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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Handicapping the WSOP...and lawn work. CHOCTAWWWWW!

Her name Brittney Palmer...she first appeared in FHM magazine, and now is a ring girl for MMA. What does she have to do with this blog post? ABSO-freaking-LUTELY nothing. But it got your attention didn't it? Now CLICK HERE to treat yourself to more deliciousness...and since you won't be back, I will thank you for stopping by!!!!

Good morning world. Just woke up to discover that when someone 'tags' you in a link on Facebook...and then goes on to  have a 50+ thread all throughout the night and early morning...that it ends up sending you a message every time...via email to your inbox and/or your phone if you have it set up that way. Tony will officially be getting an elbow in the face when I get to Vegas. Jenn Gay and Christina two ladies are excused, one for a certain 'favor' (no donkeys...not sexual, grow up!) and the other for another favor (again...same retort) that is today's motivation for this post.

Jenn Gay has wandered into the underbelly of the poker business. Well, check that...the actual UNDERBELLY is something much more unseemly, something that I will now be taking a prolonged hiatus from discussing or attempting to fix. No...we are talking about the fine art of 'wagering.' And in this case we are not talking about a football game, or a horse race...or for that of those dogs who chases a towel designed to look like a rabbit or something. Yes, 'Smoke' I know you love those stupid dog races.  By the way...road warrior...where ARE you today?

We are talking about...wagering on the WSOP! It started a couple days ago...when I received an email from Josh Brikis...who btw, its his birthday today. Happy Birthday Brik-dog! He is doing his annual dog and pony show...where you pick your ten players to accumulate the most amazing statistics at this years isn't cheap to play either. I believe this got started a couple years ago when I was at dinner with Matt Brady, Allie Prescott, Will Failla and others I can't remember...oh yeah, that dude they call Karate some restaurant near Commerce casino...and they were all putting together 'fantasy teams' for the upcoming Main Event at Commerce. It made for somewhat entertaining dinner table fodder. I was not on the Fantasy Roster...and it made me sad. From that point on it became my mission in poker (and life) to be on someone's fantasy team for poker!

Ah ha! I've made it...sort of. Jenn her most recent blog post...has named her favorites to final table the $1m National Freeroll....CLICK HERE for the list of all 100 players and what they did to qualify. Can't lie..feels FU***ng awesome to see my name on here. It really is kind of a humbling feeling. Jenn has put together a pretty respectable list...admittedly in 'homer' fashion as there are a lot of GCP'ers ( on the list, as well as locals from Alabama and Mississippi...and hey, that's cool! I happen to think that a lot of the top players from the country come from right here in the south. To check out Jenn's picks....CLICK HERE.

One of the guy's she has picked is named Justin Kruger...who goes by the nickname CHOCTAW...carries around a silly looking alien doll for a card marker/cheerleader and babbles incoherently to know one in particular. Something tells me, Kai Landry and I may have just found us a third wheel this summer for Vegas...and that the possibly of finding the three of us holed up in the corner somewhere competing in a drinking contest while counting shoes could become a reality. Throw Allie Prescott into the mix and we have the perfect golf foursome of guys who will never leave the first tee!

I don't care what anyone says...those boots, especially the ones with fur on top of them...add at least 1 to 1.5 pts to any women's overall score. Period.

Look, I am well aware of my inability to always get the words YOUR and YOU'RE correct...sometimes it just comes down to laziness on my part. Just lay off! And that means you, too....wife! I could spell you under the table and you know it! Fourth Grade spelling bee champ in the HOUSSSSSSE!

Hey neighbor! The one who likes to strategicaly place your sprinkler so that my grass misses out on even ONE drop of your precious water...I know what your doing...and for your information, ROUNDUP is now on sale at Home Depot...and I'm pretty sure I still know how to spell the word 'DOUCHEBAG!!!'

I have a list of about 14 errands to run today in my last official day in Biloxi for 54 days. Anyone care to come over to my house and take on about half of them for me?

Is anyone watching the American Idol finale? I'm not. Like I said 147 days ago...when Pia did I! I don't dislike the two who made it to the all, but I'm a little surprised. And frankly...I just don't care. I find myself caring less and less about anything anymore that has to do with this kind of stuff.  I think once they get inside of ten...all the drama, and crying and false smiling crap just make me want to slap them all instead of 'texting in my pick.'

Nice choke job last night by the Oklahoma City Sonics. Up by 15 with 4 minutes left...and they shit the bed. Scott Brooks has to be one of the worst coaches when it comes to designing plays in the final minute. Hey lets just spend the next four minutes running the shot clock down to 6 seconds then heaving a three-point brick! Yep...good strategy. Game-set-match....Mavericks. Stay tuned for another Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks Finals rematch of 2006 when Shaq and D.Wade beat the Mavs 4 games to 2. I called this final at the start of the postseason...wish I'd have put it in'd all be calling me 'Monkey the Greek' like you do when I nailed my past two Super Bowls nearly dead on. Sorry Chicago fans...while I love what Derrick Rose brings and I love what that coach has done up there...I just don't think you can do enough to get by Lebron, DWade and that guy who looks like a friggin ant...Chris Bosh.

My Mariners are on a tear! Nice little comeback in the 9th and a win in extra innings last win our 6th game in a row...and pull to within 1.5 games of first place! Can I see us going from worst (100 losses in 2010) to first this season? Sure! The AL West is up for grabs and the M's have one of, if not THE sickest starting staffs in the American League! I will be home in the last week of July...and going to see the 'first place Mariners' would be awesome!

Okay...I have to get out there and do the maybe this is what you have all been waiting for. My picks to make the Final Table of the National Freeroll that starts this Friday. Of course I have total confidence in my abilities...and think I have just as good a chance as anyone of making it...and sure hope I do...especially after the wife talked me out of (okay...ORDERED me, almost) selling off shares of myself! However, in the interest of being an objective 'journalist' I shall refrain from including myself in the list. Its early in the day...and I don't even know if that last sentence made sense...if it didn't I apologize, but I think you all know what I was driving at. And lets not fool ourselves...I know a lot of you who read my blog, and some of these 'big words' are going over your heads anyway, right!!???  ;)


Dwyte "The Duke" Pilgrim:  Not only is The Duke a good buddy of mine for going on three years now...but Dwyte just has something about his game that is magical. It's weird. I know he might have come off as kind of a douche on TV recently, and I told him that when I saw him in New Orleans...we had a good laugh over it...but Dwyte is an A+ classy guy...and I think when it comes to poker...he's the real deal.

Matt Waxman: Matt and I got to know each other a couple years ago when I was rooming with Joe Cutler down in Aruba at one of his friend's private resort. We had a good crew of guys and Joe, Matt, Will Failla, Jonas Wexler and a couple other solid players. Matt is a really nice kid, and a super solid player...and right now there are few players as hot as he is.

Shannon Shorr: While I am not exactly wild about Shannon on a personal level...for a couple of reasons that don't need to be discussed here...I am a big fan of his game. It doesn't matter what he plays....he is always seeming to be in the top ten in chips at every stage of the tourney. You have to respect that. And when he loses on sick his credit, he really handles himself like a pro. He has managed to make poker work for him as an industry away from the table, too...which is a place I am trying to get to. Plus he is from Tuscaloosa...which right now has a special place in my might as well give T-Town someone/something to root for, right?

Brandon Adams:  I don't know Brandon at ALL. I have never even had him at my table. So why does he scare me? I don't know. Maybe its because his facial expression NEVER seems to change. Ever. My wife thinks he's hot...which doesn't help my case any! But the guy just plays solid, solid poker.

Allie Prescott:  No, this is not a 'homer' pick...and YES! I do hope I knock his ass out of this event. But Allie seems to have recaptured the focus in poker that he relinquished a couple years ago for other more important things like socializing, drinking, and hanging out with Liv Boeree...and when he is dialed into poker...he is a machine. The other 'x-factor' is that after New Orleans...he is ALMOST out of makeup...and like any good race horse who rounds that fourth corner post...he is hungry to cross the finish line ahead of the rest.

Allen Kessler:  Now we all know Allen is perhaps one of the whiniest, most annoying poker players on the planet. However...'Chainsaw' (how he got that nickname I will NEVER know) is also a very nice guy. I do know he has never said anything but nice things to my wife about me...and those people are RARE in this world! The thing about Allen is he might be the one player who I have more in common with (style of poker-wise) than any others in the field...and a 100-player event with a sick sick structure is right up Allen's alley. Plus, he knows all of the I do...which is a huge bonus in an event like this. So I can't possibly leave Kessler out of my Top Ten.

Kevin Calenzo: In an interesting twist of fate...I used to loathe this guy. I mean...before I got on the Celexa medication...everything this guy did used to make me want to rip all my hair out. He still does kind of irritate me a bit when he is at my table...but in getting to know Kevin this past year...he's actually a really good guy. And he's a damn dangerous poker player. He had a shit load of cashes this year...though he didn't manage to take down a title, sucks for him. Trust me, with 4 second places in ring events...I know all about being the Buffalo Bills of Poker.

Chris Bell: One of the nicest guys in poker. Has never been anything other than respectable to me. And on top of it all...he is a GREAT poker player. I think the only reason he doesn't get more attention is because (a) he doesn't play enough and (b) he is just a silent type who doesn't seek attention. Not having Chris on my Top Ten list would be a joke!

Peter Mavro:  Okay, look...I don't know ANYTHING about this guy. You might as well call him a 'wild card' addition to my Top Ten list...but this dude had 11 cashes this season. ELEVEN! And he totaled only $16k in winnings. I am not even sure that is possible. All I know is...he must have light-cashed a lot. But he cashed...which tells me he must be super tight, and a grinder with huge patience...which is one thing you will need a lot of to cash this thing. I wonder how many events he played?

Brian Walsingham:  A Facebook friend, a blog reader...and a super nice guy who is also a true family man...Brian just destroyed NOLA...and had a good year all around. He also plays a very fearless brand of poker. And since it seems like poker is one of those weird games where, when you get on a hot streak it just seems to carry over...I have to go with the hot hand right now. 

Now...what I am secretly hoping that I knock out about half of these guys early, and someone else knocks out the other half...that would sure make winning this thing a lot easier!!! This will be a really tough tourney...but I am really excited for the challenge.

Here are some guys who I consider to be just crazy enough, just dangerous enough...and just stupid either destroy/dominate/own this event...or be out front of Caeser's Palace trying to get a cab after just one hour of play.

Kurt Jewell: He will undoubtedly be wearing Kentucky Wildcat gear, sporting his gigantic dark shades...and coming off an all-night bender, where he probably lost a shit load playing roulette or blackjack or something...and needing to win this to break even for the week! Funny kid, became buddies with him in AC...after he won the Main Event in Chicago/Hammond for a quarter mill. Just a maniac! But a scary, scary player.

Jesus Cabrera:  Jesus hit his hot streak in the winter. We all know him. Tattoos, muscle shirt...very, very loud. Yes...this IS Monkey calling someone loud. I know! I think he also has about 6 or 7 other 'names' that people call him. I've known this fella for years now...and he is definitely PASSIONATE about the game of poker! He could be out QUICK...or he could be your chipleader after Day 1. It's just how he rolls!

The rest of these guys get honorable mention for one reason or another...some guys I didn't put in my Top Ten list simply because I didn't want to agree with Jenn Gay on hers!!!

Captain Tom Franklin (I got him to untuck the football jersey he has been starting to wear in poker tourneys last week in New Orleans. We all know tucking in a football jersey, unless you are playing in the NFL, is ridiculous. Well played CTF)

Kyle Cartwright.  We will find out if his shit don't stink this summer. He seems to think it doesn't. From what I hear. But hey, young, cocky and brash sometimes works. And he did Friend Request me on Facebook maybe there is a future MonkMate in the making there. Kind of hard to ignore his stats this year.

Blair Hinkle.  Always tough.
Charles 'Woody' Moore. An old-school grinder who knows how to win.
Jeremy 'The Chemist' Gaubert. From Baton Rouge online whiz (whatever that's good for NOW!) Jeremy is a solid player and ultra capable of winning this.
Steve Brecher.  A solid professional
Tim West.  My old boss at my last job was named Tim West...and the first time I saw his name in the money...had to look to see if it was HIM. It wasn't. And since that day I see Tim's name pop up constantly. Dude is a balla!

Alright...that's it. And I would have provided pictures of all these guys...but (a) I don't have time today and (b) if you want to see what they look on them yourselves!

Thanks to ALL OF YOU who immediately responded to my offer of shares yesterday! Wow. It's at least pretty cool knowing I would have sold those 40 shares out in about one DAY! Had the wife not stepped in and intervened like she did. Even though I had to cancel 'the sale' it does feel friggin awesome to know how many of you have confidence in me and my chances. That will kind of serve as some extra motivation to perform well this summer! to mow the lawn!


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Glad at least one member of your household has good sense. the key word in freeroll is "free".
You would have pocketed any shares sold; and any idiot knows that to qualify for the $Mill freeroll, you had to win much more than you invested, sorry, your backer invested.
So,let's see; you pocket $10k, sell another $10k shares for the ME, and you're freerolling again with a $10k profit locked up. This sounds like the old days, when guys like TJ Cloutier would sell 200-300% of themselves and blow it at the dice table.