Poker....and its humbling effect.

Good chance this could be an extremely long Blog entry. It is currently 8:41am. On Monday. Have to be out of this stupid hotel (again) and switch to yet another, and have already bought into today's noon Venetian tourney. It's sunny and I'm dying to get about two hours of sun. But I haven't done an entry here in five days...and there is much to write about/address.

On top of all that, a couple of my buddies are starting their Day 1 in the WSOP today, a couple guys who I have bought shares in, so since I have been forced to the sidelines by the 'powers that be' I will be relinquished to curious observer status. I have also pledged to give Kai a "BAD LUCK" message, a.k.a. his "DIE MONKEY DIE" message that has become famous and incredibly inspiring to me as I go back for my Day 2's!

I don't even know where to start. Just saw some very interesting posts. And I don't know WHY you people THINK I won't post something that appears to be somewhat critical. I have no problem with criticism and/or advice. One that came through was from the fella I had on my right at the Venetian a couple weeks ago. I was very surprised to see that one, and impressed that he took the time to read my blog and then post a message.

One thing remains very clear: A very small majority of people out there understand me. Hell, I'm not even sure sometimes if my wife understands me. For that matter, there are days I don't even know if I understand MYSELF! Okay, its official...I am clinically insane. Commit me! I do sincerely believe that poker is making me crazy. Look no further than the last 6 days. A large part of it has to do with the players who have decided to come out here this summer. If you need a prime place to go to make yourself want to kill yourself, and the rest of the players at your table...take part in the 7pm Venetian tournament. If you can sit there for 3 hours or more and not want to roll a grenade under the table then either duck for cover or just say 'screw it' and sit there motionless and die with them when the grenade explodes...then you have the patience of a saint.

Sometimes, I am positive that I could literally either tell them or turn over my cards and SHOW THEM my AA/KK and they would STILL call with their K10/A4/KQoff. As much as I enjoy being the last one sitting there...with all the chips...knowing I have just beat 984 other players, I can't help but sit there and find reasons to hate every single player at the table. That simply cannot be healthy to be feeling these things. I really feel like poker is beginning to wear on my already delicate psyche. My primary goal this summer was to come out here, win a half million or more...then take 6 months off from poker and enjoy the things that NORMAL people enjoy. Go fishing. Go coach a Little League team. Take a cruise. Go see my family. Go to some concerts. Go to some college football games. DO ANYTHING but play poker. Get away from the people who play poker. Come into contact with someone whose first question isn't "Hey Monkey...how you running?" It's been a good trip. But not half a million good. So that dream is probably dead. Or at least half dead.

For those of you in this game that ARE my true friends, don't take this the wrong way. I value your friendship and poker comraderie. In fact, if you ARE my friend...I think you will get exactly what I am talking about. For those of you who don't know me that well, you may think you are witnessing the complete unraveling of a borderline maniac. That's fine.

I have a statement to make regarding Harrah's and the 86 situation. An unnamed friend had a phone conversation with Jim Pedulla. It was revealed to me that Pedulla spoke with Jeffery Pollack. Pollack told him that they had "had problems with me in the past...when he was thrown out of Lake Tahoe" and so they had to assume that whatever happened at Ceasers the other night I was probably at fault. So at this point, Padulla watched the video from the hallway interaction...and though he couldn't really 'see anything' very conclusive, when he came in to work the next day and the kid seeked him out and INSISTED on pressing charges against me...he felt like he had to act against me. I am saying this: I think that what happened was TOTALLY UNJUST and unfair, especially since I wasn't even QUESTIONED on the matter. The one I SHOULD be wanting to beat the living hell out of is that kid, who is pure and simply a complete coward, punk and asshole. I guess Padulla felt he had to do something, and that was his answer. He claims that he hadn't ever read my blog, that it had nothing to do with his decision. And then he heard that while playing the Final Table the other night, I stood up and shouted to the room to NEVER PLAY AT CEASERS PALACE. He wasn't too excited when his employee who was there reported that back to him. Yeah, I could see that. So when this 'unnamed friend' of mine spoke to him...and he asked "why would I help this guy out?" it wasn't too hard for me to empathize with that point of view.

I suppose if Padulla and I were ever able to just sit down over a steak (assuming he isn't a vegetarian) and a good bottle of Pinot (assuming he's not a member of AA), we would probably come away from it on pretty good terms, and a better understanding of each other. Its kind of unfair for me to slam him and his character without ever meeting the guy, and its also unfair of him to rule against me the way he did without ever having talked to me. I am not naive enough to think that my past transgressions didn't have SOMETHING to do with the outcome. But you all know, that when you KNOW in your heart and mind that you didn't do something that you are being accused of, its very upsetting. So where does it lie right now? It lies with a parting statement by Padulla that if this "Monkey guy keeps his mouth shut and doesn't say anything about us anymore, then I will most likely lift the 86 on the guy."

So, with that in mind...it makes me ponder something. By not saying ANYTHING, does that make people think that 'Maybe Monkey DID do all those things, and now he is just embarrassed by it and not saying anything because he can't!?' Or should I even care? When clearly the thing to do is just 'let it go' and hope that everything goes away, and I am restored to active status with Harrah's, freeing me up to play in New Orleans, possibly Lake Tahoe again...and then back at the Rio NEXT summer?

Well, I have decided not to bash Padulla anymore. Or go crazy and lead some kind of goofy boycott of Ceasers Palace. The only TRUE criticism I have of Padulla, and nearly EVERY player I have talked to agrees 100% with me, is that he completely botched this Mega Stacks tourney. I WANTED Ceaser's to succeed with that. I typically run very good at Ceaser's and have a LOT of good poker acquaintences that work over there. I would never WANT them to fail. If they would have simply started those tourneys at 2 or 3 pm, and used a GOOD structure, like the one they switched to in the middle of this event, then I think they would have had phenomenal results for that event. Pure and simple. I would love to see them make that switch for all future events when competing against Venetian with the same Deepstacks structure. Then, everyone wins.

As far as me being a 'bad seed' in the eyes of the people at Harrah's...look, I get it. I am controversial. I am mercurial. I am loud at the table at times. I piss some people off. And for those who don't elect to take the time to get to know the 'real' me, its easy for me to understand (especially when my wife very carefully explains to me how people are percieving me) how people who have the ability to affect my future may occassionally put me in the penalty box for reasons I deem to be 'unfair.' I have several players (who I actually respect) suggesting that I 'tone down my actions' at the table and just play poker. That my game is strong enough to just sit there, quietly and play. Ladies and Gentleman...I must let you in on a little secret here. I do not USE table banter as a weapon. A lot of you think that. I don't sit there and chat my face off to put people on tilt. I am not even sure WHY I do this. I know that when I am AWAY from the table, I am quiet, reclusive and often times want to be completely left alone. But something about when I sit down at the poker table makes me come alive. Total strangers (usually) for me to tap into, to get to know, to investigate. Some that I like, some that I loathe. I can't explain it. When I play Sit N Go's late at night...and have a buddy playing, it IS TRUE...I DO like to turn it into a social event. We turn it into a drinking contest...and yeah, when I am in that 'zone' I have a track record of playing incredibly. Making sick reads, making great plays/bluffs, rarely do I make mistakes that I later look back on and regret when I am in that state of mind.

I don't want people thinking that I am trying to 'orchestrate a persona' when they see me jabbering at the table. Because I am not. Oh, and when I berate a player for how they play...I know! Its not cool! Yeah, yeah yeah...I know we WANT those players in the game, right? Well, actually...NO! I don't! I'm sorry, but I don't! I wish they would all go crawl into a HOLE and die!

Like this guy: Yesterday's tourney...get up to 34k in 1st level. Feeling good. Guy comes to table. Looks like an orthodontist on vacation from Idaho. Observe him make four SHIT plays early, think to myself...."Oh boy, this could be the donkey who crushes me with some BS play." See my KK get cracked when I raise UTG to 1200...and 4 players call...the guy in the BB calls because "should I even look? I'm priced in!" then goes all in on a flop of JJ4, two spades, and I call him like a moron....as does the guy at cutoff (who had 44), only to see J7 in his hand. Okay, STUPID call by me! Totally. And there goes 6500 chips. But then...with a chance to get all of those chips back...from the orthodontist, this play happens:

I limp for 400 with Jc10c. Squirrel's favorite hand. My new nemesis makes it 1600 on the button. Now this means NOTHING, if you have seen how this guy is playing. So I call. The flop comes J-J-7. Two spades. I check. He leads out for 1600. C-bet if ever there was one. I raise to FOUR THOUSAND! (4000) He calls. I will just let you in on the dark secret...he has KQ offsuit, one spade. The next two cards out are Q-Q. Yeah....I lose another very large percentage of my chips. And yes, I go off on him. I take his picture. I am left shortstack. And yes, he would later double me up when he raises UTG with A3...then calls my 4x All In over his raise (me with AQ) and somehow misses a 3...but I didn't care, this guy was the reason for my derailment yesterday. And I'm sorry, but I don't feel like we need these JACKASSES in the game of poker.

Nor do we need the guy who, the day before, at 10 pm...just after the dinner break, decides that when I raise to 3000 with AA...and I haven't raised in over THREE HOURS after I have sat in the $1k tourney card dead...that MAYBE, just MAYBE I have a hand better than 88...but instead of raising it from 3k to say...mmm 8k, and seeing if I was just 'stealing' from cutoff and yet giving yourself a chance to get away from it and not just putting your whole tournament at risk....NAW...just SHOVE all 28,000 of your chips ALL IN idiot....watch me snap call, turn over AA then beg Mooney the dealer for an 8...which she will happily provide you with. Sending me to the rail. Yeah, I am clamouring for MORE of these guys in the game.

You have pretty much read between the lines probably and figured out that the last four days have been frustrating. I have played deep the last four days...and at crunch time been run down by doofusses. I am completely focused on winning the Best Overall Player award for this event. With the standings just updated I am currently in 3rd place, a mere 4 points behind Maurice Hawkins. Had I been awarded 1st place points the other night (for finishing 1st!) instead of 2nd (ten fewer points) because the other kid (weasel) won more money (which resulted in him also STEALING the trophy) then I would be leading by 6 points. SO I am playing EVERY SINGLE remaining tourney in hopes of getting ONE more top 5 and essentially locking up that title, which also comes with a nice little cash reward, and some much appreciated respect from the poker community. I wish it came with a free suite at the Venetian for an upcoming Deepstacks event...I love their rooms, and staying there while playing is such a huge bonus. Maybe they will think about doing that! At any rate...getting beat by horrible, horrible plays so deep in the tourney takes the freaking life out of you; especially where there is so much at stake.

Yeah, went out yesterday at 6 pm, then scooted upstairs to Tao Beach where Joe Cutler, Jason Young...and some other guys had a cabana. Spent about an hour up there, it was too loud, filled with way too many people obviously rolling their balls off, dancing badly...in a pool that was about as gross as you would ever want to dip your toe in...and after an hour I was ready to split. So I did, I went and played that stupid 7pm tourney. Big mistake. I INSISTED on not letting the bad play get me down. I couldn't. It's just too upsetting. I am vowing to NEVER play that tourney again this trip. So I go play a couple SNG's. In the first one... I get down to 4 handed. I am kind of short stacked...and in the SB I look down at Ac3c. Okay, all in. And the guy on my left...who has been making 'half attempts' at befriending me...all while throughout the game showing people bluffs (which has made me decide I refuse to like this guy, at least...not much) sits there...pondering whether to call...then finally does...and turns over AA. WHAT THE FUCK!??? Nice slowroll dude! What the hell was that? The other two say the same thing, and ask if I'm going to take his picture!? No! He doesn't deserve the notoriety that putting his picture on here would bring him. The board goes A-K-4-10-3. Yeah. Two pair. Great. What an asshole. I DO NOT SAY A WORD. IN fact, I simply get up and walk over to Noodle Asia and order some food. I think they were all shocked that I didn't go off! Why bother? The kid has a mole or two in very bad places on his face...he's got enough issues without me going off on him over a stupid SNG.

So I go play another. It starts slow. Then I get bad player #3 to pay me off when, after he min riases UTG with QJ off, he calls my all in for another 5x with AK suited and fails to connect. Bad player #2 then doubles me up with my 10's vs his 4's. Might actually win this, get $600 back in my pocket, a shred of pleasure...and dammit, a WIN. So when I raise Bad Player #3 on the button, after making it clear that I only raise with Top Ten hands...and he goes all in, I have to call...with 99. He has AQ. Okay, can't fault that play I guess. The flop comes 6-7-8. Perfect flop! 4 on the turn. Whatcha got for me on the river, Ashley? Oh! A Queen. How nice! Now shortstacked. Bad Player #1 limps UTG for 400. I look down at AK again, with 1600 chips, and move all in. The guy in the BB...Bad Player #4....INSTA CALLS...with A8 offuit. Bad Player #1 actually folds. Ashley provides the Mutant with an 8 on the turn...and I am out. Oh...BTW, B.P.#4 just so happened to have exactly the same number of chips as me. I know...A8 is AWFULLY tough to get away from huh? Please kill me. That was it for the night. Paid for my buy in for today and left.

It is now 10am. Sun plans are getting away from me. Still haven't provided Kai with my pre-Main Event 'pep talk.' Feeling the pressure of that! Mike still hasn't woke up to do his 'gift of gab' work on the phone to attempt to pull us another 3 to 5 days of comped room somewhere.

By the way, the theme for today was poker and its humbling effect. Where did that come from? Um, if you didn't figure it out by now...by what you have read, let me spell it out for you: Get married. Make two final tables in one week. Have everyone talking about how 'Good Monkey's Running'. Feel good about cashing for my backer. Feel good about the prospects of not having to get a 'real' job any time soon. Feel good about other people wanting to back me in big events. Basically, just feel DAMN GOOD ABOUT LIFE...for a week. Then, BOOM, spend the next five days having your ass handed to you...losing 97% of the time to people with inferior hands, in situations your played correctly only to get it shoved up your ass. Losing when you should be winning. Just lets you know JUST HOW humbling this stupid game is. Never, ever, EVER get too full of yourself or your game when things are going good, because you just KNOW that things are bound to turn to shit realllllllly soon. And furthermore, if you are LUCKY enough to win some nice amount of money...DO NOT go out and blow it on some stupid shit, like table games, strippers, bigger buy ins you truly shouldn't be buying into. NO! Manage it carefully. Now dammit poker Gods...I have done all those things! Now let me go and have a perfect day again today, PLEASE! I want this overall title!

Bad week for dying. Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Billy Mayes...then Steve McNair? Wow. I hate it that people die. But let me say this...if I have to listen to Michael Jackson's music playing everywhere for another day...I am going to add MYSELF to that list!

Okay KAI LANDRY. HERE WE GO......

'as you walk into the back door of Rio today, the door that specifically says 'NO MONKEYS ALLOWED' think to yourself, why in the fuck am I doing this? How did I manage to get 6 or 7 people to give me money to do this? Are these people that stupid? Should I go into fund raising for soccer moms interested in being President if I am this good? Don't these people know how truly awful I am? That I rely on a can of fucking whipped cream to scare my opponents? Not a ridiculous ability to play the game? Did I really get off this morning and then use the money shot to style my hair? Is this outfit really one that was laid out for me by my Mother last night? If I accidentally get bumped into in the hallway, will I break into 6 pieces like humpty-fucking-dumpty? As all those thoughts fly around in your tennis ball of a head, take it one step further. Think how you are going to feel when some Investment Banker from London gives you his whole stack when his A10 finds a flop of A-K-4 rainbow and you holding 4-4....only to lose them all to the Collection Agent from Rainy Creek, Indiana when you look down at AA...raise 2.5x, get re-raised 10x...only to be forced to move all in on that DNA stain....then looking at every INTERNET FREAKS favorite hand...AK offsuit...but don't fret, it will only hurt for a while as the dealer puts out J-2-2...making you think you are good to go....about to be sitting on 80K on Day 1...when suddenly that 10 on the turn gets your attention....if only for ten minutes, because HEY! Its the World Series...and someone has hollered out...ALL IN AND A CALL...and now you are forced to wait on the camera people to rush over and provide the world with video evidence that dreams really DO come true for the unfortunate at Disney Wor.....errrrr.....RIO I mean....and as the dealer does that move of sitting there.....waiting, waiting.......waiting some more...JUST PUT THE FUCKING CARD OUT THERE!!!!!!...and there it is...you knew it was coming....you KNEW IT WAS COMING!!!! That QUEEEEEEEEEEEEN on the river! And all your chips go to a place where all good chips go to DIE...the DONKFISHMUTANTLOSERASSHOLEIHOPEYOUROTINHELL's stack! And you get that stupid fucking look on your face. "Um sir, you have to leave now!" Off to the parking lot, to crawl/slither into your All Terrain, Deer Killing Jetta....for the 6 and a half week drive (because you will break down for a week in every state) back to Biloxi! Yup...that will be your fate today assmunch! And my $535 investment in you will become my stimulus to find 535 more things about you I hate! Kai Landry....you suck. Now get to work!

And with that...I have extended my room here for another 24 hours. I am going to the pool for ONE hour....and then I am going to go win todays tournament at the Venetian! I love you all!

MONKEY SPANK