long that bankroll is going to last if you aren't cashing? Not very long. So when you see a 'name player' in a $300 and/or $500 tourney...maybe you should try not to be so critical. Or jump to so many conclusions.

Wow...that ended up being kind of long-winded didn't it?

Orange Beach report. Got here Sunday. Too late to enjoy the pool. Enjoyed grilled steaks. Then everyone went to bed early. Laid there...for hours and hours and hours...unable to sleep. Finally fell asleep at 4am. At 7am, I was woken up by Squirrel's brother, Scott. It was time to go golfing. OMG. Really? I pulled it off. Somehow. Got there. Hit the driving range. Forgot to put on my glove. After about 30 swings...hand, destroyed. Nice. BListers on both hands, in 5 different places. Put on glove. Put on band aids. Which kept falling off. Nice sunny day. Not TOO hot. Not TOO humid. On the fairway, about 125 yards from the hole...think it was about hole 13...look over and see a HUGE FREAKING SNAKE! I am not exaggerating. This thing was about 4 feet long. I ended up moving that ball! And any ball I hit into 'brushy areas' became a lost ball. I lost about 12 balls that day. For not playing in a year, and playing on about 25% of my available skin still on my hands, I didn't play too badly. I would hit a great shot, then follow it up with a horrible shot. I would find the green in 2...then three put. I would find the green in 7 shots...then nail a 30 foot putt. I think they call that PLAYING INCONSISTENTLY! Whatever it was...I had fun. It was nice spending 4 hours with my new brother-in-law. Not like he is a stranger or anything. I've known Scott for 8 years now. He is a great guy. She really has a great family. I am very lucky to have been married into such a wonderful group of people. And Scotts 3 boys are truly great. Hanging out with them makes me really want kids of our own. But I also see the awesome responsibility that it presents. Am I capable? I sure hope so. Had we not lost our baby the day after the Super Bowl...we would be one month away right now from our first child. Wow. I would be so nervous and yet...so excited. Meanwhile, Bill from this site is expecting his first...and on about the same day as ours would have been arriving. So good luck to Bill and his wife!!!! I am very excited for them!

Last night, after golfing was done and the rest of them were done 'beaching it' we went out to dinner at a place called 'The Hangout.' Whoa. Not a place I think I will ever 'hangout at' again. The place itself is pretty cool. But it is very, very badly managed. You walk in and there is a big courtyard area...with shops, bars and a stage with a band playing. It just so happened that the band was from Pensacola, and the lead guitarist was a guy I know from coaching his kid, Cody Fortag, in Little League about 5 years ago. Ricky Fortag. He's a really cool dude. The guy who was doing the singing though...whoa...he was pretty bad. Oh well. Did get me thinking about how much I miss coaching Little League. I think this coming year, no matter what...I am going to find me a team to coach. It usually runs from like February through April. I just won't be able to do much traveling...so I better win a bunch between now and then!!

When we arrived we were quoted a one hour wait. Ugh. I hate waiting, for ANYTHING. You people who read this a lot know that already. I made an attempt to tip the hostess $20 to speed up the process. Yeah. 45 minutes later the pager went off. No big deal. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. We enjoyed the outside area anyway while waiting. Then we sit down. 15 minutes go by before we see our waitress. Here is what sucked. Our waitress was an absolute doll. From El Paso, going to Alabama. Cute as hell. Even Squirrel said "our waitress is beautiful." Yes, she was. But good waitress? Nope. Took another 15 minutes just to bring back our soft drinks. By then we knew what we wanted to order. I was prepared to order fried oysters. First thing out of her mouth? Sorry, everyone...I just was told we are totally out of oysters. Grrrrr... I have this thing about restaraunts. Especially in resort towns. If you are a Kitchen Manager, or Chef, with even 1/3rd of a clue...you do NOT run out of food. And if so...run out at 10pm. Don't run out of something at 8pm. Especially something you KNOW you sell a lot of. That shit just rankles me! Especially I guess because I spent about 15 to 20 years in that business in some capacity.

Well, as it turns out...they weren't even OUT of oysters. Part of finding that out was watching one tray after another of oysters walk past us after she told us that. When we asked the first time, we were told "Oh those orders must have been in before I told you that...we only have SO many oysters." Uh huh. So the manager comes over and tells me the same thing. "Really? Is that right? Well, then explain to me how that table over there...who were just seated 15 minutes ago (we have been there now for an HOUR!) are now being delivered a plate of oysters!???" She had no answer. See, instead of going into the kitchen...a place she obviously spent little time visiting...and finding out if there ARE or ARE NOT any oysters...she just went with the waitress' claim. As it turns out...the waitress was wrong. She 'misunderstood.' Great. I got my oysters afterall. The appetizers took about 25 minutes to come out. Then, when those were done...we waited, and waited, and waited...OMG...for 45 minutes before our entrees finally showed up. It was unreal. At least by the time the entrees showed up everyone was hungry again!

Then of course there was the whole....hmmmm, I wonder if she is going to clear away the plates? Maybe remove the table debris that is all over the table? No? Didn't think so? Refill for my Coke? Never mind...I will just roll over to the bar and get one of those boys to refill it for me. Thank you sir, here's $1. Wonder how we go about getting our check? Finally go find her in back, and request the bill. It was a 2.5 hour odyssey. Bad management. Nice place, good environment, lots of good things about the place. Just bad management.

I passed on golf today. My hand was too beat up. Slept in instead. Or, well, tried to. Sometime around 8:24am, it started. The kids. Hollering. Crying. Shouting. Just general COMMOTION. Hmmmm....glad I brought my iPod and Bose headphones. They went on, and I managed to find another 1.5 hours of sleep. Nice. Then spent the day at the pool. Just got in. Just had a HUGE storm pass through. GOOD! Why? Because it means I didn't have to walk downstairs and help grill hamburgers and hotdogs! Instead we cooked in! Sweet. I am feeling very lazy. And I wanted to talk to you guys!

Going home tomorrow. Squirrel has to work. And tomorrow night I will drive up to Tunica I guess and play the last 10 days of that event. That should be my next report!

MONKEY