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Sunday, May 15, 2011

A Day of Fun in a Week of None.

I will let Kai Landry steal all the glory with the pictures I'm sure he is about to post in his next blog entry. The two of us attended the Gulfport Music Fest yesterday. Prior to that we ate lunch at the 'Half Shell Oyster House' and it was awesome. Kai spent a good portion of that time saying 'hi' to half of the restaurant staff, as he seems to know half of the people in this area. A girl he knew and said 'hi' to before we went into the restaurant, we saw about 22 minutes later being loaded into a police car and taken away. Don't ask. Neither of us had any idea. 

Inside the gates, I was happy to see that it wasn't too crowded. And though sunny, it wasn't humid and gross. Thank god. And to my shock...despite an appearance by Flo-Rida and Sean Kingston...the crowd was about 92% white (of which only 27% was redneck/white trash...another astonishing statistic). Watching white people try to dance to rap/hip hop is almost worth the price of admission, which in our case was free. One thing that I will never, ever become fond the singers who think that whatever they say, whatever they ask you to do...that we are going to respond like lemmings. "Put your hands up...put your hands up...wave you fuc***ng hands in the air, let me hear you make some fuc***ng noise...."

Uh uh. Forget it. Not going to happen. Ever. And...I just wonder, is there some kind of manual that these guys all read? Something like "Things to do onstage to illicit the best response/reaction from the audience." There must be.

"Oh, this seems like a good place to take off my shirt."

Yes this is his Flo-Rida-ness....though this is from his Stockholm, Sweden show...obviously I was not on stage with him and his crew. This is just for visual effect.

Anyway...he was actually pretty good...and entertaining. And at one point he pulled this goofy little white kid, about 5 years old, with the hat with straight bill, and gave him his big huge necklace with medallion and let him stay on stage...the idea being that he would dance around with him. But instead...he just stood there. I mean, he didn't move. He might have just as well been a totem pole. It was pretty funny. They finally lifted him back down to his parents (I hope...and not his local 'homeys').

'Train' performed and was really good. That dude is weird looking...a big 'ol head on a tiny little body, and he too thought it a good idea to rip off his shirt a couple of times. At any rate...he has an amazing voice and put on a good show. At one point he brought a bunch of little girls on stage (ages 6-12) then gave them all a Train t-shirt...and had them sing back up for one of his songs. It was really cute...and I'm sure those girls will never forget that moment. That was nice...and in stark contrast to the 16-24 year old girls Sean Kingston brought up on stage, and who decided (a few of them) to demonstrate their burgeoning skills as future strippers. 

I almost forgot to mention the appearance of 'The Almost Situation.''ve got the picture in your head right. And this guy never seems to miss any event where there are people he can either try to impress, or fuck with.  They weren't around until Flo-Rida showed up. But here he was...with his two buddies. Little white guy. I 5'4. Maybe 120lbs. Maybe. Tattoos all over his runt body. Of course his shirt was off, despite the fact it was 9pm, windy and about 60 degrees. He had the big huge glasses too. And yes it was dark...didn't matter. He wasted no time bumping into Kai several times. That's when the lady we met and were kind of hangin out with, since she was playing chaperone to her 16 yr old daughter and all of her friends, stepped up and got in the kids face. Wow. Nice!

Right about that time...I get an elbow in the back...turn around to see this tall, skinny dork in a light blue polo shirt dancing very awkwardly with another geeky looking girl. Elbows flying everywhere. I merely shoot him a dirty look. Then it happens again. 

"Dude, I will ask you politely, one stop elbowing me with your Manute Bol-like arms!"   [I'm pretty sure...generation gap moment here...that he didn't even KNOW who Manute Bol is!]

About a minute later...I catch his elbow in my ear. THAT'S IT!

"Dude I asked you once...politely, and that is the third time I've caught your elbow now. The next time your body touches me, I'm going to fold you in half and punt you over that fence right there! Got it!???"

Turns out he was friends with 'Mini Situation' and his they decide to retaliate, all taking off their shirts (polo dork kept his on, obviously!) ...and starting a mini slam-dance in our immediate area. Jeeeeeezuz. We took a deep sigh...and wormed our way forward to another area. Have I mentioned how much I hate punks?

Today is Sunday. The plan was to go meet Allie Prescott in New Orleans to watch Game 7 between the Sonics and Vancouver....oh, I mean, the Thunder (cough cough) and Memphis, whom I guess he roots for since he is from Memphis. He has complicated these plans by amassing a huge amount of chips in the $1k yesterday and making it back for Day 2...having just made the money.

I thought maybe I had escaped the Game Date...but then he just texted me to get my ass over there anyway. Grrrr. Oh well, I guess its not a lost cause...since it was determined that my iPad2 has a hardware 'glitch' and needs to be swapped out. There is an Apple store in Metarie, so I need to swoop by there and do the 'ol I don't have to do the return by mail and then wait three weeks to get my new iPad. 

Guess I won't spend the day playing on FeltStars after all...that was the original plan. 

Watched Pawn Stars this morning for the first time ever. I hate those people on the show. The dude and his manufactured laugh while negotiating a deal with the desperate seller is really disgusting. "Lets go do the paperwork!" Not that I would ever go to a pawn shop...knock on wood...but if I did, I would never get raped like those idiots do who go in there. Oh and for the record, I happen to know that this fictitious shop they supposedly own doesn't exist. The only reason I know this is because one of my readers told me he came to Vegas all excited to see the shop where that show is taped...and it doesn't exist. And all the buyers and sellers are actors. Sorry to blow their cover. I'm not.

They are now putting goat cheese on top of Filet Mignon, instead of blue cheese, which I have always been a big fan of. I have to say...its an amazing substitute. No knock on blue...and not an endorsement of goats...but a totally different, richer, taste. I'm now hooked.

The wife seems to have had an awfully good time at her best friend's 40th birthday party in Pensacola yesterday. So much so that plans to go out on her friend's husband's boat today have been have her intentions of coming home today. Guess its just me and the mutts, who's spoiled asses are both laying here in the bed with me. 

So almost all of Louisiana is about to be under water. That sucks. But I guess it was either drown all the farmland and little towns or risk disasters in Baton Rouge and New Orleans. Hmmmm........

Might have to stop into Harrah's later on and play some cash game in spite mode. Now that the only people who matter know my story of why I'm not playing over there...I can put in a session I think without worrying about having to answer a million questions. Then again...not being able to use your iPod, iPad, phone or anything else over there while playing cash...which I will never makes it a lot harder.

I've slowly turned into a complete introvert...which I am betting if I had taken wagers on 2 years ago, I could have gotten 10 to 1 on my money against. Right? My favorite is that guy (and this comes from people relaying stories to me) who, whenever my name comes up...likes to flip out about me "Oh that Monkey guy!??? I hate that asshole! All he does is talk, talk talk at the table. He never shuts up! I had him at my table once, about 3 years ago (yeah! THREE years ago!) and just wanted to kill him."
Granted, my talk is never...or WAS never...ugly or mean spirited. I simply enjoyed conversing with new, and potentially exciting people who I'd just met. Its people who have zero personality, zero sense of humor, and basically just zero people skills whatsoever...who would deem my 'table talk' as annoying, and an attempt to put people on tilt. Dude...ever heard of a guy just trying to be friendly? Guess not.

Well...I wouldn't say it was those pricks who drove me into this current state of zombie-like silence while I play now...or the harp seal-like clubbing I've taken from the Poker Mafia as they pound into me the necessity for me to take on the image of a stuffed pillowcase if I am going to continue to be allowed to play in their wonderful poker contests. Might just be the cloud of depression that hovers over me...never able to quite encompass me...but also never quite prepared to just drift away and leave me alone. Its kind of similar to the way K10 (aka El Diablo) likes to hover over me in every tournament I play.

Okay. 1:30pm. Time to get outa here. Hope you enjoy a rare, short'ish blog from me. By the way...I am currently approaching a record number of hits this month. Thanks to all of you for giving a shit about my miserable life. Have a nice day.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Monkey.....don't believe everything your readers tell you. Pawn Stars shop DOES exist. One dummy who can't find it doesn't mean it isn't there.
I love your blog and don't want you to sound uninformed about such trivial

Also, there is a line out the door of that Pawn Shop almost everyday. That idiot reader was probably looking for a HUGE store and couldn't find is quite small.